This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here
Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!
Dear Agent for a Day,
In a story that will challenge your perception of right and wrong, Nicky Fusco sets out to avenge his wife’s death, and to punish people for an oath that should never have been broken.
My name is Nicky Fusco. I’m a hit man. That’s not always bad, though; sometimes there are reasons for what a person does. I had five best friends growing up, and now three of them are dead. One got shot in a gang fight; one died in a car wreck; and the other one—my best friend—betrayed an oath, so I shot him. It was an oath we had all taken as kids, and after twenty-five years I had kept true to my end of it even though it cost me ten years in prison.
You might think this is cruel, but why don’t you listen to my story and let me tell you about friendship and honor—and what happened in my neighborhood when someone broke an oath.
Friendship and Honor is set in Wilmington, Delaware, and Brooklyn, New York, and is the first in a mystery/suspense series featuring hit man, Nicky Fusco, and Detective Mario D’Angelo. It is complete at 121,000 words. I have been writing for a number of years and am active in the Mystery Writer’s Critique Group as well as The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror.
Thank you for your time and consideration. A complete manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Author
STATS: 7% request rate
Martin Willoughby says
Dear Author
Please send an MS as soon as possible. This sounds like a cracker.
Regards,
R Wind
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Although the word count is very long and will need probably need edits, please send me your complete manuscript for further consideration.
Thank you, PLJ
Rik says
Thank you for submitting your book – Friendship and Honor – for my consideration. Regrettably, I do not feel that I am able to represent this work for you. Best wishes for your future endeavours. Agent Rik.
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Although it will probably need edits, please forward your complete manuscript for further consideration.
Thank you, PLJ
Crystal says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. However, currently, I am sorry to say I must turn down your manuscript. Good luck with other submission endeavors.
Sincerely,
Lit Agent
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
GuyStewart/DISCOVERCHURCH says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass. I do not feel strongly enough about your story to represent it well.
Sincerely, Guy Stewart
Leis says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I’m afraid I have to pass at this time.
Good luck with your writing.
Sincerely,
Agent for a Day
L.C. Gant says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I’m afraid your story isn’t right for me. Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.
Best wishes,
L.C. Gant (Agent for a Day)
(Reasoning: Nothing about the plot really jumped out at me. It read like just another story about honor and revenge.)
Sarah says
Dear Author #49,
I regret that I cannot offer representation- and that my other obligations necessitate using this form letter.
Tastes and opinions vary, so I encourage you to query widely. I wish you the best of luck as you continue to pursue publication.
Warmly,
Sarah, Literary Agent for a Day
Reasons:
I didn’t have a sense of the story’s conflict. The first person didn’t work for me because I had a hard time imagining a hit man caring whether I disapproved of his work. However, that’s just my reaction…
donnas says
Thank you for your submission, but this is not what I am looking for at this time.
Best of luck.
Hilabeans says
Dear Author,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.
Best wishes,
HHS
Dawn says
Dear Author,
Thank you for contacting Dawn Ink. Unfortunately, Friendship and Honor is not what we’re looking for right now.
Best of luck in finding representation.
Sincerely,
Dawn
Kathy says
Thank you for your query, but I’m going to have to pass at this time.
Best of luck to you in placing it elsewhere.
Sincerely.
Kathy
2readornot says
I’m sorry to say I can’t connect with Nicky — despite his claims to the contrary, I don’t sympathize with his plight. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Dear Author,
Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me.
I found your premise and voice interesting.
At this moment in time, however, I choose to pass on your project. This does not automatically mean your query is not good enough. It simply means that I am not the right agent for this project. This can be for a number of reasons.
If you would like to know why, you can send a reply to this mail. Please change the subject line to: FEEDBACK / FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR / YOUR NAME. I will respond to your request within two weeks.
Good luck with finding representation and keep on writing!
Kind regards,
Nicole34
Sara J. Henry says
Rejection with vague words of encouragement[Reasons: Plot seemed too familar; I want you to tell me about your book in your words, not quote passages from your manuscript or tell it in the voice of your main character; and I’d avoid the phrase “I have been writing for a number of years.” Actually I would never say “a number of” anything – I like specifics!]
Anahita says
Dear Author:
Thanks for sharing your query. Sorry I can’t represent your work. Good luck!
Anahita
Libby Martin says
Dear author,
Thank you for your query, but this isn’t right for me.
All the best,
Libby
AgentforDay says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR is not what I am looking for at this time. I could not give it the necessary attention.
Good luck with your search for representation.
Please feel free to submit future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Agent for the day
I’m afraid you lost me when you told me ‘In a story that will challenge your perception of …’
Take out the entire first paragraph and ‘hit’ me with “My name is Nicky Fuscu. I am a hit man.”
I like the premise of a hit man being the protagonist, but you will want to make him sympathetic as quickly as possible. “In a world were honor and a man’s word means everything, avenging the murder of my wife… (corny, but you get the idea.)
I’d be interested in knowing what happens with Nicky Fuscu, if you can make me like him.
Saint_Fool says
Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel that your story is the right one for me.
Best of luck.
Saint_Fool
NOTE: Jarring switch from FP Author to FP MC. Length. Stronger hook for me would be the relationship between hit man and cop. Mention of series a no-no
Enusan says
Thank you for your query. The premise seems interesting, but your voice was not the sort that I enjoy. Although I’m passing, I think that another agent might look at this and snatch it up.
That Girl says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.
Best of luck,
That Agent Girl
Anonymous says
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,
Agent M
R. Markiam says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter and for thinking of me for representation of FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR. While your novel sounds intriguing, I’m sorry to say I won’t be able to pursue it further with you. I wish you all the best in securing other representation.
Regards,
R. Markiam
Jenn S. says
Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. It’s not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.
Regards,
Jenn S.
(Reason: There’s a nugget of a good story in here, but the sudden switch into and out of the protagonist’s voice did not work for me. Plus, the summation of the plot was too general. Focus more on the oath and the wife’s death, less on what readers will think or do [“a story that will challenge your perception of right and wrong…You might think this is cruel…listen to my story”].
121k is pretty long. Probably need to trim a couple thousand words. Also, who is this Detective D’Angelo person? If he is important to the plot, he needs to be introduced earlier in the query letter.)
MonkBoy says
Thank you for your query submission, but I’m afraid we’re not interested in your material at this time.
Best of luck,
Placebo Publications
ludwig snarf says
Snarf City! Please send the first 50 pages.
Linta says
Dear Author
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this story is not for me.
Best wishes
Agent
Laura Martone says
Dear Author:
Thank you for submitting your query for consideration. I appreciate the time, energy, and passion that it required to complete “Friendship and Honor”.
Unfortunately, given the thousands of queries that I receive annually, I can only request a small percentage of manuscripts for possible representation. While I find the subject matter of your novel intriguing, it does not meet my editorial needs at this time.
I am grateful for the opportunity to consider your work and wish you much luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Laura Martone
Livia says
Thank you for your query, but it is not a good fit for me. Best wishes.
Livia
chris says
Thank you for your query, but your project isn’t right for us at this time. Best of luck in your endeavors.