Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #5

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

I am seeking representation for my suspense/thriller novel, Deadworld, complete at 110,000 words. The following is my query blurb.

I warned my partner that someone would die. Heck, our prime suspect warned us, but then why would you trust a guy who so obviously obscured his past and evaded every possible question posed to him? Never mind the fact that Nick Anderson lives some strange, in between existence, vicariously balanced between the living and the dead. But then, Jackie doesn’t have it in her to leave well enough alone. People were getting drained of blood, and it was her job to find out who did it and why. I just wish her determination was grounded in something more healthy. Some of that is my fault. I’ve known for years, but I never confronted her. I loved her too much. Now death pursues her from both the present and the past, and I don’t know that I will be able to help her. Nick might, but he seems ready to embrace death as much as Jackie runs away from it. This guy is bad news. I could touch the spirit world, but I never encountered anything like this. I only wish I’d known my warning of death had been directed at me.

This is my second completed manuscript. I am Vice President of my local RWA chapter, and upon request, I would be happy to submit a partial or the full manuscript for your review. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Author

STATS: 2.3% request rate






354 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 354   Newer›   Newest»
hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. Unfortunately, this doesn't fit my list at this time.

Best of luck,
hannah

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for considering me for representation. At this time I must pass. Good luck!

Regards,
PC

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: don't tell me you're making a comment - make the comment. I feel like there are no transitions, just quick bursting jumps; it's too choppy)

reader said...

Pass.

* please see the FAQ on the sidebar of my blog. You've written a synopsis, not a query.

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this doesn't fit with what I am looking for.

Best of luck,
Kitti

Josephine Damian said...

First sentence states the obvious. Second senrence states the obvious mistake: repeating the blurb which is told as the narrator, not the author doing a pithy summation.

Reject same as previous entries: based on not knowing how to write a query!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.

This looks like an excerpt from the novel and it didn't pull me in.

Anonymous said...

Dear Deadworld,

Thank you for your query. I appreciate your contribution to your local RWA chapter. However, your query is a bit nebulous and disjointed.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author

Thanks but this one isn't right for me.

Agent

I'm sorry but I got halfway through that query blurb paragraph and quit reading. Who are these people? You're throwing names and info at me and I have no idea what's going on.

I actually think this book may be interesting, but this query is not going to sell it I don't think.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't quite right for me.

Agent99

(Reasons: Lacks a strong sense of character. Some words are imprecise or misused.)

Eva Ulian said...

Thank you for your query but although this may be of interest to an agency dealing with Vampires, it is not in my sphere of appeal.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because it is too long for a suspense. Also I was bored after the second sentence.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Sorry but this sounds flabby and vague. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Dara said...

Dear Deadworld,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: It seems more like a synopsis rather than a query.

Chuck H. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. However, I don't feel I could adequately represent your work. Good luck with your search for an agent.

Sincerely,

Chuck

(Read the thing twice and was still confused as to what was going on)

Scott said...

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this story isn't right for me.

Best of luck,

Scott


(reason): the "blurb" style synopsis didn't work for me. The author seemed to tease too much about what their story was about, and I didn't quite make it to the end to see if he or she ever got around to giving up who the main character was.

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent paranormal/fantasy. However, your query left me unclear as to whether there is a paranormal/fantasy element, or if you were just being illustrative. If your story is a straight up suspense/thriller, then please re-query with a more detailed synopsis, including character motivations for the mains.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, it is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The story summary doesn't work in first person and is too vague and rambling. Is this a vampire novel?

scj said...

Sorry but no. This sounds interesting, but I don't know anything specific about the plot. Best of luck.

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

(You have a good voice, but I don't see a plot).

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Your submission is not for me.

And it might be helpful if you review some query submission guidelines before proceeding.

Have a nice day,
Karen

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Lisa R said...

Dear Deadworld:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately the project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck.

Lisa R

This is too confusing. If I read this on the back of a book I would not buy the book or even read the first few pages. I would go with more of a description of the actual plot. Who's who and what's the central conflict?

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid DEADWORLD isn't for me.

Best

Barbara

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Deadworld,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. However, your voice is very compelling and I would like to forward your query to a colleague of mine. You can contact her at sophiesfriend@imtotesanagent.com

Love,

Sophie

(Yes. I cheated.)

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><><>

I read halfway through the blurb and had no idea what was going on. Tell more about the STORY. Your first line is a great hook, but it continues to roll down hill after that. The first person doesn't bother me, but I'm wondering if this wouldn't be stronger written from 3rd. Is that Jackie speaking or someone else?

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

I like you. You're exciting. Send me your story. I need a good thriller, one in which the zombies don't stink.

The Diva Agent

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time.

Agent Erin

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

AgentMan said...

No thanks.

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. While I'm not sufficiently enthusiastic to request the manuscript, I know another agent will feel differently, and encourage you to keep looking.

With all best wishes for your success in finding representation for your work,

Onovello

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting your query, but unfortunately, it just does not grab my attention. The synopsis is off the point and somewhat confusing to follow. So I would advise you to revise your query before you send it out to other agents.

Best of luck,

S

Jane Doherty said...

Not for me, thanks.

(Don't give your reader instructions on how to read your query or point out what the sections are. And writing from the POV of the character in 1st person is gimmicky.)

Melina said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not what I'm looking for at this time.

Best wishes,

Melina

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I did receive and read your query. Unfortunately it's not a good fit.
I'd suggest working on your title and hook. Make it snap vs "people were getting drained of blood." To me, that sounds sluggish.

Best to you,
Agent SCL

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, not right for me.
Best,
Agent Name

PPP said...

Dear Author,

I would have liked to know exactly how death is "pursuing you from both the present and the past." Sounds like a raw deal. Anyway, that might be where your story lies; as this query stands, I don't really *get* what your story's about.

And yes, that guy does sound like bad news.

Signed,
PPP

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

ai-hua said...

Gah, block-of-text. Minus points.

Can't tell whether the mix between first-person POV and 3rd-person POV is part of the query or a writing mistake.

Form rejection. Maybe if I were in a better mood, but them's the breaks. (I just know I'm going to reap some negative karma for saying that...)

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your work is promising, the writing just isn't appealing to me, I'm afraid I will have to pass.

Best of luck,

JuJu

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

I do have wonderful taste. Unfortunately, I don't like to read. I'm an agent. I sell stories to people who sell to other people who then sell to Other People. It is the Other People who like to read, not I.

If I must read, I prefer not to read about college students. They're boring.

Shortly, but not sweetly,

The Diva Agent

7-iron said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your proposal for Deadworld. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you representation, at this time.
Yours,
7-iron.

Tangent.

Steph said...

Dear (your name),

Writing a query from the point of view of your character (at least, that's what I think you did) is always a huge risk. This didn't cut it: Where's the hook?

Thank you for considering me, but I'm going to have to pass. As I'm sure you know, opinions vary greatly in this business, so query widely.

Best of luck,

Steph

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Thanks, but no thanks. Interesting voice but in the end too sketchy for my taste.

Best,
A Gent

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. I was confused by the description of your novel and suggest that you rework it, focusing on clearly describing what your book is about. I wish you the best of luck,

KC in SF

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a Day

[I had no idea what this was about and didn't care enough to try to unravel it]

Trix said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I have to pass at this time. I really wanted to like it, but it left me SO CONFUSED.

Best Regards,
Trix

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Deadworld, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry, but this would get a rejection from me. That said, it was a near miss.

What I did like was the voice, but what I didn't like was also the voice.

The second paragraph should be shorter, and punchier. The first two sentences are good, but then it started to ramble and I was afraid the whole book would ramble.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Your blurb doesn't help me see what the book's plot is, and it contains a lot of backstory. Sorry, but this implies your writing in the book might be unfocused also.

Laurel said...

Form rejection.

I don't have a clue what is going on here except that people are being attacked. Who is "I"? Who is Jackie? Who is Nick? Why should I care? What has "I" never confronted her with? What does "touch the spirit world" mean?

I liked your opening line, but the rest was just confusing.

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Nadia said...

form R

reason: where's your pitch? It looks like you copy / pasted the opening / prologue...? (confused)

K.D. said...

Query5

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I don't think your project sounds right for me.

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.


Notes: If pages were attached, I'd read them. I'm afraid the manuscript might be a bit too passive, but I do like the writing style. I don't like it enough to burn one of my 5 requests for, though.

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. The voice is strange in this. I feel as if you are talking to me, not showing me what the story is about. It's a bit confusing. I will have to pass at this time.

Sincerely,
emc

Lucy Ammunition said...

Dear Writer,
By the time I get through all the vampire novels in front of me, I'm going to need a blood transplant.
Oh hell, NAthan.
How DO you do this????

Sincerely,
Lucy Ammunition
Fictitious Agent

(Please note: add this to not sent pile, passing this on to my intern for form letter rejection- not because it's a bad sounding project, just not enough coffee and ALL these authors are counting on ME! YIKES!)

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel excited enough about this story to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

I'd like to see a bit more. Please mail me a detailed synopsis of the book as well as the first 3 chapters.

Thank you,
David de Beer

(off-topic: some of my comments appear to have not shown up, so if this ends up being a double posting my apologies)

Jeni said...

Dear Dead World,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Myra said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. This work isn't right for me.

Best of Luck,
Agent for a day Myra

Renee Collins said...

Dear Deadworld,

Thank you for your query. Please send me a two to three page synopsis of your work.

Thanks,

Renee

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki

Reasoning: The first person blurb felt like an excerpt from the book, more than the summary portion of a query. It would be more effective IMO as a 3rd person pitch of the protagonist and main conflict the protagonist faces. I also would wonder if the manuscript was ready to be queried, because the query didn't feel as polished and professional as it could. Those issues overshadowed the substance itself, which in a different format might have garnered a better response. But with limited time and resources, I'd reject the query.

splatter said...

This query does not fit my agency's requirements for submission. Please see my FAQ for proper query format.

Additional reasons for rejection: no real plot outline. It's fine to include a blurb, but you also need to include the basic writeup - something that gives me a more solid sense of plot, conflict, etc. within the larger work. This is just too close to the current action for me to tell much about things as a whole.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Please send the first 10 pages of your manuscript pasted in the body of an email.

Agent for a Day

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


(Reason: the query isn't worded clearly. Nick Anderson is [vicariously] undead? Some sort of time-traveling evil entity is pursuing Jackie for some reason? Jackie runs away from death yet at the same time doggedly pursues the exsanguinating killer? And after all that confusing wordage, we find out that the narrator of the query is actually the one in danger? I'm afraid that the manuscript will be as imprecise as the query letter. Definite pass.

P.S. Shouldn't this book be in the paranormal genre, since we're talking about the "spirit world"? )

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I must pass at this time.

(Reason: I had trouble following the one paragraph blurb because it was too wordy, yet didn't really tell me much.)

All the best,
Laurie

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that DEADWORLD is not a fit for our agency. Perhaps in future queries you could focus on the plot of the story a bit more.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

DCS said...

I'm afraid that I do not handle vampire literature. Best of luck.

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't feel this is the right piece for me at this time.

Selestial


"The following is my query blurb"? Just do it, I'm smart and don't really need the explanation.

The blurb itself is odd. Reading in first person in queries is weird. It just doesn't work. We get the names of other characters, but not the protagonist. Beyond that, it reads more like a paranormal romance or something than a thriller.

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.

-- This was a blurb from a book that I have no reference for. I don't know if it was the first para, but there was too much info, too many names, and no grouding point.

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

Owl Sprite said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query for "Deadworld." Unfortunately, it doesn't meet my needs at this time.

Best wishes in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

(This might be interesting, but the big block of text was a little difficult to get through. I assume Jackie is the partner and Nick is the suspect? Also, horror/suspense isn't my genre of interest. But it shows some promise, definitely.)

Tamara said...

Dear Deadworld Author,

Thank you for your query. I must say, I was initially intrigued, but after reading more into the query, I became confused as to what the story is about. I appreciate the opportunity, but I'm going to have to pass.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query, but I don't think I'm the right agent for the book. Best of luck.

Melissa

Reasoning: Is Nick Anderson the partner or the prime suspect? I've read it twice, and I'm still not sure. If this kind of confusion carries over to the manuscript, the book will be unreadable.

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for sending me a query for your novel DEADWORLD. I'm afraid this novel isn't right for me.

Good luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle


(I recommend tightening the query up a bit. Good luck)

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. I would recommend changing your query to fit the 3rd person POV format and clarify it a little. As it is, I found it difficult to follow.

Best of luck!
JR

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. While I initially found the ideas intriguing, as I read on I wasn't clear on what the story was about. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission and considering me to represent your work. However, I do not feel I know enough about your project to do so at this time. While the blurb was interesting and teasingly full of undescribed plot references, its vagueness failed to make me interested in what I did not know as opposed to making me interested in who the characters were and what was happening.
I have no doubt that the premise for your story has great potential. I would encourage you to revise the blurb to be less mysterious and continue on your search for representation.
Best of luck to you and your writing!
Reesha

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent DEADWORLD.

Best wishes,

Casey

super agent nicole said...

Dear author,

Thank you for submitting your query to me, but unfortunately your story does not seem to be a good fit at this time. The voice you established in your blurb did not draw me in. Also, you should refer to query writing resources to format it in a more organized and fluid manner.

Thank you,
Nicole

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

From your query, I feel like your writing has potential, but the story didn't work for me. I don't think I could sell something this long in the present time, and I wasn't intrigued by the story.

Best,

Agent Caroline

Bija Andrew Wright said...

I don't think I get a strong enough sense of plot to know whether this would be interesting or not. I'd have to pass.

BJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
beth said...

If this was a genre I'd be interested in, I think I might request this. Nice voice in the pitch.

But since I AM an agent for a day, my agency just isn't taking on this genre (cause it's not one I typically read)

BJ said...

Interesting. While the 'query blurb' is a bit jumbled and confusing, I am intrigued by the mystery you've set forth. Please send me the first three chapters. -- BJ

Note for the author: As I mentioned, that blurb is rather jumbled and confusing. My suggestion would be to narrow in on a couple of the events mentioned, rather than following the character's train of thought. I'm running a risk that your novel is just as confusing, but I'm willing to sacrifice a half hour to an hour of my time to read your chapters, just because I am intrigued.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. At this time I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, This isn't actually a query, its a blurb from your story, I am assuming. It doesn't make enough sense to understand what the story is actually about. While it has voice and lets the reader into the narrative, it doesn't actually do enough. You might want to look at the beginning of your story, find you even and focus on that. Write something new about that, to give a fell for what your book is about. We want to know who we are rooting for, what is the problem with them, why does anyone care. Keep the voice, I liked it and I thought the writing was good, just not right for the query. Good luck, hope this helps.
Bridge

Don said...

[form rejection]

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: HATE queries written in 1st - there's an audible clunk when you switch from query formal to 1st-person story blurb and then back again. Wordcount is long and the genre sounds more like a paranormal, given the "in between existence ... balanced between the living and the dead" thing. Feels generic, with cliched terms like "death pursues her". Not sure what the actual plot is - I mean the specifics of protagonist, goal and conflict.)

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't what Im looking for at this time. Good luck with your publishing endeavors.

Kiki

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering our agency. Unfortunately, this project is not right for us. Best wishes.

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this project doesn't fit my needs at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Deadworld. Unfortunately, it's not right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

The Classic Carol said...

Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Ethan Rose said...

No thanks

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.
I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel Deadworld sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't for me.

Sincerely,
Heather



* Giant text block of doom.
* Weird POV thing with shifts that confused me.
* Cool voice, but the blurb was so hard to follow, I gave up half-way through.

Craven said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best of luck, Craven

Anonymous said...

Pitching in the character's voice is problematic because you have to retain that voice throughout the query, I'm afraid this query doesn;t manage to do that effectively. I think it would help if you cut the character out and just pitch the story yourself.

So:


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: No story pitch. Sounded like dialouge cut from the mss. itself. Not the way to query.

Harsh Critic said...

The first person exerpt did not tell me concisely what your book was about. I would rather see a query letter that follows the standard formula.

Sorry, not for me.

L.C. Gant said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid your story isn't right for me at this time. Feel free to requery after you have revised it.

Best wishes,

Agent L.C. Gant

(Reasoning: There's a lot of potential here. I love the writing voice and the concept, but the prose really needs to be sharpened. Right now it's muddled in one big paragraph that goes on for far too long.)

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I will pass on DEADWORLD. I think querying in the voice of your character could work, but you need to share more details about your story. Your query blurb was very vague, and left me confused as to what the story would be about.

Sincerely,
Amy

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I feel I must pass. 110,000 words is much too long for me and the market I deal with.

Thanks,
Cary

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent letter concerning your work. I am afraid that we are not enthusiastic enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query, but this is not a good fit for me right now.

Agent Laura

p.s. I like the premise, but it's a bit confusing. Written in first person, I don't know who that person is. It's just a little too confusing.

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Not really my genre. Sorry!

Thanks!

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, however, I must pass on your project at this time.

Cat

Steve Axelrod said...

Not for me thanks! But thanks for submitting and good luck with it elsewhere.

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for thinking of me, but it's not quite right for my list at this time. Yrs, etc.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

~Jamie said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I am afraid I have to pass at this time.

Best,
Jamie

Getabo Publishing said...

I like the concise opening, good to include genre and word count.

I would prefer a simpler query including basic plot description and outline of conflict, character development and resolution from you as author rather than the colloquial voice of the protagonist.

I would also like to know why you think "I'm your agent" and want me to represent you. Something personal.

***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your submission. While the concept itself is interesting I don't feel I am the best person to represent this project.

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query, but it's not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your writing endeavors!

Elaine
****
There seemed to be too much detail, a lack of focus in the main paragraph. Maybe shorten the sentences and punch them up a bit?

Nik said...

Thank you for your submission, but I'm going to pass at this time.

Reasoning: 110K could be a bit long for a debut novel. I'm also not sure if the story is written in first person or just the query. Either way, the query should be more factual. this feels choppy and disjointed.

Mira said...

Dear Author,

I very much like your 'voice', and feel that this may be a very exciting story.

However, I don't have a clear enough sense of the plot to know if I would like to represent it.

Also, your genre is not something I would tend to represent. It is, however, highly marketable, and very popular. I urge you to continue your search for representation.

Mira

Lisa and Laura said...

Thank you for the query, but this isn't right for me.

Hilabeans said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hilabeans said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Always remember the "Economy of words."

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel it is quite right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel Deadworld. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this query, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: Lots of character name dropping that takes away from the description. I'm also not a fan of the 1st person queries, even if the story is in first person.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting Deadworld. Unfortunately, this title does not fit my needs at this time.

Regards,
Calli
_____
(Side note: Names get dropped at random and I just can't get into the first-person blurb. Aside from that -- I plead mere agent-for-a-dayness and being outside my usual reading genres here -- but is this a suspense/thriller novel? The supernatural elements suggest horror or urban fantasy to me.)

AgentforDay said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your query, but DEADWORLD is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.

Good luck with your search for representation. Please feel free to submit future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent for the Day

Dear Author,

This read like an attention-grabbing opening to a novel where the protagonist does some quick free-form thinking. It’s not bad from that perspective, but I need the hook succinctly laid out for me. Tell me what I can use to make DEADWORLD interesting to publishers, and I am going to be interested.

After the hook, I need to see the conflict that will keep the publishers interested in the novel.

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query for Deadworld. I regret to inform you that it is just not right for me.

Best of Luck,

The Wickerman

Parking Lot attendant, Bransford Lit

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it’s not what we are looking to represent at this time.

Thank you and good luck,
Agent F A Day

Patti K. said...

Thank you for submission, however I do not believe it is right for me at this time. Good luck in your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

EJN said...

In all honesty, I would not respond to this query since the author's "query blurb" appears to be an excerpt. That is not following query guidelines.

sKim said...

Thank you for the opportunity to consider this original concept. Unfortunately, it does not suit our needs at this time. Best of luck to you.

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Dana said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing this novel.

Regards,

Dana

reasons: I wasn't super interested in the plot line, the use of the 1st person to describe the book really threw me and it lost my interest. I also wasn't sure if RWA was Romance Writers or something else, but it didn't seem to fit.

Dave said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry to say that I have to pass. Good luck in your hunt for representation, and don’t get discouraged!

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form Rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Others hit it. This wasn't a query. And it's not clear what's going on. First thing I thought of was "another Vampire story" but that's not clear either.]

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[This sounds great! I was close to requesting a partial, but the trouble was that seems to take place in an alternate reality where the supernatural is commonplace. So, I have no idea what is normal and what isn't. Are there vampires? People pretending to be vampires? Or are vampires unknown to this story?]

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Deadworld is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(Can't get a good sense of the plot.)

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

P.S. You might want to consider following the traditional query style and present your blurb like back-cover copy in third person. As is, I could not get a clear sense of the plot and characters, and have no information on who the "I" in your blurb is.

Adam Heine said...

There are some interesting ideas here, but the blurb paragraph is too confusing for me to follow. One simple fix might be to break it into multiple paragraphs.

I'm sorry. This doesn't sound right for me. Thank you for submitting.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid it's a pass for me.

You do appear to have a strong voice, but you have a very long paragraph in the middle, which reads more like an extract than a pitch. It's also packing in too much information without giving a sense of the central conflict.

Good luck!
Soratian

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Katy said...

Your query letter has left me confused and disinterested. I'm afraid I will have to pass on this project.
Best of luck,
Katy

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our publishing needs at this time. Best of luck.

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, I regret to inform you that I cannot represent your novel as it is not in my area of interest.

Best of luck to you in future endeavors.

-Lea

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however this is not quite right for me. The blurb from your character did not leave me with a very good feel for what your story is about.
Best of luck,

Megan

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass. Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for submitting Deadworld, but I'm going to pass.

XWD Literary Agency

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: This query doesn't seem to convey the central plot of the story, and the writing doesn't grab me.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

Being a VP for your chapter tells me that you can administrate to a fair degree and that you hang out with aspiring writers. It does not tell me, nor does your query, that you can write compelling fiction. As presented, your story seems tired and tried. If there is more to it, search for its core and present it in a compelling manner.

Thanks.
CPK

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #5,

Thank you for your query, but DEADWORLD isn't right for me.

KathyF

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. I regret that I am unable to offer you representation at this time. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Bookshop

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing publication.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin (Sounds like a cool book.)

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Sage said...

Dear Deadworld,

Good use of voice, but I was left feeling too confused by it. Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. You have supplied a nice teaser to your manuscript. Although you've provided a sense of your author's voice, I feel I've only gotten an introduction to your story's plot line.

Unfortunately, I am unable to request a partial at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: I love the voice, but I don't really get a sense of the 'I' character, and I'm finding the query a bit jumbled.

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After reading your query for DEADWORLD, I would like to read the complete manuscript. Please send it as an e-mail attachment at your earliest convenience.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for querying me with your novel DEADWORLD. While the premise has some intriguing elements to it, unfortunately, this book isn't right for me. I wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, unfortunately Deadworld is not the right fit for me.

Best,
Agent for the Day, Kats

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Sun Up said...

The story sounds interesting, but it was kind of all over the place at the same time. Also, this is more of a synopsis rather than a query.

That being said, this isn't something that I'm really looking for at this time. I'm leaning towards literary rather than suspense-thriller.

Good premise, and I'm sure you'll find someone to represent your work.


Alicia

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately your story is not for me at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

---I'm not sure what the story is about. I would want to know what I was getting into before reading more.

Leslie said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck with your writing career.

Sincerely, Leslie

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