Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #9

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

Nothing sucks for seventeen-year-old Jonah McNab. Life's perfect. And he's bored out of his freaking mind--tired of being healthy, comfortable, and stagnant. How is his upper-middle-class lifestyle training him to be a better person? Unlike his anaphylaxis-prone brother, who gets to fight death on a regular basis, Jonah isn't evolving. He's not getting stronger. If he wants to be improve, he's going to need a challenge to overcome. Even if he has to create one himself.

And that's where the broken bones come in. Everyone knows broken bones grow back stronger than they were before. So Jonah will break them all, one by one. Break a bone, grow a better bone. Break a body, grow a better body. Right?

But Jonah's new habit--and subsequent distraction--exacerbate all that's not well at home. His brother, deteriorating whenever he's not under Jonah's watchful eye, decides eating's not worth the risk of an allergic reaction. His parents use Jonah's broken bones as just
another prop in their power plays, until they become the suspects of child abuse. It looks like Jonah's destroying more than just his bones...but how can he be sure it's all going to grow back?

IF IT AIN'T BROKE is a YA for the Children of Fight Club, complete at 45,000 words.

Author

STATS: 31% request rate






363 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 363   Newer›   Newest»
PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for considering me for representation. I don't think this is right for me.

Regards,
PC

Thomas said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Tally

David said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for your submission, but this project is not right for me. Good luck.

Sincerely,
David

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author,

I have a query for you: Can you send the full manuscript to sophie@imtotesanagent.com as a word doc attachment? Could you also include the original query and REQUESTED MATERIALS in your email title? Thanks so very much.

Love,

Sophie

Anonymous said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission. I'm afraid this isn't a good fit for me.

Agent99

Reasons: Ick! (Clear voice and strong writing, but ICK!)

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query, which I read with great interest. I would like to see more of your work, so if you could attach the first thirty pages as a reply to this email, I’d appreciate it.
All the best,
Agent for the day

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Sorry but this is not for me. I'll pass.

Agent For A Day.

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Love the voice. Please send pages.

Yours,
A Gent

brian_ohio said...

Dear Author,

You have my interest. Would you please forward me the first 3 chapters in a Word document.

I look forward to reading your material.

Best,

Brian

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


There's something here, but it disturbs me too much to request it. And the writing in the query is not enough to overcome that. Or maybe it's too much. :-)

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass on this one.

Keep writing!

With my very best regards,

Matilda McCloud

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

scj said...

Sounds promising - an introduction to the main character, the plot, and the stakes. Please send the first three chapters my way and I'll take a look.

reader said...

Pass.

This esoteric subject matter would be too hard for me to place in today's market.

Great, inviting voice, though. Feel free to submit other work to me in the future.

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, not right for me.
Best,
Agent Name

jimnduncan said...

Please send me the first 30 pages of your manuscript as an attached word document. Inclued your query in the email and please put 'requested material' in the subject heading. Thank you. I look forward to reading more.

(Reason: This is off-center just enough that it might be good)

Eva Ulian said...

This is a well written query that has attracted my interest, though it was somewhat confusing towards end. However I would be interested to see the manuscript please send at eva.ulian@btanet.it

Trix said...

Dear Bone Breaker,

Thank you for your submission. I would like to read it tonight. Fax or email me the first 3 chapters immediately. Have the rest of the book Fedexed to me by tomorrow. If I can get through it without puking, you may have an agent.

Best Regards,
Trix

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting your story. I regret to decline representing it although it seems to be an interesting story.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because I think 45000 words is a bit too short even for YA. Otherwise I like the idea and would read some sample pages where they added.

Scott said...

Dear Author,

There are kernels of clever writing here, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Scott



(reason): Despite my having no idea what anaphylaxis means (until clued in later), this started out strong but soon got away from itself. Love the title and the main conceit, but the plot became heavy and a little convoluted towards the end, warning me that there might be some tone shifting going on. A typo and a short world count said that author might not be disciplined enough yet to take their writing to another level.

Kristan said...

Actually, while the query could use work, I think I would request this. (And yes I know I'm not playing by the rules!)

Lisa R said...

Dear If It Ain't Broke:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck.

Lisa R

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; please forward the first 50 pages of IF IT AIN'T BROKE in a Word attachment.

Sincerely,
Agent

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

(You have a good voice, though).

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your interest but I'm afraid I'm going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Dara said...

Dear If It Ain't Broke,

Thank you for your query.Please email the first three chapters in response to this email.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: While the actual story is a bit on the disturbing side, the voice caught my attention.

One down; four more to go! :)

Kimber An said...

No, thanks.

It's not ready yet. Too wordy. Also, the protagonist's problem would be more believable for a 13 year old girl and she'd be more likely to cut than break.

17 year old boys care about sex, fast cars, and getting out of the house and on with their lives.

Join a writer's group and re-send this when it's finished.

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.

While I find your story mildly intriguing, I'm not sure this would be an appropriate novel to market to young adults.

Have a nice day.
Karen

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author,

I have to tell you that the broken bones deal really is intriguing. But I'm going to pass on this because there is too much going on. His breaking his bones to make them stronger is enough conflict for any one novel. You're adding to that the fact that it's breaking his family in different ways. I feel overwhelmed.

And where is the hope and the healing? This is all so dark and disturbing. I'm not sure readers will be able to like your main character--a spoiled, silly, sick boy. Hmmm. Interesting and freaky and an idea worth playing with but I don't think you've quite nailed a salable premise here. Please keep me in mind if you can rework this to make him likable and the story less bleak.

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

Anonymous said...

The breaking of bones. And here I cringe when people crack their knuckles.

This could be promising, as an addiction like no other. But I'm afraid I have to pass.
45,000 words is middle grade word count, not YA.

Agent XXX

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Your well-written query and interesting concept have intrigued me. Please forward the first thirty pages.

Sincerely,
Megan

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Your premise is interesting.
Please email me the first 3 chapters of your novel.
Thanks,
-Lesley

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, while, I'm not sufficiently enthusiastic enough about this project to request it, I know another agent will feel differently.

With best wishes for your success in finding representation,

Onovello

hannah said...

Dear Author,

This premise intrigues me. Could you send the entire manuscript via email?

Best,
hannah

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent YA Fiction. (But, your premise does sound like it has promise.)

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

Chuck H. said...

Dear Author,

You had me until you started talking about a kid breaking his own bones. I guess I was expecting something more Nietzschian. Sorry, I don't think I could, in good conscience, offer this work proper representation.

Sincerely,

Chuck

AgentMan said...

Sorry, I don't represent YA authors. Best of luck.

AgentMan

Josephine Damian said...

Ugh!

"Nothing sucks?" Then why should I care - what's the problem the MC has to overcome? Why should I care? I don't.

Reject.

greg said...

Muckraker:

Form rejection.

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! said...

Dear Author,

Send me five pages, I would love to read your manuscript.

Best,

S

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: plot seems a bit too forced and difficult to market; the author's writing quality is good, though.)

Melina said...

Dear Author,

1) Disturbing
2)Who would want to read an entire novel(45,000 doesn't count--not long enough)about a boy breaking his bones.
3) Simply not good enough

Best wishes,

Melina

ai-hua said...

Dear Author,

Even though the subject matter squicks me a little, I'm interested. Please send your full manuscript ASAP.

Ai Hua

Libby Martin said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for submitting your query. I love the voice and the entire concept of IF IT AIN'T BROKE. Please send the full manuscript along with the original query to libbymartin@muserliterary.com with the words REQUESTED FULL in the subject line.

Have a fabulous day!
Love,
Libby

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for IF IT AIN'T BROKE, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

7-iron said...

this was tough.
the writing is obviously there, and the story is intriguing, but there are still a few kinks, I think.
Reluctant rejection, with comments.

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your proposal for If it Ain't Broke. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you representation, at this time.
Yours,
7-iron.

How exactly do Jonah's parents use his new habit as a prop? What are they doing, and what does this mean to Jonah? Seems like Jonah (as the main character) might slip between the cracks in a story with so much action affecting EVERYONE. If he's central in the story, keep him central in the query.

Also, the fight club reference undermines what the author accomplishes in the query. cut it.

AmandaKMorgan said...

Dear Author,

Lovely query. Please send as a word attachment.

Agent M

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

Your writing is clear and strong, but I don't feel I could request pages of this book because the premise didn't appeal to me.

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ X ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Your protagonist isn't sympathetic, and the premise will be a problematic fit for the market.

Sandy said...

Dear Author:

This sounds interesting. Please send me the full manuscript as a Word attachment.

Best,

Agent for A Day

Lucy Ammunition said...

Note to Nathan,
Dear Nathan,
I am starting to question your sanity.

Note to Boss,
will be needing a longer lunch hour.

Form rejection paste and hit reply.

Sincerely,

Lucy Ammunition
Fictitious Agent

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel excited enough about this story to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

K.D. said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. I'm interested in reading more. Can you send me the full manuscript as an rtf?

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

I like the sound of this. Please send a brief synopsis and the first 50 pages attached as a document.

Best,
Cat

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. I don't think this manuscript is a good fit for me.

Please remember that this is just my opinion and there is nothing about the writing that is weak or indicates that another agent wouldn't want to represent you.

best wishes,

KC in SF

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your work is promising, the writing just isn't appealing to me as myself (meaning that appeal is entirely subjective), I'm afraid I will have to pass.

Best wishes,

JuJu

suki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sage said...

Dear IiAB,

This idea is so unique, and I love the juxtaposition of the broken bones, broken family, and broken characters.

I'd love to see the full manuscript.

Thank you,
Sage

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that IF IT AIN'T BROKE is not a fit for our agency. I find your voice quite strong, though the content is not for me. Please feel free to query other projects in the future.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

(Personal comment not to be included in letter: I was fascinated, intrigued, and horrified. Awesome query, but I don't think I could represent it.)

Jeni said...

Dear Broke,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

While your premise is intriguing, I don't feel strongly enough about this to ask to see more at this time.

Selestial


I was sold until I hit the word count. Too short for YA, MG maybe, but I think the subject is a bit much for MG.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- Not only does this not sound right for YA (to me), but I'm still not sure after a couple reads if this is supposed to be a fantasy world with superhero's or not. Also, why would any teenager have issues with a perfect life? I just couldn't follow the reasoning.

Lauren H.K. said...

Dear Author:

This sounds fascinating, and I'm a sucker for good YA "boy books" with the right amount of edge. Please send me the full manuscript as an attached Word document.

Best regards,

Agent L.

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

I found your query to be unique and interesting and am hereby requesting your manuscript.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
Belinda

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. While I think your writing is strong, the premise of this book is a hard sell. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

You do indeed have a strong voice and your query illicited an emotional response. It probably wasn't the one you wanted. I'm sure there is a market for this type of story, but I don't believe I'd be your ideal agent.

I wish you well.

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I read it with interest and would be happy to take a further look. Please send me the first three chapters along with a copy of your original query as a .doc attachment.

JR

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your recent query. Unfortunately I have to pass. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, I feel the subject matter, while interesting would be difficult to place in todays market. While the voice seems to be strong and there are elements that stand out in the query as showing great potential in the book, I can not get over the subject which would be a difficult sell due to its disturbing nature. However others may feel differently.
Hope this helps,
Bridge

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

Your story intrigues me. Please send the first three chapters of your manuscript as soon as possible.

Best regards,

Agent Caroline

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission and considering me to represent you. While the premise and main character of your story deeply intrigued me, I do not think I could represent such an intense concept for young adults.
I do encourage you, however, to continue seeking other representation. I have no doubt that your manuscript has great possiblity.
Best of luck to you and your writing.
Reesha

Bija Andrew Wright said...

I'd like to take a look at this. Please send me the first three chapters.

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I enjoyed the premise of IF IT AIN'T BROKE, and I would like to read the first three chapters. Please e-mail them to pretendagent@gmail.com, and include your last name and REQUESTED MATERIALS in the subject line.

I look forward to reading more of your work.



Thoughts: This storyline is crazy, weird, and hard to believe. But the voice is pretty good, and I'm willing to take the time to read a few pages to see how it works within the manuscript.

Casey said...

Dear Author,

Please send me the full manuscript for IF IT AIN'T BROKE at casey@agentforaday.com

I'm really looking forward to reading this.

Best,

Casey

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I dunno...it's a neat idea, but it just turned me off. Maybe if pages were perfect, I'd consider it more.)

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Sounds fascinating. Send the full, please.

Today’s Agent

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. The premise of your story in interesting, but I believe your writing needs to be a bit more polished. Please query me again once you have revised your work and taken it through a thorough proofreading process.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't what Im looking for at this time. Good luck with your publishing endeavors.

Kiki

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Anonymous said...

Ok strange quriky stroy. Don;t know how to feel about it. I like fight club. But you need to write really well to pull of something this odd and esoteric. I only have two requests left so not gonna take a risk on this. So:


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Renee Collins said...

Dear If It Ain't Broke,

Thank you for your query. I would be very interested to read more. Please send me the full manuscript in a Word document.

Thanks,

Renee

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, If It Ain't Broke. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however it does not fit my current needs.

All the best,
Cindy

Vicky said...

Thank you for thinking of our agency. Unfortunately this project is not right for us.

Best wishes.

The Classic Carol said...

Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Owl Sprite said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query for "If It Ain't Broke." Although your premise is very unique and interesting, the project doesn't meet my needs at this time.

Best wishes in your search for representation,

(Comments: This is rather gruesome, but makes psychological sense. Since this kind of thing seems popular nowadays, I think it could sell, if handled by the right agent.)

Harsh Critic said...

While some agents might love this, it just sounds gross to me. I'm too squeamish to want to read this.

Sorry, not for me.

Don said...

[form rejection]

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit to me. Unfortunately, do to time constraints, I will be unable to offer represenation at this time. Please feel free to submit future projects to me.

Good luck,
Nicole

note: interesting, but i'm not sure enough to request a full. also, I'm not sure how realistic breaking bones would be (OW! I'm not sure anyone would have enough discipline to keep doing that. And breaking bones is HARD)

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Could be better. Not getting a real sense of the story. Disappointing, since I liked the frustration the MC feels.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am intrigued by the idea of this story, and would like to request your first twenty pages.

Sincerely,
Amy

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


(Reason: This book has potential, but in this case it's just not to my taste. I see that some of the other agents have requested it, and I'm glad. "Not right for me" but could be right for another agent.)

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Sorry, didn't spark for me. Thanks though!

Sara

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent letter concerning your work. I am afraid that we are not enthusiastic enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

BJ said...

I'm afraid I have to pass. It's not that there's anything wrong with the letter - it could even be one of the published letters. It's professional, and gives the character's motivations and choices.

My only problem is that I don't read a lot of YA, and I couldn't tell you if it's a good YA premise or not. It's not right for me, but an agent who handles YA might see it differently. Good luck!

BJ

Steve Axelrod said...

I'd like to take a look at this. Maybe I'm as crazy as you are. Please send the first fifty pages or so, and we'll go from there.

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, however, it is not quite right for me.

Cat

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

dhole said...

Dear Author:

This looks promising; I'd like to see the full manuscript as soon as possible.

Yrs, etc.

~Jamie said...

DA:
I'd love to read the first five chapters of your manuscript. Please send them at your earliest convenience.

Thanks
~Jamie

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query. While this isn't a good fit for me, I love the premise and concept. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation, and feel free to query me with any other projects.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass.

Jonah is healthy, bored and of upper-middle class. What seems interesing to me is how Jonah will break the bones, but not why he wants to do it. I'm sure you could tighten that up.

Best to you,
Agent SCL

Nik said...

Thank you for your submission, but I'm going to pass at this time.

Marcia said...

Dear Author,

Please send me pages.

Do not pass go.

All the best,
Your agent

Hilabeans said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your recent submission. Please send me IF IT AIN'T BROKE as a .doc, .docx, .rtf, or .pdf attachment as soon as possible.

I look forward to reading your work!

Sincerely,

HHS
hilary@hilaryheskett.com

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Steph said...

Dear You,

Interesting premise. Could you send me a full? I'd request an exclusive (and just to make you tear your hair out, I'd request a 6-month long one, too), but I don't think that's really fair, so could you keep me posted on what's happening before you accept representation elsewhere?

Thanks!

Steph

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I don't feel I am the best person to represent this project.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I would like to read more. Please forward the first 5 chapters and a synopsis at your earliest convenience, as word attachments.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: Tough call, and I went back and forth, but it really stuck with me. I think the query could have been a little tighter, and I wonder a little about the voice (ie, would a kid who has everything and whining about it annoy me? Not sure), but I'm intrigued.

For future queries, if you are still querying ;}, consider revising because there seemed to be a small inconsistency between starting with everything was perfect and ending with his plan "exacerbates" problems already there. But based on the query (and how it stuck with me as I read others), I'd request more. Good luck.

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Your query has caught my interest and I would be delighted if you would send me a sample of the first 50 pages of your novel.

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you ever so much for your query, from the start I was intrigued by your unique and somewhat disturbing idea.

If you could sent me the entire manuscript via Snail Mail I will be more than happy to consider you as a future client.

-Lea

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this query, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: Just so not for me.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Please send me the first three chapters of your manuscript.

Best,
AgentLRS26

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

I'm hooked, and think others will be, too! Please send me a synopsis and the first fifty pages of your manuscript.

Yours Truly,
AftD

Heather said...

Dear Author,

While I find the premise of this to be fascinating, I don't think this is a good fit for me.

Thanks,
Heather


I actually think it sounds cool, but any even slightly gruesome descriptions of his breaking his own bones would creep me out... so, no thanks.

Literally a case of "it's not you, it's me."

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #9,

Thank you for your query, but IF IT AIN'T BROKE isn't right for me.

KathyF

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. I'm intrigued and interested in hearing more. Please send me the first 100 pages and a synopsis as soon as possible.

Thanks,
Cary

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I don't think I can represent your work. While this story has promise, it's too dark for me to get behind.

Thank you,
Agent F A Day

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

wickerman said...

Dear Author,


Thank you for your submission. I am afraid it is not right for me at this time. Best of Luck with If it Ain't Broke.

Yours,

The Wickerman

Tier 65 Agent, Bransford Lit

sKim said...

Thank you for letting us consider your original work. We regret that it doen't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Mr. Snark said...

Dear Author:

I just got to this query after reading through number 45, so I apologize for the delayed response.

This is probably my favorite query of the day. Of course, I don't like the title -- sounds corny -- but I do like the premise a lot. This is original and if there's anything that's shocked me about today, it's how little originality there is.

Loose the comparison to Fight Club if you decide to query other agents and send it over!

Regards,

Mr. Snark

P.S. Word count does concern me.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Although it sounds like it has some potential, I can't really connect with the characters; nor do I find myself wanting to know more. You need to looose the reference to Fight Club.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Dana said...

Dear Author,

Please send me your entire manuscript as soon as you can. I'd love to read it.

Regards,

Dana

Reasons: Wow! Super intriguing plot line, great voice. The word count is low for a YA novel, but I'd be willing to work with it. It's different and edgy, just what kids are reading these days. I think editors would snap this up and I can see lots of teens loving it.

Dave said...

Sounds interesting. Please send it along.

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting If It Ain't Broke. Unfortunately, this title does not fit my needs at this time.

Regards,
Calli
_____
(Side note: "Problem" novels have always bothered me, from the brief days when I was a YA reader onward. (I jumped to adult fiction quickly because of those books.) I find the whole setup more suited to a satire -- and a vicious one, at that -- of the problem novel subgenre; everything seems too bizarre to take at face value. In short: really, really not for me, and the query makes it obvious -- which is a good thing. It's clear enough and emphatic enough about what it is that someone who is into this genre might latch on. One last note: 45,000 words is really short for a novel, even for YA.)

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[A distinctive voice. Do check the grammar in the query: "If he wants to be improve,..." Eliminate the "be" there.

The query is wordy. You could cut the words by 30% or more, lose zero content, and make it punchier in the process. Leads me to believe the writing is probably the same. Hence the pass. Keep writing!]

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Horserider said...

Dear Author,

The voice and plot intrigue me. Please send first 30 pages via attachment ASAP. I look forward to reading IF IT AIN'T BROKE.

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: I was very close to requesting a partial for this one, but in the end I decided that the subject matter is just too heavy for me. Jonah's desire to break his bones in order to make them stronger is conflict enough - hefty internal conflict! - but added on top of that is the negligent parents and his suffering brother. It simply feels as though it is too much for one novel.

In addititon to that, at 45,000 words, this novel is too short for a YA novel. Though the premise for this novel certainly intrigued me, I must regretfully decline to offer representation.)

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, If it Ain't Broke is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Jen C said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for If It Ain't Broke to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I enjoyed reading your query and I would like to request that you send your full manuscript to me so that I can peruse your work further.

Sincerely,
Jen C.

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear If It Ain't Broke,

You have captured my interest with your query. Please send me the first three chapters of your manuscript and a synopsis as an email attachment.

Thank You,

Agent

AgentforDay said...

Dear Author,

The concept of IF IT AINT BROKE shows lots of promise; however, I feel the subject matter is far too intense for a YA audience. I could not in good conscious sponsor a novel that might be seen as promoting self mutilation or injury to young adults for any reason. The young are open to suggestion, whether the story has good ending or not, but especially, if the self injury serves to manipulate the affections of the protagonist’s parents.

Whereas, the premise is intriguing, the concept is horrific. My fingers hurt at the very thought of breaking them, and for some reason, I now have several teeth bothering me. Of course this means the story is compelling, but perhaps more sellable for an older audience and in the horror or psychological thriller genres.

Other than the contradiction between the first paragraph where Jonah McNab’s life is just ‘swell’ and then the sudden exacerbation of his life’s existing problems in the third paragraph, I like the quality of the query.

Change the age of the protagonist, add a spice of hidden mental illness, make the suspected abuser someone onlyJonah ever sees for the needed suspense and horror… and I might not sleep for weeks. Did I mention my fingers hurt?

I hope you modify your target market and resubmit.

Sincerely,
Agent for a Day

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Ello said...

Dear Author,

I would love to see a full on your MS! It sounds awesome!

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. While I like the voice in your query and believe in pushing boundaries in YA fiction, this premise goes a little too far for me.

Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent X

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you so much for your query. I LOVE the voice and find the story completely unique.
Please send me the complete manuscript along with the original query.

Agent Erin

*****
requested:
#9
#10
#26
#37
#46

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I would love to see more of this! Please send the first three chapters or approximately 50 pages, whichever is longer.

Best regards,
Agent Pro Tempore

Adam Heine said...

I'm sorry. This doesn't sound right for me. Thank you for submitting.

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration. Please submit the first thirty pages of your manuscript.

Best of luck, Craven

Laura said...

Dear Author,

I am intrigued -- please send the first 30 pages to this email.

Thank you,

Agent Laura

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: The query shows a great voice, but the motive (bored of a perfect life) is entirely inconsistent with my experience of self-harming youth in the real world. This could be a wonderful novel, but the query as written doesn't convince me that the author can handle this extraordinarily sensitive issue with the grace it requires.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this. While you have unusual subject material about a boy on the path to self-destruction, I'm not finding the story emotionally compelling for me.

Good luck,
Soratian

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this is not for me. I just did not connect with your main character.
Best of luck elsewhere,

Megan

Anonymous said...

Thank you for submitting If It Ain't Broke, but I'm going to pass.

XWD Literary Agency

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission. I do not believe that it is right for me at this time. Good luck in your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

While your writing is engaging and your ideas interesting, I think you overshoot your intended audience with a character that decides to break every bone in his body. This might work as a comedy, believe it or not, but as a straightforward family drama...I have my doubts.

Thanks.
CPK

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. However, I feel the subject matter is unsuitable for your genre, and therefore will not be requesting more material.
Best of luck,
Katy

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

PPP said...

Dear Author,

This is a bit too morbid for me, although not necessarily too morbid for YA. I'm sure you'll find interest elsewhere.

Break a leg.

Signed,
PPP

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Melanie K said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and for considering me. Unfortunately, I don't feel that I am the best agent for your work.

Sincerely,

Melanie

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. Please send the full manuscript as an attachment, either in .doc or .rtf form. Alternately you may upload and share a Google document with my email, bookshopliterary@gmail.com.

I am keenly interested to see where you go with this premise. Expect a response within 2-3 weeks.

Regards,

Bookshop

________

(This was a fantastic query, but I bet you already knew that. Outstanding voice, killer hook - almost a bit too edgy for my taste, except that you still worked in a dose of strong teen confusion and emotion that softens the impact of broken bones for me.

Excellent stuff. :) )

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

austere said...

Dear Author #

Looks like an interesting style and story.
Send me the first chapter so that I can take a look.

Regards

austere said...

Dear Author #9

Looks like an interesting style and story, even though its a tad too violent.
Send me the first chapter so that I can decide.

Regards

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I would love to see more.
Please send me the first three chapters.

-Nay

theflightytemptress said...

Dear If It Ain't Broke,

Thank you for your submission, and though I enjoyed both the voice and the premise, unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: 45,000 words is rather short, and personally, I'm not interested in someone whose life is already perfect. Makes him sound like a whinger to me.

thin said...


Dear Author, I am looking forward to reading more from If it Ain't Broke. Please send a partial via email at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
Thin

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

writtenwyrdd said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Agent Me


Reasons: The query letter doesn't give me enough to care about your protagonist, although the the younger brother mention did pull me in somewhat. I'd recommend that you omit the first paragraph to that query and give us the crux of the matter (regarding the protagonist's choices) more clearly.

To be honest, this wouldn't be something I personally would want to represent; but it does sound rather compelling despite my preferences, which implies to me that you have a good idea going there.

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me with IF IT AIN'T BROKE. While there's a strong theme apparent here, and plenty of potential for conflict and growth, I'm afraid this story simply isn't right for me. Another agent may feel differently, however, so I encourage you to continue to seek representation elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass.

--
Polenth

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. I'm intrigued by the premise of If It Ain't Broke and would like to read more - please send me the first three chapters immediately.

Best,
Agent for the Day, Kats

Sooki Scott said...

I didn't request your manuscript due to selection limitations, but in real life, I would have.

Your characterization of teenagers irrational thought processes are precise and moving

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I was intrigued by your query however at this time my client list is full.

I wish you luck on your writing journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin ( Kids may be intrigued by this book. I couldn't get past the braking of bones. Most kids cover their ears when a balloon is about to pop. Would they find this fascinating? My guess is 5th-7th males)

Sun Up said...

Dear Author,

While the premise sounds promising, I'm really not interested in represent YA.

Good luck to you though.

best regards,
Alicia

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately your story is not for me at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

Sorry, but this story disturbs me!

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Tree said...

Dear Author. I'd love to find out more about Jonah McNab. Can you forward the full manuscript as an attachment?
Thanks,
Tree

educlaytion said...

I am intrigued, but can not pursue this piece. Your description about the "children of Fight Club" may be the most memorable concept I've read in 50 letters. Best of luck.

RLS said...

yes, please.
Send your mss to Agent RLS.

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