Hi everyone, hope you had a great weekend. I received quite a few queries over the weekend, and you know how I like to spot query trends. Well, two things popped out this weekend: I received quite a few JFK queries, and also an abnormally high number of queries from young writers (18 and younger). So mark my words, a bio of JFK written by a 14 year old is due to burst on the scene. Or not.
In other weekend news, in case you don’t get HBO or otherwise do not keep up with the happenings of one of the greatest shows on television, Entourage started its third season last night, and, to put it mildly, I was excited.
To catch you up: Vince dumped Ari in last season’s finale (as Bob Ryan would say: What if I told you Ari pissed off Vince one too many times and Vince fired him in front of his entire agency. Would that be something you’d be interested in?). Well. In the season premiere we find out that Vince has now signed with a fabulous new agent and has moved on, but Ari is pining for his lost client and is trying to win him back. So in the episode last night there were several hilariously awkward conversations between Ari and Vince where they acted like old flames who had broken up. Sample conversation: “Ari: You look good, Vince. Really good. Vince: We’re just friends, right? Ari: Of course, Vince. Just friends.” Insert some awkward pauses and forlorn glances for good measure.
Now, as you may have deduced from my disposition, political correctness and lack of sassy assistant, I’m nothing like Ari Gold, nor do my clients usually have birthday parties on massive yachts sponsored by Victoria’s Secret and Skyy Vodka (but I am avidly rooting for them to do so). And yet Entourage has hit on one of the more hilarious aspects of the agent/client relationship, which is that when you squint your eyes right it does bear some resemblence to dating.
Think about it. You have the courtship process, the cementing of the relationship, the exclusivity but potential for cheating, the messy breakups (Allegedly. I have only heard rumors. I know nothing.) And of course, there are the children: the books.
I will stop the metaphor there so we don’t extend the images to prams and amniotic fluid, but let’s just say that if you’re ever wondering about how to conduct yourself with a prospective agent, don’t do anything you wouldn’t do to someone you’d want to date.
Would you follow a prospective date into the bathroom at a writer’s conference? I think not. Would you yell at someone who politiely declined your offer to buy them a drink? Not if you want a shot at the other prospective dates at the bar.
There you have it. The Ari Gold guide to dating/finding an agent. A 14 year old JFK expert is starting the proposal as we speak.