Monday! In a further further-attempt to make the blog more navigable, I’ve gone back and updated the post labels so that hopefully they are a bit more comprehensive, and I will try to continue to be good about that.
See, watch this. Monkeys. Now I shall tag the post monkeys! Also every post is better when monkeys are mentioned.
On to the page critique!
Refresher on how this works:
– If you’re interested in submitting a page for a future critique, enter it in this thread in the Forums (and be sure and check out the directions in the first post).
– I use a random number generator to select the winning critique.
– Please please please remember the sandwich rule when offering your thoughts: positive, very very constructive thoughts, positive. I mean it. Err on the side of being nice.
As of this posting there were 434 posts in the thread, and the number that the good machine at random.org gave me was……….
Congrats to WilliamMJones, whose page is below:
Title: I’m a Nobody
Genre: YA Fantasy
I obeyed the voice in my head without question. The classroom door opened easily despite being locked. I closed it silently and turned to the dark room. Moments later the sound of footsteps came from the hall. They were fast and sharp. They grew closer, until they were just outside the room, and then they began to fade. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing I had almost been caught trespassing.
It was nearing midnight, and the school’s security system was working, but I felt no urgency to leave. The cameras had not detected this person. “Someone else can do it too?” I asked.
I obeyed, throwing open the door and chasing the source of the footsteps through the dark halls.
I knew that hearing voices meant someone was crazy, and obeying the voices without question made them dangerous. But I wasn’t crazy or dangerous. The voices in my head were always right. I didn’t know what that made me.
If this person was like me, I would get an answer.
I followed the source of the footsteps through the school, past the main office and into a hall full of dull green lockers. I thought I knew where the person was going, though I couldn’t be sure. After two more turns and a walking through a short hall past a security camera, they were in front of a door. It looked like every other door in the school, with an oversized steel doorknob and peeling red paint.