This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
What if a sweet, romantic suspense writer, living a sheltered life on a peaceful barrier island in Florida, becomes the victim of a brutal hijacking? Her twin brother and friends are murdered, and she did nothing to prevent it, yet she managed to escape the killers herself. Knowing that the characters she creates in her novels are never helpless, and would never be victims, Sarah O’Connell is determined to become more like them. The rose tinted glasses through which she viewed life must be crushed, and then she can help bring the criminals to justice. It’s the path she chooses for redemption and to rid herself of her survivor’s guilt.
A handsome doctor, who lost his brother to the same killers and has military training, agrees to teach her self-defense. David Bjorn falls in love with her during the process. Instinctively, he wants to protect Sarah, but she wants to be able to protect herself. If he doesn’t help the now feisty writer, she’ll go elsewhere to get it. Not an acceptable option for the doc.
David Bjorn was an intellectually gifted child that completed medical school at a young age. Although most of his time was spent on his studies, rather than the pursuit of women, he’s smart enough to know his own heart. After spending time with Sarah, the perfect doctor’s wife, he can’t imagine living without her. However, the last thing Sarah needs is a romance to distract her from her goals.
The discovery that a ship impersonating a U.S. Coast Guard cutter was used in Sarah’s hijacking, and she is a witness, bring in the CIA. Now, because two civilians are involved, a special group of White Knights is formed. Then under the guise of a husband and wife medical team, Sarah and David help them locate the hijackers, and apprehend the thugs hiding in the jungles of Costa Rica. It’s a race between the CIA and a terrorist group who want the pseudo CG ship to form their own version of the Somalian Pirates attacking tankers and U.S. oil supplies in the Gulf of Mexico.
Under cover, as well as under the covers, Sarah and David begin to enjoy their pretend marriage too much for comfort. Sarah is afraid to hope, to trust her ability to separate fantasy from reality because she’s grieving, vulnerable, and made mistakes before. She’s unaware that beneath the doc’s polished veneer of a successful surgeon, he is not immune to the pain of shattered dreams.
Will Sarah be strong enough to protect herself when the hijackers again threaten her life? When David deliberately endangers himself to help the team and to avenge his brother’s murder, will Sarah have the emotional grit to help him? The sex and the time spent together are more than wonderful, but will the memories be enough once the mission is over?
I’d love to tell you more of the story. This is book one in a series about the White Knights (special agents with compassion) where three are complete.
Author
STATS: 2% request rate
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but WHITE KNIGHTS is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
I like to see the hook in the first sentence – not a rhetorical question (I’ve been taught to revile rhetorical questions).
This read like a synopsis. Where’s the title and the word count?
Take out 150+ words in the query, and hook me.
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that your story is the right one for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
More of a synopsis than a query. Tighten it up and tell me what makes it different from other thriller romances. Mention of series was a killer for me.
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. I was very tempted to request a partial, but ultimately had to decline. Your query gives me a good sense of all the plot turns and challenges that your characters have to navigate, but in some areas things feel redundant (The second and third paragraphs could probably be streamlined into one.) and in others I felt no emotional draw to the plot.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Anonymous says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,
Agent M
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of your work. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
ludwig snarf says
i regret that we cannot help you
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: I just didn’t connect with the characters’ choices. Why does Sarah decide that becoming like her characters is a sane response to the hijacking? Is there any way to present David as other than a stereotypically-overprotective male who loves Sarah because he can mentally shoehorn her into the role of “the perfect doctor’s wife”?
The plot seemed unrealistic as well. Who forms this White Knights group? Why are the civilians allowed to continue working when the professionals are on the case?
I think this query has the kernels of a marketable book, but I wouldn’t be the right person to work with on this project.)
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Linta says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I’m not the right agent to represent your work. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.
– Agent for a day
[the writing is clunky, the premise cliched].
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete your manuscript.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.