Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #49

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!




Dear Agent for a Day,

In a story that will challenge your perception of right and wrong, Nicky Fusco sets out to avenge his wife’s death, and to punish people for an oath that should never have been broken.

My name is Nicky Fusco. I’m a hit man. That's not always bad, though; sometimes there are reasons for what a person does. I had five best friends growing up, and now three of them are dead. One got shot in a gang fight; one died in a car wreck; and the other one—my best friend—betrayed an oath, so I shot him. It was an oath we had all taken as kids, and after twenty-five years I had kept true to my end of it even though it cost me ten years in prison.

You might think this is cruel, but why don’t you listen to my story and let me tell you about friendship and honor—and what happened in my neighborhood when someone broke an oath.

Friendship and Honor is set in Wilmington, Delaware, and Brooklyn, New York, and is the first in a mystery/suspense series featuring hit man, Nicky Fusco, and Detective Mario D’Angelo. It is complete at 121,000 words. I have been writing for a number of years and am active in the Mystery Writer's Critique Group as well as The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror.

Thank you for your time and consideration. A complete manuscript is available upon request.

Sincerely,
Author

STATS: 7% request rate






336 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 336   Newer›   Newest»
Josephine Damian said...

form rejection.

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me.

Best,
hannah

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR.

Best wishes,

Casey

Lucy A muse ision said...

Sorry.
Thanks.

Lucy A muse ision
fictitious agent

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Please send me your complete manuscript for further consideration.

Kind regards,
Barb

(Really like the voice)

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

[[Liked the voice, but voice is nothing without a story.... what happens?]]

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

Mr. Snark said...

Dear Author:

So many people write stuff like this that your take has be really fresh. The first person query doesn't work for me and comes across as amateur hour.

I liked the first line of your query a lot, but then you lost me by switching into first person and sounding just like every other noir crime query I read. You failed to challenge my perception of right and wrong, even though you promised me you would, and your punishment for this transgression is: pass.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: I'm not hooked by the voice or premise, and the first person in the query turned me off, so I assume the manuscript will as well. But, others might love the voice and first person. Good luck.

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #49,

Thank you for your query, but FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR isn't right for me.

KathyF

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

reader said...

I'll have to pass.

Best of luck to you.

AgentMan said...

form rejection

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Bold claims like "change your view of right and wrong" are instant turn-offs.

Gotta pass, sorry!

Thanks!

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Anonymous said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest, but this project does not fit with our needs.

Agent99

scj said...

Sorry, but I have to pass. I love the voice of the query and it sounds interesting, but I am unclear what the plot is, and the word count is a little high. Best of luck.

Selestial said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I'm going to have to pass, this just doesn't fit our needs at the moment. Good luck with your search.

Selestial


The tone of the query was weird for me, first person generally doesn't work in queries. It was also rather vague. I'm not sure if the plot is about their childhood and the oath or what happened after Fusco shot the friend.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending your query. Unfortunately, your manuscript is not right for me at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your query. I must pass on Friendship and honor at this time.


Best of Luck,

The Wickerman

Pencil Sharpener Supervisor, Bransford Lit

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, this isn't right for me. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: The query sounds like it was taken out of the manuscript. Not the thing to do.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather


I'm not a fan of first person queries.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Yours Truly,
AftD

Comments: This is only a personal opinion, but I think the query could use some tightening. Judging by the word count, perhaps the manuscript could, too.

In the query, for instance, I think you could cut the first paragraph. The information it gives is either abstract or redundant. I would also cut "That's not always...the other one" because the information contained is irrelevant.

In general, I would edit out every word (and character) that isn't *essential* to the story.

Also, the hook "what happened in my neighborhood when someone broke an oath" doesn't work for me because you've already told *exactly* what happened.

While the premise and voice are interesting, I suspect your manuscript still needs editing/polishing (because of the above problems). Though it has promise, I wouldn't take the manuscript on because I suspect it isn't *quite* at the querying/selling stage.

Again, this is just my personal opinion and is given in the friendliest possible way.

Derek said...

Dear Author,

I have maxed out on manuscript requests for today, so I must pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.
Requested #10, #12, #17, #20, #39.

PCB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Friendship and Honor. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
PCB

And here's why: 1) POV switch in the second paragraph is choppy and makes me wonder/worry what you'll do with POV in the book; 2) you have some tense problems throughout the query letter - for example "I had kept true to it;" 3) your character's voice is not as strong as I'd want to see for a hit man in paragraph 2. Basically, I don't 'hear' Nicky as being distinctive/unique...granted, that's tough to do in just a few sentences! On the plus side, I think your last two paragraphs (starting with "Friendship" and "Thank you") are well written and effective. Thanks for sharing this!

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR, but I am going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:This might be a very good story, but your query doesn't say what the oath was, and without that information, I find it difficult to sympathize with your protagonist.

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for letting me review your query. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a good fit for me at this time.

Best of luck!
JJ

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query and I encourage you to keep on in your hunt for the prefect agent, unfortunately I am not said agent but I wish you luck.

-Lea

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: I found it distracting that the author decided to switch voices in the middle of the query.)

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

brian_ohio said...

Dear Author,

You have my interest. Would you please forward me the first 3 chapters in a Word document.

I look forward to reading your material.

Best,

Brian

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for querying me, but I'm afraid I'll be passing on your story. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: need to know the oath. then I might be more interested in requesting.)

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise is intriguing, I have to pass on your manuscript at this time.

Best of luck to you!
Laurie

P.S. The POV change from paragraph one to two put me off. I would have preferred it if you stuck with the third person.

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent X

Ello said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I will have to pass at this time but best luck to you in your quest.

side note - Like many others mentioned the POV switch was jarring which was too bad as the first paragraph was interesting.

Colorado Writer said...

Dear Author,
You had me at hello. Please send the manuscript post haste. I look forward to reading your work.
Best,
Agent Name

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me, and I found the use of first person in your query gimmicky. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

I am intrigued by your submission, Friendship and Honor. Please send the first 50 pages by email, attached as a Word document.


Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Harsh Critic said...

I didn't like the first-person querying style, and the narrator seems unlikeable.

Sorry, not for me.

Anonymous said...

This might have worked with the right "voice." But the voice is too ordinary for me and doesn't stand out.

Pass.

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this subject is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Katie said...

Hmmm... I think this is a very interesting premise, but I don't think you need to tell us in the query why he is a hit man (paragraph 2)

I like this first sentence but would maybe keep the whole query in 3rd person, rather than switching to first.

Good luck!

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.
Best wishes,
Bridge
On a personal note, delete the first paragraph, your second is stronger. The third is too much information and loses the tone in the second. The second was good and I might have requested pages based on that one.
Hope this helps,
Bridge

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I might have been interested in this one, but my list is currently full. Please feel free to submit your future projects.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

DK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but “Friendship and Honor” is not right for me. This business is highly subjective, however, and I wish you luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Best wishes,
Megan

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Your book interested me; however I don't think I could do it justice.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Sheila said...

Sorry, no. I, too, think it sounds amateurish to write a query in your character's voice. I think you would do well to lose the qualifiers and put in a little more plot. Don't tell me what I'm going to feel.

Best of luck.

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Friendship and Honor, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about it to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Nicky Fusco Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your book does not meet our needs at this time.

I wish you luck on finding a great agent.

Sincerely,
BK

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(I wouldn't open with tell. It's important to get the hook in immediately, IMHO.)

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

I must pass at this time. Please don't kill me. :)

Regards,
PC

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I'm not the right agent for this project.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Friendship and Honor is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection.

Sharon aka Sapphire said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I do not feel it is right for me. Remember that my opinion is just one. I urge you to continue to seek out representation with your manuscript.

Best wishes,
Sharon

Brigid said...

Form rejection.

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid the writing and premise do not grab my interest. I will be passing on this project, but I wish you all the luck in the publishing process.
Sincerely,
Katy

PPP said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry about what happened to your friends.

With sympathy, I will pass.

Signed,
PPP

PS I don't think I can read 100,000 words before finding out about this mysterious oath.

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: Need a few more specifics - particularly the oath - I think this has potential, but I'm not too familiar w/ the genre to know if it stands out; also minor query issues as mentioned by others, though they are easily fixed, methinks).

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I believe this story has potential. However, I find that there is not enough of the plot for me to base my decision.

I encourage you to add a little more plot and a little less background to your query and resubmit.

Thank you for your time.

Karen

ai-hua said...

Dear Author,

Your premise sounds REALLY cool. Please send your manuscript ASAP.

Ai Hua

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Megan said...

and the other one—my best friend—betrayed an oath

I though all five were your best friends?

Form rejection.

Maryann Miller said...

While your query does break some rules, it is unique enough to grab my attention. Please send the first fifty pages of the manuscript for consideration.

FYI, I almost passed after reading the first paragraph, but the second one got my attention. If I should decline to represent you after reading the sample pages, I would suggest that in future queries, you open with the second paragraph.

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

Madhat said...

Dear Author,

I have to pass.

-Agent

PS: I didn't like the first-person format of the query, and I didn't like being told that the book would "challenge [my] perception of right and wrong," since I have no perception of right and wrong.

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me.

I wish you the best of luck,

KC in SF

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

I liked it until the second paragraph - even liked the end of the letter!

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but unfortunately I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Renee Collins said...

Dear Friendship and Honor,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am going to pass.

Best of luck,

Renee

Krista said...

Sorry, form rejection.

I think you do a good job setting up the character, but what is the actual conflict?

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

liznwyrk said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your manuscript is not what I am looking for.

Best of luck to you,
Elizabeth D-R

Adam Heine said...

There are hints of the story, but the query doesn't say what the story is. Why does Nicky do what he does? Also the shift from third person to first is jarring.

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Sage said...

Dear F&H,

The voice didn't quite appeal to me, but another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

The Things We Carried said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you I am not the right agent to represent your work.

Writing your query in your main character's voice may hurt your chances of having your manuscript read. You may want to revise this before querying other agents.

I wish you success in finding the right fit for your work to be published!

Sincerely,

Agent

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript, but I don't think I'm the right agent for it. Best of luck.


Thoughts: I don't believe the first sentence.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- The change in POV was odd. Overall, I wasn't drawn in.

Thomas said...

Form rejection.

(word count is too high, plus there is no description of the plot)

Tally

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: I'm confused.

austere said...

Dear Author

Regrets.

Good luck with your writing.

Regards,


reason: The pov switch.

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.
-Nay

Jeni said...

Dear Nicky,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I'm not the right agent for this book.

Notes: It boiled down to the fact that I've now read through all 50 queries, had 2 slots left, and 7 books I liked.

In the end it was just personal preference for the other stories. So sorry. Your query really is quite good.

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. I appreciate your overview. I find the story pops from the page and your character's voice is clear. I'm interested in reading more of your writing. Please paste the first 30 pages of your manuscript in reply to this email message.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After reading your query for FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR, I would like to read the complete manuscript. Please send it as an e-mail attachment at your convenience.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Chris Eldin said...

Author, This may sound like a strange comment, but your voice doesn't fit the story. It's too soft.

Form rejection.

thin said...

o
Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Friendship and Honor,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

Word count also seems a bit long.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Keri Ford said...

Interesting character. Great voice. Send me your first three chapters and synopsis.

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I was intrigued by your query however at this time my client list is full.

I wish you luck on your writing journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin ( I thought it was a unique way to write a query. I would be interested in hearing a real agent's opinion.)

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The first-person pov didn't work for me.

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Your query is different and interesting, but I didn't like the first person telling of it. The word count is bit high for a mystery. I will have to pass at this time.

Sincerely,
emc

Lisa R said...

Dear Friendship & Honor:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your book is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Beth said...

Dear Author,

Your premise sounds intriguing, but I am not accepting new authors in this genre at this time. I encourage you to continue in your search, however, as your work shows great promise.

Sincerely,
Agent

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thnkig of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

Dara said...

Dear Friendship and Honor,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: First line in the query was great but I was thrown off by the sudden switch to first person. Also I'm having a hard time seeing the actual story and conflict. Try to make that come out more.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid that I'll be passing on this.

I actually enjoyed the first-person perspective pitch, which is refreshing. The problem is that I don't really have a good sense of what the plot is. What you have right now appears fairly simplistic, which doesn't tally with your 120k word count.

You may want to consider these points as you continue pitching to agents.

Regards,
Soratian

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


Nice hint of the voice in the query even if it's done in first person. But it sounds like it's all setup, but maybe it's not. There's not enough here for me to tell where the story starts and what it's really about. Nicky relecting back or in the childhood times and oath taking/breaking. Nicky's hard to like and this isn't helping to make him sympathetic. He kills his best friend for breaking a childhood oath? That's some oath, I suppose.

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Sun Up said...

Not currently representing this genre. Best of luck to you though.

Alicia

Diana said...

While this sets up an interesting backstory, I'd really like to know more about what's going to drive the story through the rest of the series, and while you mention a detective, I do not have a good sense of what kind of tensions exist between him and your main character.

Sorry cannot offer representation

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

Meggrs said...

Form rejection--messy query, not to mention "challenge your perceptions" in the opening statement is automatically off-putting.

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Getabo Publishing said...

This is a completed novel of some length so there must be lots going on, more than we perhaps get a taste of from, "avenge his wife’s death, and to punish people for an oath that should never have been broken."

I like the friends into adulthood theme, feels "Mystic River"-like.

Suggestion:
Stick with your own voice. You mention the oath three times, and it takes up valuable space and words with it - "punish people for an oath that should never have been broken.", "betrayed an oath, so I shot him. It was an oath we had all taken as kids", "what happened in my neighborhood when someone broke an oath." It starts to feel repetitive and doesn't add value with each telling. I'd like to know more precisely what the oath was and what was the motivation for swearing it as children and its importance?

Good luck with your manuscript - sounds like the story could be compelling, I just personally would look for more in the query.


***

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

KareFree Kennels said...

Please send first 50 pages

Bertha Lavelle said...

I'm sorry, this one isn't for me, although I did find elements of your query gripping,
All the best
Bertha

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but this isn't the right project for me.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.

Unfortunately the main character does not strike me as particularily interesting and the focus on the oath does not hold enough suspense for me.
Another agent may very well see it differently.

Kind regards,

Larry

J.C. Towler said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission.

Unfortunately your query does not give me much in the way of an idea of what this novel is about. Starting with the second paragraph I was unsure if this was the beginning of your novel or you speaking "in character" to me as part of your pitch.

I must pass on your manuscript at this time.

Respectfully,

John

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Someone here said they liked your first line. I didn't. More telling, not showing. I'd start with the 2nd paragraph. Then get to the hook. Quickly. And if you want to challenge my perception of right and wrong, great. Don't tell me what I think. ("You might think this is cruel.") Well, I might not. I like the edgy style. Why not stay with it? Sharpen it? And give me the hook, the key struggle. The story.

Several have said it's not a good idea to write a query in the first person. I don't know. I'd like to know what Nathan thinks about that. I think I've read all his stuff, but if he addressed that, I missed it.

"I'm Nicky Fusco. I'm a hit man. That's not always bad. I've got my reasons. Had five real friends growing up. Three of 'em are dead. One shot in a gang fight. Another bought it in a car wreck. The third, my best friend? Well, him I shot. I've got my reasons.
(Yes, intentional repeat. Speaks volumes about this character.)

Alternative: Well, him I shot. Why? He broke his oath. (I need more than that, however. Must have been one hell of an oath!)

Or...you're painting, and will have to reinforce, that we're in the mind of a very twisted individual. That's been done many times. So there has to be a unique angle to it.

"The problem is... " ...what? What's the protagonist's problem?

Maybe: "I screwed up."(?) And so...

Here, you have to REALLY hook me. Has to be different. A twist. How does the detective come in, and what is the protagonist's key dilemma? Why do I want to read this?

Something has to happen, and you need to make me want to find out why, and to know what happens next! Why do I care?

I need to see at least something redemptive in the protagonist here. A bit of an "ah-ha" that grabs me. And as someone pointed out, you'll have to keep it first person. You can't switch to second. Keep showing. Don't tell!

Anyway, just some thoughts. Worth maybe what you paid for them. Best of luck.]

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Regretfully I'm going to pass. If you are interested in feedback on your query, I've provided some below. Please keep in mind this is only one person's opinion.

I'm not getting enough here to help me feel connected to this character and his story. I only know that people crossed Nicky and he killed at least one of them.

Good luck to you.
- AI

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Note: Didn’t hook me, the synopsis seemed a little scattered and without enough info to demonstrate how this would work as a series, sorry.

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

RK said...

Dear Author,

Send me the manuscript.

Agent-For-A-Day

PT Hammonds said...

Dear Author:

Please send me the full. Thanks.

Prairie Scribe said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I am unable to take on your project. All the best,
Agent PS

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass. Keep fine-tuning your query, don't give up.

Best to you,
Agent SCL

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query. This project is not right for my agency. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I do not believe that it is right for me at this time. Good luck on your quest fot the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Lindsey said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, though I don't think this is right for me at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Lindsey

NB 121,000 is long for a first time thriller - agents will be more open to considering 90,000 - 100,000 words max.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, not right for me.

Marie

Jean said...

I'm sorry, but I don't think I could give your story the right representation. Good luck with someone else.

Jean

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.

I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation.

Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your submission. At the present time, it doesn't fit our list. I wish you the best with another agent who might be a better fit.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While the premise sounds interesting, the query needs some work.

I'll still bite. Please send the first three chapters and max 5 page synop.

(Cut out the first para of your query, get closer to the cental conflict of the story and it will sing.)

SGF said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me.

Regards,
SGF

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

Just_Me said...

Waffling and placing in my maybe pile to decide after I clear the query queue. I like the voice... I'm worrying about the word count.

I'll send you a letter once I've read through. :o)

KareFree Kennels said...

Friendship and Honor

Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: Don't tell me you're going to challenge my perceptions; just challenge them. Rest of the query failed to grab me--vague in the wrong places, no sense of the central conflict, the usual.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

(My requests for the day were #'s 9, 17, 19, 36, and 48.)

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

Jill said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me as a possible representative for your novel.

While your query held my interest, I’m sorry to say I’m not enthusiastic enough about the novel’s premise to request additional materials.

Best of luck in finding the right home for your novel.

Agent Du Jour

Newbee said...

Form Rejection...

super agent nicole said...

Dear author,

Thank you for taking the time to query me. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

TecZ aka Dalton C Teczon - Writer said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and for allowing me to consider your work.

While your novel sounds exciting, I feel I’m not the right fit for your project. Therefore, I must decline on this project right now. But I do want to encourage you to continue submitting. Just because a project isn’t quite right for me, doesn’t mean the right agent isn’t just around the corner.

I wish you the best of luck with all your writing endeavors and in the querying and submission process. Persistence pays off, so don’t give up!

Best regards,

Dalton C. Teczon - Agent

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of FRIENDSHIP AND HONOR:
Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Rachel said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I am going to pass. Good luck with finding representation.

SGF said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I read it but unfortunately have to pass on it.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Regards,
SGF

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for letting me consider your project. Unfortunately, it is not quite right for my list. I must therefore step aside and encourage you to submit elsewhere.

Best,
Agent

PS - 121,000 words is pretty long, and for that length I'd want a really fresh premise, and a really engaging character. A killer who thinks he did the right thing doesn't work for me that way.

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