Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, May 13, 2013

How to Do Your Chores in 12 Easy Steps


Step 1: Start a novel

Step 2: Write 50 pages in a month

Step 3: Write 5 pages in the next two months

Step 4: Stare at the screen

Step 5: Despair

Step 6: Open a closet

Step 7: Eye cleaning supplies longingly

Step 8: Clean every square inch of your apartment/house, marveling at how much more fun you're having than writing your novel

Step 9: Find a filing cabinet, organize it

Step 10: Find tiles, scrub them with a toothbrush

Step 11: Run out of things to clean, return to computer

Step 12: Stare at the screen in a freakishly clean living space

Art: Bridget Holmes, a Nonagenarian Housemaid by John Riley






35 comments:

Chris Bailey said...

Done! Dog is shedding new chores as I write.

T.J. said...

*giggle* *snort* Yup, that sums it up nicely.

Wait, maybe that's why the fam always asks what page I'm on...

Shawn said...

Yup.

Writing (as a hobby/pursuit) is a great litmus test to ordinate the rank of stuff you hate the most.

Any time you say "I'd rather be writing," there's a good chance you are doing something you really dislike.

Annie Sisk said...

Oh my word. So much truth here.

Dawn Malone said...

Somewhere in there should be 'Organize bookshelves by genre, then alphabetize by author' which I'm guilty of in the midst of such despair.

Johanna Garth said...

I'm semi-moving at the end of the summer, leaving my house behind as a furnished rental which means I can't even be in it or else the list of things I need to do (take down personal photos, find someone to regrout the shower) becomes so loud it literally outshouts any potential words!

Matthew MacNish said...

LOL. Never had this problem.

Gretchen said...

So, I take it your house is freakishly clean at the moment, Nathan? Yeah, sorry about that. Don't worry - the writing will eventually flow again, and the house will get dirty (giving you plenty to clean next time). Good luck!

Linda Moore Kurth said...

And don't forget the dandelions in the yard that need to be pulled. Summer brings on an entire new list of chores that "have" to get done.

Richard Pieters said...

Oh, yeah, the yard. Edge the beds. Weed. Plant. Weed again. Water. Weed some more. Forget the house; commune with nature.

Josin L. McQuein said...

You forgot "Get so sick it hurts to touch the keyboard."

abc said...

It's funny cause it's true!

The Advicist said...

Ha ha! My house / life / eyebrows were immaculate during my University finals! They haven't been since, sadly...

Steve MC said...

When the filing cabinet's been cleaned through, I go outside. It's amazing how many sticks one can find in the woods.

birdinabowler said...

This is why I go somewhere else to write.

Deb Nam-Krane said...

Yeah, well, let me know when you've hit the sock drawer and organized the spice rack.

Nancy Kelley said...

I usually write a first draft in a mad rush of inspiration. During the writing phase, my house is a wreck. Then I collapse in exhaustion and start editing... And that's when I clean my house.

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

You've hit the nail right on the head, Nathan!

May have to steal this post and put it on my blog ... if you don't object?

Nathan Bransford said...

Wendy-

Thanks, but no stealing please! Fine to link to it, of course.

AM Riley said...

What a relief to know I'm not the only one.

RayBear said...

That's why people recommend getting a writing buddy... ACCOUNTABILITY!

You have weekly chats/reconnoiters with your buddy where you detail progress, you have solid reachable goals weekly/daily, and you have someone to help you and be your go to for bouncing off ideas or getting editing help.

I myself am looking for a writing buddy. I want someone with similar goals in mind for their writing project i.e. sending out the manuscript to publishers. It would help if their project had similar aspects, such as length, type, and audience but I don't think that matters too much.

Lesley said...

LOL!!! I fiendishly tried to get around this by hiring a cleaner to come and dust etc. once per week so there were no more excuses.

Instead I have now become quite the expert in the publishing industry, ways to get an agent, various royalty scenarios and networking approaches.

All really important for an unpublished author who (with this productivity level) will never get published!

jan said...

I never seem to run out of things to clean. Oh! Look! There's a smudge on my screen...

Deb Marshall said...

This.
Is.
AWESOME!

Christina Hollis said...

That is so true!

Regina Richards said...

Too Funny!

Wendy said...

I am SO GOOD at this!

Neurotic Workaholic said...

One reason I don't write at my desk (I prefer to write in cafes) is because my apartment is so messy. But on the other hand, it's even more difficult for me to motivate myself to clean, which is why I'd rather leave my apartment then clean it.

Mira said...

This is really funny. And too true! :D

Peter Dudley said...

If you don't feed the cat, you're gonna need stitches.

Trust me.

John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur said...

Was going to write. Instead I'll gto wash the dishes. See if that helps.

inklings Anon said...

definitely work better in a chaotic mess so that would be worse than counter productive... besides the fact that I don't like to clean.... and I'd rather write than just about everything else. just about. that's how an amateur writer can write 4 novels in 4 years while either working full time or going to graduate school while taking a 6 month writing sabbatical.

dianelashdecker said...

A clear desk (house, apartment, closet) is a clear mind!!! Now write!!!

Linda Roy said...

Haha - excellent!

Vinshire Sisters said...

The funniest thing- I've done it.

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