Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #35

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

Today, a bully broke a kid’s nose against a urinal; a rebel wrote her high school hit list; a sci-fi dweeb got caught with porn in class; and a social pariah got humiliated in the girls’ locker room.

Tomorrow, they’ll all be in deep trouble with no one to turn to but each other.

LOSERS is a 50,000 word young adult novel about isolation, friendship and discovering who we are through the people we connect with. Trapper, Andi, Boston and Tuna are four teens with nothing in common, until they witness a police officer committing a crime. Scared for their lives and caught up in the excitement, they hit the road until they can figure out who they can turn to for help. The novel takes place over a 24 hour period, and by the end, they learn exactly who they can count on – each other.

I wrote this novel because, while I never experienced death or drugs or other untold horrors in YA novels these days, I DID experience the daily abuse that can define a teenager at the most vulnerable time in their lives. I wanted to tell a story that every young adult can relate to.

As a journalist, I write facts all day, every day. This is my first work of fiction.

I would love to send a partial or full manuscript of Losers for your consideration.

Thanks in advance for your time.
Sincerely,
Author

STATS: 35% request rate






316 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 316   Newer›   Newest»
hannah said...

I'd love to read this one. Please email the entire manuscript.

Best,
hannah

Lisa R said...

Dear Losers:

While your query was well written and the premise intriguing, your project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

Derek said...

Dear Author,

It sounds quite intriguing, but I'm having to be selective.

I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I didn't find the premise believable. It felt a bit like The Breakfast Club at first, then it veered into a story about being on the run, and I just didn't see how this story could be believable.)

Josephine Damian said...

I could have done without the "I wrote this novel because" paragraph, but an overall strong query otherwise.

I'd request a full.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting me about your book. I'd love to see the first three chapters to see if your fiction writing is as crisp as your query writing.

Best,
CPK

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I think you have a promising story here, but I cannot accept your manuscript at this time. Please query future projects.

Sincerely,

Agent Caroline

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. I'd like to recommend that you query one of my colleagues, who I feel would be a better fit for your work. You can reach her at sophiesotherfriend@imtotesanagent.com.

Love,

Sophie

(Actually, both times I've recommended the querier email a "colleague," the colleague has been a real person and this time, I see she's requested the manuscript...)

AgentMan said...

We don't handle YA fiction. Best of luck.

AgentMan

Casey said...

Dear Author:

I'd love to read this. Please send the full manuscript to casey@agentforaday.com.

Best,

Casey

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

I liked your characters until I found out what you do with them and what names you gave them (the names are ridiculous). I like the idea of a conflict that draws them together, but the crime witness angle doesn't work for me. It should be something less grave, I think: something more humiliating than dangerous. Otherwise, the subtle nature of your real theme gets washed out by the cops and robbers stuff.

From your query, my intuition tells me that you're not sure what kind of book you're writing. Requery when you make up your mind.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

Cat said...

Dear Author,

please send the first 50 pages of your novel as an rtf-file.

I am looking forward to reading this,
Cat

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, unfortunately I'm not the right agent for your manuscript.

Notes: At first I thought this sounded like the Breakfast Club and the characters sounded more like a list of stereotypes.

Then you turn to the thriller portion, and it actually got more interesting for me at that point, but I was already leaning against it.

I would leave out the "I wrote this novel because" bit, because it seems a little TMI and doesn't actually relate to the novel itself. Instead perhaps talk about career goals or be more specific about pub credits?

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent YA fiction.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

This sounds like it has themes similar to the Breakfast Club. Not a bad thing at all; just trying to place it.

I don't think this is right for me, though. Sorry!

Thanks!

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for querying me, but I'm afraid I'm going to pass on your story. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: while a potentially good story, I didn't see anything to make this unique compared to other YA novels out there that deal with similar issues.)

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me, since it strikes me as a bit too similar to The Breakfast Club. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't think I"m the right agent for this book. I wish you luck.

Melissa


Thoughts: Good writing, a bit light on the details.

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. Your query letter left me wanting more. Please mail your manuscript to... I have nothing but respect for literary agents.

Sincerely,

KDrausin (In my opinion...great query!-especially after six hours of queries)

PPP said...

Dear Author,

I'm so close to requesting this one that if a five dollar bill had been slipped in I would have said yes. That's it, five bucks.

But I'm just not confident enough that this story will pan out. I need a little something about the resulting plot that tells me why this YA is original and believable.

Good luck elsewhere.

Signed,
PPP

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><><>
The story didn't appeal to me because some of the elements didn't sound believable. Such as what were these 4 doing together to witness the crime when they weren't ones to be friends?

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I'm not the right agent for your work.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Losers. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Sounds too much like the movie The Breakfast Club.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[I was teetering on this one. I love the idea, and most of the pitch, but the actions of the cop (which makes up the central conflict) are left too vague. Did he run a red light? Take a bribe? Beat a nun? Without that detail I don't know if this story is appropriate for me.]

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, I would like to read more. Please email me the first 50 pages of your manuscript at your earliest convenience. Word 97-2003 (.doc) or 2007 format (.docx) are acceptable.

I usually respond to partials within 2 weeks. If you do not hear from me in that time frame, feel free to follow up.

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Please send a synopsis and the first 50 pages immediately.

-- I'd suggest take out the info in the personal para, and give a bit more detail in the plot\characters para's.

M. K. Clarke said...

Dear LOSERS Author --

I found your "nothing-in-common" band of losers intriguing. Unfortunately, due to their unseemly bond through a crime scene, I can't see this foursome friends past this. Best of luck with your manuscript.

M.K. Clarke


Initially, this grabbed my attention, especially how the query opened with a very strong hook (getting your nose broken against a urinal? Nice touch!). I thought the camaraderie worked along the lines of novelist's Lorenzo Carcaterra 1996 read, SLEEPERS. But I see this as something being more insidious and humiliating, school-related, rather than dangerous, however; Carcaterra's foursome didn't fare as well, either--and this premise rang of that storyline. Keep up the great work!

scj said...

Sorry, but I have to pass. While this idea sounds promising and the writing is strong, there are not enough specifics given about the plot. Best of luck.

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

(I do think this is a good query, though, but I'd completely drop the "I wrote this novel" paragraph).

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Though the writing is very good, I feel the material (as presented) is too similar to other stories I've read. This is not to say the story is bad or unoriginal, perhaps the query could be reworked to highlight the uniqueness of your plot.

At this point I cannot request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

This is one of those letters I loathe to write as an agent, because I really do love the idea behind this, and I think it hits a great spot in the YA shelf.

Subjectively,I feel as though this would be a book I could enjoy reading, but not one that I would love enough to zealously represent it as you deserve.

I have no doubt, however, that you will be snatched up quickly, and I truly do wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Colorado Writer said...

Dear Author,
I'd like to take a look at the first 50 pages of Losers via Word doc. I look forward to reading your work.
Best,
Agent Name

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. While it is well written and you have a strong premise, I am not currently taking on any YA fiction.

best wishes,

KC in SF

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. This letter and query are very promising. I might have requested a partial if the author had made clearer how this book differs from the others that are out there.

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
The premise for LOSERS sounds quite interesting to me, but your query focused on the set-up and didn't tell me much about what the teens do after they witness the crime.

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Lucy A muse ision said...

Thanks. Sorry.

Lucy A muse ision
Fictitious Agent

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.

The Breakfast Club is one of my all-time favorite movies. I would like to read more, but I'm afraid I am going to have to say no for now. It might be helpful if you concisely express that your characters are not stereotypical characters from other teen dramas.

I do think you have a publishable premise here and I wish you luck in finding representation.

Karen

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Your query has caught my interest and I would be delighted if you would send me a sample of the first 50 pages of your novel.

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, but I'm not interested. Best of luck.

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Every submission is important to us. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting new clients. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent to represent your work.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Vicky said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for querying me regarding LOSERS. The story sounds very compelling. Please send me the complete manuscript and a detailed synopsis via email attachment. I look forward to hearing from you.

All best,

My first full request-Yay!

David said...

Dear Author:

Please send me the entire manuscript.

Thank you,
David

Harsh Critic said...

The concept is intriguing, but the characters seem more like stereotypes or archetypes than three-dimensional characters, and from the tone of your query letter I worry that your manuscript may be preachy.

Sorry, not for me.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I found your story concept very interesting, but unfortunately, this project is not right for me at this time. Good luck as you continue to submit.

Sincerely,
Amy

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather


This is so much like Breakfast Club, I know I'm going to be looking at the manuscript with a cynical eye and looking for parallels, which is probably the wrong set of eyes for the project.

Good luck, though. I think the query is written well.

SammyStewart said...

Please Send Your Manuscript.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Please send me this manuscript.
Sincerely,
Bridge
On a personal note, nice tone, nice voice, good concept, not much to critique:)

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

While LOSERS does seem to have a strong premise, im afraid it is not for me.

best of luck in the future.

-Lea

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: this particular premise, as well as the types of characters presented, are too reminiscent of The Breakfast Club, and so I would not feel comfortable representing this project.)

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing LOSERS, but I'm afraid I have to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but I don't feel the project is right for me.

Thanks,
Cary

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your manuscript.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Comments: Love the opening image. But I would like more plot specifics (Ie, what crime did the cop commit? Why did these particular kids witness it?)

Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.

Reasoning: first, I think you can cut the bit before Losers is a 50,000... I like the idea of what you're doing with the story but there were some things I would have liked to see to make it a bit more believable. One, are they older teens, as in Junior/Senior of high school? Are they strapped for cash and on the brink of having to resort to desperate measures to keep going while they're running? And why do they only run for 24 hours? Do they have a series of mishaps that force them to realize they can only trust each other?

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Jen C said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Losers to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I enjoyed reading your query and I would like to request that you send your full manuscript to me so that I can peruse your work further.

Sincerely,
Jen C.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I would like to see the first 50 pages of this manuscript.

Thanks,
Cindy

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Andie said...

Dear Author:

I'm intrigued. Please send the first 20 pages and a synopsis.

Best,
Andie

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Merry Monteleone said...

Send. Pages. Now!

Really love the idea of this one. I'd request the full.

(Hey author, if you're not published, really wishing you good luck with this.)

Craven said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine Rose said...

Dear Author:

Although your story is very intriguing and your query hooked me right away, I'm unable to accept your submission at this time.

Feel free to resubmit in another month, and please mention that I asked you to do so.

Anonymous said...

Reminiscent of many works done like this. I didn't find enough to stand out. In fact, the naughty things they were up to sort of put me off to whatever happened to them.

Let's lengthen it as well. 50k is too short.
Thanks!

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Ello said...

Dear Author,

I would love to see a full! Thanks!

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but the premise is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Anonymous said...

I would like to see more, please send me three chapters.

Marie

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

At this time I will have to pass. Thanks for thinking of me.

Regards,
PC

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Please send me the first 50 pages of the manuscript.
Agent-for-a-day

ai-hua said...

Sounds really cool, but not my cup of tea. Would recommend to another agent, but reject for myself.

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Thank you for your query letter.
Your premise is interesting.
Please email me the first 3 chapters of your novel.
Thanks,
Jeanne

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

Leslie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am not sure if this is a work of fiction or a memoir so I will have to pass. I wish you all the best in your writing career.

Sincerely, Leslie

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Losers,

You have captured my interest with your query. Please send me the first three chapters of your manuscript and a synopsis as an email attachment.

Thank You,

Agent

(Originally this was my first choice, but then I got to the fourth paragraph, which made me save it until the end. I found that paragraph off-putting. Others may not, but I just wanted to put that out there. Still, the story part of the query hooked me, so good job.)

Pap said...

This sounds interesting. Please send the 50 pages to me by email, as a MS Word attachment. Also, would you let me know if are querying other agents?

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Please send 50 pages according to our submission guidelines. I'm interested.

BelleAgent

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission - I'd love to see the first fifty pages. Please send as an attached Word doc with "requested material" in the subject line - and it's helpful for me if you include the query in the body of the email.

Thanks very much, and I'm looking forward to reading!

Best,

Agent X

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #35,

Thank you for your query, but LOSERS isn't right for me.

KathyF

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: I like the idea, but I'm not sure how these four diverse characters end up in the same area and observe murder; I'm also in agreement about the odd names - if they're nicknames, ok, but I'd leave that for the story; I'd also avoid CAPITALIZING for emphasis b/c it seems a bit unprofessional; finally, I'm not sure if witnessing murder is something most of us can relate to, though we can relate to more of the stuff you mentioned in the beginning)

Adam Heine said...

There seem to be at least two stories here. You lead off with 4 kids getting in trouble for different reasons. Then halfway through the query they are witnesses to a crime and scared for their lives (also "caught up in the excitement", which seemed contradictory to me).

Start with the crime, tell us why their lives are in danger and what they have to do to save the day.

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but unfortunately I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration. Please send the first thirty pages of your manuscript.

Best regards, Craven

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. While your project sound interesting, I don't think it is a good fit for me.
Best of luck,
Katy

Carrie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering My Agency for your next project. Please submit the first twenty pages at your earliest convenience.

Thank you,

Agent For a Day.

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Thomas said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Tally

(I tend to avoid books that use awkward names for its characters. Trapper, Tuna and Boston are not children's names. It's subjective, but if I can't get beyond the weird names I am probably not going to enjoy the book).

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Renee Collins said...

Dear Losers,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, the story does not seem quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

Sage said...

Dear Losers,

This started off with an interesting voice, but I'm afraid you lost me partway through and I'm going to pass. However, I suspect another agent will snatch this up.

Thanks,
Sage

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query letter. Your manuscript sounds intriguing, and I'd love to take a look at it.

Please send the first 50 pages as a Word document.

I look forward to reading it.

Best,
Agent for a Day

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[First, you start off telling, not showing. "...novel about isolation, friendship, yada yada" The line that most grabs me is "Scared for their lives, [snip] they hit the road. [snip]" Show me. Don't tell me. Get clear on who the main protagonist is. We probably only need one name in the query, and as others have said, it's not "Boston" or "Tuna"-fish. Sorry...don't mean to be snarky. The first query line ends in a preposition. Maybe that doesn't bother others. It's a red flag for me. And as others have said, 50k words is too short... nearly a short story. The premise has potential, but needs to be developed. And the first line or two of the query should be like the tag line for a good movie. Immediate hook.]

dhole said...

Thanks, but not for me, etc.

(This was a very close call; if it weren't for that "why I wrote this book" paragraph, I'd probably have asked for more, but the prose there was off.)

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

I'd pass.

E=Reason: 50,000 words seems too short, and from this pitch, the story feels really incoherent.

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately Young Adult is a genre which I do not typically represent. I am unable to request a partial at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Please send the first three chapters by email.

Regards, Jessumby

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Chris Eldin said...

Ditto Mr. Snark. Again.
I felt the witnessing of a crime was used as a device, and not natural to your story. But your writing is really good. Perhaps you can sell this. If not, rethink the catalyst that brings them all together.

Rejection (with regret)

thin said...

x
Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

I think this was #6 or 7 for me; it just missed the cut. I really liked the writing, but (for me) the line: "they hit the road until they can figure out whom they can turn to for help" leaves a lot untold.

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of LOSERS:
Nice opening. Perhaps leaving question open of who they can count on could heighten the intrigue of your premise (leave out the words 'each other'). I encourage you to keep writing and regret your work is not right for me at this time. Best wishes as you pursue an agent better suited for your manuscript.

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Anonymous said...

Send me the full. Timely premise, tight writing.

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass.

--
Polenth

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I found the idea of some very different teenagers being thrown together in LOSERS interesting, and I would like to request a partial. Please could you send the first three pages as an attatchment.

Agent

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Dara said...

Dear Author of Losers,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: While it's a strong query and interesting premise, I'm having a hard time seeing how all these unlikely people just happen to be at the same place at the same time to witness the same crime.

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

Beth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While your work sounds very interesting, I am not accepting new authors in this genre at this time. I have no doubt that you will find representation if you continue your search.

Sincerely,
Agent

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one.

I think your ensemble of underdogs has much potential to be quirky and charming. However, what I'm missing is where the real story begins. What is the crime they witness and why do they go on the run? I also want to get a sense of whether this is a road trip type of story and what actually happens.

Good luck with refining your pitch!
Soratian

Good luck!
Soratian

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Your novel and query are both: well written, formatted and well thought out. If you are interested, I would like to have a partial of your manuscript to read, revise, and consider taking on as a full-fledged project.

Best wishes,
JuJu

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for an interesting query; I'd like to see more. Please send the first 30 pages as a Word attachment. Thanks.

Agent Foraday

educlaytion said...

Thanks for your submission. I love your brief character descriptions. Sounds like The Breakfast Club hits the road. I would love to see the full MS.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


Another temptation. I would love to know what crime the cop commits. Saying he commits a crime can be 'so what' unless it's something serious. Putting the crime into the query should heighten the impact. I didn't like the paragraph about why you wrote this. That actually turned me off to requesting pages.

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. I read it with great interest and feel it has potential, but unfortunately Losers is not the right project for me right now. Good luck!

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

I would love to read your full manuscript! The characters really resonate with me and I think your plot is fresh and a perfect fit in today's YA market.

I look forward to reading LOSERS and hopefully representing you on this and all future projects.

All the best,
Laurie

Tree said...

Dear Author of LOSERS. Thanks for the query. Please send me the full ms. Thanks!
Tree

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I was very interested by your submission and hope you continue to pursue your writing career as you have some good ideas and an intriguing voice. Though I liked your project, ultimately it is not something I will be able to devote the right amount of energy towards.

I encourage you to hone your craft and keep submitting. Just because this isn't the right project for me, that doesn't mean you won't find representation elsewhere.

Best of luck,

~Venus Vaughn

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Anonymous said...

Sounds interesting. Please send the first 50 pages. Thank you,
Agent DC

Bertha Lavelle said...

Dear Author,
Please send me the entire manuscript,
all the best,
Bertha

Maryann Miller said...

So sorry, but this is not right for us. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

(This is another one I might have considered had I not used my 5 requests.)

lilianamama said...

Dear Author,

This is one of the more tempting pieces I've seen in this competition, but I think I will pass. It does have a faint ring of Breakfast Club, but without knowing why they're all there as witnesses, I'm not sure I'd buy that they would all be together. More importantly, I'm not getting a feel for your style at all. You can get over that hurdle by using a passage of your book in your query letter. Preferably a passage that solves all of the above problems, if you can be so lucky.

I wish you well.

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

The Lupina Agency

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Please send a full manuscript via e-mail with word compatible attachment. Savannah Pens Agent

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author,

While this feels a bit like The Breakfast Club on the run, I am intrigued by LOSERS. Please send the first 100 pages plus synopsis to agente@thisaintarealemailaddress.com.

Looking forward to receiving the pages,

Agent Elizabeth

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. While your story sounds interesting, I do not believe it is appropriate for my needs at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of LOSERS:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

Cathe Olson said...

I'd like to read more -- please send me the manuscript.

The Writers Canvas said...

Yes, yes, yes!!! Please send me the first 100 pages. While your story reminds me of The Breakfast Club plot, it has enough differences in there to make me see that you have a unique approach so it won't be cookie-cutter.

Yes, send 100 pages. Thanks for thinking of us!

Elaine

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

terri said...

Dear Author:

It's about time 'Breakfast Club' and other teen storylines were updated. Please send the first 30 pages of your manuscript pursuant to the instructions below.

[insert instructions]

Sincerely: Agent

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Madhat said...

Dear Author:

I'm going to have to pass at this time.

-Agent

Reasons: It sounds too similar to "The Breakfast Club." This sentence bothered me, too:
"Trapper, Andi, Boston and Tuna are four teens with nothing in common, until they witness a police officer committing a crime."
The teens DO have something in common: odd names. And "committing a crime" is too vague. Was he littering?!

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for your query, and I'm interested in reading more of LOSERS. Please send the first fifty pages to me as a .doc attachment.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript. Please attach the first 50 pages of your manuscript as a word document to this email.

Sincerely,

Raven56

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
I am intrigued and would like to know more about your book. Please send me the first 10 pages as a Word document.

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission. It was a hard decision but I do not believe that it is right for me at this time. Good luck on your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,


Please send your complete MS to my attention. I look forward to reading it.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(I would have preferred to have pages for this, but the opening was quite good, so I'm biting on this one.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. However, I'm afraid this isn't quite right for us. Do please consider us for any future works. Best of luck in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(Tempted. Again, pages would have been nice. Still, the query spent too much time on backstory and not enough on the conflict of the actual story.)

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

Just_Me said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.

Sincerely,
Agent


Note: Just a generic "Not right for me" nothing really wrong, but nothing really right either. Sorry.

sKim said...

Please send the complete manuscript. We are intrigued.

Jill said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me as a possible representative for your novel.

Your query held my interest, and the premise of your novel appeals to me a great deal.

Please feel free to send the first three chapters of your novel via e-mail for my review.

Agent Du Jour

Taymalin said...

Please send me the first 100 pages of your novel.

Thanks.

Taymalin

Tawny said...

Dear Losers,

Thank you for your recent submission. Please email me the first three chapters and a synopsis in rtf format. I look forward to reading it.

Sincerely,
Agent for a Day

Krista said...

Sorry, rejection.

As much as I love a bunch of teens forced to associate outside their "Caste system", other queries were more intriguing.

Best luck

Brian Crawford said...

The personal touch at the end worked for me. Please send me the manuscript.

TFree said...

Your book sounds intriguing. Please send me the full manuscript.

Best,
TF

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I'd love to read more of Losers. Please send your first three chapters.
Looking forward to it,
Agent SCL

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I have to pass here.

Best,
Agent

PS - I thought you could have started the query with "Trapper, Andi ... etc."

I also wanted to see more about the conflict of the book in the query, presumably between the cop and the kids.

Jeannie said...

I'd love to take a look at this. Please send the first three chapters.
-Jeannie

Note: Enough distinctive details to keep my interest and short time period invoked a sense of high pressure & tight pace for me. Query letter was able to build and heighten tension with each successive line and I'm looking forward to the pages doing the same.

00 Pisces said...

Dear Author,
I'm not the right agent for your book. Thank you for your query, and good luck to you.

00Pisces

Inkblot said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am passing on it. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.

Regards,

Agent Inky

It's a 'meh' kind of query. Nothing wrong, technically, but it lacks soul and sparkle. Maybe think about the voice of your novel when you look at the query again, and try to inject some of that here.

austere said...

Dear Author #35

Regrets.

Good luck with your writing.

Regards,

ros said...

I'd like to see a partial for this one, please. It sounds like a great premise and I think there's a market for this sort of YA novel.

Brigita said...

The story sounds intriguing. Please send me the first 50 pages.

Thanks.

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting LOSERS for my consideration. I'm afraid it's simply not for me at this time. Keep in mind, though, that this business is extremely subjective...so what doesn't quite work for me might be just right for another agent. I encourage you to keep submitting this, and I wish you good luck in finding placement for it elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

I would love to learn more about LOSERS. Sounds interesting!

Please send me the first fifty pages of your manuscript as per my submission guidelines.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Ego said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your work. I regret I am not sufficiently enthusiastic to represent you at present. Note that this is a personal reaction and you may have success elsewhere.

Regards,

Ego

Thermocline said...

Thank you for your query. Your novel seems quite similar to others about struggling high-school students. I am not going to be the best agent for you.

(Everyone had a hard time when they were younger. What is unique about your story?)

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm intrigued! Please send a partial manuscript.

Agent99

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. while your work shows promise, I feel the plot is a little too unbeliveable.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

Lois Lavrisa said...

Please send me the full!

Marybeth said...

Dear Author,

I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. Unfortunately I am not interested in this genre. I would encourage you to retool your query as not to sound too similar to the movie "The Breakfast Club". You may have more of an effect with another however and I encourage you to continue seeking representation. Best of luck to you in the future.

Sincerely,
Marybeth

Aimless Writer said...

I want a read. Send 50 pages.

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Reasoning: The first paragraph got my attention, but the second paragraph made it sound like Breakfast Club. I'd suggest making the second paragraph or punch line something more unique. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to read the entire manuscript.

Agent Yard Oaf said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. You have some interesting ideas, but I don't feel that I could adequately represent your book.

Best wishes,

Agent Yard Oaf

Professor I.M. Diphthong said...

This sounds intriguing. Please send the first three chapters.

Selestial said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While the premise intrigued me, I feel this would be a difficult sell at only 50,000 words. Best of luck in your search.

Selestial


I had 2 slots left and this one made my short list, but the 50k kept bugging me.

Tyler said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for considering me in your quest for publication; unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for your project. Best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sincerely,
Agent T

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 316   Newer› Newest»
Related Posts with Thumbnails