This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
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Dear Agent for a Day,
This is my first novel:
Sixteen-year-old Ellie Matthew’s nightly routine of sneaking out and clubbing is broken when her traveling salesman father returns home for good and sends her to a church-run abstinence program. There, she meets eighteen-year-old John Branson IV, who is charming, rich, handsome, and desperately trying to shed his hard-partying lifestyle. Together, they realize the shallowness of their past relationships and the loneliness of ignoring your true self in order to be popular. A young adult novel, CHASING CHASTITY is not a social agenda for religion and abstinence or against drugs and alcohol. These factors only provide the backdrop to the story. The core of the story is about two lonely high-school kids who finally find the love and acceptance that they crave. I have copied the first page of the first chapter of CHASING CHASTITY at the bottom of this query.
I have just begun to read your blog, but I am positive that I will forsake most of my responsibilities in order to thoroughly peruse the archives. As a novelist taking her first steps, I know that your posts will fill my head with the know-how to get my book published. Knock on wood.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission,
Author
*Chasing Chastity*
Chapter One
Ellie
The day’s heat had simmered down and the night air ghosted over my skin like a sigh. Still, the soles of my feet began to sweat as I tiptoed, barefoot, out the backdoor. Outside, I slipped my feet, wet from the dew-dotted grass, into my heels. They were uncomfortably tight.
I was as unsteady on my feet as I had been the first time I went out. My ankles, weak as wet noodles, wobbled on the three-inch stilettos. The rubber tipped ends of my heels clicked against the sidewalk and the street lamps cast my shadow onto the street.
Even in quiet and well-lit suburbia, I was jumpy. Now that Joanna had moved out, I had no one to keep me company during the fifteen-minute walk to New Clark. A dog barked and my heart fluttered nervously. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest — a makeshift shield against any lurkers in the bushes.
My toenail polish was chipped. With every step, my red-speckled nails would come into view. They peeked out of the quarter-size hole cut into the ends of my shoes. The hard leather around the hole cut a pink groove into my big toe and a big, ugly blister was blooming.
I always came home after a night-out with blisters, but, for some reason, having someone there to complain with made the pain less present. When Joanna was around, we would draw up a bath and dip our achy feet into the warm water. Then we’d sit on the plastic edge of the tub, our heels discarded on the bathroom rug and our dresses hitched up to our thighs, and talk until our legs fell asleep.
A car glided past me, and a trailing breeze of exhaust and summer air lifted the edges of my dress. Loud music pounded the insides of the car and the passenger window was half-opened. A wrist, encircled by a charm bracelet, hung out the window and a fat roach burned between her fingers. Watching the car drive away, I wondered if I knew the owner of the smoke-tinged fingers and a part of me hoped that the car would stop and that whoever was inside would offer me a ride. The other part was scared of what I would do if the car did stop.
I was both relieved and disappointed when I finally saw its glowing taillights fade into the midnight mist. I had a driver’s license, but our garage door hadn’t been oiled in years. Whenever it opened or closed, it creaked and groaned so loudly that the house practically shook from its vibrations. My mother, heavy sleeper that she was, would have snored through it and my little sisters would have pretended not to hear it, as I had done for my older siblings. However, my father, back for good since mid-June, could hear the refrigerator door opening at three in the morning and would have certainly caught me before I even pulled out onto the driveway.
STATS: 4% request rate
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid your story isn’t right for me at this time.
While your writing shows promise, overall your query read like a stereotypical story about teens looking for redemption from a wild lifestyle. There was also a lack of tension in your sample pages.
Nevertheless, you’re obviously talented. Feel free to requery once you’ve made revisions.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
EJN says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, the premise of your story has been done many times before, and there wasn’t anything in your query or sample page to convince me you had a new and fresh approach to the subject to help make your novel stand out. Please keep in mind that another agent may feel differently.
Best of luck,
Agent EJN
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I cannot offer representation at this time.
Good luck with your project.
Regards,
Agent for a Day
Madhat says
Dear Author:
I’m going to have to pass.
-Agent
Why: The premise doesn’t stand out to me. The pages were decent, but not great. Also, your query feels amateurish. I think you should cut the whole final paragraph, especially.
AndrewDugas says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I do not believe I would be the best advocate for your novel. I wish you luck in finding representation elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Andy
Hilabeans says
Dear CCHASING CHASTITY Author:
Thank you for your submission and for reading my blog.
I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. Regrettably, I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, CHASING CHASTITY is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / CHASING CHASTITY / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
Thank you for including pages — however, for me, this is a little over-written. Good luck!
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
kathy says
Your sample pages are much stronger than your query letter. Work on that letter. You definitely have potential, but based on the letter, I would have to pass.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. This could be a very interesting, very timely book, and I’m willing to believe you when you say its intention is not to preach. However, the query itself does not provide enough information about what you call the core of the story for me to request a partial.
In this case if you were to requery with more elaboration on what your book really is about, I would be inclined to change my mind, as your writing is solid.
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that your story is the right fit for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of Chasing Chastity. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. My advice to you would be to have a slightly longer query letter and to focus on why the readers won’t be able to put this book down. You don’t need to tell me what the book is not, just tell me more about what it is. Please know that I am a literary agent only for a day so my opinion may be taken with many grains of salt. It sounds like you are on to something here and I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
Sara J. Henry says
Vaguely encouraging rejection[Reasons: Various – but your writing sample is better than your query. Tighten, focus, polish]
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Chasing Chastity”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I’m not the right agent for you. Best of luck in finding your novel a home.
Regards
Agent for a day
[reasoning: if you have to tell me it’s not didactic, it probably IS didactic. Set it someplace else. I can’t see this book having wide appeal. Also, lose 90% of your adjectives.]