Don’t let any San Franciscans trick you — yes, San Francisco is having the coldest summer in fifty years, yes, San Franciscans will complain like the dickens and act like it’s the apocalypse with a side of brimstone, but press us and we will reveal that no, we don’t want to trade with your heat wave, thankyouverymuch. The complaints are a ruse. You’ve been warned.
Now then! Page Critique Monday!
Refresher on how this works:
– If you’re interested in submitting a page for a future critique, enter it in this thread in the Forums (and be sure and check out the directions in the first post).
– I use a random number generator to select the winning critique.
– Please please please remember the sandwich rule when offering your thoughts: positive, very very constructive thoughts, positive. I mean it. Err on the side of being nice.
As of this posting there were 410 posts in the thread, and the number that the good machine at random.org gave me was……….
Congrats to Petronella, whose page is below.
Genre: Science Fiction
Chapter 1: Jay’s Story: Birth
I became aware when the first of my six brains activated. At the same time, the Library, a vast fount of knowledge, linked to my newly activated brain. One of the many librarians allowed me access to but a tiny part of the vast database. Inspite of the small size of the area, I delighted in all the knowledge I found there. Into my dark, silent world came light in a rainbow of colours, and sounds in a range of tones. I learned of other things I needed to know about when the day came for me to leave the gestation tank in which my body took form. It would be a long time before that would happen. In the meanwhile, I played in my part of the library.
Moments before my birth, the second of my brains activated. This one governed movement, both automatic and volitional. Others of my kind would guide my automatic motions, and later teach me to undertake the volitional movements, which would be with me for the rest of my existence.
I waited, impatient to be born. After an indeterminate period of time, the top of the tank slid aside and a blurry red-lit world revealed itself. Two pairs of hands helped me to a standing position. The owners of the hands wiped the clear birth fluids from my body, making certain most the the jelly-like substance fell back into the tank.