Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #33

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

I’m writing today to introduce my literary novel, BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY, the story of a man who is emotionally lost and finds that he must understand his forgotten past to forge a meaningful path to his future. It has 70,000 words.

Charlie Waters is just staggering through life when he begins to have recurring erotic dreams about a beautiful woman he doesn't recognize. His best guess is that she might be from his mysterious past. Two years earlier, while reeling from the discovery of his wife's affair, Charlie went to Los Angeles on business and disappeared. Six weeks later, he emerged from a coma in a Miami hospital with a gunshot wound to the head and no memory of the previous several months.

Besides the dreams of the woman, Charlie begins to experience flashbacks and bits of memory from the time he disappeared. These clues of sex, passion, greed, suicide, and murder come unbidden and out of chronological order, often jarring him both mentally and physically, and they threaten to drive him mad. His wife, a psychiatrist, tries to reach out to him and help, but Charlie can't figure out which is worse--knowing or not knowing. As Charlie struggles to reconnect with his wife and form some sense of a life again, he knows he can't move forward until he comes to grips with his past.

I've had several short stories published in the past, and I have written book reviews for [redacted] for the last seven years.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Author

STATS: 10% request rate






312 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 312   Newer›   Newest»
Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: I need more hook in the beginning. The 2nd paragraph has some interesting elements, but I'd like more sense of the overall novel and connectedness)

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for thinking of me, but this isn't right for me right now.

Best,
hannah

scj said...

Sorry, but I have to pass. While the query is well written and sounds promising, I am unsure about where the book begins and what the plot is. Best of luck.

Derek said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry, but I've already used up 4 out of my 5 manuscript requests, so I'm having to be more selective.

The man with amnesia is a theme that's been covered so many times before that I don't believe I could sell it nowadays.

I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- This just doesn't hook me. Also, there are inconsistencies in the timeline in the query, which worry me about the story - which sounds like the timing of events is critical to the plot.

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY and your career as a writer.

Best wishes,

Casey

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, I have to pass on this one.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

Your writing seems interesting, but I do not currently represent this genre. Thank you for submitting.

Best regards,

Agent Caroline

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about it to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Josephine Damian said...

form rejection

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I don't read much in this genre to start with, and there was nothing new and exciting for me to make me want to read it past my genre-prejudices.)

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author

I would like you to send me the full manuscript at your earliest convenience.

Thank you,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a Day

DeadlyAccurate said...

This sounds fantastic. Please send the first three chapters to (email address).

Sincerely,

DA


(Now I'm going to have to go back and see if this is #4 or #5 for me).

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Beneath the Heart of Beauty,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to say that this isn't something I'm looking for at this time. Good luck in your search.

Selestial



70k seems short. Also the blurb seems jumbled. Tighten it up and it might work better. I think part of what is bugging me too is that I'm not sure what genre you were going for with this and you don't say.

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

Rick said...

Author-

I'd like to hear more about this work. Before I request a full manuscript, I'd like to get a feel for your writing style. Please reply with:

1. Your favorite 1000-word excerpt (and setup).
2. The first 1000 words from the middlemost chapter (and setup).
3. One-paragraph descriptions of your main characters and their motivations. I don't need histories, unless it is their history that defines their motivation, just a snapshot of how they are right now.

Please copy and paste the excerpts into the body of the email. Do not send attachments.

Thanks for your time, and for thinking of me!

Sincerely,
Rick O

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't think I"m the right agent for this book. I wish you luck.

Melissa

Thoughts: The query is well-written, but it suggests a book that relies heavily on flashbacks. It may be that this author handles flashbacks well, but I don't usually like them.

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

I'm so sick of non-linear time lines that I don't know what to do with myself. Out of sequence narratives were a good idea, but they weren't your idea. It might actually be a more creative choice to tell Charlie's story in the order it actually happened and end with the accident which would give it a nice ambiguous ending.

And 70K seems short to me for adult fiction.

Also, you need a new title. Badly.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the submission of your query. Unfortunately your project is not a good fit for me at the time.

Best wishes finding an agent,
Cindy

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately I'll have to pass on this one.

Keep writing!

With my very best regards,

Matilda McCloud

Lisa R said...

Dear Beneath the Heart of Beauty:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunatley your project is not right for me but I'm sure another agent would feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

Actually I thought this was intriguing and well written and am interested in it but only have 1 request left to give out.

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ X ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Your query doesn't convey whether your novel contains a satisfying story. I am sorry, but I had trouble determining what the narrative arc was.

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for taking the time to query me, but I'm afraid I must pass on your story. Best of luck with your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: I wasn't really hooked by the story premise here, and didn't feel compelled by the conflict presented)

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection for personal reasons

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

AgentMan said...

Thanks for your submission, but this just isn't my cup of tea. Best of luck.

AgentMan

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

I like your premise, but this isn't my genre. Sorry!

Thanks!

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for querying. I am intrigued by the premise behind Beneath the Heart of Beauty. Please send the first 50 pages of the completed manuscript by email, attached as a Word document.


Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


<><><><><>
There were some story aspects that didn't personally call to me.

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. While I'm not enthusiastic enough about the project to request it, I'm sure another agent will feel differently, and so I encourage you to keep looking.

With best wishes for your success in finding representation,

Onovello

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for your submission. I am interested in your project. Please mail me a hard copy of your complete manuscript. You need not include a SASE for reply as I will contact you through e-mail. Please also note that your manuscript will not be returned and should I pass it will be shredded.

I look forward to reading your work!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for accepting: I can't really say. I don't know why I am accepting this, but something about it is pulling at me. And that's enough. :)

Ethan Rose said...

description was a bit too chaotic for me.

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: This one is probably subjective. It just didn't hook me. 70,000 words seems short IMO for the convoluted timeline and story, and I just wasn't engaged enough with the protagonist to want more. But good luck.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

DCS said...

Thanks for your interest, but I will not be able to represent you.

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for letting me review your query. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a good fit for me at this time.

Best of luck!
JJ

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. I thought this premise was very promising. Unfortunately, the letter did not give me enough of an idea of the plot. What exactly is the protagonist's problem and how does he solve it?

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

Renee Collins said...

Dear Beneath the Heart of Beauty,

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Karen said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I am going to have to pass on this manuscript. While it does seem to be an interesting take on the amnesia angle, I just don't believe it is a good fit.

I wish you the best of luck in finding representation.

Karen

Lucy A muse ision said...

Thanks. Sorry.

Lucy A muse ision
Fictitious Agent

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Best,

Agent X

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Every submission is important to us. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting new clients. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent to represent your work.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Please send the first three chapters and a two page synopsis as an email attachment.

Regards,

Jean said...

Thanks for your submission. I'm sorry, but it's just not what I'm looking for at this time.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Harsh Critic said...

Your story sounds intriguing, but your query letter seems a bit overwritten. I'm worried the manuscript will be overwritten also.

Sorry, not for me.

Laura D said...

Although I am not a participant in this contest, I really enjoyed this query and think there is real potential for the story. This is only the second query to catch my attention so congrats!

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: Male Ennui, even with an amnesia twist, isn't really my cuppa.

On the query: scrap the whole first paragraph. All it needs is title, genre and word count; the rest ("the story of...") is too vague and generic to be helpful. The rest could be tightened a bit, but since the genre isn't my thing, I can't really suggest improvements.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but the genre does not fit my style.

Regards,
Agent for a day

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection. Need a clearer picture of novel.

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortunately your project does not match my taste.

Best of luck.

-Lea

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent query. Unfortunately we do not represent literary novels.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I'm going to pass.
Sincerely,
Bridge

On a personal note, I need more of a hook. Less telling more showing. I wasn't pulled in as much as I would like. What is the main catalyst, one, focus on that and maybe tighten up the theme of the novel so that I can get more of a sense of plot and characterization. Hope this helps,
Bridge

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: although the premise is actually quite interesting, a novel of this nature is presently out of the scope of my interest, and so I must pass.)

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY, but I am going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm going to have to pass this time.

Reasoning: There is nothing really wrong with the blurb, and it has some interesting things, but it doesn't make me feel connected to the story or the character.

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but I don't feel the project is right for me.

Thanks,
Cary

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best agent to represent your manuscript.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid I am not the right agent to represent your work.

Agent99

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Reasoning - My guess is that it's well written, but I can't get past the premise - it's a personal issue, but I don't like it when people run from marriages in fiction, especially run into sex, greed, etc...

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

_________


(Hi! This is a nice premise - it can be overdone, but you bring the element of erotic fantasy into the amnesia aspect, which makes my fanfic-loving heart happy, okay.

The problem is that you don't give us enough sense of what's at stake, or tell us much about where Charlie's amnesia has landed him and what it has cost him. Why hasn't his family tried to find him, and if they have, what has kept them from succeeding? What's at stake if they fail to find him? What's at stake for Charlie if he fails to be found?

Even more than wanting to know who the mysterious woman is, I want to know how Charlie got here. If finding out his past is part of the plot, tell me why I should care - why does he need to know? The premise reminds me a bit of noir, but I'm not sure I get a noir tone from your writing. Might want to think about that. And I'd also suggest *not* revealing that the woman he's fantasizing about is his wife. In fact from context I couldn't be 100% sure whether she was or not, because it was mentioned so casually. That's something you'd want to draw attention to in an actual query, because it's a crucial source of potential plot conflict. And that's everything we need to draw us into a good query.

Good luck with this! )

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(Sounds like a great story, but I can't be sure enough to use one of my five yes votes. With a more focused query letter [boil down to the essence of the plot more], this might have made my cut.)

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Beneath the Heat of Beauty is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Ello said...

Dear Author,

I want to ask for a full - but I'm maxed out. Drat! So please know that if Nathan let us ask for more than 5, I'd definitely ask for yours!

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

AT this time I will pass.

Regards,
PC

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

ai-hua said...

Great idea, great premise, query could use some tightening, rejection with personal note.

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Word Verification: differ

Nathan, I swear you set up the blogger wv just to amuse me - that's the fifth one that's made me laugh tonight.

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but unfortunately I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. However, this project does not fit my interests at this time.
Best of luck,
Katy

Eden said...

Please send the first 5000 words of BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY in an attached Word or Open Office document.

Sincerely,

Eden

Thomas said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Tally

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #33,

Thank you for your query. BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY looks quite intriguing, and I regret that I am not the agent to handle this type of material.

KathyF

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY:
Thank you for contacting our agency. Tighten up the query, zero in on the conflict, lay it out chronologically, offer a genre, and go ahead and re-submit.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. While I am intrigued by your premise, I'm unable to offer representation at this time.

best wishes,

KC in SF

PPP said...

Dear Author,

It's hard to see a plot beyond what's going on in your main character's mind. I'm sorry that I have to pass.

Signed,
PPP

Adam Heine said...

This sounds interesting (it made it to my top 7), but I have to pass. To make it stronger, maybe provide some sense of the stakes. What does it mean for him to "move forward", in a concrete sense? What will happen if he doesn't?

Sage said...

Dear BtHoB,

I'm sorry, but the premise just doesn't appeal to me. Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Gregory said...

Dear author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Another situation where you need to show, not tell. I'd start with Charlie waking up in the hospital. Skip the first stuff about emotionally lost etc. Show, don't tell. He wakes up in the hospital. (Okay, novels that start with the protagonist waking up are a cliche, but...) Now show us what happens. The problem here is that there isn't much to this story that doesn't sound like a cliche. You need something original. Some twist. Nothing here grabs. It doesn't hook. Sex, greed, murder... ho hum. What makes Charlie unique? Why are we immediately rooting for him? Why do we care?]

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query letter. Your manuscript sounds intriguing, and I'd love to take a look at it.

Please send the first 50 pages as a Word document.

I look forward to reading it.

Best,
Agent for a Day

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

I'd passs.

Reason: there is not enough story coherence in this for me.

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I'm not the right agent for this book.

Notes: It boiled down to the fact that I've now read through all 50 queries, had 2 slots left, and 7 books I liked.

In the end it was just personal preference for the other stories. So sorry. Your query really is quite good.

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am unable to request a partial at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Beneath the Heart of Beauty,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

thin said...


Dear Author, I am looking forward to reading more from Beneath the Heart of Beauty. Please send a partial via email at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely,
Thin

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

wickerman said...

Dear Author,


Thank you for your query. I am afraid i must pass on your project for now.


Best of Luck,


The Wickerman

Nathan Bransford's Aikido Instructor

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Dara said...

Dear Heart of Beauty,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: I was confused with the non-linear timeline, at least how it was presented in the query. The conflict didn't seem to pull me either, but it could be how it was relayed in the query.

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I was intrigued by your query however at this time my client list is full.

I wish you luck on your writing journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin ( I really liked this but I already accepted a phychological thriller.)

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Beth said...

Dear Author,

I am very interested in BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY. Please send the first three chapters to the address below.

Sincerely,

Agent

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this as it's not a good match for me.

Best of luck,
Soratian

(Comments: From your pitch, it doesn't sound like literary fiction, elements of a mystery/thriller such as coma, gunshots, amnesia appear to be more characteristics of commercial fiction)

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu


(sorry, just didn't hook me)

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


I'm tempted, just not enough. Looks like there might be a very good story here.

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortunately it's not the right project for me.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

Sun Up said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your submission, I will not be reqesting a manuscript at this time.

You mentioned that this is literary fiction, but it seems more based on plot rather than the characters. Perhaps re-evaluating the genre might steer you in the right direction.

Literary fiction is usually more centralized on the character and generally non-formulaic. That doesn't mean that there's not a story or a plot--just means that they're usually more focused on theme and things such as that.

Best of luck in your publishing endeavors!

Alicia

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query. However, the work does not seem to be a good fit with my agency. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm interested. Please send me the first three chapters.
I look forward to hearing from you.

~Venus Vaughn

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

I was looking for an event to kick-start the story, and some opposition to Charlie's goal. I didn't really see either in the query, so I'll pass.

Best,
Agent

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

IQOkie said...

Dear Author,

Form rejection

Tricia

Maryann Miller said...

So sorry, but this is not right for us. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

Meggrs said...

"Two years earlier..." something happened and then "...six weeks after that..." something happened and now he's trying to figure out what happened during that previous time frame...

This is a lot of time jumble for a query. After reading it more than once (not a good sign), it was a little more clear that this is a "Memento"-like idea, which is a complex concept that requires a deft touch.

Not seeing the deftness in the query.

Rejection.

lilianamama said...

Dear Author,

I like your idea and with a bit of work on your query, you might convince me to look at the manuscript.
First, start with your character. Agents know why you're contacting them, so you needn't inform them. Let an agent know what your book's marketability is (this is obviously adult, but is it horror, literary, science fiction, etc.) and the length of the manuscript.

I trust I will see this in print.

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

The Lupina Agency

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author,

Your idea has potential, but is not yet fully formed. Would work better as suspense, not literary. Must pass.

Best Regards,

Agent Elizabeth

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass.
Best to you,
Agent SCL

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your submission. At the present time, it doesn't fit our list. I wish you the best with another agent who might be a better fit.

Elaine

(I got confused. You say he has no memory of previous months, yet he remembers the dreams. Or were the dreams after he woke from coma? Your query lost me in the first few paragraphs by this confusion. It sounds like a good premise, so if you revamp the query a bit, you might get requests. If I wasn't confused, I would have requested it.)

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Lindsey said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it's not right for me.

I'm looking for an outline of a story to hook me hard (as I'm sure you can appreciate I read many outlines). I recommend that you ask yourself why the reader should care about this man and his emotional redemption, what's different from the other 'amnesia' storylines that will stand out?

I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Lindsey

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,

Agent M

SGF said...

Dear Author--

Please send me the first 50 pages.

Regards,
SGF

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

KareFree Kennels said...

Beneath the Heart of Beauty


Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

PCB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
PCB

cwsherwoodedits said...

Thank you for your query. I'm going to have to pass.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. However, I'm afraid this isn't quite right for us. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent.

Patti K. said...

I loved it! Please the entire manuscript. Thank you, Patti K.

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

Just_Me said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query and pages. Having reviewed your material closely I don’t feel I would be the best advocate for this work. I wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.

Sincerely,
Agent


Note: I'm not passing because this is wrong, or that I don't think you can get this book published. I think it'll be sensational. I just don't want to read it 100 times in the next 6 months. There's something about the voice that - while good - is a little too dark and depressing for my taste. I'm sure this will hit the shelves, and I might read it then. But I can't edit this.

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me with BENEATH THE HEART OF BEAUTY. While several elements of the story are intriguing, there are others that just didn't "grab" me, and so I'm taking a pass on it at this time.

Keep in mind, though, that publishing is very subjective; what doesn't work for me might well be something someone else loves. With that in mind, I wish you the best of luck in your writing career!

Sincerely,
Janny

super agent nicole said...

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

note: this sounds really interesting, but I was really confused about why he is just starting to put his life back together two years later. what happened during this lapse?

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Newbee said...

Form Rejection.

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about your book. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Krista said...

OK, I am curious. Send me your manuscript.

TFree said...

Your book sounds intriguing. Please send me the full manuscript.

Best,
TF

Jeannie said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately your project is not what we’re looking to represent at this time. Best of luck.
- Jeannie

Note: This query did make me pause. Some intriguing, cinematic elements. But in the end, too vague to completely hold my interest.

00 Pisces said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I won't be able to represent your work. Best of luck to you.

austere said...

Dear Author #33

Regrets.

Good luck with your writing.

Regards,

ros said...

Memory-loss cliché? No, thanks.

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission today. I am afraid I must pass since the premise didn't grab me. Good luck in seeking representation.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Ego said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your work. I regret I am not sufficiently enthusiastic to represent you at present. Note that this is a personal reaction and you may have success elsewhere.

Regards,

Ego

Thermocline said...

Thank you for your query. I do not believe I am the best agent for your project. I wish you the best with finding a home for your novel.

(I thought this had potential but the frequent shifts in time – he’s staggering through life, then it’s two years ago, then six weeks later, then a psychiatrist wife – confused me. Reordering the events might help make this clearer and your query stronger.)

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. However, I am not able to offer representation at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submisson. Unofortunately, this project is not right for me.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

Marybeth said...

Dear Author,

I regret to inform you that I am unable to represent your manuscript. I find the plot to be interesting, however I am unsure that I would be able to market this genre effectively. I would encourage you to continue seeking representation. Best of luck to you in the future.

Sincerely,
Marybeth

Aimless Writer said...

No thanks. The story sounds interesting but the query jumps around a bit. Tighten it up to just the exciting parts.

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Reasoning: I don't represent this genre.

Kristin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query; however, I am sorry to say that I will not be pursuing it any further. It does not fit my list at this time, but there are many agents out there and I would encourage you to continue submitting to those who rep your genre.
Regards,
KM

Professor I.M. Diphthong said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately this is not what I am looking for.

Anonymous said...

Writer,
Thank you for your query, though I don’t think I’m interested in taking your story idea. Keep on writing.
-Thanks,
Suzuki Volkeswagon

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I appreciate you sending in your work, but I don’t think its right for me.

Best of luck,

Keith Champaign

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