Here’s how these babies work. If you would like to nominate your page for a future Page Critique Event, please enter it in this thread in the Forums. As with past page critiques, I’ll first post the page (this post) so people can leave their initial thoughts without being swayed by mine, and then I’ll weigh in later with my thoughts and a redline.
As you offer your thoughts, please be exceedingly polite and remember the sandwich rule: positive, constructive polite advice, positive.
Random numbers were generated, and congrats to Regan Leigh, whose page is below:
Genre: Adult Paranormal Romance
“Rise and shine, pretty boy!” I shout at him, but he doesn’t respond. Of course not. Almost two months have passed and I’m still dead.
Evan rolls over with a sigh and slaps in the wrong direction for the alarm. I suppress a smile, as if he could see my expression. He stumbles out of bed yawning and stretching. His boxers make a tent and I laugh, feeling awkward as usual.
I follow him into the bathroom, but spin to face the wall when he strips off his plaid underwear and steps into the shower. The hooks clink across the shower rod and I turn back around to wait. Evan has been naked in front of me before, but it always felt too invasive. I choose to look away whenever possible now.
It takes a minute, but soon his ritual morning sounds begin. Evan busts out a few notes that are too sparse to make a real melody, a gruff bird lacking a tune. I chime in with him and try to morph it into a song. Really, he’d be surprised at how good we are at this.
His shower lasts longer than normal, or maybe it just feels that way to me. Time is a funny thing to judge when it’s all you have. All you have, and yet you still tend to lose track of it.
I’ll be back at Noon Pacific with my thoughts.