Comments on Nathan Bransford, Author: Be an Agent for a Day II: The Queries!

GREAT story ideas everyone! Wow, there are a lot ...

2010-05-14T09:41:46.983-07:00

GREAT story ideas everyone! Wow, there are a lot of imaginative people out there. I'm kind of intimidated, hehheh. No wonder competition is so intense in the publishing world.

I'm a bit late to the party (story of my life)...

2010-04-29T12:21:34.472-07:00

I'm a bit late to the party (story of my life), but I'm participating in order.

I voted for Unreality Chick because it sounded the most appealing, and I figure that if I was an agent, I would go for the stories that hooked *me*. This one hooked me the most.

I have to be honest. I didn't think any of th...

2010-04-29T06:36:37.265-07:00

I have to be honest. I didn't think any of them were stellar enough for me to ask for more. Maybe I am being too critical. Nathan, I will be interested in reading your take on all of this.

"I would have loved you anyway" is short...

2010-04-28T20:42:21.319-07:00

"I would have loved you anyway" is short and gets the job done as a query, without as many mistakes and no-no's as the other query letters. The story is also interested and gives plenty of details in little space without exactly giving the entire thin away.

I'm surprised BLACK EMERALDS didn't get mo...

2010-04-28T16:10:58.413-07:00

I'm surprised BLACK EMERALDS didn't get more votes. It struck me as the one with the most killer opening line/s. Those first 2 sentences grabbed me, made me want to continue reading more of the query even though I really don't think the book itself is something I'd select when perusing B&N or Borders.

Not that there's anything wrong with the story -- I just don't really get into fantasy, and I find myself more drawn to books with a female lead.

A couple of the other queries sounded rambly (I won't say which ones), but this one held my attention from start to finish. The author (I think) succinctly (and in an entertaining way) showed the conflict that made me wonder what might happen to the MC.

Anyway, thought BLACK EMERALDS's query was brill. Great job to whomever wrote it.

K

Unreality Chick! Great voice.

2010-04-28T15:47:03.066-07:00

Unreality Chick! Great voice.

thanks for sharing, guys! voted for I WOULD HAVE L...

2010-04-28T15:26:24.134-07:00

thanks for sharing, guys! voted for I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY b/c, not only do I want to read it, I thought it did the best job of setting up what the specific conflict/stakes are.

I thought #5 was too short and I don't think i...

2010-04-28T13:48:19.608-07:00

I thought #5 was too short and I don't think it's possible to jump out of the way to avoid lightning unless you already have some kind of special powers.

The number one YA book is over 115,000 and the next three in the series are equally as long. Black Emerald got my vote because I think it would have teenage girls dying to read about the MC.

Very interesting. Pretty good queries considering...

2010-04-28T12:45:05.313-07:00

Very interesting. Pretty good queries considering they were randomly chosen. I liked 2, 4, and 5.

I whittled this down to 2 or 5, which I felt had the most market potential. #2 because of the suspense element; #5 because of the twist on reality element.

But then I thought #5 might be a tad too short, and I felt #2 was better written, even though there weren't any writing credits as there were in #5.

I was torn between "I Would Have" and &q...

2010-04-28T11:46:57.615-07:00

I was torn between "I Would Have" and "Unreality." I have absolutely no interest in YA or suspense, but the first line of the "I Would Have" query made me want to read more.

Author-friend #1, please consider querying with a different title for your MS.

I know I'm not critical minded enough to reall...

2010-04-28T10:41:05.937-07:00

I know I'm not critical minded enough to really be an agent. But I wanted to vote anyway. These queries are all better than the most of the ones I've seen on Query Shark. It was hard to figure out which one of these five to pick. I eventually went with #5, despite the brevity of plot description. I could see that one doing well among teen and tween girls.

But I would love to read all of them. I hope that after the five of you get a chance to polish your queries, you can find homes for the stories.

These are all good, I thought. I voted for I'm...

2010-04-28T08:26:11.963-07:00

These are all good, I thought. I voted for I'm a Nobody. Reality Chick was a close second.

I was torn between several queries because I love ...

2010-04-28T08:25:04.494-07:00

I was torn between several queries because I love YA fantasy. Both I’m a Nobody and Black Emeralds have boys as protagonists and, from what I hear, agents are hungry for great “boy” books. So, there’s selling point #1. Both have interesting plots, but, I’m a Nobody comes in at 70,000 words, whereas Black Emeralds is a hefty 105,000. Whew…there could be a lot of cutting there. For that reason, I’m going with I’m a Nobody.

To all the participants: well done! You’re very brave.

Although the premise of BLACK EMERALD was interest...

2010-04-28T08:21:56.253-07:00

Although the premise of BLACK EMERALD was interesting, if I were an agent I probably would have given it a form rejection over the usage of "site" vs "sight". It's the sort of careless error that makes you wonder how much how much work the manuscript is going to need (as a non-fic editor I see this stuff all the time). I'd excuse typos, but usage errors would be a red flag for me, especially if I were trawling through hundreds of these every week.

But I'd like to know Nathan's thoughts on this. Would that error automatically send a query to the rejection pile?

For the record, I thought all the queries had elements which interested me, but the one which really stood out was UNREALITY CHICK.

Good efforts by all involved. #5 - Unreality Chi...

2010-04-28T08:02:44.405-07:00

Good efforts by all involved.

#5 - Unreality Chick
This got my vote because if the story reads like the query, I will enjoy it. Fast and breezy might work for me.

#1 - I'm a Nobody
Too vague. Too much male ennui.
#2 - I would have loved you anyway
No. The query is pedestrian. I don't feel anything for the characters.
#3 - Shoreline
I wouldn't mind a water nymph story but this gal sounds like victim #37 in a long list of kids never told they are going to die (or suffer their family curse) stories.
#4 - Black Emeralds
Another kid who doesn't know his past, changes schools and has to deal with a supernatural struggle. Too Harry.
And that's all. Don't take these personally. It's all an exercise.

My vote went out to Unreality Check. I liked that...

2010-04-28T07:49:59.755-07:00

My vote went out to Unreality Check. I liked that we got information about Rebecca's fears & desires without reading through a summary of the plot. Character-driven stories appeal to me more than plot-driven ones.

I voted for #5, in part because it mentions right ...

2010-04-28T07:44:51.073-07:00

I voted for #5, in part because it mentions right up front that the heroine has flaws -- that she's a bit of a fraidy-cat. When I was a kid, I liked reading books about people who (like me) weren't perfect, but who managed to overcome that. The heroine of #5 seems to have the most relatable character arc of the queries mentioned, and I suspect that would translate into sales. (Plus, it sounds like a book I'd enjoy reading.)

First off I'd like to say congrats to everyone...

2010-04-28T07:39:51.156-07:00

First off I'd like to say congrats to everyone that is done with their book and were able to submit queries and samples. I'm jealous. I still have a ways to go. Secondly, YA Fantasy is not my genre of choice. That being said...

"Unreality Chick" got my vote. The line- "Some people are born with courage - Rebecca is having it thrust upon her."- got my attention. I thought the story seemed original and if the style of the query is an indication of they way the author wrote the book (I'm assuming it's similar) I think I will enjoy it.

If we could have 2 votes i would have added "I'm A Nobody". The thing that concerned me a bit as an "agent" was that it sounded like a very similar idea to "The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe". I'm not sure how that plays out in the real publishing world but it seems like it might be a hard sell to be compared to a classic like that. I would definitely want to read it (and look forward to doing so today) to see how the author plays it out but if I only had one choice (as we do in this experiment) I would have to pass.

First, kudos to these brave souls who were willing...

2010-04-28T07:39:20.789-07:00

First, kudos to these brave souls who were willing to be publicly scrutinized. Each book has its own strengths, and I hope each gets picked up by an agent soon (if they haven’t already).

Next, I’ve been hanging out at Authonomy (a HarperCollins’ site) for the last three months – looking at pitches, reading books from lots of different genres, commenting on them, pitching my own book – and I’ve been amazed by the amount of undiscovered talent out there and of the work (and brain power) that must go into being an agent. Especially when you hang the “I have to make a living at this” piece on it.

I’ve also been surprised by which books have drawn me in. It always has to do with the voice. And my saying, “Dude, you can write.” I can overlook a typo or two. I can overlook length (besides, any writer worth his/her salt will listen to an editor and cut/add/fix as needed.).

But you can’t teach talent.

Therefore, I chose Black Emeralds, because, “Dude (or Dude-ette), you can write!”

These are all much better than what I'm used t...

2010-04-28T07:38:42.549-07:00

These are all much better than what I'm used to seeing in agent-blog query contests. Nice work, all of you.

I voted for Shoreline - it's the one I'd be most interested in reading and therefore I'd be more convincing when I tried to sell it. That said, I see why Unreality Chick is (currently) winning by a landslide - that query has voice.

I chose #4 because it seemed to be the most origin...

2010-04-28T07:20:53.343-07:00

I chose #4 because it seemed to be the most original storyline and the voice was strong. Although the query itself could have been better organized and the word-length was a tad long, it seemed to me that a strong hands-on editorial agent would find this particular author a good long-term client with excellent future projects.

Some of the other query letters were better organized, but I felt that #4 might result in a novel with a really intriguing narrative voice.

I also felt it would appeal to a broader audience, both girls and boys and I understand that boy's adventure stories are particularly popular in the UK and a bit scant in the US. I think it would fill a very obvious niche in the market.

2010-04-28T07:18:38.552-07:00

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Shoreline looks to be my pony in this race.

2010-04-28T07:16:25.378-07:00

Shoreline looks to be my pony in this race.

I agree, these are all well-written queries with i...

2010-04-28T06:50:29.939-07:00

I agree, these are all well-written queries with intriguing hooks. The challenge is being certain of what this age group reads (about which I have some data) and would read that's not already on the market. Without the latter, I'll vote on the one I like best...after some further and careful consideration.

I thought I'd be interested in the author'...

2010-04-28T06:29:57.632-07:00

I thought I'd be interested in the author's credentials, but what got me was their hook and how well it was presented (a key to their writing, I guess)

Also this was a reality check for someone like me who just finished a YA fantasy. I knew there was a glut in the market but yikes! Lots of good stuff out there.