Step 1: Start a novel
Step 2: Write 50 pages in a month
Step 3: Write 5 pages in the next two months
Step 4: Stare at the screen
Step 5: Despair
Step 6: Open a closet
Step 7: Eye cleaning supplies longingly
Step 8: Clean every square inch of your apartment/house, marveling at how much more fun you’re having than writing your novel
Step 9: Find a filing cabinet, organize it
Step 10: Find tiles, scrub them with a toothbrush
Step 11: Run out of things to clean, return to computer
Step 12: Stare at the screen in a freakishly clean living space
Art: Bridget Holmes, a Nonagenarian Housemaid by John Riley
Chris Bailey says
Done! Dog is shedding new chores as I write.
T.J. says
*giggle* *snort* Yup, that sums it up nicely.
Wait, maybe that's why the fam always asks what page I'm on…
Shawn says
Yup.
Writing (as a hobby/pursuit) is a great litmus test to ordinate the rank of stuff you hate the most.
Any time you say "I'd rather be writing," there's a good chance you are doing something you really dislike.
Annie Sisk says
Oh my word. So much truth here.
Dawn Malone says
Somewhere in there should be 'Organize bookshelves by genre, then alphabetize by author' which I'm guilty of in the midst of such despair.
Johanna Garth says
I'm semi-moving at the end of the summer, leaving my house behind as a furnished rental which means I can't even be in it or else the list of things I need to do (take down personal photos, find someone to regrout the shower) becomes so loud it literally outshouts any potential words!
Matthew MacNish says
LOL. Never had this problem.
Gretchen says
So, I take it your house is freakishly clean at the moment, Nathan? Yeah, sorry about that. Don't worry – the writing will eventually flow again, and the house will get dirty (giving you plenty to clean next time). Good luck!
Linda Moore Kurth says
And don't forget the dandelions in the yard that need to be pulled. Summer brings on an entire new list of chores that "have" to get done.
Richard Pieters says
Oh, yeah, the yard. Edge the beds. Weed. Plant. Weed again. Water. Weed some more. Forget the house; commune with nature.
Josin L. McQuein says
You forgot "Get so sick it hurts to touch the keyboard."
abc says
It's funny cause it's true!
The Advicist says
Ha ha! My house / life / eyebrows were immaculate during my University finals! They haven't been since, sadly…
Steve MC says
When the filing cabinet's been cleaned through, I go outside. It's amazing how many sticks one can find in the woods.
birdinabowler says
This is why I go somewhere else to write.
Deb Nam-Krane says
Yeah, well, let me know when you've hit the sock drawer and organized the spice rack.
Nancy Kelley says
I usually write a first draft in a mad rush of inspiration. During the writing phase, my house is a wreck. Then I collapse in exhaustion and start editing… And that's when I clean my house.
Wendy aka Quillfeather says
You've hit the nail right on the head, Nathan!
May have to steal this post and put it on my blog … if you don't object?
Nathan Bransford says
Wendy-
Thanks, but no stealing please! Fine to link to it, of course.
AM Riley says
What a relief to know I'm not the only one.
RayBear says
That's why people recommend getting a writing buddy… ACCOUNTABILITY!
You have weekly chats/reconnoiters with your buddy where you detail progress, you have solid reachable goals weekly/daily, and you have someone to help you and be your go to for bouncing off ideas or getting editing help.
I myself am looking for a writing buddy. I want someone with similar goals in mind for their writing project i.e. sending out the manuscript to publishers. It would help if their project had similar aspects, such as length, type, and audience but I don't think that matters too much.
Lesley says
LOL!!! I fiendishly tried to get around this by hiring a cleaner to come and dust etc. once per week so there were no more excuses.
Instead I have now become quite the expert in the publishing industry, ways to get an agent, various royalty scenarios and networking approaches.
All really important for an unpublished author who (with this productivity level) will never get published!
jan says
I never seem to run out of things to clean. Oh! Look! There's a smudge on my screen…
Deb Marshall says
This.
Is.
AWESOME!
Christina Hollis says
That is so true!
Regina Richards says
Too Funny!
Wendy says
I am SO GOOD at this!
Neurotic Workaholic says
One reason I don't write at my desk (I prefer to write in cafes) is because my apartment is so messy. But on the other hand, it's even more difficult for me to motivate myself to clean, which is why I'd rather leave my apartment then clean it.
Mira says
This is really funny. And too true! 😀
Peter Dudley says
If you don't feed the cat, you're gonna need stitches.
Trust me.
John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur says
Was going to write. Instead I'll gto wash the dishes. See if that helps.
inklings Anon says
definitely work better in a chaotic mess so that would be worse than counter productive… besides the fact that I don't like to clean…. and I'd rather write than just about everything else. just about. that's how an amateur writer can write 4 novels in 4 years while either working full time or going to graduate school while taking a 6 month writing sabbatical.
dianelashdecker says
A clear desk (house, apartment, closet) is a clear mind!!! Now write!!!
Linda Roy says
Haha – excellent!
Vinshire Sisters says
The funniest thing- I've done it.