It has been some time since we have had a page critique, but I am back in the page critique saddle, True Grit style. Watch out Tom Chaney, I’m gunnin’ for you and I have a mean streak.
Actually I’m pretty nice.
Now then! If you would like to nominate your page for a future Page Critique Event despite its recent bout of inconsistent appearances, please enter it in this thread in the Forums. As with past page critiques, I’ll first post the page (this post) so people can leave their initial thoughts without being swayed by mine, and then I’ll weigh in later with my thoughts and a redline.
As of this writing there are 558 pages up for critique. The good people at random.org say the page should be…..
Congrats to SarahW, whose page is below. As you offer your critique, please remember the sandwich rule: positive, very polite constructive criticism, positive. Any rude comments will be met with swift justice.
Title: The Pigeon Drop
The young man caught Judith’s attention the moment he entered the library.
It wasn’t just the way his gaze skittered away from hers, never landing on anything for more than a split second, or the way he huddled inside his long black duster, which was far too heavy for July. That described most of the high school students who schlepped in every afternoon to hang around the manga. Nice kids, most of them.
But this young man was older, with dry, mumbling lips in a jaundiced face. And while his left hand clenched and jittered at his side, his right stayed in his coat pocket, steady as a rock.
It could be his favorite crack pipe. But Judith didn’t think so.
Unfortunately, she was trapped by a patron who wasn’t going to stop asking the same question until she received the exact answer she wanted. Judith watched the young man with peripheral vision until he disappeared into the mysteries.
Judith frowned. The original layout of this floor–perfectly acceptable a century ago, when most behavior problems could be controlled with a glare and a finger to one’s lips—was a security nightmare unrelieved by the single camera aimed at the cash register at the circulation desk. But adding more cameras cost money, and any reorganization of the massive mahogany bookcases would have to wait until the carpet was finally replaced. The Board was reluctant to authorize either “without real reason.”
Judith hoped the young man wouldn’t provide one.