This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
I have followed your blog for several months and appreciate that your posts are educational, with many dashes of humor and candid honesty. I have noted that you enjoy young adult fiction, and I hope to interest you in representing my novel.
Eighteen-year-old Kellen is a Crowmaker, lifted from a bleak existence and turned via magical experimentation into a hero–a law keeper for the expanding Tenvan colonies. When the Crowmakers’ greatest weapons begin to fail and Kellen’s best friend and fellow Crowmaker is killed as a result, Kellen sets out to bring to justice the man she holds responsible, the engineer whose flawed plans and rushed experiments caused the failure. What Kellen finds instead is a dead man, a town under siege from a sentient force of nature with links to her personal plight, and the need to save the life of her enemy’s daughter in order to save her own.
CROWMAKER is a 76,000 word young adult fantasy novel which follows Kellen’s journey through despair and the desire for revenge and along the path to becoming something greater than a made hero–her own person. It is a completed work and available upon your request.
I am also the author of several short stories which have appeared in THE LEADING EDGE (April 2003) and CRICKET MAGAZINE (Dec. 2005), as well as other publications.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 13% request rate
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
Sarah says
Dear Author #50,
I regret that I cannot offer representation- and that my other obligations necessitate using this form letter.
Tastes and opinions vary, so I encourage you to query widely. I wish you the best of luck as you continue to pursue publication.
Warmly,
Sarah,
Reasons:
I couldn’t /didn’t understand what the stakes were for Kellen. There seemed more ‘telling’ about the novel than a sense of the novel.
However, I think a tweaked query letter might pique my interest. I’m not sure yet whether it was the query letter or the story that doesn’t work.
Hilabeans says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that Crowmaker is right for me.
Best of luck.
Saint Fool
NOTE: Not my favorite genre. There may be an intriguing idea here, but nothing hooked me.
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, CROWMAKER is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Kathy says
Your query intrigues me.
Please send me the first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Kathy
2readornot says
Your premise reminds me of THE BOURNE IDENTITY, but for me, there seems to be too much going on for me to take this on. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / CROWMAKER / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
Endless Secrets says
My Final choises were
#9
#21
#27
#36
#38
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
Libby Martin says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query of CROWMAKER. Unfortunately, this is a project I don’t feel I can be very passionate about. I’m not a big fan of fantasy, so I take on a selected few fantasy projects a year.
All the best,
Libby
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but CROWMAKER is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the day
Start the query with the hook. Grab my attention. Tell me how you know me later.
The second paragraph sounds a little muddled. Clean up the three line sentence.
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel your book is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query! Your synopsis intrigues me. Please send the first fifty pages to the following email address attached as a Word document (1983-2003). I look forward to reading the pages!
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. You have a great hook and a solid voice, but beyond that there is no indication of how the story will actually progress. I’ll have to pass this time, but if I were not constrained by the rules of this little project I would be requesting at least a general outline of the work.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
I am glad you sent your query for The Crowmaker to me and look forward to working with you further. Please send the complete manuscript for my review.
Regards,
R. Markiam
Anonymous says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,
Agent M
Sara J. Henry says
Encouraging rejection[Reasons: This was in my top 10, and the query is well done – but didn’t excite me quite enough.]
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this story is not for me.
Best wishes
Agent
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Crowmaker”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’d like to read more; please send me your first ten pages.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: I see potential here, though it needs some work. For example, there’s a little too much jargon, and we don’t know if Kellen is female or male until halfway through the plot summary. I’m not exactly clear about the nature of the conflict, or whether Kellen volunteered for her job/abilities as a Crowmaker. Still, the query’s fairly tight [though I’d ditch the first paragraph] and I think the premise is marketable. I want to see more.)
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
chris says
Form rejection.