This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
16-year old Noella, mechanic in the city of Beziers, daydreams of the ancient past when animals were more than legends, before the shields separated the cities from the radiation-tainted Wild. But when it’s discovered that Noella is the secret heir to a wealthy city called Alcanzar, she must escape a plot to force her into marriage with Etienne, the Prince of Beziers. She flees beyond the shields, to the mythical Wild, which hasn’t been destroyed as the city-dwellers are taught by Council-sponsored textbooks.
In the Wild, a camaraderie has evolved between humans known as the Timber and the animals that share their lands. One Timber, Lynx, teaches her to survive outside the shields where a new way of life for her and the people of Alcanzar beckons. But when soldiers from Beziers find her and bring her back to Etienne, Lynx breaks into the city to save her. Only problem is, Etienne isn’t the monster she feared. When he promises her a chance to help govern her own people, Noella isn’t so sure she wants to be rescued.
Noella must decide if she has the strength to become the true ruler of Alcanzar, and upset a system that has been teaching a lie for centuries.
Birthright is a 70,500 word YA novel. I am a publicist for a small publishing company, and managed the children’s section of an independent bookstore for eight years. I have two stories published in “Stories for Children Magazine.”
Thank you for considering my work for representation.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 24% request rate
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Just_Me says
Dear Author,
After much deliberation I feel I must pass on this manuscript. Your story sounds very intriguing and I have no doubt it is well written, but I’m missing something that would draw me in.
Because of this disconnect I do not feel I am the best advocate for your work. I wish you the best of luck finding the agent who is.
Sincerely,
Agent
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. Please send me the first 50 pages of your manuscript. I look forward to having the opportunity to review your work.
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. Concidering my current workload, I can only take on projects I feel truly passionate about. While the world and characters show promise, I didn’t find myself truly drawn to the idea. I have to pass. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Jada says
Rejection with personal comment.
Reason: This was one of my ‘maybes’ but ultimately didn’t make the top five.
Hallie says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to My Imaginary Yet Successful Literary Agency. I receive many queries each day, and I request only a small percentage of manuscripts that I’m interested in representing. I have decided not to request one for your book because I don’t feel that I’m intrigued enough to be its best representative.
Should you need resources for querying, finding writing resources and groups, or if you’d like to know more about how I choose manuscripts, please visit (this section of my agency’s website) for more information. I wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your writing. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to consider your work.
Warm regards,
Hallie
__________________________________
And if I were fortunate enough to be able to give some feedback to each and every author I declined, I’d note the following:
This was on my maybe list, and just missed my top 5. The story seemed very similar to Uglies, and though it seems to have a different central question of whether or not she’ll choose to govern her people, the feeling of similarity cemented my decision. I’d still probably ask for pages if I weren’t trying to pick out specific books. Best of luck!
The Spidermonkey says
Thank you for your query, which I have considered carefully. I’m sorry to say I can’t represent you at this time.
YA fantasy is such an overcrowded market that I could only consider something truly distinctive, and I’m afraid your story just doesn’t stand out sufficiently.
This is a subjective opinion of course, and others may see it differently. Good luck!
Vic K says
Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I’m going to take a pass at this time.
Vic K
Reason; At the end of the day, I wasn’t caught up enough in the concept. The concept seems vaguely familiar.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. I like the sound of this. Please send me the first three chapters.
Sincerely,
Agent X-9
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project is well conceived and well written and another agent might be able to sell it, I do not believe that I would be the best agent to make this sale.
Sincerely,
Heather
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
Martin Willoughby says
(form rejection)
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Birthright – for my consideration. May I say that I enjoyed reading your query. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this particular book – a fact that has more to do with pressures on the time and resources at my disposal rather than on the book itself. Best wishes for your future endeavours, both with this book and with future projects. Agent Rik.
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Please send me your manuscript. Thanks for sharing your query.
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thanks for letting me see your query for BIRTHRIGHT, which I thought was very well done and interesting.
Unfortunately, it is not a right fit for me at this time. Though I am confident you will soon find representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the Day
What I have learned from carefully considering all of these queries, it that I now have to be hooked immediately (first paragraph… even better, first line) or the author is fighting an uphill battle through the rest of the query.
In other words, once I am tired, if you don’t get me right away, I sort of make up my mind, and then it is up to you to change it… which becomes harder and harder to do as I read more queries.
So, nothing wrong with query, except I am tired, and I need to see the pow – hook – in the first sentence.
Meggrs says
Arg. I would actually like to see pages if I’d been able to choose more than 5. Outside the contest, I’d likely request pages, but I can’t here.
The only thing that kept this out of my top five was a small sense that the voice/plot weren’t as unique as I’d like, and it came just short of hooking me enough to elevate it to my top five.
Keep up the good work!
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. While I think your story has potential, it is not something I feel confident taking on at this time.
Please feel free to query me with future projects.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
EJN says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, the writing didn’t personally resonate with me, but I’m sure there are many agents out there who would be interested.
Best of luck,
Agent EJN
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Your writing is solid, and while the concept of your story is nothing new, the direction you decided to take with the characters intrigued me. I’d love to see more.
Please send me the first 50 pages of BIRTHRIGHT as a Word document attached to an e-mail. Thank you again for choosing to send me your work.
Sincerely,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
Hilabeans says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, Birthright is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
Owl Sprite says
Dear Author,
I regret to inform you that I have used up all my picks for the contest.
Best wishes in your search for representation,
Owl Sprite
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / BIRTHRIGHT / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
This is a very intriguing idea, but I didn’t love it as much as I’d need to — however, I would love to see more of your writing in the future! Good luck!
Habbot says
Dear Author:
Thanks for your query but the story is not right for us at this time.
Sincerely,
H
Kathy says
Thank you for your query. Although it sounds interesting, I’m afraid I cannot offer representation at this time.
I wish you good luck.
Sincerely,
Kathy
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Please email your manuscript to SUZIEQ@AGENT4U.BIZ. I look forward to reading it.
Best,
S
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that your story is the right fit for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Diana says
If I could take back one of my previous requests, I’d totally request this. Sounds like a great story. Best of luck!
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. I really like your premise and the world you’ve built, but ultimately I felt that there was something about your style that was not strong enough for me to request a partial.
(This was the last title I cut from the short list. The story sounds like one I would love to read, but I had nagging reservations about whether the manuscript would be polished enough for publishing. If there were not so many other titles vying for 1 of 5 requests I would not have hesitated for a partial, but that small misgiving was enough for me to pass this up.)
Anonymous says
Thank you for your submission. I am interested in seeing more of your work, and would like to request further material. Please send me the first three chapters of your novel at your earliest convenience.
Best,
Agent M
Requested: #17, #35, #38, #46
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of Birthright. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
ludwig snarf says
i regret that we cannot help you
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Birthright”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: This one was hard to reject. The plot and character elements are good, but the way they come together seemed a little cliched. Are the animals genetically mutated/intelligent? Who is trying to force Noella to marry the prince–the Council? Who is the Council, anyway? How do the humans in the Wild survive the radiation–or is the radiation only residual now?
Not sure about genre. Is this SF or fantasy? In either case, this story feels familiar in that the protagonist has A Special Destiny. How is this different from other Special Destiny bildungsromans out there?
I would have read pages if they were attached, but am not going to request.)
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. I’d like to see more of your work. Please send over your manuscript.
Regards
Agent for a day
[reasoning: this shows promise of some subtle, interesting characterisations. Not entirely sold on the “secret heir” thing, but worth looking at.]
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia