Page critique! Page critique! My kingdom for a page critique!!!
Actually it’s free.
You all know how this works at this point, but slightly changed rules:
1. The first person to enter a 250 word excerpt from the beginning of their novel in the comment section will win the critique. Please also tell us the title and genre.
2. I will update the post with the excerpt, unedited, so we can all read and form our opinions.
3. Instead of updating the post later with my thoughts and comments, this time around I’m going to put my thoughts and comments in a new post. This will hopefully make it easier to keep track of if you’re reading in a feed reader
4. Feel free to add your own two cents, but remember the sandwich method: positive, extremely polite constructive criticism (and I mean it), positive. I’ve decreed you need to read and heed this creed or I’ll proceed to make you bleed. Indeed.
UPDATE: THE EXCERPT!
Thanks very much to the Screaming Guppy for sharing:
Title: Hound in Blood and Black
Genre: dystopian fiction
The first time I met Kumari, she smelled of gunmetal, blood and death. Her purpose, through chance and circumstance, became to save my life.
I hated her.
Last tank of gas, she thought as the engine spit out a black cloud before picking the Jeep back up to speed. It meant one thing: last chance to make a catch. Last chance to eat, drink. To win.
Last chance to stay alive.
“Harder!” Kumari screamed over the howl of the battered engine. It revved as Bastion punched the gas pedal, dust and pebbles spraying the old army Jeep in a peppered graffiti. Driven by the wind, coarse bits of the world clawed her cheeks and scratched the surface of her shades. She adjusted the bandana across the lower half of her face.
Despite the murky air she saw her quarry, clear against the horizon.
“Left!” she shouted. The Jeep veered hard to the side, tires skidding and jumping over the rocky desert. Kumari caught herself with a hard foot to the wheel well, keeping her balance in check while the vehicle sped across the plain. Her prey, a humanoid, stumbled as the Jeep cut in front of its path. “Damn it, Bastion. Don’t run it over!”
The Jeep jerked again, this time to the right, spewing more broken earth into the sky. Bastion yelled something back at her, but his words were stolen by the wind.
Her throat was dry. Only daybreak, and already hot as hell.