I’m back in cold and foggy San Francisco, and not a moment too soon, as I understand New York has descended into “Ok this weather is really not funny anymore” territory. 100 degrees and 80%+ humidity? Yikes.
A quick reminder of how these page critiques work:
– If you’re interested in submitting a page for a future critique, enter it in this thread in the Forums.
– I use a random number generator to select the winning critique.
– Please please please remember the sandwich rule when offering your thoughts: positive, very very constructive thoughts, positive. I mean it. Err on the side of being nice.
As of this posting there were 219 posts in the thread, and the number that the good machine at random.org gave me was……….
132! Congrats to Erica, whose page is below.
I’ll be back in a bit with my critique.
Title: A New Day
Genre: YA comtemporary romance
I slammed the car door and shouldered my way past the men scattered around the front yard. I spotted my mother and just about growled at her while waving my hands at the moving van. “This is ridiculous. Get my stuff out of there!” I tried not to stomp my foot, but apparently my desperation caused my body parts to take control over my brain.
“Child-like antics really don’t suit you, Kenz,” my mother replied with a voice that left no doubt that she was sick of me. “You have two nights left to mope around. They’re only here for the big furniture this time.”
“Fine, I’ll sit on lawn chairs and sleep on the floor then. You need to give up this moving idea and stay here with me, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“This life isn’t for us anymore. We’re going home.” One finger went up as she saw my mouth open for another protest. “Spend tonight with your friends. Tomorrow’s going to be busy and we leave first thing Sunday morning.”
I did my best to throw the moving van workers an intimidating glare as I walked past again, but it just made them grin wider. The reference to home bothered me more than I wanted my mom to know.
The two months after my mom announced we were moving made me feel like I was losing my mind. Vespa, Wisconsin was the last place on earth I wanted to live. It was her home, not mine.