Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #32

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



FOR THE ATTENTION OF : Agent for a Day

‘Near Waredge’ by Author

Written for the TEEN (YA) FICTION MARKET- age 12 to 18

I am hoping to secure representation of my novel of 120,000 words that combines a paranormal romance and danger in a very realistic contemporary setting of an English secondary school

Jess Trainer is not exactly new to Woodford Academy she has just never been there before – her old school got a serious make-over while she’d had to live abroad; Caleb Ridgeway is an identical triplet and as if that isn’t problem enough he is not exactly human - insular and withdrawn is the way it has to be when you’re born Were. On her first day back Jess explains exactly how different The Brothers ‘Grim’ appear to her – if she can do that on day one what will she be able to see when she really studies them?

With the help of her friends (Ben, Alison, Anna and Ife) Jess begins to settle back into school but she finds herself drawn to Caleb - the oldest of a set of triplets that only she can tell apart. Caleb and his identical brothers (Alex and Raphael) think they don’t need anyone else and why should they when they came with the new Headteacher and he is the Alpha male. Jess senses that all is not what it seems with the brothers but never stops to question why she is drawn like a moth to the flame. She knows that Caleb has secrets and she can’t resist a challenge. She doesn’t know that Caleb is not the only one who has been keeping secrets.

Even after her friendship with Caleb makes her the victim of an attack by the dangerously insane ‘turned’ Were (the origin popular fiction's 'Werewolf ') she decides to enter more fully into Caleb's, and his pack's, very dangerous world that exists on the fringes of Woodford, in the Weald near Waredge.

The theme of ‘Near Waredge’ is that there is no obstacle to love that is too great that it cannot be overcome – tunnelled under, climbed over, whittled away or negotiated to a more manageable proportion!

I am proud to say that I am a new writer with no proven track record at all. College educated I went from classroom to classroom although my education qualification combines an English minor elective. I am a teacher with a passion for reading and writing. I have channelled the desire to write through inspiring children to impress in written format. I have always written short stories with my classes and more importantly been an avid teller of stories. My ambition is to write full-time and reach a wider audience. I have enrolled in the Open University’s Writing Fiction Course starting this summer.

To support my application I have included the first five pages of my novel.

Thank you for the time you are expending in taking me one step closer to achieving my ultimate goal. The manuscript, character descriptions and a brief synopsis of the chapters are ready to send out for your consideration. I have two on-line submissions in the US and I have sent out two paper submissions here in the UK. I am delighted to have found such an experienced and professional agent with an on-line application route.

Yours sincerely,
Author


CHAPTER 1

BACK IN THE OLD ROUTINE … SORT OF


It was true I felt exhausted – but mostly I was relieved, happy and glad to be home. Dad held out his hand and I took it. He tugged me up from my case and then he heaved it up from the floor. Mum and I followed him until he paused to rest my case at the top of the stairs.
“You could get the door,” he suggested tetchily and I hurried up the last three steps and reached for the brass doorknob on the light oak door. I’d dreamed of this moment; turning the handle, walking in and really being home - now it finally happened. I closed my eyes and stood to the side to allow my father to enter - with case in hand - and my Mum behind him.
“Jess?” he said. “Welcome home!”
They both looked indulgently at me noting the closed eyes and knowing it wasn’t from tiredness. I knew they thought I was over doing it a bit but it was just such a relief. They walked to my side and, with a quick kiss on the top of my head they left me to it – they knew they were no longer needed.
“See you in the morning,” Dad said.
“Bed!” my Mum advised. “Soon!” she added with a smile as she pulled the door closed behind her.
I glanced from left to right to take in every detail: the rose pink walls, the light oak skirting, the leaded windows where the cream blinds were only half closed, the desk infront of the window and its seat. I turned to the right slightly to take in the door to the built in wardrobe and then on towards my bed. The troubled Little Miss on my old cover still grinned at me with just about as much mischievous trouble chasing over her face as I had on mine.
“Oh yes...!” I cried as I ran and leapt and, twisting in mid-flight, turned to splat my back down onto the bed, spread-eagled over as much surface area as I could manage to reach. I duvet-angelled myself on the cover then I twisted back to look at my case and thought about cracking it open and getting to work. I knew that the case was full of light weight fabrics and flip-flops so really those clothes could wait a while. Fair enough it was September and it could be pretty warm but this was England and the chances of a heat wave were not great. But then I knew that my alarm was in there and my wash things and … oh what the heck! I’d have to do it sometime anyway so I’d just make a start … no pressure to finish … I rolled over, thrust my feet down to carpet and made myself stand vertically again.
The case took very little persuading to fall flat onto the floor but the thing took a lot more effort to unzip fully. I tugged to get it going; I had to sit on the corners to persuade the zips to move around from the middle of the ends. Not wishing to say it was full or anything but I was pushed up when the pressure was released – so maybe there was slightly more in there than an odd sarong and some sandals inside.
I moved to sit beside the case and to sift under the surface for the essentials for tonight - long tee-shirt and shorts, bag of toiletries and my docking station and having successfully found those I tugged the mini player from my back pocket.
I scrambled to the other side of my bed, plugged it in and made sure that the time and alarm were set. I spent longer flicking through my tunes to see what I wanted to wake up to on my first day back and with school to look forward to for the first time in two years – I was going back to ‘my’ school.
I settled for one of my old favourite songs which began with more sound effects than music - after all even I couldn’t sleep through whistles, shrieks and the occasional firework explosion! Then I went for speed changing and throwing my clothes at the wicker basket by my cupboard as I headed for the bathroom.
I washed and brushed but as I finished that task - I stopped to look into the mirror at the face of the person I’d become. I know that people go on about ‘beauty is only skin deep’ and ‘people have to like you for who you are and not what you look like’ and all that stuff, but I hadn’t exactly found that to be true. Basically the problem was that I had changed. Not in a bad way – but in a major way.
I’d left for Guyana with a few challenges to social acceptance. Firstly as people, rarely kindly, put it - there was the ‘puppy fat’; this, I thought, I had hidden effectively with the huge black tee-shirt look. Then there were the endless numbers of red lumps and yellow spots that colourfully decorated my face. I topped this look off with the long black hair, in curtains, complete with an out of control grease tap located somewhere useful. To complete my look, aged thirteen, I had that ‘I’m not going and you can’t make me’ attitude. All designed to win friends and influence people. Somehow there was no-one in my international school for lovely girls who was remotely like me.
Better still when I arrived in Guyana I found that I couldn’t cope with the heat as the dry air made me cough all the time and when it was humid it made me wheeze. My new ‘friends’, at my ‘new’ school, thought my look was a re-make of a classic cartoon movie. How did it go? Oh yes: frumpy, lumpy, spotty, greasy, grumpy, sniffy and wheezy – I was my own version of the seven dwarves – and my parents wondered why I found it hard to fit in!
I discovered indoor fitness training. Hours into my ‘I hate them all anyway’ exercise programme I’d noticed I was getting lean and pretty fit – and I liked it – at school this helped them pretend that they liked me better. I was stuck there so I let them pretend; and I pretended too. I’d done hours of work with personal trainers supplied by my Dad’s firm – the same firm that also provided the huge air conditioned swimming pool and the fully stocked gym – Go firm! Getting fit was great though – I’d done karate for years before but I’d never been really good at it – ask Sensei. I think he suggested I should take up ballet – what a super suggestion that was - then I could have been a pink fairy-elephant!

Now I was home and I was different. But I knew four people who wouldn't be. I looked at the clock and worked out how many hours, minutes and seconds were going to have to pass until I was going to hunt them down and shock them. They didn’t know I was getting back early - how had it slipped my mind to let them know?! No-one else was even going to recognise me so I was going to have some fun with that at school too.
But only if I woke up in time to get there. I rinsed out, hurried up and rushed to fall into bed and sleep.

I didn’t so much sleep like a log as become one at some point during the night because my wake up call had done the firework, whistling, drums banging and the whole thing and I was too far gone to care. It took a cup of tea and some non-subtle messages that went: ‘if you’re not moving in five minutes I’ll be leaving you and you can start tomorrow’ type conversations to get me shifting. I stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the shower while I rested my head against the cubical door and drifted off - not entirely awake. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t pay enough attention to details because I nearly burned my foot off when I put it into the spray. Then I managed to freeze the rest of me when I overdid turning it down. That and the shampoo I rubbed into my eyes helped me to wake up properly! I grumbled into my towel and back to my room still combing my hair gel into my curls.
I did a speedy snatch and grab raid for food before I got dressed. I opted for the unhealthy cereal bar and large glass of juice option to balance it out. I collected my lunch while I was there as it had already been thrown together by Mum who looked possibly less awake than me. I hugged her but neither of us managed much in the way of joined-up speaking and then headed back upstairs.
Next, I had to decide what to wear for school and the old school uniform that I found hanging in the back of my wardrobe was no longer my size in any of its directions so I yelled from the top of the stairs, “Mum? Sixth Form is non-uniform isn’t it?”
“Yes, but office smart, and no bright colours,” replied my Dad, who was still leaning in an immaculate suit with brief case at his feet and what I could tell was the school prospectus in his hands.
“Thanks Mum!” I grinned and headed back to my room. I had a blue-grey pair of trousers and the matching cardigan that should have travelled well and if I dug further somewhere near the bottom of the case I’d packed the ‘wouldn’t want to be seen in too often’ blue blouse that I used for impressing at Dad’s office - on the rare occasions I’d had to call in. My clothes choices were limited and shopping would be needed soon.
There were impatient noises coming from downstairs so I hurried to the dresser to swipe on some mascara so I could make the most of my blue eyes and I decided I would have to do. I had brushed my hair earlier so I ruffled it to make the curls lie in less neat soft patterns. I shook my head and laughed again at the difference a hair cut could make.
I had considered growing my hair back to a longer length to see if it would straighten the curls back down. The hairdresser said she was sure it would. But I had decided that I didn’t really want to grow it out because the silky curls had quite grown on me! It was much easier for swimming and running any way.
“Jess! I am going out this door right now!” My father’s voice had that ‘had-enough-now tone’.
So, I grabbed up my shoulder bag containing my pencil case and hastily grabbed lunch and hurried; I leapt the last four steps down to Dad’s side to show him how prepared to hurry I really was.
Mum arrived to wish me luck with a paint brush already in her hand and she waved distractedly as I went to the car. I knew she was absorbed even before the door had closed.
“Is Mum working already?”
“Finishing the sunlight and sea stuff she’d already started,” Dad murmured while negotiating the right turn from the drive along Common Avenue. “You know this isn’t really your old school were going to?”
“What?” I was too stunned to be polite.
“Yes, the old school’s been re-vamped, re-organised and re-named - uniform, badge, college status – it’s all change at the school.”
“Oh - that kind of not my school,” I said in relief. For one horrible moment I thought he was going to make me start somewhere totally different.
We had paused at the lights ready for the turn right into the High Road so I could turn to him and he’d be able to look back too.
“Will I get a place there?” I asked, suddenly concerned.
His face was reassuring, “I phoned last week to make sure they would honour the promise the old Headteacher made when we went away. The Head Master’s secretary said everything should be in order but he would want to interview you today. So it is a good job we made it back in time.”
“Interview?” I asked and felt the first wave of panic start to grow - my last term at the old school would not make perfect reading if the Head had my old school records.

STATS: 1% request rate






320 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 320   Newer›   Newest»
Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Near Waredge,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your work, but it's not right for me at this time.

Best,
hannah

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Near Waredge. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't think I'm the right agent for your book. I wish you best of luck in placing it elsewhere.

Melissa

Lisa R said...

Dear Near Waredge:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your project is not right for me but another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

I thought the pages were actually better written than the query. I started getting a little confused in the middle of the query letter. Clearly this writer can write though. I thought the sample was good though.

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for this work.

With all best wishes,
Onovello

Derek said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry, but I've already used up 4 out of my 5 manuscript requests, so I'm having to be more selective. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Renee Collins said...

Dear Near Waredge,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

Scrap the bio information; just say this is your first novel and leave it at that. And you lost me at tetchily. YA readers don't know that word and neither do most adults. Your query also contains grammatical error which is an automatic pass in my book.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for taking the time to query me, but I'm afraid I must pass on your story. While the story holds promise, I was not sufficiently enamored of the sample pages to request more. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: the story has promise, though I think it might be a bit too familiar with what is currently on the market. The writing isn't bad, but I don't think the story is starting in the right place)

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[But I think this writer has a lot of talent and fabulous potential. Perhaps if I wasn't so "busy with existing clients" I would take her under my wing. ;) ]

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best of luck!
JJ

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: I'd like to see the query focused and condensed significantly so the main thrust stands out; also, probably only mention any published personal credits)

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.
I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I'm going to pass.
Best of luck,
Bridger
On a personal note, I like the premise. I like some of the query elements, but it is redundant, skip the first blurb about Caleb. Tighten it up, it's too long. Leave out your info except this is your first, it isn't necessary. Pare down to the main idea and then let the voice shine through and I bet I would request sample pages. Hope this helps,
Bridge

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. While there was much that I enjoyed in your query and in your pages, I don't usually represent fantasy and I don't think I would be a good fit as your agent.

best wishes,

KC in SF

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I'm sorry, but the poor grammar in the first full paragraph of the query gave me no faith that the rest of the work would have merit. Also: I love YA, but am sick to death of Weres.)

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I'm not the right agent for this project.

Notes: Check your grammar and punctuation. Quite a few errors and unclear syntax. For example combining paranormal romance with danger doesn't make a lot of sense logically, although I could puzzle out what you meant.

Too many names also make it confusing. The query isn't the place to try to get to know all the characters. I'd stick with the major players and themes.

Unfortunately, I got so muddled in the query I didn't read the attached pages.

So sorry.

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent NEAR WAREDGE and your career as a writer.

Best wishes,

Casey

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Bija Andrew Wright said...

I've got to pass. This is not polished enough to gain my confidence as a reader.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes! Though, I do like the premise. I just feel your writing could use some tightening.
All the best,
Agent for the day

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. The query introduces too many characters and leaves me questioning the specifics about the plot; the sample pages were not strong enough to change my mind. A writing group may help you tighten your query and manuscript. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

WHERE OH WHERE TO BEGIN?

I'll just tackle the first paragraph with my suggestions:

Jess Trainer is not exactly new to Woodford Academy she has just never been there before RUN ON– her old school got a serious make-over while she’d had to live abroad;WHY A SEMI-COLON? Caleb Ridgeway is an identical triplet and as if that isn’t problem enough he is not exactly human - insular and withdrawn is the way it has to be when you’re born Were.WOW. MAJOR RUN-ON On herSO WE WENT FROM HIM TO HER - CALEB TO JESS? STRANGE TRANSITION first day back Jess explains exactly how different The Brothers ‘Grim’ appear to her – if she can do that on day one what will she be able to see when she really studies them?

With some very hard work and many more rounds of edits, this could work.

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about, NEAR WAREDGE to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

romoak said...

--

Dear author -

I love this premise. I really, really wanted to like it. Unfortunately, the query and pages need to be polished. I didn't quite follow the query, there was too much information.

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this piece isn't quite right for me at this time. I wish you the best in your search.

Selestial


120k is a tough sell. It can be done, but you better hit the right desk at the right time. The blurb reads strangely like a combination of other popular YA books, just ... with werewolves. I need to know what makes this different and I just didn't feel like I got it here.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I am not currently looking for manuscripts in this genre. Please query elsewhere.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I'll have to pass on this.

Agent XXX


**The pages read like a teen who's acting more like an adult. I think this might be going out too soon. Editing and some tightening of the premise (up the ante in conflict)
Especially if the wish is to capitalize off the Twilight phenom.
The author could have the next "Dusk" for Werewolves.

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but your work is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

p.s. I liked the premise, but it was confusing and had some grammatical issues. Clean it up and try again!:)

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise sounds intriguing, I'm going to have to pass at this time.

All the best,
Laurie

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for this project. Good luck with your future queries.

Sincerely,
Amy

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent YA fiction.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however your project does not fit my needs at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ X ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ X ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
You should brush up on correct placement of commas, as your query showed problems with that.

Your sample pages don't start with the story's inciting incident, and feature too much backstory and not enough plot to draw me in.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me. Feel free to query again when you finish something else.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because 120.000 words seem awfully long for a YA. The authors voice was great though and I'd be prepared to read something shorter by him/her.

As a German I'd like to point out that the Brothers Grimm are spelled with two Ms and if you tried a joke there I probably didn't understand it.

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately I'll have to pass on this one.

Keep writing!

With my very best regards,

Matilda McCloud

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Near Waredge, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

AgentMan said...

We don't handle YA fiction. Best of luck.

AgentMan

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

<><><><><><>
The query was a bit long for me. I found myself lost and rereading it quite a bit. Drop off the 'I'm a new author part'. Many new authors have a lot to learn about crafting a story (waves hand as one) and you don't want yourself classified in that arena.

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

Woa scary word count.

The plot didn't spark for me enough. Sorry!

Thanks!

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing representation.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting me about your book. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s a good fit for me. You lost me on the identical triplets. I would encourage you to continue your search, however. Good luck with your quest.

Best,
CPK

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: The agent knows the age of the YA market. 120,000 words is very long and the plot seems confusing.

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #32,

Thank you for your query, but NEAR WAREDGE isn't right for me.

KathyF

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: The query was too long and convoluted to hook. And the pages don't look polished and tightened enough for me to believe the manuscript is ready for querying, and that is before the 120,000 wordcount. Werewolves in this market are plentiful, so IMO it really has to be sharp and focused with a strong voice. This
one might eventually get to sellable with revision, but it's not there yet. And the query alone would probably have given the same impression. Find a good critique group or some brutal beta readers and keep working at it.

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Ethan Rose said...

Doesn't grab me. but I am not a fan of the paranormal

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Tamara said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it's not for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

*Stepping out of character here, I agree with a few others who said that the sample was stronger than the query. In the sample, I wavered between intrigued by good writing and frustrated with the step by step explanation. Everything from opening the door, setting down the suitcase, deciding to open it, opening it - it was all there. I do like the idea, but my personal opinion is that the writing could be pared down to create more of a focus on the story. I only mention this as hopefully a helpful opinion to the writer of the query.

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing NEAR WAREDGE, but I'm afraid I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

DCS said...

Thank you for the submission. The genre is one which I do not represent, however. Best wishes.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for thinking of me for representation. Unfortunately, I will not be able to offer representation at this time.

Regards,
PC

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The premise of this novel is VERY promising. Unfortunately, I found the letter to be a bit confusing; consider streamlining this. Also bragging about being inexperienced was somewhat of a red flag.

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

read said...

I'll have to pass. 120k words for a YA is not an appropriate length (most YA is between 50-80k) and I don't have time to edit an author's work to this degree before being able to submit to editors.


*also, note to author -- you don't have to say TEEN (YA) ages 12 to 18. Just say YA, agents know that means teen, and don't say 12 to 18. Again, agents know the age range of YA.

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. This work is not for me, but I wish you luck in finding representation.

All the best,
Karen

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

Lucy A muse ision said...

Thanks. Sorry.

Lucy A muse ision
Fictitious Agent

Steve Axelrod said...

This one is not for me. But keep trying.

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Best,

Agent X

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Every submission is important to us. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting new clients. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent to represent your work.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Jean said...

Thanks for your submission. I'm sorry, but it's just not what I'm looking for at this time.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Harsh Critic said...

Your manuscript is twice as long as most YA novels. Your query is excessively wordy. I worry your manuscript is too.

Sorry, not for me.

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm afraid I'm not the right agent to promote your work.

Best Regards,
Agent for a day

You need to make your plot more concise and snappy.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather


I was on the fence with this, because while I found your query to be confusing, I love urban fantasy and dark gothic boarding schools. I don't care how much it's been done.

But the writing, while good, felt kind of long-winded. Like at one point you're telling us how she is having trouble unzipping her suitcase, and that's about where I tuned out.

I think for a book like this, for the YA audience, I need to be pulled in more right away.

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: Subjectively, I'm bored of werewolves. Objectively, the writing just isn't there yet. Resources such as http://absolutewrite.com/forums might help the author with grammar and word choice.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent query. Unfortunately we do not feel strongly enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Although I am very interested in Urban YA fantasy, I feel you did not descripe the plot well, you need to be more to the point and take out the useless details. Also at 120000 words you novel proves to large for the area of YA. I would encourage a re-write to shorten and advise more character depth.

Best of luck

-Lea

gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: I found myself distracted by the style errors in the query. I also feel that the premise - character goes away to English boarding school - is presently overdone. Therefore, I must pass.)

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid I must pass at this time.

Reasoning: The word count concerns me and I was distracted by the punctuation errors. Regarding the plot, I missed what is at stake. What the big obstacle is.

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your manuscript.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid I am not the right agent to represent your work.

Agent99

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Reasoning: I wanted to want this one. I'm a sucker for English Secondary school stories. But the query was so overwritten, I had fears for the manuscript. My advice would be to really pare down both the words and the tone of the query.

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. I regret that I am unable to offer you representation at this time. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Bookshop

__________


(Hi! I really thought this was a nice premise and I think there's a lot you could do with it. I'd love to see the story fleshed out more and the conflict placed front and center.

But, and I can't stress enough how crucial this is; this is the only factor that mattered to me in deciding whether to reject this query. You need to learn how to punctuate using commas. Seriously.

Until you have a deep and comfortable understanding of comma usage, your own writing will hold you back from telling stories. I'm totally honest here - you could have just written the best story on earth but I couldn't get past the confusion of sentences with no comma rules applied to them. Please understand that if I didn't think you could tell a *great* story I wouldn't be saying this. But honestly, you can't develop your own true voice and style until you have a better grasp of this. Fundamentals are the building blocks of fun - or so Dakota Fanning tells me in that one movie where Brittney whatserface is a pop star's daughter. Whatever, look, point = commas. Love them, a lot, and they will love you back.

Thanks for letting me say that, I really do mean it sincerely, and I wish you the best of luck! :) )

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

bookshop said...

oh, also!

Almost always, if you send an agent a giant block of text as your sample, aka with single spacing between paragraphs and not double, it will go right into the trash.

So for next time, please do make sure you double-check the format of your samples, because you don't want to get to that point and then lose on a technicality! ;)

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

I am actually really interested in this and can't wait to see it on a bookshelf: however I'm not taking on any new clients.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(I'm worried that 120K might be too much for YA. And the sample pages didn't grab me enough.)

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Near Waredge is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

ai-hua said...

Neither writing nor query called to me. Form rejection.

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

PPP said...

Dear Author,

Admit it--you've got a copy of Twilight under your pillow. It seems to be leaching your freshness.

I have a feeling your next manuscript will be pretty cool. Until then, I have to pass.

Thanks, though.

Signed,
PPP

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. However, the quality of writing exhibited by your letter and accompanying pages is not up to my standards, and therefore I will have to pass on this project.
Best of luck,
Katy

Leslie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. This novel is not right for our agency. We wish you all the best in your writing career.

Sincerely, Leslie

Adam Heine said...

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

This isn't why I rejected it, but 120k is very long for a YA. Could you split it into two novels? Or chop it down to 80 or less?

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your query but unfortunately I am going to pass at this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

For the author:

I would fine-tune the query. Just stick with the story and maybe one or two lines for a bio and why you queried the agent.

Your writing isn't bad, but it's not quite there, there are some repetitive words in the first few paragraphs and whenever I see that, I think the novel overall needs another good edit and beta read.

Good luck with it.

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS - I think the problem with the query is there are too many characters -- bogs it down.
That being said, I thought you came across as charming in your bio. I normally don't like a lengthy bios but there is something about your voice that seems nice. I love the sentence: "I am proud to say I am a new writer with no proven track record at all." I also enjoy British writers. Personally, I'd be worried as an agent that some elements are familiar, but I did enjoy the sample. So, I'm declining with regrets.)

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Thomas said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Tally

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author of NEAR WAREDGE:
Thanks for your query, but I'm sorry to say I'm not the right agent for your book. I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.

(word count formidable)

Vic K said...

Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I am not able to offer representation at this time.

Regards,
Vic K.

Reason; I've said it before, werewolves aren't my thing, so this is a personal taste pass.

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.
We were impressed by the concept.
We would appreciate it if you would send us additional details and the first three chapters.
Our query e-mail address can be found at the top of this communication.
We look forward to hearing from you.

Flower Kavanaugh

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Didn't bother reading the others' comments on this one, and didn't bother reading the entire way-too-long query, incorrect grammar, run-on sentences. Glanced at the writing. Basically stopped reading with the first adverb of attribution: “You could get the door,” he suggested tetchily and I hurried up the last three steps and reached for the brass doorknob on the light oak door.

In another place, I saw the phrase about standing up vertically. Not to be snarky, but how else does one stand? Suggest you read, and study, Browne & King, "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers." Good stuff in there on dialog and avoiding adverbs of attribution. Like the plague. Good luck. Don't give up. Just get better!]

Krista said...

Sorry, form rejection.

This was too confusing with way too many characters. You lost me.

Sage said...

Dear Near Waredge,

I didn't feel the writing was strong enough for what I was looking for. Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: this is just way too long and rambling with far too much info. You might get a better result with a much pared-down and focused query.

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately Young Adult is a genre which I don't typically represent. I am unable to request a partial at this time.

Best of luck to you in your search for representation.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

(Query much too long and confusing. Cut the bio material.)

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Near Waredge,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

The blurb is confusing and not written very well--it's not tight so it doesn't make me want to look at the attached pages. 120,000 words is also a bit (okay, a lot) long for a Young Adult Novel, especially a first one.

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass.

--
Polenth

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid Near Waredge is not right for me at this time. I wish you success in the future.


Best of Luck,

The wickerman,

Robin to Nathan Bransford's Batman

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me.

Good luck in the future.

Dara said...

Dear Near Waredge,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: I had a hard time following the query letter. The writing of the sample pages is better, but I think it needs a little more tightening so that the voice is a little more obvious. I just think it needs a bit more editing; after that I think there's potential there.

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Dale - Las Vegas said...

No thanks

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one.

Just a tip though, the pitch could benefit from some tightening- consider joining a critique group for this. Also, your word length of 120,000 may be too long for this genre. You may want to look for ways to tighten your story.

Regards,
Soratian

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

(the query is...long-winded...)

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


I got totally lost in the beginning of the query, so I tried the pages. They did pull me in for a little bit, a lot longer than some I've read recently. But then I lost interest. The writing is good but seems to be monotone. I need a little change up to keep reading. Nice job on the pages.

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortunately it's not the right fit for me.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

* I was a little lost in the description of the plot in the query, it didn't entirely make sense to me.

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Sun Up said...

I currently do not represent YA. Best of luck in finding an agent that does and I appreciate the submission.


Alicia

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query. The work is not right for my agency at this time. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Getabo Publishing said...

I quite like the idea of the identical triplets werewolves with secrets, and I like that she "decides to enter more fully into Caleb's pack's, very dangerous world that exists on the fringes of Woodford."

Considerations:
Is 120,000 words too long for YA?

The opening paragraphs are quite long, and although scene setting for the return, I really can't get into it until "I’d left for Guyana with a few challenges to social acceptance." I'd almost be tempted to start there and add one or two lines of why she's now back home, but skip the detail of the familial return and the room ..."I glanced from left to right to take in every detail: the rose pink walls, the light oak skirting, the leaded windows where the cream blinds were only half closed, the desk infront (note typo) of the window and its seat. I turned to the right slightly to take in the door to the built in wardrobe and then on towards my bed." it reads fine, it's just, why should I read on and why is it exciting? If I'm a YA reader I think I want more of a grabbing opener. I love the premise in the plot, but I'd like to see that in the opening pages too, I feel it's too slow right now.

I'm sure you could do more with the idea hinted at "Jess senses that all is not what it seems with the brothers but never stops to question why.." Show me rather than tell me. What exactly happens as a catalyst to trigger that emotion and what prevents her from acting on it?

That's my personal gut feeling - but I'm only a 'pretend' agent for the day.

Hope you gain a lot from your Open University’s Writing Fiction Course and good luck with the novel.

***
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

While this may be a promising project, I'd suggest cutting. 120,000 words is a long literary novel. It seems a YA novel could be half as long.

Also, simplify your query. Give me, in at most five sentences, the heroine, the opposition, and the complication.

In the meantime, I'll pass.

Best,
Agent

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I do not believe that it is right for me at this time. Good luck on your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

Maryann Miller said...

So sorry, but this is not right for us. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. While I find your idea intriguing, your query's language did not convince me to request your manuscript. I'd suggest beginning your query with As Jess Trainer settles into school... (notice what I edited from that sentence). Also, tell your query from one pov. Since Jess does not initially know they're werewolves, we shouldn't know until we're knee deep into your explanation of your plot and Jess's epiphany regarding Caleb's nature. To do this: Use text from your manuscript that displays your skill as a fiction author. 3. Show tension, arc, resolution and and if at all possible, how your main character changes throughout the book. Only use the story's major characters in a query letter. Since neither Jess's friends or Caleb's brothers have any bearing in this letter, I have to question whether they need to be used in future queries. I hope that helps.

I wish you all the best and hope to see this in print some day.

Meggrs said...

Oh God, so many punctuation errors in the FIRST SENTENCE I couldn't keep reading.

Once again, this is a partnership where YOU write and I try to sell your writing. If you don't know enough to know you can't punctuate and are in desperate need of a very talented proofreader, then you are NOT ready to enter into this partnership.

I'd actually be nicer in my rejection letter, but this absolutely fries me. You're selling yourself as a WRITER. It's like asking for a job as a sous chef and having no idea how to use the stove.

Make the effort. THEN come talk to me about a business partnership.

Meggrs said...

To be fair, I went back and read the rest of the query after I posted.

The grammatical errors in the query are extensive and pervasive, making it virtually impossible for me to even try and judge the query on story merit. The sample pages did not disabuse me of this impression.

And I've tried and failed to find a polite way to express my utter dismay that the author identifies as a teacher who works on writing with children.

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

The Lupina Agency

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author of Near Waredge,

Interesting premise, pages did not grab me. I must regretfully pass.

Best Regards,

Agent Elizabeth

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of NEAR WAREDGE:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. While your story sounds interesting, I do not believe it is appropriate for my needs at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your submission. At the present time, it doesn't fit our list. I wish you the best with another agent who might be a better fit.

Elaine

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass. Stick with it, writing is rewriting!
Best to you,
Agent SCL

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Lindsey said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it's not right for me.

I advise that in future you study submission guidelines carefully.

Good look on your Open University course.

Regards,

Lindsey

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,

Agent M

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

KareFree Kennels said...

Near Waredge

Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

cwsherwoodedits said...

Thank you for your query. I'm going to have to pass.

PCB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. We are not in a position to represent you at this time, but wish you all the very best in your writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
PCB

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. However, I'm afraid this isn't quite right for us. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(I found the query confusing. The pages did not rise above the query.)

Just_Me said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Your novel sounds intriguing but at this time does not suit our list. We wish you the best of luck placing it with another agency.

Sincerely,
Agent

Note: And I would scribble this on the rejection, you need to go find a writing group and have some editing done. The word count is too high. And the query is too long.

This idea can sell, I don't see any marketing problems. But the manuscript needs a major overhaul before you query any further.

If you don't know where to find a good writing group, let me know, I'll give you names.
-L

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for querying me with NEAR WAREDGE. Several elements in it are intriguing, but this story is not for me. I wish you the best of luck in placing it elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

super agent nicole said...

Thank you for taking the time to query. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about your book. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Jeannie said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately your project is not what we’re looking to represent at this time. Best of luck.
- Jeannie

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