Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #44

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day

For over ten thousand years it ceased to exist; genetically engineered into extinction. Every record of its existence buried deep and forgotten within Corporate secure databases. Possession of this knowledge is illegal and the consequences extreme. Kutch only recently acquired this knowledge while intruding Corporate databases with the help of his internal AI, Li. The ancient data is so unbelievable that he filed it away as nonsense; at first. But now while on the job as Coroner, Free Radicals Division for Corporate, he is staring at what can only be described within the context of that illicit knowledge; murder! A monster has returned.

Reporting the death as anything other than normal to Corporate Security would only incriminate himself and his AI to their own illegitimate activities. The burden of knowing the truth consumes his every waking thought and invades every dream-state. There is no escaping it; something must be done, but what? DESCENDANTS is a 100,000 word adult science fiction story of murder, suspense, and intrigue spanning the galaxy.

Kutch is not a typical science fiction-fantasy monster slayer relying on training and experience to take on the unknown. There are no Corporate Protocols on how to handle a situation as this. He decides to confide his dilemma to Alex, a recent acquaintance that lives outside of Corporate protocols and scrutiny. She is smart, bold, confident and skilled in the art of deception, particularly when it comes to hiding from Corporate Security. Most important, she doesn't think Kutch has gone insane!

Kutch is convinced there is only one thing left to do and with Alex's help they embark on a search for a monster that should not exist. Eluding Corporate Security becomes the least of their worries when they discover the very thing they are seeking to stop from killing again, will stop at nothing to kill them next!

The completed or partial manuscript will be sent upon request.

Thank you for your time,

Author

STATS: 2% request rate






311 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 311   Newer›   Newest»
Derek said...

Dear Author,

I have maxed out on manuscript requests for today, so I must pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.
Requested #10, #12, #17, #20, #39.

Josephine Damian said...

Huh?

form rejection.

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent DESCENDANTS and your career as a writer.

Best wishes,

Casey

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for you query. Unfortunately, I'm not the right agent for your work.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for Descendents. Best of luck!

Robin

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

reader said...

Sorry, I'll have to pass. I don't represent science fiction.

Good luck to you.

+++

Also, I have no idea what has "ceased to exist." Knowledge? Knowledge of what? Ancient data? I don't need to read 100,000 pages of this when I'm this confused by the query.

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

I'd need to see a strong point of view and some kind of stylistic creativity to go for this one. It's not a bad idea, but the premise is not unique enough to stand on its own, at least the way you pitched it.

Also, I get it later on the Corporate is intentionally used as a proper noun, but on the first pass, I thought it was a typographical error. You might throw in a quick sentence about what Corporate is before using it as a noun, or confine yourself to generalities.

Also, also, I've been hating the titles today and yours is no exception.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Descendants sounds intriguing, but I do not rep sci-fi as a rule. I wish you luck in submitting it elsewhere.


Truly Yours,

The Wickerman

Vice Admiral of Nathan Bransford's Yacht Fleet

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I must pass on this, my best to you.

Agent XXX


**There's no voice, it's all lost in a synopsis of the novel.
Also, it's science fiction, you can leave out the adult label.

You may want to lose the exclaimation points. Otherwise, a good edit and getting to the sizzle of the story faster would really help this.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I have maxed out on manuscripts for today:

10,12, 36, 29, and 42

(and to clarify, just asked for a 5 page writing sample from no. 1 before passing)
But please do resubmit in the future if you don't find an agent. Sounds like something I would otherwise like to take a peek at.

Thanks.



Lucy A muse ision
fictitious agent

Marva said...

Nice to see a straight Scifi without a bunch of mystical crapola. I'd read it.

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

I appreciate your submission, however your project is not right for me at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: The query was very convoluted and lacked a voice I could get excited about. However, I will say that this is one of those that may be a really subjective read. Good luck.

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this doesn't fit with what I am looking for.

Best of luck,
Kitti

AgentMan said...

Very refreshing after the day I've had. Send the first 50 pages and a synopsis as a word attachment.

AgentMan

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Anonymous said...

Your first sentence doesn't make sense. Feel free to resubmit once you've completely rewritten the book, letter, and each sentence within them.

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ X ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:Your query was too vague about what happens in the book. Also, the writing style is a bit overwrought, and I worry the book itself will suffer from this too.

David said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for your submission, but this doesn't sound right for me. Good luck.

Sincerely,
David

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for letting me review your query. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a good fit for me at this time.

Best of luck!
JJ

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The premise here is potentially promising, but the letter is a bit confusing. Is the "monster" murder itself?

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While your premise has merit, I'm afraid I must pass. Good luck in your search.

Selestial



This was both long and vague. I'm intrigued, but I felt like we went from the blurb, away and back to it. There just didn't seem to be any cohesion to the query and it makes me think the book would be the same.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Vicky said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately, this project is not right for us. Best of luck finding representation for your work.

All best.

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me.

Best,
hannah

scj said...

Sorry, but I have to pass. The description of the plot is confusing. Best of luck.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me at this time.

Sincerely,
Amy

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Not for me, sorry!

Thanks!

Bija Andrew Wright said...

This is completely unclear. I have to pass.

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Sounds interesting, but I have to be choosy. With only one manuscript left to chose, I must pass on those that do not leap off the page for me.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing DESCENDANTS, but I am going to pass on this.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

[[Tell me what the big secret is, and then maybe we can talk.]]

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #44,

Thank you for your query. You have an interesting premise once I figured out what it was.

I suggest that you revise your query to more directly state that murder is the hidden knowledge and perhaps put more information about how the main character becomes the next target.

Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I will pass on DESCENDANTS.

KathyF

KathyF

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

If I was an agent I'd give this a form rejection, since I'm not an agent, I'm going to tell you why - the idea sounds promising, but the writing leads me to believe there's a lot to edit and it might well run off course. (That might just be the query, we all have a hard time narrowing them down)... Narrow the query down and be concise.

Endless Secrets said...

(Wow Nathan, every single day of your life is liek this!? And I thought it would be easy...)

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, I regret to inform you that this is not the type of material I represent.

Best of Luck

-Lea

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you, but this project is not a good fit for me.

Agent99

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: grammar errors in the query led me to decline this request for representation.)

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your manuscript.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. This query is very intriguing, however.

Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent X

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but I don't feel the project is right for me.

Thanks,
Cary

PCB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
PCB

Here's why: I found your query to be confusing; there's too much going on and too little space to adequately describe it all.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I am not interested in representing your manuscript at this time. Please continue to seek representation elsewhere.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for the submission, Descendants. Unfortunately, it is not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your search for an agent.


Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise is intriguing, I have to pass on your manuscript at this time.

Best of luck to you,
Laurie

P.S. This subject matter is a little out of my realm of experience as a reader, so I don't think I would be able to do it justice.

ccallicotte4 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Ello said...

Dear Author,

sorry I have to pass but best of luck!

Side note - there was a lot of moments where I was thinking OOOOH, interesting, but overall I was left a bit more on the confused side.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

bridge said...

Dear Author,Thank you for your query. I am sorry to have to pass.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, ax the first two paragraphs and it gets much closer to what you are aiming for. Hope this helps,
Bridge

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for DESCENDANTS, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but the genre is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Harsh Critic said...

The beginning of your query letter confused me and the letter over all was too long. I worry that you have not completely mastered the craft of writing.

Sorry, not for me.

quixotic said...

Thank you for your submission. This query caught my eye. Please send me a 2 page synopsis of DESCENDANTS, as well as the first three chapters of your manuscript (attached as a word document).

Sincerely,
Quixotic

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry but this is not the right fit for me.

Regards,
PC

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(The "it" stuff kind of annoyed me and thus took me out of the query letter.)

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Author: I don't have a clear understanding of what's going on here. I suspect there may be a very interested story in here somewhere, but your query doesn't tell me what that may be.

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I'm not the right agent for your work.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the best agent for this work.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Descendants is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

ai-hua said...

I've seen this plot a few too many times. Form rejection.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am sorry, but your novel will not be a good fit for me at this time.

Best of luck to you.

Karen

PPP said...

Dear Author,

I had a hard time reading this query. I would probably have a hard time reading the book. Whether that's your fault or mine is hard to determine.

Signed,
PPP

Leslie said...

Dear Author,

Science fiction mixed with fantasy are a hard sell for us. We have decided to pass on this book.

Best wishes, Leslie

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. Your writing shows promise, and this is a very imaginative premise--however, I am left a little baffled as to what your project is about. Feel free to send me a revised query and the first six pages of your manuscript to give me a better idea of what your novel is about.
Thank you,
Katy

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: I need more specifics about it - the undefined pronoun is supposed to create mystery, but it creates frustration for me - hook me, but hook me w/ the meat, not the scent)

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. I regret that I am unable to offer you representation at this time. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Bookshop

_____

(Hi!

Unfortunately for me, this one just didn't have the cohesiveness I look for in a query. I believe that the uneven sentence structure and the fragmentation of sentences was your attempt to write a convincing voice. But I found it choppy and jarring, and overall I was unable to overcome that to get through to the plot beneath.

I would encourage you to read this query outloud and listen to where you naturally want to pause and continue. Listen to how the sentences flow, and fix the syntax and shape of your paragraphs. Then go back and pare it down to give us a fuller, immediate sense of 1) who is our main character and 2) what is happening to them and 3) why should we care.

I wish you luck with this! :) )

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing excellence in your craft.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

I would have requested pages but the query letter had the opposite effect than the one you were hoping for. The hook line was strong!

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

Perhaps if I had read this query first thing in the morning, I'd be more flexible with the cliches. But as it's near quitting time, and I've read many many queries today, yours does not compel me to believe I want to represent it.

Thanks.
CPK

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Carrie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering My Agency for your next project. Unfortunately, your manuscript does not fit within my needs at this time.


Thank you,

Agent For a Day.

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. I had difficulty following the query and I'm afraid this project isn't right for me.

I wish you the best of luck,

KC in SF

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but unfortunately I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Eden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Renee Collins said...

Dear Descendants,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, the story is not quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

Adam Heine said...

The query starts intriguingly, but it takes too long to get to the point, and when it does... I'm still not sure what that point is. Don't be shy with the details. Tell us what he finds. Tell us what the story is really about.

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Krista said...

Sorry, form rejection.

It started out intriguing but I lost interest at the end.

Thomas said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. However, your work does not meet our current needs. We wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Tally

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

donnas said...

Thank you for your interest but we are currently not accepting new writers.

Madhat said...

Dear Author:

I have to pass. I wanted to say "yes" because I love science-fiction, but there are too many reasons to pass.

-Agent

Reasons: the writing isn't polished (poor use of semicolons, specifically), I'm still not sure what the monster is/ what the story is about.

Sage said...

Dear Descendants,

I'm sorry, but I didn't connect with the plot as much as I would have liked. Perhaps another agent will.

Thanks,
Sage

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- Too much info that I don't need, too little about plot and character. I had a hard time reading the first para, as an agent, I would have passed immediately.

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript, but I don't think I'm the right agent for it. Best of luck.


Thoughts: A bit muddled.

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Annie said...

Please send the first three chapters.

Reason: although I'm a bit annoyed that Idon't know what the 'it' is in the first sentence, I feel there might bean interesting story here.

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.
-Nay

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm the right agent for your book.

Notes: I think you should consolidate your plot summary/hook into one brief and CLEAR paragraph.

There may very well be a good novel in here, but I had difficulty with the density of the writing... took too many passes to understand what it was about.

Jeni said...

Dear Descendants,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

austere said...

Dear Author #44

Regrets.

Good luck with your writing.

Regards,

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this is a genre I don't typically represent.

All my best in your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Chris Eldin said...

I don't understand this one at all.

Form rejection.

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Descendants,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

Your explanation of the plot is very confusing to me though it sounds interesting. Try to tighten the query. It feels like it should end after "intrigue spanning the galaxy" but then continues.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

thin said...

o
Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Getabo Publishing said...

I like the overall storylines: murder, suspense, and intrigue are popular.

The title and length are appropriate and good to see it is a completed work.

Suggestions:
DESCENDANTS is a 100,000 word adult science fiction story of murder, suspense, and intrigue spanning the galaxy. - This is a neat concise summary, and gets a bit lost in its current position. You could move it earlier so I know what I'm reading.

The plot is a little lost in lots of telling what happens - but not detailing strong plot outline, motivation, conflict. I love the opening line, but then it gets a bit long winded and off the point - sell me your hook, your great unique idea and show me your wonderful writing style much more concisely - there could be great potential. For example, "There is no escaping it; something must be done, but what?" doesn't add any value for me personally reading it.


It could be seen very simplistically as similar to 'Minority Report' - but I would like a shorter and more punchy outline - make each word count - just like in your novel, ask why it is there and edit it out if it doesn't add value.

Let me know too, why this work fits my book list and I am the right agent for you - not just one of many.

I love the idea - a tighter query could sell it even better. Good luck!

***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><><>

There's not enough of a hook for me to ask for pages. I was also confused through the first bit.

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

-Again, interesting idea but poor presentation.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Lisa R said...

Dear Descendants:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your book is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thnkig of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Brigid said...

Form rejection.

Dara said...

Dear Descendents,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: I thought I was following it, and then I got completely lost as to what the plot and story actually were.

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one as it's not the right fit for me.

While your query does have an interesting premise, the pitch is far too long, and doesn't really deliver enough of a hook about what the monster is and what the impact is. Do remember that there are many books and movies on monsters in popular culture, so for your story to stand out, it really needs to be different.

Good luck in your search for an agent!
Soratian

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


I don't like how the query is broken into two parts with the word count in between. I thought the story part was done and then it continued. Lost my train of thought with it then had to get it back.

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

(I agree with Soratian: the premise is too long)

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[I think there's a potential story here. Running around the galaxy is a distraction. It could take place right here on Earth. The opening is a contradiction. Threw me. If it ceased to exist, was "engineering into extinction," then how can it exist? If it's that obscure, wouldn't be it be forgotten? Why is it "illegal?" Why is K "intruding?" What if K is going about his business, with his AI Li, and stumbles across something. It's strange. (What is "it"? An algorithm? An AI form?) He files it under "nonsense." But then, in the course of his work, he's investigating a murder. (Who dies?) And it leads back to the (strange code?).

In the middle of relaying the story, you step out of it and tell us it's 100,000 world SciFi novel. Then, you jolt me back into the story. Separate those out. Don't interrupt the flow.

So, a lot of this doesn't yet hold together for me, but it's not a bad idea. Needs development. And the query needs considerable tightening to reflect clean, tight writing and strong voice.

Finally, you end with "the... will be sent." Ugh. If you're passive here, you'll be passive in the novel. Kill the passive voice!]

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query regarding Descendants. While the concept sounds interesting, I do not think the work is right for my agency. I do recommend editing your query so that it is more concise and the hook at the open has more pop. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent.

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of The Descendants,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

Meggrs said...

Ack! Mess.

Form rejection.

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I do not represent science fiction and am going to pass on Descendants.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

Maryann Miller said...

We regret that your material does not meet our current needs. Good luck elsewhere.

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Bertha Lavelle said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this one is not for me,
all the best
Bertha

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for letting me consider your project. Unfortunately, it is not quite right for my list. I must therefore step aside and encourage you to submit elsewhere.

Best,
Agent

PS - This pitch seems about three times as long as it needs to be. Give me hero - mission - opposition ... and if you can, what's at stake.

JohnO said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I do not believe it is right for me at this time. Good luck on your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortunately this is not the right project for me.

I do not find it very original, but another agent may have a different view.

Best of luck,

Larry

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass. I like the energy in your query, but I'd need something more to hook me.
Best to you,
Agent SCL

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.

I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation.

Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your submission. At the present time, it doesn't fit our list. I wish you the best with another agent who might be a better fit.

Elaine

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

cwsherwoodedits said...

Thank you for your query. I'm going to have to pass.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of DESCENDANTS:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm going to pass, but this was a close one for me. I am curious about what is going on here, and I am interested in the relationship betwen Kutch and his AI. But I didn't find the hook I was hoping for. What is this creature?

Please keep in mind this is just one person's opinion!

Best of luck to you.
- AI

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. However, I'm afraid this isn't quite right for us. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(This query was confusing from the start. Since I happen to be a DBA in my day job, it also lacked credibility. Laughing hard that anyone thinks a "Secure database" is actually secure. Sorry, no. The DBA's are all over it, and that's just a start. -- But that's a side issue from a query that need significant clarifications. -- And yet, there seems to be a spark of story there, so keep working at it!)

KareFree Kennels said...

Descendants

Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

Just_Me said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.

Sincerely,
Agent


Note: Your query isn't tight and your word count is 100k. While the set up sounds interesting, I think you need a critique group more than an agent right now. You need someone to trim the fat. Go back and revise!

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: This query is extremely confusing. I don't get any sense of the time or place in which this story is being told. There are a lot of proper nouns right up front, but important information about the MCs is buried our absent.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

super agent nicole said...

Dear author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit a query. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

Diana said...

Definitely an interesting premise, but thought the query could explain the world a little bit more, especially what the knowledge discovered in the first paragraph refers to. Sounds like a great story story, though.

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Sharon aka Sapphire said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I do not feel it is right for me. Remember that my opinion is just one. I urge you to continue to seek out representation with your manuscript.

Best wishes,
Sharon

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of DESCENDANTS:
Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

SGF said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I read it but unfortunately have to pass on it.
I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.
Regards,
SGF

Jeannie said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately your project is not what we’re looking to represent at this time. Best of luck.
- Jeannie

00 Pisces said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am not the right agent for your book. Good luck!

00Pisces

Inkblot said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am passing on it. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.

Regards,

Agent Inky

Close, I think. The story itself sounds good, like something I'd enjoy reading, actually; but the voice seems a bit waffley - unfocussed or something like that - which makes me wonder if the novel is also going to show a lack of focus.

ros said...

Sorry. This isn't my genre and I have no idea what you are talking about in your query. Did you even tell us what the 'knowledge' is? I won't be taking this.

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel strongly enough about the work to request any further material.

Best regards,

Agent Elizabeth

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission today. I am afraid I must pass since the premise didn't grab me. Good luck in seeking representation.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me about your novel, DESCENDANTS. While some elements of the premise are intriguing, I'm not excited enough by it to want to see more, and so I'm taking a pass on it at this time.

I encourage you to submit this for possible placement elsewhere; what doesn't work for me might well work for another agent.

Best of luck in your writing career!

Sincerely,
Janny

Thermocline said...

Thank you for your query. I do not have a clear enough picture of your characters or story so I am going to pass on it.

(I got lost in your query. Clarify your ideas. Simplify.)

Aimless Writer said...

No thank you.
This was confusing. Save the details for the book and let the query just excite me.

Ego said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your work. I regret I am not sufficiently enthusiastic to represent you at present. Note that this is a personal reaction and you may have success elsewhere.

Regards,

Ego

Rachel said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I am going to pass. I wish you luck finding representation.

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

While your work is not without merit, it isn't what we're looking for at this time. This is a subjective business. Another agent may feel differently.

Best wishes,

Agent

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