I’m back! Happy ’09, everyone. May all of you win the lottery.
Longtime readers may have noted that in an effort to make this blog more… well, professional, I have cut back on the amount of virtual ink I devote to reality television. Yes, I know. I was attacked by a bout of seriousness. I’m sure I fooled everyone.
But there are times when men are shaped by momentous events that leave us powerless to the whims of fate, and swift, forceful action is required as a result. Such an epochal event is occurring this evening. And that is the premiere of The Bachelor.
NOT JUST ANY BACHELOR. You see, this year’s Bach is Jason, perhaps the most achingly earnest Bachelor in the history of Bachelors. Not only did Jason so wholeheartedly believe in the premise of finding true love on the Bachelorette that even host Chris Harrison had to have been confused, he is also proud father of young Ty, and thus the first single dad Bach.
So many questions. Will Ty give out the roses to the bachelorettes? Will Chris Harrison sit down with Ty for serious interviews? Will the bachelorettes try to bribe Ty with cool toys? Will people feel guilty for deriving so much guilty entertainment at the expense of Ty’s lifetime of therapy bills?
It will be…. something.
Call me crazy, but I have been getting stuck on sentences that begin with the word “that.” Not just as in, “That was cool,” I mean actual complex sentences. As in:
That I am asking you this question should tell you that I develop strange aversions from from to time.
That he had the smelliest breath in the general vicinity was not in doubt.
Is this a conversational trope I just haven’t heard? Is this some sort of Southern hemisphere thing? Are the kids beginning their sentences with the word “That” and I’m just hopelessly uncool? Can it be done well?
Please give me a ruling.