This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
There are all kinds of prisons – some with bars and some no better than cages. There are the state, federal, and county kind and then there are the worst kind of all. These are called “the past.”
The past can imprison us as surely as any four-walled structure. The past can cause us to become stifled within its limiting, restrictive barriers until we begin to suffocate. We find we can never grow, learn or stray from the prison it creates around us. Its boundaries continue to separate us from life by flooding our minds with images that haunt us, situations that we can never seem to overcome and by carving out of us an unsettling void that leaves us ill-equipped to leave it behind. In its wake, we live a lonely, often solitary confinement where we are left with pieces of ourselves that we hold in our trembling hands. We are left to wonder how we can glue the pieces back together – and whether that’s even possible.
This is kind of prison that John Michaels finds himself living – and dying – in. He is the sympathetic protagonist in this 65,000 word contemporary suspense novel called The Release. John Michaels is the survivor of a childhood filled with brutal, merciless beatings suffered at the hands of his father. These violent attacks were made all the worse by the fact his numbed, heartless mother stood idly by and watched. The story follows John as he matures and tries to find his place in what we sometimes laughingly call society – as if a true society would tolerate such violence on one so young. With no coping mechanisms in place and no way to internalize his brutalization, we watch helplessly as John falters and stumbles his way through life.
I graduated from The University of Texas in May of 1997 with a degree in journalism. While at the university, several of my articles received The Almay Award for Excellence in Journalism.
I chose to submit my novel for your consideration after seeing that you had interest in this particular genre, especially after you pointed out that Robert Pierce’s novel, The Escape, was one of your favorite reads. Not only did I read the book, but found it similar to mine in that it shows the struggles of a young man trying to escape the horrors of an abusive past.
Upon request, I am prepared to send the completed manuscript.
Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 2% request rate
Smokingmonkee says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query, unfortunately it is not what I’m looking for at this time, so I’m going to pass.
Best of Luck,
Michelle
superwench83 says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn’t right for me. Best wishes in your search for an agent.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
publishingcareer says
Dear Author
Thank you for your interest in our agency and submitting your query for your novel The Release.
I read it with interest but unfortunately it is not what I am looking for.
Best of luck and kind regards.
Yours faithfully
Robert Sullivan AFAD
Melissa says
Form rejection:
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately it doesn’t meet my needs at this time.
Thank you and best of luck,
Melissa (Ximera)
Dave says
Sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. Don’t give up though!
Nikki Hensley says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am the right agent for this novel. Best of luck in your search!
Agent Nikki
vicariousrising says
Thank you for your submission. I regret that I don’t feel this project isn’t right for me.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors.
Kendra says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your work. While the premis sounds interesting, unfortunately, this is not a project I feel I can sucessfully represent. Good luck in your writing.
Kendra
Agent FaD Jen says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,
Agent FaD Jen
Reason: Too much time is spent on explaining the types of prisons. Though prisons may be important to understanding your character, it is too much in the query. That space would be better used by explaining more of your plot.
Hildegarde512 says
Thank you for submitting however [If I were a real agent, a GENTLE FORM REJECTION would exist here].
Heather says
Dear Author,
Thank you very much for taking the time to query our agency. I have given your project thoughtful consideration; unfortunately, it is not a good fit for us at this time because, although the project is built on an interesting premise, the story does not feel unique or compelling at this time; however, after a revision of your query letter and/or partial manuscript, please feel free to resubmit to my attention.
Sincerely,
Heather
abouttothunder says
Dear Author,
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. Unfortunately, it isn’t a good fit for me. Since you deserve an agent who will fully support you project, I will have to pass.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Agent-for-a-day Sara
P.S. The story might well have merit, but the query doesn’t show it. The query needs much less exposition and many more plot specifics. What actually happens to John? It would help also, to at least point toward the conclusion.
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – The Release – for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.
genkischuldich says
Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to us. However, we regret to inform you that we are unable to accept you as a client at this point in time.
I think the initial metaphor gets in the way of your query.
Thank you for thinking of us.
“Genki”
Martin Willoughby says
(form rejection)
Kevin W says
Dear Author:
Thank you for the opportunity to represent your work. I felt that your query described the themes of the book very heavily whilst not outlining a clear plot. However I was genuinely interested by the concept and would like to request a copy of the full manuscript. But – i would like this to be prefaced with a new query and a short, roughly chaper by chaper, synopsis.
This is for me to consider prior to agreeing to represent you.
Well done, this could be your first step towards becoming a published author.
Kevin W
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
SuzieQ Agent4U says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel your book is right for me. Good luck with your search.
Best,
S
AndrewDugas says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I do not believe I would be the best advocate for your novel. I wish you luck in finding representation elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Andy
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me. I can certainly see this being picked up elsewhere, but unfortunately I have to pass.
Best of Luck!
Agent X-9
Kathy says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass at this time.
Best of luck to you.
Sincerely,
Kathy
ludwig snarf says
i’m sorry, but we cannot help you
Madhat says
Dear Author:
I’m going to have to pass.
-Agent
Why: I don’t see anything uplifting about the book. I love dark stories, but I don’t think I’d enjoy watching “helplessly as John falters and stumbles his way through life.” Does he at least have a sarcastic sense of humor to counteract the tragedy? (Maybe he does. If so, make it clear in your query, and cut the first two paragraphs).
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink.
Unfortunately, The Release is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
—–
I think this could be shortened. I like the idea in the opening paragraph, but paragraph two is too long.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query isn’t good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / THE RELEASE / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
2readornot says
I’m afraid this felt a little too much like a lecture for my taste. Good luck!
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
Diana says
I don’t feel as if I am getting enough of the story within the query, though the writing is nice. Best of luck!
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. The concepts that you introduce early on are intriguing, but there is not enough about what happens in the story for me to request a partial. I’m not sure if what you say happens to John happens during or before the events of the book. I would revise the query and resubmit later on. Good luck!
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that your story is the right fit for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of The Release. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
Sara J. Henry says
Form rejection[Reasons: Seems convoluted, doesn’t grab me, lots of wasted words]
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “The Release”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. Given the lack of plot details in your query, I find it difficult to request your story at this time.
Still, I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I’m not the right agent for you. Best of luck in finding your novel a home.
Regards
Agent for a day
[reasoning: too much musing in the query letter and not enough plot. The only bits of plot are “The story follows John as he matures and tries to find his place in what we sometimes laughingly call society”, and “John falters and stumbles his way through life”. We also get no sense of who John is apart from his past abuses.]
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.