Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #47

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day:

I am writing because I am interested in obtaining a literary agent to help me get my book published. I've read some of the books written by some of your clients and I think you could really help me. I am a junior in The Providence Academy of International Studies and this is the first novel I have written. The main focus is for young adult readers. The title I have chosen for my novel is Black Rose. The reason is because the color black represents pain, suffering and death while a rose represents love and delicacy. I believe this contrast represents well both the main character and the book itself.

Black Rose is a story of a young girl that has been emotionally and sometimes physically abused by her parents since birth. Helen Wright is finishing high school in one year and she can not wait until the day she leaves. Her father is an alcoholic who has physically abused her mother, Rachel Wright, for as long as Helen as lived. To ease her pain Rachel is a drug addict and when she’s drugged (all the time) she abuses Helen,who has her own way of dealing with her problems. She cuts herself and when the school finds out they start questioning her family but her father is too smart and wealthy to get caught. To not see her mother suffer anymore Helen lies and says she does it because of stress from school.

Her group of friends whose she known her whole life do not know that she cuts herself but do know the life she’s had. Together they form a band they call Black Rose. Her best friend Lauren is the lead singer, her boyfriend Joey is lead guitar, her friend Jeff is on base, his bother Nick is on drums and Helen is rhythm guitar. Her friends are the only thing she has and when they all leave her; there is nothing more she has to live for.

I believe you should consider my book because Black Rose shows the struggle that some teenagers face. It will show the consequences that treating others differently just because of their clothes or style can bring. I feel that many young people will find this story interesting and would love to read it. It is just one of those books that even though it is really tragic you feel like you know the person and you want to know what happens to her. It will also bring comfort to those who are going through the same situation to know that they are not alone. That there are others who have the same problems and pain inside. Also it will show that if they are going through domestic violence or any other situation, they shouldn't try to deal with it by themselves. That their actions do affect those who love them and that wahtever they decide will hurt others as well. I feel that you would find Black Rose intruging.

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider my query. I hope to hear from you soon.

Author

STATS: <1% request rate






320 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 320   Newer›   Newest»
Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

AgentMan said...

Sorry, we don't handle YA fiction. Best of luck.

AgentMan

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent BLACK ROSE.

Best wishes,

Casey

Josephine Damian said...

form rejection.

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Lucy A muse ision said...

Sorry.
Thanks.



Lucy A muse ision
fictitious agent

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. This premise is promising, but the writing in the letter could be a little better. The author should consider joining a critique group.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for querying me regarding Black Rose. Unfortunately, the project is not right for me. I do encourage you to keep writing and wish you all the best in your search for representation.

Best regards,

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me.

Best,
hannah

PPP said...

Dear Author,

A novel about a garage band sounds pretty cool. But you might need to find a narrative arc somewhere in the dark details of your main character's life. Right now, I get the sense that there is a lot of description of your protagonist's painful experiences, but not necessarily a beginning, middle, and end.

Good luck placing this elsewhere!

Signed,
PPP

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

Mr. Snark said...

Dear Author:

Damn. Child abuse is a tricky area. The good thing about coping with it is that you're not alone. The bad thing about writing a novel about is that you're not alone. Writing style and creativity have to really shine for a book like this. You don't want a gimmicky plot because it cheapens the theme, so that, in my opinion, leaves craft as your only hope.

I don't think I'd request the pages yet, but if you lose the first paragraph and show me your writing chops, you'd have a better shot.

The subject matter makes me empathize with you, but I don't see enough style and craft here to make it worth the risk.

Keep at it, though. I love me some teen angst, but you've got to show it to me in a way I've never seen it before.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: This is one of those passes that (if I were an agent) I'd wonder whether this author would end up in my inbox sometime in a few years. The premise has some interest, but the writing feels very immature and in need of additional practice and experience. The query itself in format and tone caused me to believe that the author hasn't adequately researched the contemporary publishing market or what is expected in a query. I would pass, but in this exercise encourage the author to find a critique group and keep on writing.

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #47,

Thank you for your query, but BLACK ROSE isn't right for me.

KathyF

Selestial said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I'm afraid I'm not the right agent for your piece. Good luck with your search.

Selestial



I just didn't feel drawn in by the voice or plot, and the premise sounds extremely depressing. I would need something more to go on than what is presented here. The why you chose the title and why I should rep the book doesn't help me make a decision, they just make your letter longer. Additionally, there is no information on the book's length.

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Not for me, sorry!

Thanks!

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. It sounds like an interesting idea, but the writing style of the query didn't draw me in, and I fear the manuscript would be the same. A writing group may help you strengthen your query and narrow your focus to give a better sense of the characters and the plot. Best of luck.

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing BLACK ROSE, but I'm afraid I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Every submission is important to us. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting new clients. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent to represent your work.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to send your query, however this project is not the right fit for me at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

Bija Andrew Wright said...

I'm sorry, but I don't think this is quite ready. Your writing shows talent and enthusiasm, but not quite enough skill to be successful. Keep working on your writing, and over the years you'll get there.

reader said...

Abuse stories are not my cup of tea. Best of luck elsewhere.

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Sounds sad but no hint of uplifting.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering me for this timely and significant topic. Unfortunately, it does not fit our needs. Best of luck.

Agent99

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ X ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ X ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:Your query format is not standard, but more importantly, the query doesn't give me a good understanding of the book's plot and the writing is a little stilted. Please continue writing and honing your craft, but unfortunately I don't think your current work is publishable. Good luck!

Derek said...

Dear Author,

I have maxed out on manuscript requests for today, so I must pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best of luck, and keep writing!

Meg Spencer

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best agent to represent your project.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for querying me, but I'm afraid I must pass on your story. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: a bit too bleak, even for me. There also isn't a strong sense of story here, not for me at least.)

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Robert A Meacham said...

Dear author,
Thank you for your query but unfortunately, I will have to give this a pass at this time.

Good luck in finding representation.

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, I am sorry to tell you that this is not the proper type of project for me, but I wish you luck in the future.

-Lea

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for letting me review your query. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a good fit for me at this time.

Best of luck!
JJ

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

PCB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Black Rose. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
PCB

And here's why: 1) "I am writing because..." you can leave this out, we know why you're writing; 2) "I think you could really help me," sounds a little awkward; 3) "The main focus is for young adult readers"...I think you can be more succinct and include your word count here. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of: "Black Rose is my first young adult novel, complete at X words"?; 4) there are run-on sentences and spelling errors in your query letter - this doesn't bode well for the rest of the written work. That said, you're dealing with a very sensitive topic here, so the writing will be all the more difficult - kudos to you for giving it a try!!

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: the query gives me a sense that the novel will focus heavily on the protagonist's inner emotions, rather than a conflict - internal or external - that could truly drive the novel. Therefore I must pass. I certainly feel that the author would find a great deal of support a critique group, in order to tighten up the writing and the story arc itself, so that this story could truly shine.)

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent X

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise is intriguing, I have to pass on your manuscript at this time.

Best of luck to you,
Laurie

Colorado Writer said...

Dear Author,
Sorry, but I am not the right agent for your work.
Best,
Agent Name

Ello said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission but I must pass. Good luck!

Side note - It read more like a synopsis than a query letter. I think you will get more interest once you tighten your letter up.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for the submission, Black Rose. Unfortunately, it is not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your search for an agent.


Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

[reason - query really could stand to be tightened, making me think the book would be similar. And the subject manner is not for me - sounds too depressing]

Harsh Critic said...

Your query is overly wordy; I worry the manuscript will be also.

In addition, I do not see much of a plot here.

Sorry, not for me.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid I'm going to pass.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, this is too long. It tell way too many details. I wouldpare it down a lot. I don't need to know why you chose your title, or wrote the book. I don't need to know anything about your motivations, just the story, and I want the highlight, the voice, why I want to read it.
Hope this helps,
Bridge

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, the work doesn't feel like something I could represent.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank for the query, but the subject is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

p.s. There are several grammatical errors throughout -- maybe have a friend peruse your query for errors. :)

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

DK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but “Black Rose” is not right for me because I am not personally drawn to stories about abuse. This business is highly subjective, however, and I wish you luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Best wishes,

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I would love to read more. Please email me the first fifty pages.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about it to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Black Rose, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

ai-hua said...

No interest in subject matter, form rejection.

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

This isn't for me. Thanks for considering me for representation.

Regards,
PC

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(For me, too much tell, not enough voice.)

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for this project.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Black Rose Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will not be able to represent you at this time.

Sincerely,
BK

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Black Rose is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Brigid said...

Form rejection

Sharon aka Sapphire said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I do not feel it is right for me. Remember that my opinion is just one. I urge you to polish your work and continue to seek out representation with your manuscript.

Best wishes,
Sharon

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. However, the story and writing do not appeal to me. I don't think I am the right agent for this project.
Best of luck,
Katy

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your topic is certainly relevant to today, I do not believe this is a good fit for me.

I wish you luck in finding representation.

Karen

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: I'd like to see stronger writing)

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Maryann Miller said...

Pass, with form letter.

Anonymous said...

sorry just not the right story for me. I think your query would improve though, if you run it through a seriously fine-toothed comb and edit it. There's some odd truns of phrasing in there that spoils an otherwise good query.

so:

Dear author,
I'm afraid I'm not the right agent to represent your manuscript. Thanks for querying.
Sincerely,
Moniza

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

M. K. Clarke said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me with BLACK ROSE. I feel I'm the inappropriate audience for your manuscript. Best of luck getting your novel published.

~MKC




I didn't get the "wow!" from this query because many teens deal with scorn, self questioning, doubts, angst and the like.

Here's what's working for me, use or refuse as you'd like:

•Stronger hook. Every teen has problems, so what? What makes her different? The alcoholic father/nonexistent, strung-out mom was, sadly, fodder for 1970s reading; why would this matter, now? Being a student author is great, but this alone won't carry the otherwise weak/unoriginal premise very far.

•This query sounds as if it's a memoir of your life. If so, how did you/the narrator overcome, aside from forming a band? How did the experience change you, for the better or worse? Why should we care for the protagonist?

•Spelling and grammatical errors, an overt use of adverbs like "emotionally," "physically," etc. This shows amateurish writing, but you'll get much better with practice. These "ly" words tell the reader how the person speaking is feeling; let the dialogue do this for the words itself and let the reader figure this out for themselves. Don't underestimate your reader.

•Domestic violence on any form is disgusting; I was a victim of this abuse while an albino child of the 1960s and 1970s. While this is very much a brutal time in your/the narrator's life to endure, this book must hold a way out for your narrator/you. There must be a way the narrator overcomes this dread, aside from escape through friends and the band--and cutting herself. Not all books have to offer hope and a Pollyanna ending, but this one, if this is as close to your heart as the query sounds, must show the narrator overcoming this struggle--and having lost something in the process. Find that, get a stronger premise, and you might have a great read waiting for purchase. Best of luck to you with this!

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing excellence in your craft.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

The query letter is overly long - you need to hook the agent in the 10 seconds before they switch off -
if this had been presented with a tight cover letter I know I would have asked to see some.

Lucy said...

Dear Black Rose:

Thank you so much for contacting me. I'm sorry, but I just don't feel that I can make a request right now. Please don't think that your age is against you--in fact, I'm glad you told me, because I would certainly have rejected your manuscript anyway, but it would have been a form rejection, and I would not have given my reasons. However, because I was once where you are as a writer, I want to take the time to share my thoughts with you.

I think your story shows a lot of promise--seriously, I do--but I also think that you need to wait another ten years to re-write it before you seek publication. The fact that you feel the need to explain your characters, rather than let their story speak for itself, tells me that you have a considerable way to go in developing your craft.

Right now, you are passionate about your story, and that passion shows through. That's wonderful. Unfortunately, we can't just publish on passion. As someone who wants to see you translate your passion into excellent writing, my advice to you is to study the business. Read books on craft, look around your area for local writing groups, and ask your school career counselor or someone in an advisory position if you can get credit for taking creative writing classes at your local college. My guess is that you are way ahead of your high school peers in terms of writing skill, and your teachers happily hand you 'A's. That's fun, but not really a challenge, and you need to work with writers and teachers who will challenge you.

I wish you all the best in developing your career, and truly hope that I will see your name in print some day.

Sincerely,

L.C.

Carrie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering My Agency for your next project. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not fit within my needs at this time.


Thank you,

Agent For a Day.

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me.

I wish you the best of luck,

KC in SF

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but unfortunately I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Renee Collins said...

Dear Black Rose,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am going to pass.

Best of luck,

Renee

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

Madhat said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for your query. I'm going to pass.

-Agent

Reason: I think there's a story buried in your query, but I can't find it.

liznwyrk said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your manuscript is not what I am looking for.

Best of luck to you,
Elizabeth D-R

Krista said...

Sorry, form rejection.

Adam Heine said...

I can't get a sense of the story. The query is wordy and there's a lot of spelling errors, which makes me wonder. I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

NOTE: I suggest you have someone proofread the query. There are quite a few spelling errors, which makes me wonder about the manuscript.

donnas said...

Thank you for your interest but I am afraid we are not the right place for your work.

Best of luck.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

P.S. This query is a bit too wordy. Tighten/shorten this. Start with a hook. Focus on what the book is about (plot, characters) and cut the information on why you wrote it, chose the title, etc. Also, don't need to list what instruments they play in the query.

Thomas said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. However, your work does not meet our current needs. We wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Tally

Sage said...

Dear Black Rose,

I didn't feel the plot was compelling enough, but perhaps another agent will.

Thanks,
Sage

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.




****OT

V-Word: Blograne

Is this when you've been bloggin too much that your migrane turns into something worse?

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation

The Things We Carried said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am sorry to inform you I am not the right agent for you.

Best wishes and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: too long, too rambling, too much extraneous information makes me think the novel will be likewise overwritten. I'd tighten significantly.

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.
-Nay

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I'm not the right agent for your project.

Notes: I don't think the first paragraph is necessary. You're explaining too much. Let the work stand on its own, and make the first paragraph about the book: either the hook or genre, wordcount, etc.

The second-to-last paragraph talks about what the book will do. I think I'd skip all of that. Let the hook stand on its own. You don't need to tell people how to react to it.

austere said...

Dear Author #47,

I’m afraid I have to regret.

Keep writing, and good luck with the words.

Regards,

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this is a genre I don't typically represent.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While your premise is interesting, I'm going to have to pass.

Sincerely,
Amy

Chris Eldin said...

Ditto Mr. Snark.

thin said...

o
Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Black Rose,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

There's too much telling in the query. And I don't need to know why you named your book "Black Rose." It sounds like it could be an interesting story, but the query doesn't grab me nor show how it's different from other books like, for example, Life is Funny.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><><><>
I was bogged down and started scanning through the first paragarph. You're doing a lot of telling through the opening. Don't tell me about the book, show me the book (the plot) through the characters.

There's also too much information here. Trim this down a lot and really focus on the hook of the story.

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

Getabo Publishing said...

I like the title and your overall plot lines. I agree with you that it could be a good story for the Young Adult market and find an audience who want to know what happens to her, and I like the idea that you feel it has another purpose 'bring comfort to those who are going through the same situation'.

It could be an even better query letter if it was a little shorter. If it is shorter it will force you to really bring out the key points and cut away some of the longer descriptions.

I'd like to see a few more key points which really grab my attention - so instead of just telling me, "Her friends are the only thing she has and when they all leave her; there is nothing more she has to live for." which is quite flat, perhaps you can consider showing why they leave her, and her reaction to it - in one or two sentences only, but with more power in it?

I would also like to know how long it is (word count) and something why you think I am a good agent to represent you would be a bonus.

A simple tool you could use to help you when you think any writing is finished before submitting it, is also the spell check, so that things like "intruging" don't slip through by accident.

Good luck with your writing and well done on finishing this first one.

***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Lisa R said...

Dear Black Rose:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your book is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

EMC07 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. At this point, I don't see a lot of originality in this idea. What makes this girl different from any other abused girl? The writing needs to be polished a bit more as well. I think there is a story here, just needs to be fleshed out more. I will have to pass at this time.

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thnkig of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Dara said...

Dear Black Rose,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: Make your voice stand out in the query. It seemed too much like a summary and I had a hard time seeing the passion for your story come out in this query.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I didn't get past the first paragraph of your query. Just wasn't compelling, which leads me to believe the novel too will suffer from a lack of urgency.

Thanks.
CPK

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one. I wish you all the best in your writing journey.

Regards,
Soratian

(Comments: This is hard. I felt that this manuscript was definitely not ready and would probably need quite a lot of work. How do you tell the writer that her craft needs patience and practice without shattering her dream?)

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


Too many words.

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Savannah Pens said...

Dear author: Thank you for your query regarding Black Rose. This work is not right for my agency. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Sun Up said...

Not currently representing the YA genre. Best of Luck to you


Alicia

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Black Rose,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately, Black Rose is not the right project for me.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Meggrs said...

Query writing is immature; doesn't bode well for the MS, but would probably include a note encouraging the young writer to keep honing his/her craft.

Rejection.

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

Diana said...

Unfortunately, I don't think the content and style of this piece is right for me. Best of luck.

(Also, I think there was a bit of over-explaining in the blog, especially in terms of how people will respond to the work, perhaps share more about the story and let it stand for itself a little more?)

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Many comments here are apropos. Sounds like a promising young writer. Classes, workshops, writers critique group, etc. All will help. Don't give up! Get better!]

Maryann Miller said...

Thanks for your submission. Unfortunately we will have to pass. Good luck elsewhere.

KareFree Kennels said...

form rejection

Bertha Lavelle said...

Dear Author,
I'm sorry, this one isn't for me. Although I found many elements of your query and the motivation behind your reasons for writing Black Rose compelling, I felt there was not enough of a plot arc in the query to sustain my interest,
All the best
Bertha

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Regretfully I'm going to pass. If you are interested in feedback on your query, I've provided some below. Please keep in mind this is only one person's opinion.

The main problem I see here is far too much detail on setup and not enough specifics on Helen's journey. I get a good feel for the issues and themes you address in your story, but not for the story itself. I recommend you check out the many excellent resources for query writing available on the Internet.

Good luck to you.
- AI

J.C. Towler said...

Form rejection

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortunately this is not the right project for me.
I would recommend you to join a critique group. Keep on writing!

Best regards,

Larry

PT Hammonds said...

Dear Author:

Sorry, but this isn't right for me.

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass. Keep working on your hook and query. Press on! Find a critique group to make this snap!

Best to you,
Agent SCL

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I do not believe it is right for me at this time. Good luck on your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Lindsey said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, though I don't think this is right for me at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Lindsey

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.
I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your submission. At the present time, it doesn't fit our list. I wish you the best with another agent who might be a better fit.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Sorry, but no.

cwsherwoodedits said...

Thank you for your query. I'm going to have to pass.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

jimg said...

Thanks for the query, but I think I'll have to pass. A little wordy for me.

jim

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of BLACK ROSE:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

KareFree Kennels said...

Black Rose

Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

Just_Me said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.

Sincerely,
Agent


Note: First, my eyes glazed over in the first paragraph. Tell me about the book, not you! Second, this query is long and I see no word count. I'm terrified of your word count, absolutely terrified.

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: The writing, characterization, and plot are those of someone still learning the craft. The author may have a lot to offer the world in a few years, but they're not there yet. John Scalzi's advice to teen writers may be helpful.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

TecZ aka Dalton C Teczon - Writer said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and for allowing me to consider your work Black Rose.

While your novel sounds exciting, I feel I’m not the right fit for your project. Therefore, I must decline on this project right now. But I do want to encourage you to continue submitting. Just because a project isn’t quite right for me, doesn’t mean the right agent isn’t just around the corner.

I wish you the best of luck with all your writing endeavors and in the querying and submission process. Persistence pays off, so don’t give up!

Best regards,

Dalton C. Teczon - Agent

Newbee said...

Form Rejection...

Tamara said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it's not for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

super agent nicole said...

Dear author,

Thank you for taking the time submit your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of BLACK ROSE:
I encourage you to keep writing, and honing your query, choose words carefully, no need to mention what is given -- interest in obtaining agent, help in getting published, etc. Genre and word count are also vital. Best of luck.

Rachel said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I am going to pass. Good luck with finding representation.

SGF said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I read it but unfortunately have to pass on it.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Regards,
SGF

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for letting me consider your project. Unfortunately, it is not quite right for my list. I must therefore step aside and encourage you to submit elsewhere.

Best,
Agent

Jeannie said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately your project is not what we’re looking to represent at this time. Best of luck.
- Jeannie

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