Here’s how these thingamajigs work! If you would like to nominate your page for a future Page Critique Event, please enter it in this thread in the Forums. As with past page critiques, I’ll first post the page (this post) so people can leave their initial thoughts without being swayed by mine, and then I’ll weigh in later with my thoughts and a redline.
As you offer your thoughts, please be exceedingly polite and remember the sandwich rule: positive, constructive polite advice, positive.
Random numbers were generated, congrats to ARJules, whose page is below!
Title: (To be determined)
Genre: Popular fiction/paranormal
Word Count: 255
Being murdered once was bad enough. Three times in a row was pushing on the ridiculous.
Standing at the end of a long corridor, Nafrini just stood and stared at the massive wooden double doors, nearly ten feet in height and inscribed with glyphs. The path, or rather river, to the “afterlife” lay on the other side. She just stood there and glared at the doors, listening to nothing but the drip… drip… drip… of water leaking from the fabric of her clothes and the strands of her hair. She might have been there for what could have been five minutes or five hours before reaching out to the gold inlaid handle and jerked the wide, massive door aside.
That’s it! I have had it! The sound of her stomps across the warm colored polished stone floor might have had a sense of purpose to it, had it not been for the apparent squish that came with each step. She passed through was she had termed “the waiting room”, barely noticing that the men and women lounging in comfort seemed to have halted their conversations at her arrival. As her anger peaked, whether at their reluctance to greet her or by the situation in general, she pulled her heavy over-shirt over her head and threw it to the ground, which landed with a satisfying SPLAT! Without a backwards glance in the others’ direction, she passed through to the entrance to the river of the dead. It would take her to those who would choose her fate.
I’ll be back at Noon Pacific with my thoughts.