Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #3

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

V.I. Warshawski meets Lucy and Ethel.

Loving You Deadly is a completed novel of 75,000 words. Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains.

Amelia Garcia and Jennifer Reynolds – the salt and salsa team – have been best friends since they were six years old. They bring two cultures and demonstrate how they work together. As best friends, they help Rebecca Kelley to extricate herself from an abusive relationship.

Amelia comes from a big family and is confronted with the expectations of tradition set out for Latinas and the difficulties to break out of the role imposed on her by family and society.

In this book, Jennifer plays society’s role by stating all the usual platitudes on why a woman enters and stays in an abusive relationship. Jennifer also explores grief in the loss of her husband and in her attempts to win her father’s approval.

This is a multi-faceted story as it also illuminates a traditional Mexican wedding.

In 1989, I researched battering for a year before writing this book. With a Bachelors in Psychology, I was able to bring motives alive with accuracy yet instilled with hope. I earned a Master’s in Creative Writing at the University of San Francisco.

This is a multiple submission. The intensity of the issues and the solutions in Loving You Deadly are more about women’s wisdom and friendships in a world of violence. I hope you find this book worthwhile and worthy of your representation.

Sincerely,
Author

STATS: <1% request rate






353 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 353   Newer›   Newest»
brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: awkward sentence structures turned me off from the beginning; I barely read past the 1st paragraph to discover whether or not the premise was interesting)

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. Unfortunately, this doesn't fit my list at this time.

Best of luck,
hannah

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

I appreciate you considering me for representation, but this is not for me.

Good Luck,
PC

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Chuck H. said...

The thing about Lucy and Ethel confused me. I don't see any place for humor in your description. I don't think I could sell this.

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this doesn't fit with what I am looking for.

Best of luck,
Kitti

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to look at your work, but I'll have to pass.

thanks,

Agent for a day

reason for rejection?
Too much info about social impact and not enough info about story. Love the first line and liked the idea of the two friends and their different cultures, but was afraid from the query that this would be too much an issues book and not enough a compelling story. Also, saying you wrote the work in 1989 does not make me feel good about it. Have you been sending it out and getting rejections on it for twenty years?

Josephine Damian said...

Great opening line, but next paragraph was so awkwardly written leading me to believe book would be as well.

Reject.

reader said...

Pass.

I don't represent women's fiction.(me, not Nathan) Please refer to my submission guidelines. Also, I have two sisters and have never once seen "sisters" accurately portrayed in a novel, so I simply don't bother with "sister" books anymore.

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for taking the time to query, but this story isn't right for my list at this time. Best of luck in your continued endeavors.

(Reason: too much effort put into telling us about the issues involved in the story, and not about the story itself.)

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.

I absolutely loved the elevator pitch, but the rest got too bogged down for me and the humor I was expectng (from the first line) didn't materialize in the query.

Eva Ulian said...

Thank you for your submission but our agency has already placed a similar tittle, and this would be one too many.

Dara said...

Dear Loving You Deadly,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: Great hook at the beginning but the initial spark wasn't enough to carry it through. Again, no sense of the author's voice.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because there are but statements. If you can't SHOW your story in the query why should the agent assume that you can SHOW it in the manuscript?

Trix said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission but I cannot request it at this time. Your characters are lost in all of the words. You had me at Lucy and Ethel, but lost me at Loving.

Best Regards,
Trix

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Scott said...

Dear Author,

It feels like you are passionate about your story and subject matter, but I'm afraid it's not right for me.

Good luck,

Scott

(reason): the query was a bit all over the place, and as stated, seemed more about non-fiction subtext than a good story. And did I read "multiple submission"?

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Though you idea appears well thought out, I think there are just too many similar books out there already. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent Women's Lit.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Please send me the first 30 pages of your manuscript.

Have a nice day,

Karen

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author-on-a-Mission,

Your well-intentioned premise with its multicultural cast of characters and their stereotypical lives sounds like a great beach read, but no. No. No. No. I can't do it. I can't save the world and carry my career as a Diva Agent. I'm sorry. Do you have anything in a Devil Wears Prada vein. That's the stuff that sells. Can you move your setting to New York? Also, make the Latina a sassy, not traditional, fashion designer who beats up underlings. Love that. I live in New York, by the way. That's where all the important stuff happens.

Frothing with excitement over your newly revised premise. . .

The Diva Agent

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, it is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. Some of the writing in this query is awkward; I think it would benefit by being shorter.

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. I don't get a sense of how it's different from other books and I don't feel strongly enough about the characters. Best of luck.

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass on this one.

Keep writing!

With my very best regards,

Matilda McCloud

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

writtenwyrdd said...

I would request a partial on this one on the "V.I. Warshawski meets Lucy & Ethel" line. The rest of the letter sounded clinical and dry, but something about this appeals to me.

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query, but I do not think I'm the right agent for the book. Good luck with your manuscript.

Melissa

Reasoning: A character who represents "society"? Extraneous comments about the writing? Doesn't strike me as a professional job.

Lisa R said...

Dear Loving You Deadly,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately the project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck.

Lisa R.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

7-iron said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your proposal for Loving You Deadly. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you representation, at this time.
Yours,
7-iron.

Excuse me for my frank language here, but... the "blank meets blank" formula is lazy thinking. Be better than that.

Rather than tell what the novel accomplishes ("introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship" or "explores grief" "yet entertains") show the complex and interesting actions in the query. What happens?

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Reasoning: The query needs to be more concise. Eliminate sweeping generalizations and put character descriptions with the first mention of their names. I think the plot has potential, but it needs focus.

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

<><><><><><><><>
I know who Lucy and Ethel is, no idea about VI Warshawski--lost me a bit there. 2nd paragraph you told me about the story when you should have used that space to show me those story elements.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. I'm afraid I don't have a sense of the plot of your novel. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! said...

Diva Agent, stop being snarky with your responses. There's no need to be so smug. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid this isn't a good fit for me.

Agent99

Reason: Concept and cultural dimensions intriguing, but too abstract, too little sense of character.

Melina said...

Dear Author,

Sorry, it's just not what I'm looking for right now.

Thanks, Melina

AgentMan said...

Rejection.

The voice in your query is not something I'm looking for.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Jane Doherty said...

Form rejection.

(Too long, and couldn't get through 3 lines of it.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I did receive and read your query. Unfortunately it's not a good fit.
I couldn't tell what your main story was really about. You may want to focus on the wedding week itself, that could be interesting.

Best to you,
Agent SCL

PPP said...

Dear Author,

You almost had me at Lucy and Ethel.

Best. Show. Ever.

But I fear this novel may be too didactic for my taste. Best of luck elsewhere.

Signed,
PPP

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query. While I'm not sufficiently enthusiastic enough about this project to request it, I know another agent will feel differently.

With best wishes for your success in finding representation for your work,

Onovello

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, but this is not a fit for my list.
Best,
Agent Name

ai-hua said...

Probably a good book, but no personal interest in it, and if I can't like it I can't sell it. Form rejection.

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Steph said...

Dear (your name),

Your query needs to lose about half of its bulk and be clearer. Thanks for considering me, but I'm going to have to pass. As I'm sure you know, opinions vary greatly in this business, so query widely.

Best of luck,
Steph

Laurel said...

Form rejection.

I liked the opening line, but it didn't match the rest of the letter. Lucy and Ethel were certainly good friends, but they were also often silly and ridiculous to the point of being clowns. I don't think that's what you're going for here.

Several sentences are quite awkward.

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your interest but I'm afraid I'm going to pass this time.

Sincerely,

David de Beer

KC in SF said...

I think you are addressing an important set of topics but the query letter features too much "telling" and the plot of the novel gets lost. Please consider reworking your query to focus more on the story.

best wishes,

KC in SF

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Thanks, but no thanks. I was turned off at "Through the use of suspense..."

Best,
A Gent

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Loving You Deadly, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


Reason: I didn't feel any connection to the characters. A query letter must summarize the plot to some extent, but I felt that this letter was all summary and no heart. It was more about the concept than the people.

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me.

Notes: It was the "platitudes" about domestic violence that put me off, plus I couldn't remember if I liked VI Warshawski. Plus VI & I Love Lucy were comedies, and your book sounds very depressing with the abuse angle.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ X ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Potentially a powerful book, but your query doesn't make it clear what the plot is.

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. You didn't catch me with the hook at the beginning. I will have to pass at this time.

Sincerely,
emc

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[I've never been a fan of tales of domestic abuse, and I don't think I'd represent such a story during a recession, when people need entertainment and escape.]

Lucy Ammunition said...

Dear Serious Writer,
I appreciate the seriousness of your topic, but I only represent fantasy, lit fic,humor, short story collections,and works with strong escapist (from reality) themes.

Thanks.

Lucy Ammunition
Fictitious Agent

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

K.D. said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I don't think your project sounds right for me.

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.

Notes:
Lose the logline, or at very least move it into a sentence. It's hanging out there, and an extremely poor introduction to your query. The query is overwritten and is a bit anvil-istic. Don't tell me what the book does, show me. If the query is representative of the manuscript, it needs a lot of work.

Nadia said...

Form R.

The first line makes it sound like the book should be funny, but the pitch part shows that it's not. (abuse = not funny)

Also it sounds like the book was written somewhere in 1989 - 1990. If not, delete the date reference. It's confusing.

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel I am the right agent to represent a story like this.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

splatter said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this work isn't right for me.

All the best,

Kate

(reason: it took too long to get to the meat of the story. Sentences were awkward and overstuffed with info that wasn't needed)

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

Renee Collins said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, this story isn't right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

Myra said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. This isn't right for me.

Best of luck,
Agent for a day

Jeni said...

Dear Salsa,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

BJ said...

I'm sorry. I'll have to pass. - BJ

Reasons:
1) This is a book review, not a query letter. It tells me what I should discover as a reader (multi-faceted, entertaining, etc.) but it doesn't give me a reason to read it.
2) I didn't get the pop culture comparison the author is trying to make at the beginning.

Note to author:
This could very well be the best novel in existence, but I can't tell that from your query letter. Instead of telling me what happens and what the main character goes through, tell me WHY. What decisions do the characters have to make, and what are the consequences (or possible consequences) of those decisions?

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: Awkward and sometimes confusing. The hook didn't, and then it was followed by a lot of "telling" about themes and the author and the book, but not a whole lot of showing why I'd want to read more about these specific characters.

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. I'm going to have to pass. The hook just wasn't strong enough and it lacks voice.

Best of luck!

JR

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I must regretfully pass at this time. I think you have an interesting premise, but the grammatical errors in your query letter lead me to believe the actual manuscript will need too much work for consideration at this time.

Best of luck to you,
Laurie

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that LOVING YOU DEADLY is not a fit for our agency.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

super agent nicole said...

Dear author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately, LOVING YOU DEADLY is not a good fit for me at this time. Your query was slightly confusing and only briefly mentions many different elements of your novel in a slightly haphazard manner. I would recommend working on the organization of the letter.

Thank you,
Nicole

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I don't think it is the best fit for me at this time.

Selestial


The phrasing on this was a turn-off for me. It sometimes seemed playful, but then turned serious (and as the topic is serious, I had to guess that was the way it should have all been). Additionally, it just doesn't sound like the type of thing I read, so I wouldn't be interested on a personal level.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.

-- First, I must admit this isn't my kind of book. As for the query, it seemed to vague, too many characters mentioned without a reference point, and the tone kept changing.

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. I'm afraid your query does not reveal enough of your story's arc and tension to convince me to request the manuscript at this time. I suggest you use the story's major characters. (You mention three people in this letter, but I could not keep them separate.)

I wish you all the best.

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I have read your query and considered its possibilities for readership. Unfortunately, though the idea of exploring battering relationships is a subject of deep interest to many people, I feel your approach to the subject is too ambitious.
I encourage you to keep submitting your work to other agencies since this piece does not suit me at this time.
Best of luck to you and your writing!
Reesha

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for the submission, Loving you Deadly. Unfortunately, it's not right for me. I wish you good fortune in your search for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Tamara said...

Dear Loving You Deadly author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this project isn't for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

DCS said...

I applaud your sense of social responsibility. Unfortunately I do not feel I can try to sell this book.

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. I'm afraid this novel isn't the type of material I'm looking for. Good luck in your pursuit for representation.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I am not the right agent to represent LOVING YOU DEADLY.

Best wishes,

Casey

***

I found the premise too confusing. The mention of the wedding seems only to illustrate your research and feels unnecessary.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I loved the characters and setting you described, but I had trouble seeing the conflict in the story. I think you might be able to use your ideas, add a conflict, and create a good story. Please contact me with your future words pertaining to this topic.

Sincerely,

Agent Caroline

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, this is not compelling or original enough to catch my interest.

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

beth said...

Not for me.

I didn't get either of you X meets X tagline references, and a quick scan told me this isn't the kind of book I like to read. It's the genre for me.

Don said...

[form rejection]

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: turned off by a number of things. Didn't get the comparison. The primary duty of a novel is to tell a story, not to preach or educate. Uncomfortable that even you think one of your characters spouts cliched nonsense. Not hooked.)

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering our agency, but this project is not right for us. Best wishes in your future writing endeavors.

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't what Im looking for at this time. Good luck with your publishing endeavors.

Kiki

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I'm going to pass.
Sincerely,
Bridge

On a personal note, I would lose the first paragraph. The second starts well but the the query resumes its telling not showing tone. I want to fall in love with thes women I want to know why I 'm going to like to be following their journeys into what is obviously going to be an emotionally tugging story. I want to get a sense of the voice int the novel and then leave it at that...we don't have to know about the motivation for writing the novel or that it is going to contain a cultural event in depth. Those are things for us to find out when we read it. I think that the story concept is interesting and could be truly wonderful, but the query doesn't show that yet. Hope this helps,
Bridge

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however it is not for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Cindy

The Classic Carol said...

Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

JSB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I do not believe your piece is right for me.

Best of luck,

JSB

(The query is disjointed and it's very hard to tell who the story is actually about.)

Ethan Rose said...

Thank you for your query,however your description was too scattered for me to really understand the storyling

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Loving you Deadly Author,

Your story has interesting elements. I like the cultural angle and the women in abusive relationships angle. However, your query does not explain why these two women are friends and what this has to do with either of their situations.

Your query also uses complicated and vague sentence structure. Your first paragraph has the following sentence;

"Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains."

Perhaps the sentences could be simplified and the story clarified to;

This entertaining novel explores a deep friendship between two very different women. One woman is struggling in an abusive relationship and is suffering with "battered woman syndrome". The other woman is struggling to find herself within the constructs of her cultural traditions and mores. Both are connected by their struggle to find themselves and their independence.

I took "suspense" out of the novel's description because I could not see how this novel is a suspense novel. Keep working on the story and your writing. There is a need for more cultural stories.

I cannot represent at this time, but thank you for submitting. I hope my suggestions are helpful on your quest.

Sincerely,
BK

Lois Lavrisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel Loving You Deadly sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS Dear Author, I think this starts out rough, in particular the first couple of paragraphs. I did think "Salt and Salsa" was cute, my best friend growing up was Latina. You cemented the rejection when you mentioned the year 1989, I would nix that. Good luck!)

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.

I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get the attention from a publisher that your book deserves. Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this project isn't right for me.

Thanks
Heather



On a side note: The query has too much book description and not enough plot description for me. I barely read the second paragraph because it didn't tell me anything about the plot.

I also don't care how much time you spent in research to write the book, or what elements are there (such as the traditional wedding)

Anonymous said...

very good query. But not something I personally would read so:


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Craven said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best of luck, Craven

L.C. Gant said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid your story isn't right for me. Good luck with your continued search for literary representation.

Best wishes,

Agent L.C. Gant

(Reasoning: For me, this query was far too long. There was too much of an emphasis on characters and not enough on conflict and plot. A lot of generalities as well.)

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Too long and too much set-up. Tell me about the plot more than your characters. Plot is what sells first for me rather than a great character.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story isn't right for me. You may want to rework your query before sending it out to other agents, as your fragmented sentence structure casts doubts on your writing ability.

Sincerely,
Amy

Harsh Critic said...

The Lucy and Ethel reference confused me as it's a dated reference and it doesn't seem that your manuscript is humorous.

I wish you'd focused more on story than on theme.

Sorry, not for me.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent letter concerning your work. I am afraid that we are not enthusiastic enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the submission, but this isn't right for me. As stated in my guidelines, I focus on YA and therefore need to be more selective about what adult novels I decide to represent.

Thank you,
Cary

Mira said...

Dear Author,

I'm very torn on this one. The topic is compelling. Domestic violence is a problem of great pain, but one that tends to occur in isolation. A book that shows the power of friendship between women to help someone escape could change people's live for the better. The Latino world traditionally is patriarchial, so a book like this could be controversial as well.

I'm sadly going to pass, just because I think I might have difficulty selling a publisher on this in today's market.

I could be making a grave mistake. This is the type of book that, if you found the right agent, they could really back it. Or perhaps an independent publisher.

I absolutely wish you the best of luck. If it's not published already, I sincerely hope it will be.

Mira

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, however, I need to pass on your project at this time.

Cat

Steve Axelrod said...

I'm not a good fit for this one. But good luck with it.

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for thinking of me, but it's not quite right for my list at this time. Yrs, etc.

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately I don't feel I am the best person to represent this project.

Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm going to have to pass.

Reasoning: The writing/sentence structure is odd for me. While you seem to be qualified to write about this subject, it sounds a lot like an issue book and though I know who the players are I don't see how they come together in a story about hope and moving on.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query, but it's not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your writing endeavors!

Elaine
***
I'd recommend swapping your "Loving..." 2nd paragraph and the 3rd paragraph beginning "Amelia..." It would hook me better that way.

Lisa and Laura said...

Thanks for the query, but this isn't for me.

Hilabeans said...

Dear Author,

Thank you giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid this is not right for me.


(Reason: Too little feeling for the actual story and not very elegant language.)

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query but I feel this is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

EJN said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While I see potential in your premise, I find your use of sentence structure in your query to be too awkward convince me to request more material. Also, I fear you may be selling the character of Jennifer short by stating she is there to offer platitudes. That does not give me the sense that she is a compelling, fleshed-out character. Again, I thank you for your submission and wish you luck in your search for representation.

Best of luck,
Agent EJN

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel Loving You Deadly. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting Loving You Deadly. However, this novel is not a good fit for me. I wish you luck in your continued writing endeavors.

Regards,
Calli
_____
(Side note: While I think this is probably publishable material, I don't think I'd be able to represent this, and I don't think the query letter sells it. The Lucy and Ethel comparison makes no sense in a query devoid of reference to humorous elements, the query itself feels mechanical and dry to the point of disinterest, and women-oriented literary fiction concerning abuse (which it sounds like this is, from the query) is so far from my field of interest I think I would do a horrible job if I had to represent it. It's a close call.)

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, unfortuanely your novel does not sound as though it would suit my taste. I would encourage you to shorten your query and submit to an agent more suited to you.

Best of Luck

-Lea

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

AgentforDay said...

I like the opening line. It simply and clearly establishes the tone of the novel.

You have a strong, confident voice and a writing style that indicates you can handle tough subject matter with aplomb and with some levity. However, there are a couple awkward sentences in the query that make me question your confidence in the plot and whether you are perhaps searching for what – exactly – to push in the query letter (e.g. “This is a multi-faceted story as it also illuminates a traditional Mexican wedding.” )

If the plot is centered on the two ‘salt and salsa’ friends helping “Rebecca Kelley to extricate herself from an abusive relationship”, then I would like to know more about that. How do the Warshawski girls become aware of the abuse, are they in danger (as the title suggests) from the abuser, what is the exciting hook - which I recommend should be centered on the victims’ salvation from abuse.

If the query is targeted toward a narrow genre or publishing house, then I can understand why you stressed the multi-cultural flavor, but the plot /conflict should be the focus and the source of query’s excitement.

Fellow Agent-for-the- day, Beatriz Kim, did a splendid job summarizing the characters and their relationship. Now, tell us more about the suspense that makes ‘Loving You Deadly’ a suspense novel.

Many authors over complicate / formalize the query, and I see real promise here.

I’ll consider requesting a partial and get back to you.

Sincerely,
Agent for the day

Miss Lily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this query, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: Wordy Wordy Wordy

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

perimyndith said...

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Yours,
Erin

[For the author: it sounds like it might be interesting but the writing isn't smooth, and the query is a bit heavy-handed about the psychology of abuse; I wonder if the story suffers for trying to make a point?]

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

I am afraid i have to pass on Loving you Deadly. Thank you for your interest.


Best of Luck,

The Wickerman

Paper Shredder, Bransford Lit

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #2,

Thank you for your query, but LOVING YOU DEADLY isn't right for me.

KathyF

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it’s not what we are looking to represent at this time.

Thank you,
Agent F A Day

sKim said...

Thank you for the opportunity to consider this original proposal. I'm sorry to say it doesn't suit our needs at this time. Best of luck to you.

Melanie K said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I'm afraid that it is not right for me.

Best,

Melanie

Reason: Lost me at the first line. I read on to be sure. My eyes crossed at the first full paragraph. It's an important topic, but this doesn't feel like the right way to approach it. IMHO, of course.

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Dana said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I am not interested in representing this novel.

Regards,

Dana

Reasons: While I really liked the idea of a multicultural story, I wasn't sure that extricating a woman from an abusive relationship was enough to carry me through. Plus the characters didn't pop for me, and I wasn't following with some of the humor used. Just not for me.

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form Rejection

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[The first full paragraph reads: Through the use of suspense, this novel introduces the reader to the dynamics of a battering relationship, the depth and understanding of women’s friendships, the workings of culture traditions and mores, yet entertains.

This is a good example of what NOT to do in a query. The key is to tell the story, not talk ABOUT the story. The query was too long, and others here have addressed some of the issues with it.]

Dave said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry to say that I have to pass. Good luck in your hunt for representation, and don’t get discouraged!

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.
We were impressed by the concept but we do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing LOVING YOU DEADLY, but I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Loving You Deadly is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submisson. Unfortunately, this novel does not fit with our agancy at this time.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(This was a tough decision because I wanted to like this one. I felt there was just too much tell, not enough show.)

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. The premise is intiguing. Please send me the first five chapters.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for your query, and thank you for writing for Latina women. That niche is lacking on bookstore shelves. That said, I truly regret that I am not the right person to represent you. Another agent will be more passionate about the material and do a better job for you. I sincerely hope you find that person. Best of luck!

Agent Erin

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, and I'm afraid it's a no for me.

You have a nice voice, but in your pitch, it would be better to tell us what the story is about rather than what roles your characters function. I don't really get a sense of the story, and you just mention the Mexican wedding in passing, when that would actually be interesting!

I'm also afraid that I didn't capture your references in your first line of the pitch. Are they in reference to Latina writing? If so, they will work for an agent who specialises, but not for my sphere of knowledge.

Good luck!
Soratian

Adam Heine said...

I'm afraid this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, the story does not fit with what I am looking for.
Best of luck,
Katy

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our publishing needs at this time. Best of luck.

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't quite right for me. It comes off as more telling than showing. Don't tell us your story is about abuse, show us.
Best of luck,

Megan

Anonymous said...

Thanks for submitting, but I'm going to pass.

XWD Literary Agency

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

I can sense your passion and committment to the subject, but you haven't swayed me with the query that you can translate those qualities into a tight, compelling novel. If you ever think you can, resend a revised query.

Thanks.
CPK

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: I feel like there's too much going on here. I'm not seeing how the multicultural aspects integrate into the main storyline, and without that connection, they feel tacked-on.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Maryann Miller said...

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for our agency. Good luck elsewhere.

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Sage said...

Dear LYD,

I appreciate the submission, but this isn't right for me. Good luck!

Thanks,
Sage

Sol said...

Dear Author,

There are several elements to your story that intrigue me. I especially like the multi-faceted approach to female relationships: with each other, with men, cross culturally. Given the abusive aspect of the storyline, your title is catchy.

As a reader, I would peruse your pages in order to learn what direction these elements take. As a pretend agent, I need to know this up front. My recommendation is for you to go through your manuscript one more time to determine the pulse point and resubmit your query with your hook more clearly stated.

Thank you for submitting,

Sol Nima

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Loving You Deadly,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

I think the premise is interesting, but, though you claim the book is written using "suspense" I don't see very much suspense in the query. It also sounds more like a sermon than something with a plot.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: I can't see what sort of story this is. The intro tells me it's suspense, but nothing in the rest of the query comes back to this. I don't know whose story it is, or what the main themes are.

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for querying me on LOVING YOU DEADLY, but I will be taking a pass on this story. No doubt some of the themes and issues you touch on will resonate with some readers, but they just don't with me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors!

Sincerely,
Janny

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, unfortunately it's not the right fit for me.

Best,
Agent for the Day Kats

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I was intrigued by your query however at this time my client list is full.

I wish you luck on your writing journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

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