Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #4

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



I'd like to bring your attention to a manuscript I am shopping around to agents. As writers and readers yourselves I am hoping that you may have interest in this particular book.

In The Price two elves decide to defect from their kingdom and make new lives in a neighboring land, but when they attempt to leave they are thwarted by the river god that both protects and imprisons their people. The god exacts a price from the elves and casts them out into the neighboring kingdom far from each other. The novel follows one of those elves as he looks for his lost companion and comes to terms with the concessions he made to his god in return for his freedom.

The Price is a semi-high fantasy novel that combines the sensibilities of fable with deeper philosophical questions about loss and loyalty. I have published short stories and some poetry previously, but this is my first completed novel.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon,
Author

STATS: <1% request rate






365 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 365   Newer›   Newest»
brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. Unfortunately, this doesn't fit my list at this time.

Best of luck,
hannah

reader said...

Pass with comments.

* I don't know if this is YA or MG, I also don't know the word count. While I like the general feel of the tone of the query, I'm sort of at a loss as to what obstacles the elf comes up against to "find" his friend -- in other words, you've provided a good catylst, but I don't actually have a feel for what the plot is.

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately your project didn’t resonate with me, so I’ll have to pass on it.

With my best regards,
Matilda McCloud

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: not enough information; a bit too familiar; writing needs more polishing & attention to structure)

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for considering me for representation. At this time I must pass. Good luck!

Regards,
PC

terri said...

Thank you for your query. This isn't the type of book I am looking for at this time. Good luck with the other agents on your shopping list.

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this doesn't fit with what I am looking for.

Best of luck,
Kitti

Josephine Damian said...

Awkward writing again, plus assumes agent is a group/team.

Reject.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.

Too many typos.

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for considering me in querying your story, but I'm afraid this is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued endeavors.

(Reason: Not sure what the story is about. Don't tell me about the issues/questions, tell me about the conflict)

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author,

Thanks but this one is not for me.

Agent

This one felt amateurish. Sorry. The first paragraph sounds amatuerish, the title not being capped or italicised looks amateurish, the story has no hook, I don't know who this is written for (what age level) I don't know how big the book is.

This is basic stuff and because it's missing I don't trust that you've been writing long enough to be querying on a decent novel yet.

Chuck H. said...

Dear Author,

Interesting premise but not enough to pique my interest. Good luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Chuck

Eva Ulian said...

Thank you for your query, however, I do feel this in not a tittle suitable for adult fiction. I suggest you query a more "specific" agency.

Dara said...

Dear The Price,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: Unsure of whether it's YA or just fantasy in general. Part of it seems like it has promise but then it gets lost as to what the rest of the plot is. Also, a little more polishing in the query would be good--something that would be more of a hook to catch my attention.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

this sounds like an interesting story and I regret that I have to decline representing it.

I wish you luck in finding representation,
Cat

rejection because I do not like high fantasy but not a form rejection because the story really sounds interesting (although I would have liked a little more information on the god and his involvement with the elves)

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Sorry but your premise doesn't sound strong enough to me. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't quite right for me.

Agent99

Reasons: No sense of character or of place.

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent Fantasy.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

writtenwyrdd said...

Form rejection.

Awkward writing and what sounds like a theme-laden plot.

Scott said...

I liked you grasp of story and theme, but I don't represent fantasy, so I'll have to pass.

Thanks,

Scott


(reason): indeed the story seemed pretty tight and the query was well written, but this might be a place where Nathan's experiment falters a bit because I couldn't tell a good elf story from a bad one. For all I know, it's a brilliant fantasy concept and this is one of the stories that got a request.

scj said...

Sorry, but it's not right for me. The query sounds awkward and I don't know who the characters are. Best of luck.

Karen said...

Dear Author,

This sounds like an interesting premise, but is not right for me.

Best of luck.

Karen

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, it is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The intro paragraph is awkward. This story summary is too vague; it might work better to focus on the one protagonist.

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

(Your first paragraph is completely unnecessary).

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Lisa R said...

Dear The Price:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck.

Lisa R

Is it finished? How long is it? Is it for adults or is it YA? Actually, given that info I might have requested it because it does sound interesting.

kasi said...

The Ricco Literary Agency


Dear Author,

Although your project is not without merit, it is not right for us at this time. This is a subjective business. Another agent may feel differently. We wish you luck in finding the right agent for you.

Best wishes,

Nick Ricco, President

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Reasoning: A good start, but the plot is a little hard to follow (eg. "neighboring kingdom far from each other"). Don't be afraid to tell what concession the elf makes to the god in order to help illustrate your conflict.

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Price does matter. So does honesty. I don't believe that you have been published. In fact, I believe that this "query" is really from Fred, the mail room clerk. You made this whole thing up because I wouldn't go to dinner with you. Well, sorry Fred, but semi-high fantasy is not high fantasy. If you want to be with me, you gotta take it higher. Ahem. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't speak to me. You're dead to me, Fred. Dead.

The Diva Agent

Disclaimer: If this query is legit, as you claim, please read Nathan Bransford's blog, keyword: query. Yes, I know he's a competitor, but divas don't have the time for such banalities.

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><><>
Dump your first paragarph. It doesn't do a thing for me but make me start scanning, and that's never a good thing. There's not enough about the story here. If you're following that one elf, tell about him, but skip all the backstory. Also, need a word count and delete the 'this is my first novel' bit. That's a bit of a scary sign since I clearly remember the disaster that was my first novel.

Chris Eldin said...

I was intrigued enough to ask for a partial. But the query is a bit awkward.

7-iron said...

[no salutation]
Thanks for widely shopping TITLE.
7-iron.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

I appreciate the personalized introduction and thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, in order to request a manuscript, I would need more information. Based on the brief plot info you provided in your query, I can't tell whether this is a children's book, middle grade, YA, adult? I suggest expanding your query a bit. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

AgentMan said...

Form rejection.

Bring to my attention? Shopping around? Dead before the envelope hit the waste basket.

Sorry.

Melina said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but not enough details of the plot were mentioned. The story does not leave me wanting to know more.

Best of luck,

Melina

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Jane Doherty said...

Not for me, thanks.

(reasoning:the query doesn't inspire much confidence in the writer's ability to complete a polished manuscript.)

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Anonymous said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I don't represent high fantasy.

With best wishes for your success in finding representation for your work,

Onovello

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your work is promising, the writing just isn't appealing to me, I'm afraid I will have to pass.

Best of luck,

JuJu

(Where's the word count? What about the characters?)

PPP said...

Dear Author,

This didn't grab me--I need more of the pathos.

FABLE's a great game, though, isn't it?

Signed,
PPP

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I did receive and read your query. Unfortunately it's not a good fit.
I'd need to connect more with your plot and characters.

Best to you,
Agent SCL

ai-hua said...

I'm tired of elves. Form rejection.

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, not right for me.
Best,
Agent

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Steph said...

Dear (your name),

Your query doesn't give me all the information I need: word count? Where have you previously been published?

That said, I'm going to have to pass because the premise doesn't grab me, but thank you for considering me. As I'm sure you know, opinions in this business vary greatly, so query widely.

Best of luck,
Steph

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your interest but I'm afraid I'm going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

KC in SF said...

You have an interesting concept but I do not represent fantasy and would not be a good advocate for your work.

best wishes,

KC in SF

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Thanks, but no thanks. Too much of a struggle to read even the query.

Best,
A Gent

Trix said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I have to pass. It sounds too much like Lord of the Rings.

Best Regards,
Trix

Laurel said...

Form rejection.

Why are the elves not only leaving, but defecting? What's at stake? Why does the novel follow one elf and not the other? I need more details about the MC and his struggles. What concessions does he make.

Watch your pronoun antecedents. They get a little vague at the end.

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me.

Notes: Semi-high? I don't even know what that means. Also, the first paragraph doesn't give any vital information and has no punch.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ X ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
This could be a cute tale, but the query makes the plot seem too slight.

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for The Price, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. I know hardly anything about your book -- how long is it? And the first sentence was too stale. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a Day

[too much preamble, not enough hook, uninteresting subject matter]

Nadia said...

Sorry, but it's not for me.

Reason: the story feels too vague. (full disclosure: I don't read a lot of high fantasy...)

K.D. said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I don't think your project sounds right for me.

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission.
I don't understand who the main character is in your story? I also don't see a hook at the beginnning. I will have to pass at this time.


Sincerely,
emc

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


Reason: though several types of external and internal conflict are obviously present in the story, there's no sense of urgency to the story. Perhaps there shouldn't be--the query gives me the impression that this is a slow-paced meditation rather than a plot-based novel. In any case, I don't feel drawn to it.

Also--the first paragraph is unnecessary.

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing excellence in your craft.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Warm Regards, KDrausin

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel excited enough about this story to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

Anonymous said...

I think I would take a chance on this based on the story alone. Not usually one to seek out this genre (although it goes unspecified). I believe I'd request the first 30 pages to see how the writing goes.
But the query needs work.

Renee Collins said...

Dear The Price,

Thanks for the query. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

Jeni said...

Dear Elf,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Myra said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. This work isn't right for me.

Best of Luck,
Agent for a day

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: No wordcount. Well written, but too vague to catch my interest as the description could summarize a large number of books. I'd be more effectively hooked by a clear and engaging character I'd like to read more about.

splatter said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this work isn't right for me.


Reasons: the writing seemed too laid back. It needs some polish to be up to professional standards, in my opinion. I also don't know anything about the manuscript, such as word count, etc... Finally, the description itself is very vague. I don't know why these two were leaving their country, what the concessions were they made, or what trials they face. I need something to sink my teeth into, and it's just not here.

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. I'm going to have to pass. The writing was somewhat awkward and it didn't follow the standard format. You must include how many words there are and more specifics of genre as well.

Best of luck!

JR

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid it isn't right for me. The letter is a bit awkward and I would need more details about the plot before I would ever consider it.

All the best,
Laurie

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that THE PRICE is not a fit for our agency.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me. Unfortunately, I this story does not seem to be a good fit for me at this time. Although the premise sounds interesting, I did not get a good feel for the plot. Also, although you mentioned that you have previously published short stories and poetry, you did not provide references so I am not able to follow up on these publications.

Thank you,
Nicole

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't a good fit for me at this time.

Selestial

The wording of the first paragraph makes this read like a multiple submission that doesn't even try to hide it. I was turned off right away.

There is no indication of how long this book is, and semi-high fantasy? I'm not even sure what that means. If you've published, where and when?

The description of the book needs more feeling in it (more of a taste of the voice) - it reads kind of like a book report. And we don't know who the main character is since you didn't give them names or anything. Too vague.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.

-- This does sound interesting, but just not enough. I read a lot of fantasy, but once you got to the 'dealing with loss, ect.' I was completely turned off. This might just be me, and not the query.

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

DCS said...

Thank you for the submission. I don't feel it is a book I can try to sell.

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

[reasons: could use more specific details about the plot and conflict, and word count. Also - list where your writing has appeared - which magazines, collections, etc.]

Tamara said...

Dear The Price author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this project isn't for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query, but I don't think I'm the right agent for the book. Best of luck.

Melissa

Reasoning: This might actually be a good book. (In fact, I feel a little pang of regret as I send this rejection, but it's a dog-eat-dog world for us pretend agents.) It would take a great writer to make this premise good, and the query doesn't give me much information about where the story goes. There's a good chance this is terrible, and I can't take the time to look at it.

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, The Price. Unfortunately, it's not right for me. I wshyou good fortune in your search for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Your idea is imaginative, but I'm afraid it isn't the type of material I'm looking for today. Keep working hard to find representation. I'm sure you'll find the right agent.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the submission of your story. I appreciate you thinking of me as a possible agent, however, I do not think this story is for me. While it has great possibility, the ideas seem underdeveloped.
Best of luck with you and your writing as you continue to develop this story and submit it to other agents. I have no doubt that you will eventually make this story work.
Reesha

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I'm not the right agent to represent THE PRICE.

Best wishes,

Casey

***

There are some awkward sentences here. I'd also suggest adding the word count.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest, but the story doesn't sound right for me at this time.

Regards,

Agent Caroline

BJ said...

I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass.- BJ

Reason:
1) While the plot is interesting, I don't know anything more about the protagonist than he is an elf. Who is he as a person? (Elves, obviously, have personalities and emotions.) What were the concessions he had to make, and how did he come to terms? More important than plot are the decisions a character must make, and the consequences of those decisions. *That's* what the novel is about. There's a good chance I might have requested pages if I'd been more drawn in by the character(s).

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, this doesn't sound promising to me. Best of luck.

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I don't represent high fantasy.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Lauren H.K. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering me in your search for representation. I'm afraid this isn't right for my list at this time. I represent very few fantasy authors, and I don't think I have the right contacts to be able to sell your work.

Best regards,

Agent L.

Owl Sprite said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query for "The Price." Unfortunately, it doesn't meet my needs at this time.

Best wishes in your search for representation,

(note: The letter doesn't sound quite professional enough. It makes me think that the writer is probably someone young, whose writing is also in its developing stages. I give this person high praise for completing a manuscript (what is the word count, by the way?) and for having the guts to send out the query.

I would encourage you to keep writing, keep learning, and keep polishing your skills - and your manuscript, if need be. You seem to have the makings of a good writer!!! But I don't think (from this letter, at least) that you are ready for publication just yet. )

beth said...

I MIGHT request this one if the pages were good. The pitch paragraph didn't really grab my attention very much (lack of voice), but I DID like the premise. If the pages were good, I'd request a partial.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid it is not right for me.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, Interesting concept and I love fantasy. Is this MG, YA, adult, genre. Is there a romance element? We don't get a feel for that from the query. THere is a bit too much telling and no showing, you could use a bit more voice. Why should we want to know about this one elf. Is he funny, loyal, hardworking, handsome.? Is it a she? Why do they want to leave in the first place? What is the deal with the river god? I wouldn't put too much information in, but right now there just isn't enough. Good luck. I like the idea.
Hope this helps, Bridge

Don said...

[form rejection]

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: no wordcount = DEATH. I assume you missed it out because it's insanely high, probably >130k, possibly >150k. The query feels very bland, with unnamed elves, unspecified prices and generic plot points like "comes to terms with the concessions he made to his god" that could mean anything.)

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this one isn't for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't what Im looking for at this time. Good luck with your publishing endeavors.

Kiki

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering our agency with this project. Unfortunately, the story is not the right fit for our agency. Best wishes in placing this elsewhere.

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however it is not right for me at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

The Classic Carol said...

Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Ethan Rose said...

No thank you. You failed to explain why I would want to read this book

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.

I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation.
Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel The Price sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

Anonymous said...

the query is much too impersonal I am not invested in the characters. You didn;t even reveal their names! So:


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your Query, but this isn't for me.

Sincerely,
Heather

Craven said...

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me.

Best of luck, Craven

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Who is this story for? Kids? YA? Adult? Who knows? I should know this up front rather than hunting for it myself.

L.C. Gant said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid your story isn't right for me. Good luck with continued search for representation.

Best wishes,

Agent L.C. Gant

(Reasoning: I love SF/F, but the concept of this story wasn't original enough to grab me. Also, not enough specifics were given, i.e., names, locations)

Harsh Critic said...

The first paragraph is overly wordy.

I think you should say what the elf's concessions were to make the query letter more specific.

I shy away from high fantasy and even semi-high fantasy.

Sorry, not for me.

JSB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query for "The Price". The basis is interesting, however it is not a fit for my needs at this time.

Best wishes,

JSB

(Too vague to really grab onto something I could represent.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent letter concerning your work. I am afraid that we are not enthusiastic enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query, but I don't think it's right for me.

Thanks,
Cary


note: there was no greeting. I like to be greeted. Also, don't tell me you're "shopping it"- rubs me the wrong way.

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Gonna have to pass. Sorry!

Thanks!

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, however, I must pass on your project at this time.

Cat

Steve Axelrod said...

Not my kind of material. But query widely and you may find the right agent for it.

Mira said...

Dear Author,

I love high fantasy, and my heart started thumping when I saw the words high elves and kingdom.

However, I would really need to know more of the plot, or have pages attached, before requesting more of the manuscript.

Good fantasy writers are needed, and marketable Please do keep submitting.

Mira

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for thinking of me, but it's not quite right for my list at this time. Yrs, etc.

Getabo Publishing said...

It's good that you mention genre and some previous publishing, perhaps you could give that more weight by being specific (published where/when).

Suggestions: Your opening line makes me feel unloved and that you don't really know if your book will be a fit for me or not, as you're 'shopping around'. Replace with something personal (you want to court a potential business relationship) and it's fixed easily.

If there is something specific and more dramatic in the plot you could include that - at the moment it sounds as though it is an evenly paced quest without significant conflict. I'd like to know already what the price is, so I can tell if it is a significant conflict, and a stronger indication of the conclusion.

***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I don't feel I am the best person to represent this project.

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

Not for me. Nothing particularly wrong with your query other than the fact that idea doesn't seem quite unique enough. What I look for in fantasy is something I've never seen before.

Avoid hyphenated genres; just say fantasy. There's no semi-high fantasy section at Barnes and Noble.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

Ramen with cheese said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm going to pass at this time.

Reasoning: There isn't a spark for me in the summary and I have no idea how long the book is.

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query. We are booked up on similar stories at this time, but wish you the best in finding representation.

Elaine

Lisa and Laura said...

Thanks for the query, but this isn't right for me.

Hilabeans said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hilabeans said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid that this is not for me.

Best regards,

Larry

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Price Author,

Thank you for your submission. However, I will not be able to represent you at this time.

Just a note: You might want to add the name of the publisher and the year for all your published works.

Good luck on your journey to find an agent.

Sincerely,
BK

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is quite right for me, but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel The Price. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing THE PRICE, but I'm afraid I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for you query, unfortunately your story doesn not suit my taste.

Best of Luck

-Lea

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this query, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: Missing so much information, and the grammar worries me.

EJN said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I'm not getting enough of a sense of voice or of the characters to be able to tell if this novel would interest me, and therefore will have to pass due to time constraints. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Agent EJN

AgentforDay said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your query, but THE PRICE is not what I am looking for at this time, and I could not give it the necessary attention.

Good luck with your search for representation, and please feel free to submit future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

The introduction is too informal - off handed - for my tastes. I recommend that you tighten up the first paragraph and use this very expensive real estate to demonstrate to the agent (me) that you know who I am and why you might think we would make a good team.

In addition to the first paragraph, there are several other indications (e.g. typos, missing word count) that you may be new to the arena (if so, welcome), and you may need to do more research on the query submission process.

With that said, I can sincerely say the plot is interesting. I would be interested in reading more about the price the elves had to pay.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency
d

perimyndith said...

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Yours,
Erin

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission however I do not believe it is right for me at this time. Good luck in your quest for the perfect agent!

Patti K.

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting The Price. Unfortunately, this title does not fit my needs at this time.

Regards,
Calli

_____
(Side note: I'd like to hear more about the protagonist (who was barely mentioned at all -- and the story is about him!). If the query sparked interest in the protagonist and his problems, I'd be giving this a second look. Right now, though, there isn't enough to make it stand out.)

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #4,

Thank you for your query, but THE PRICE isn't right for me.

KathyF

wickerman said...

Dear Author,


Thank you for your submission. It does not meet my needs at this time.

Best of Luck

The Wickerman

Staff Plumber, Bransford Lit

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it’s not what we are looking to represent at this time.

Thank you and good luck,
Agent F A Day

sKim said...

Thank you for letting us consider your original proposal. Unfortunately, we are not accepting any manuscripts dealing with faeries, fairies, elves, gnomes, unicorns, or sprites. Best of luck to you.

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Dana said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing this novel.

Regards,

Dana

Reasons: The writing felt awkward and I wasn't drawn in by the plot. Also... if I were an agent, I probably wouldn't represent fantasy.

Dave said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry to say that I have to pass. Good luck in your hunt for representation, and don’t get discouraged!

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form Rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Rejected after reading this: I'd like to bring your attention to a manuscript I am shopping around to agents. As writers and readers yourselves I am hoping that you may have interest in this particular book.

Actually, after reading that first sentence. Why? Because if you're stating the obvious in the most tightly written query letter you can manage, what will you do in the story?]

Melanie K said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. The Price sounds like an interesting project, but I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,

Melanie

Reasons: From this, I don't know why the elves are defecting. I was also confused about why the god "exacted a price" and then cast them out of the very place they were attempting to leave.

The first para. isn't needed

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, The Price is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submisson. Unfortunately, this will not work for us at this time.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(Didn't get a good sense of voice)

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. I'm afraid it's not right for me. Your pitch and story feel like they could need some work- try a critique group for this.

Good luck,
Soratian

Adam Heine said...

I'm sorry. This doesn't sound right for me. Thank you for submitting.

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Katy said...

Your query is a little too vague. Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid I have to pass on this project.
Best of luck,
Katy

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

There was nothing compelling nor interesting in this query. Either the novel suffers from a lack of imagination or its merely the query. Either way, something needs work.

Thanks.
CPK

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately this is not for me. My suggestion is to be more specific. What are the two elves' names? Why should we care about the characters? What is the price the river god wants them to pay?
Best of luck,
Megan

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass. Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

Anonymous said...

Thank you for submitting The Price, but I'm going to have to pass.

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: This query is vague in the wrong places. What exactly is the price? Who are these two characters? Why should readers sympathize with them? Also, why elves? Is there a particular reason they're not human? Nothing in the query explains what differentiates them from humans with pointier ears.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Maryann Miller said...

Thank you for the submission, but this is not right for our agency. Best of luck elsewhere.

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. I regret that I am unable to offer you representation at this time. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Bookshop

bookshop said...

P.S. Why no word count?

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Sage said...

Dear Price,

I didn't get a good enough sense of the novel from your query, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.

Thanks,
Sage

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your letter. Although a self reflective journey carries with it great potential for a good read, I do not know what your character's epiphany is. I cannot determine whether or not I can sell your project unless I know what happens. Please consider stating the price paid in future queries.

Unfortunately I am unable to request a sample at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

theflightytemptress said...

Dear The Price,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

The writing doesn't pop out at me, and there are several grammatical errors.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

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