This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
Have you ever wondered why rhetorical questions seldom involve jelliquariums?
This is my first novel, DADI’S GAME. It takes place on two coasts and three continents, including modern-day San Francisco and pre-Independence Bombay, spanning five generations.
Half American, half Indian journalist Raven is laid off from her job right before her previously estranged grandmother, Dadi, dies. Unsure of her future, Raven travels from California to Bombay with her bratty cousin Malvika to learn more about her father’s country and her grandmother’s past.
As they interview relatives, the women learn that Dadi, whom they remember as religious and puritanical, had lived a surprisingly rich life, traveling the globe and participating in India’s struggle for independence alongside her husband.
The cousins’ curiosity leads them north from Bombay, with a stopover at the Ganges to dispose of Dadi’s remains, to meet a former servant who lives in the Himalayan foothills. The woman, whom Dadi called Didi, meaning “sister,” recalls an unconsummated relationship with a British tennis partner that haunted Dadi throughout her life.
Dadi’s conflict is with herself. Steeped in tradition and competing with the idealized women of Hindu mythology, most notably Kunti, she struggles even as a widow with her marriage, since Hindu wedding ceremonies bind couples for not one lifetime, but seven.
While Raven discovers no jelliquariums along the way, there are puzzles hidden within the text, one relating to the story and the other a purely mathematical game. The initial clue to this aspect of the novel is written in iambic riddles on the first page. “Dadi’s Game” is an equivoque.
This novel may appear at first glance like “The Joy Luck Club” meets “The Namesake,” since its first-person narrative is told from the perspectives of Rekha, Malvika and Didi. Despite that, the story has more in common with A.S. Byatt’s “Possession.” If you are familiar with the Indian tale of “The Blind Men and the Elephant” or the story of “The Lady and the Tiger,” those apply here as well.
The book would fall under the genres of historical fiction and women’s fiction, since much of the novel’s action takes place in the 1930s-1950s and the story touches on women’s issues that change with the times, such as Havelock Ellis’ ideas on birth control in 1930s Britain.
I queried you first because your MySpace page says you enjoy books that take place in far-off places and that you wish you had represented verse-lover Vikram Seth. Plus, there’s a tennis tournament in the novel that might appeal to the sports fan in you.
As for my qualifications, my grandparents were both active participants in the “Quit India” movement during the country’s struggle for Independence. My grandfather was imprisoned by the British, and I grew up on stories from those years.
I travel between India and the United States regularly, and have spent enough time in Europe on stopovers to have favorite restaurants and neighborhoods. My last trip to India was in November, when I was there for the Bombay terror attacks. I have no mathematical qualifications, but the math in this story is not complex; I would say the game can be understood with an elementary-school education.
Thank you for taking the time to read my query.
Author
STATS: 11% request rate
EJN says
Dear Author,
I hate to have to reject this one, because there are so many interesting elements, and I suspect in the wake of the success of Slumdog Millionaire, a book that delves into the history of India could be quite successful. But there’s just so much going on here in your query, and you don’t show how the pieces add up. I’ll have to pass at the moment, but strongly suggest you seek out advice on how to tighten up your query, and definitely keep trying.
Best of luck,
Agent EJN
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel this book is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
Note: There may be a great book here. However, since the author didn’t follow standard query letter conventions (e.g., too long and didn’t mention word count), it makes me think the book might not be ready for prime time.
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. While I think your story has potential, it is not something I feel confident taking on at this time.
Please feel free to query me with future projects.
Good luck with DADI’S GAME.
Best regards,
Agent for a Day
AndrewDugas says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I do not believe I would be the best advocate for your novel. I wish you luck in finding representation elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Andy
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Made the short list because of its subject matter and potential audience, but not the Final Five. I’m not clear on the story here and am not sure if the writer is either, at least not as the narrative is presented here.
Madhat says
Dear Author:
I’m going to have to pass.
-Agent
Why: I’m not seeing Raven’s story here, only Dadi’s. I’m not sure of the plot, either. I don’t think the humor (the rhetorical line) matches the tone a query about a dead woman. This query is very long, too.
KareFree Kennels says
Dadi’s Game
Sorry, not for me.
Best of luck,
Sheryl
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, DADI’S GAME is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
—–
I was interested up until the fourth paragraph. The query is just too long. I might begin with the second paragraph, lose the first and end with Dadi being haunted by that relationship with that relationship with the tennis pro.
Christine H says
Dear Author,
Please stop by my blog. I would like to know how to get on your mailing list, and know when this is published so I can read it!
Christine
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / DADI’S GAME / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
I’m afraid I’m not up for a book spanning five generations — that’s quite an undertaking! Good luck!
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
PS I like your story and would read it if published.
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Notes like this are the hardest for me to write because while you came close, I can ultimately only represent those manuscripts I feel passionately about. Thank you for thinking of me. Good luck in placing this elsewhere.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
Kathy says
Thank you for your query, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.
Good luck to you.
Sincerely,
Kathy
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Diana says
I really liked the sound of this story, but since it is such a cultural work, would have liked more allusions and cultural details in the query beyond the listed credentials.
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. Your writing is excellent and your premise intriguing. I would like to request the first 50 pages of your manuscript.
(Your reference to The Joy Luck Club almost turned me off completely, but there’s a lightness of wit here that appeals to me and may entice me to read even though the subject matter is something I usually don’t care for.)
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of Dadi’s Game. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
ludwig snarf says
i regret that we cannot help you
Sara J. Henry says
Vaguely encouraging rejection[Reasons: This ain’t ready. Tighten, polish, focus, requery]
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Dadi’s Game”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Livia says
Dear Author,
Sounds interesting. Please send me a copy of your manuscript.
Livia
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m interested in reading more of your project; please send me your first ten pages.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: I believe this kind of fiction sells pretty well. I’m not sure about the genre here; it could work as literary fiction.
Although jelliquariums is never explained in the query and I’m not enamored of the book’s parallel storylines structure, this could be a great exploration of culture. However, everything depends on the writing. I need to see sample pages.)
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Please send me a synopsis and the first 30 pages.
Regards
Agent for a day
[reasoning: this has some originality, the writing is crisp, and the author is familiar with the cultures. Though she would do well to rename the characters. Didi and Dadi are too similar.]