This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
I am seeking representation for my suspense/thriller novel, Deadworld, complete at 110,000 words. The following is my query blurb.
I warned my partner that someone would die. Heck, our prime suspect warned us, but then why would you trust a guy who so obviously obscured his past and evaded every possible question posed to him? Never mind the fact that Nick Anderson lives some strange, in between existence, vicariously balanced between the living and the dead. But then, Jackie doesn’t have it in her to leave well enough alone. People were getting drained of blood, and it was her job to find out who did it and why. I just wish her determination was grounded in something more healthy. Some of that is my fault. I’ve known for years, but I never confronted her. I loved her too much. Now death pursues her from both the present and the past, and I don’t know that I will be able to help her. Nick might, but he seems ready to embrace death as much as Jackie runs away from it. This guy is bad news. I could touch the spirit world, but I never encountered anything like this. I only wish I’d known my warning of death had been directed at me.
This is my second completed manuscript. I am Vice President of my local RWA chapter, and upon request, I would be happy to submit a partial or the full manuscript for your review. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 2.3% request rate
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
LateInTheGame says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best representative for your work.
Good luck in your search for representation.
All the best,
Agent LateInTheGame
Reba says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not the right fit for me.
Best,
Reba
(Note: If this contained a snappy summary with a few more details, rather than an excerpt from a character POV, I would probably request this.)
Kate H says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent you, but I wish you the best of luck.
Kate H
Meggrs says
Form rejection, with encouragement to submit future projects.
s.koncilja says
Dear Author,
I received and read your query. Unfortunately it is not something that I’m looking for at the moment.
Keep me informed about your future work and good luck!
Agent S.K.
Anonymous says
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. I encourage you to query other agents and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you,
Agent C
Michelle says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query, unfortunately it dos not fit what I’m looking for at this time.
Best of Luck,
Michelle
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for expressing your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel Deadworld.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
Just_Me says
Dear Author,
Thank you for letting me read this query and review your project. After much deliberation I am afraid I must pass on this manuscript.
Please consider me for future works.
Sincerely,
Agent
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Agent FaD Jen says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,
Agent FaD Jen
Reason: Although it was intriguing at first, the query was confusing overall. I’d worry that the whole story would be just as difficult to understand.
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
just this girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to Be an Agent for a day. Unfortunately I will have to pass on this as I found the synopsis badly written and confusing.
Best of luck in the future,
Just this girl
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; At the end of the day, I think the basic premise might be quite fascinating, but not enough of it was conveyed in the query for me to really get what the story was about. This is one I might have asked for pages on if the query was a bit tighter and gave me a better idea of the plot.
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project is well conceived and well written, I do not typically represent this type of work and do not possess the necessary industry contacts to make a successful sale for you.
Sincerely,
Heather
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Concidering my current workload, I can only take on projects I feel truly passionate about. While the work shows promise (love the title), I have to pass on Deadworld. Good luck in your writing.
-Kendra
genkischuldich says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to us. However, we regret to inform you that we are unable to accept you as a client at this point in time.
I feel you need a smoother transition into your hook and more white space.
Thank you for thinking of us.
“Genki”
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Deadworld – for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.
Martin Willoughby says
(form rejection)
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
P.S. I got lost in the blurb paragraph. Who is Nick Anderson, and who is Jackie? These are things that I’d like to know explicitly. Having the paragraph in the character’s voice could be a strength if the sypopsis element was more clear.
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. I can see this being picked up elsewhere, but unfortunately I have to pass. Reason for rejection – personal taste.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel your book is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
AndrewDugas says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I do not believe I would be the best advocate for your novel. I wish you luck in finding representation elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Andy
=============================
I liked the noir-ish aspect of the query but got no real feel for the story (again).
Julie says
Dear Author,
Although I find your premise intriguing, I do not think I would be the best advocate for this book. Best of luck and please feel free to query me with future projects.
Best regards,
FakeAgent
ludwig snarf says
i’m sorry, but we cannot help you
PCB says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.
Sincerely,
PCB
donnas says
Thank you for your submission. Please send me a copy of your manuscript for further consideration.
Sincerely.
Madhat says
Dear Author:
I’m going to pass.
-Agent
Why: I think the first-person query feels gimmicky, and I’m not seeing anything original here.
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink.
Unfortunately, Deadworld is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
—–
I like the voice in this. I think you should lose “The following is my query blurb.”
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
I found your voice interesting.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / DEADWORLD / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
I’m afraid this doesn’t intrigue me as much as it needs to. Good luck!
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
Kathy says
Thank you for your query. I’m going to have to pass on this project.
Best of luck to you.
Sincerely,
Kathy
Diana says
While the blurb was nice, it did not give me much information about the characters or the conflict.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I’ll have to pass. You give a good illustration of personality of on character, but writing a query in the first person makes it difficult to present the who, what, where, when and why clearly. Without a good sense of that I’m afraid I cannot request a partial.
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of Deadworld. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Sara J. Henry says
Vaguely encouraging rejection[Reasons: Format of query letter – I want to hear a pitch, not a section from the manuscript. I would look at a second query if it were redone.]
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Deadworld”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I am typically intrigued by suspense thrillers, I feel that this query lacks the necessary details for me to make an informed decision. As it stands now, the story does not meet my editorial criteria.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I’m not the right agent for you. Best of luck in finding your novel a home.
Regards
Agent for a day
[reasoning: I couldn’t follow the query letter. Too confusing.]
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.