Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #28

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day:

There is nothing in the galaxy Akila wants more than the oblivion of her next sed-pinch. Hiding out on P-4 should have been enough to keep Contact from finding her, but when she’s caught her beating the crap out of her remedy supplier, she’s hauled off to CS-1 with other criminals to be reformed by the military. Its just her luck that when they run her DNA her previous service with Contact and a rare ability to speak Ceph show up.

If Akila thought failing both her physical and mental fitness tests were going to get her out of another mind-raping tour she was wrong. She’s thrown on a Navigation ship with a unit of troopers headed for Ceph space because the idiots think the Cephs can be reasoned with. Akila’s limited to transit time to convince her commanding officer that entering the Ceph’s side of the galaxy will start the Second Interspecies War. Which is something she can’t face sober.

Based on your enthusiasm and professionalism I have chosen to submit my first novel, LONG SHOT LOST an 84,000 word work of science fiction to you.

Thank you for your time.

Best,
Author

STATS: 4% request rate






322 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 322   Newer›   Newest»
Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

I'm a sci-fi-loving girl, but this lost me. Sorry!

Thanks!
Sara

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Long Shot Lost,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

Your voice is interesting, but the story isn't right for me. Please seek representation elsewhere.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

Anonymous said...

hmm I don't get all tghe scifi terminology. This went right over my head so:


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Lauren H.K. said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for considering me in your search for representation. I'm afraid I found the details of your novel to be rather confusing, and because of this I must pass on your work.

Keep in mind that this is a very subjective business, and that other agents may feel differently.

Best regards,

Agent L.

JSB said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but your piece is not right for me at this time.

Thanks,
JSB

(Very disjointed query. I'd fear the writing would jump around as much.)

Lisa R said...

Dear Long Shot Lost:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately your project is not right for me but another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R

I am not a big sci-fi reader so I felt a little confused reading this query although the voice was engaging.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this subject is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Anonymous said...

sorry this is off topic but the amazon ranking thing is too important not to mention. there's various theories why this is happening. how it relates to people moving their published books seems as relevant a topic as signing w/ an agent. but you're very on point, so I"m betting you've already got a post about this lined up.

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: Too confusing! We don't know your world, so all the slang threw me off.)

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for this book.

I do wish you success in finding representation for it.

Best,
Onovello

Derek said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry, but I've already used up 4 out of my allotted 5 manuscript request rights, so I'm having to be more selective. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

reader said...

Thanks for this, but I'll have to pass.

Best of luck.

AgentMan said...

Sorry, I found the query confusing. Thanks anyway.

AgentMan

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I will have to pass, though I enjoyed your voice. My best to you.

Agent XXX

**I'd write something back on the rejection, asking the author to re-submit with an edited query. Some parts of the story line sound interesting, and I would like to know if it's just this query that's the stumbling block. It looks to me like it's a first query but once it's edited a few times, more of the voice may show.

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I'm afraid I will have to pass at this time. Remember that this is a subjective business and another agent might feel differently. Best of luck.

Selestial



I was lost in this. I read sci-fi, but I was bogged down in things I didn't have context for.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

I love your style, but couldn't get a good sense of your story from your query. I would suggest rewriting with less jargon and more about the plot.

Best,

Meg Spencer

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

This is one of those letters I loathe to write as an agent, because it's clear that you write well and you have marketable ideas.

Subjectively, however, the material in LONG SHOT LOST is not something I feel I could zealously represent as it would deserve.

I have no doubt, however, that you will be snatched up quickly, and I truly do wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- Too much info without being grounded. I couldn't follow it.

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing publication.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri


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Not a genre I'm familiar with.

thelifter said...

Dear Author:

I'm a little put off by the presumptuous use of the language and I hate scifi that makes up its own vocabulary just for the fun of it. You have to have everything else perfect to get away with that.

Try Neal Stephenson's agent.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for querying me, but I'm afraid I must pass on your story. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: I was lost here. I read it twice and still was not quite sure what the story was about)

Libby Martin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I cannot represent LONG SHOT LONG, as science-fiction is a genre I'm rarely interested in.

Best of Luck with future projects!

Love,
Libby

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, not for me.
Best,
Agent Name

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: Probably subjective, but the plot wasn't clear enough to me and I just am not hooked, even though it has a BSG feel to it. And that might make it very topical. good luck.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your recent letter concerning your work. I am afraid that we are not enthusiastic enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely
The Fake Agency

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

brian_ohio said...

Dear Author,

You have my interest. Would you please forward me the first 3 chapters in a Word document.

I look forward to reading your material.

Best,

Brian

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your interest but I'm afraid I'm going to pass this time.

Sincerely,
David de Beer

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: love SF and wanted to request this, but the sheer number of concepts introduced without any explanation drowned me. If you substitute each of the proper nouns you didn't explain, like sed-pinch, P-4, Contact etc, with the word Gibberish, you'll get an idea of how the story sounds to someone who doesn't know it:

"There is nothing in the galaxy Akila wants more than the oblivion of her next Gibberish. Hiding out on Gibberish should have been enough to keep Gibberish from finding her, but when she’s caught her beating the crap out of her Gibberish supplier, she’s hauled off to Gibberish with other criminals to be reformed by the military. Its just her luck that when they run her DNA her previous service with Gibberish and a rare ability to speak Gibberish show up."

... whereas introducing each concept with explanation attached would give us something more like:

"There is nothing in the galaxy Akila wants more than the oblivion of her next sedative injection, sed-pinch ..."

... which gives the reader an off chance of understanding. There are only so many foreign words and terms I can cope with in a query. Cut down.)

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing LONG SHOT LOST, but I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

KC in SF said...

Thank you for your query. While you have an interesting voice, I found it difficult to follow the query because I was unfamiliar with many of the descriptions and names. Because I do not represent science fiction, I'm afraid I have to pass.

best wishes,

KC in SF

Anonymous said...

OK, this is a bit OT, but one thing I find surprising with all of these Q's, this one included, is how they almost ALL start right off with the pitch instead of first saying the genre. That is so confusing!

It's like you're trying to figure out as you read if it's supposed to be funny, suspenseful, literary or what. What happened to framing the pitch by first stating, TITLE is a xxword GENRE...and THEN doing the pitch? No wonder most of the Q's will fall flat.

These pitches are only being read with half a brain because the other half is trying to categorize them while being read. Make it easy on the reader, it's not a guessing game!

I did see a couple Q's in the contest that do frame the pitch by stating genre first, but it really blew me away how much the herd sticks together with the pitch first thing. BREAK FROM THE HERD, SHEEPLE!

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

(I like your plot, but I noticed a lot of grammatical errors).

Anonymous said...

I think they are following the Agent Query reccomended format.

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise sounds intriguing, I'm going to have to pass at this time.

All the best,
Laurie

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best of luck!
JR

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

We at The Divalicious Agency understand and appreciate the hard work required to craft a novel. Unfortunately, we are not accepting submissions at this time.

We wish you the best in finding representation for your novel.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: while I love specifics, this is too much so - I need more of the forest so I know what all the trees represent and how they're connected; also, mind-raping sounds pretty harsh - perhaps too much so)

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't think I'm the right agent for your book. I wish you best of luck in placing it elsewhere.

Melissa


Thoughts: Another fun premise, but it didn't quite make it.

gapyeargirl123 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I feel the query is too confusing at the moment. Please contact us again in future after revising the query letter.

~Agent A

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ X ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
You have some comma errors, and I wasn't always clear which character you were referring to when you said "she's".

Also, I found it very difficult to determine what the plot of the book was. I am sorry, but your query letter needs some polishing.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I’ll pass on this one. Good luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

Lindsey S.

Josephine Damian said...

form rejection

Josephine Damian said...

Huh?

form rejection

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however I don't feel this project fits what I am looking for at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent LONG SHOT LOST and your career as a writer.

I had to reread this a couple times to follow the terminology used and found it off-putting.

Best wishes,

Casey

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent Sci Fi/Fantasy.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your work, but it's not right for me at this time.

Best,
hannah

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for LONG SHOT LOST, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Long Shot Lost . Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, this isn't right for me.

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. I don't understand the world in which your story is set and have trouble following the plot as stated. Best of luck

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your project is not right for me at this time.

Sincerely,
Amy

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about, LONG SHOT LOST to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

Actually, I really liked this. I liked your voice and your world. Unfortunately, it didn't make my top 5, but it certainly did my top 10.

So, I'd have to send a rejection on this one, but I'd do so with regret.

I'd maybe try toning down the slang a touch and checking your grammar and punctuation, as some of your sentences were slightly confusing because of it.

A great concept, and I don't doubt you'll find success. I wish I could have 10 "requests" for this game.. you'd definitely be on the list.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because I am confused by all the technical slang. Also, how can the ability to speak a language show up in a DNA-test? Confused...

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.
I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately I'll have to pass on this one.

Keep writing!

With my very best regards,

Matilda McCloud

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Not enough explanation and I don't care about the MC. Interesting premise, though.

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query, but it's not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your writing endeavors!

Elaine

(I was confused by the opening paragraph. Maybe say up front the genre of the book?)

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

Steve Axelrod said...

This went right over my head! But good luck, and I'm sure you'll connect with an agent able to grasp the concepts you;re working with here.

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. This premise is promising, but the unexplained jargon in the letter was confusing.

Tamara said...

Dear Long Shot Lost Author,

Thank you for your query. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it's not for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day
(Tamara)

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid that this is not for me, and I wish you luck in your endeavors.

Karen

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for considering me for your debut novel. Unfortunately, at this time I can not offer representation.

Regards,
PC

Harsh Critic said...

All the names and numbers confused me.

Sorry, not for me.

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #28,

Thank you for your query. In general, I found the concept intriguing but difficult to follow with your use of unexplained jargon.

I think your query would be improved if you showed why we should care for the main character.

Although LONG SHOT LOST does not work for me (too dark for my personal tastes), I welcome queries for other novels of yours.

KathyF

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Hilabeans said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for your query. Unfortunately, it's not right for my list, best of luck, etc.

Scott said...

Dear Author,

It sounds like you might have a decent voice for sci-fi, but I find your query difficult to follow so I'm going to have to pass.

Good luck,

Scott

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query.
I'm going to pass.

There is an interesting story here, but for me, something turned me off. Could Akila be tough and compelling?

Best to you,
Agent SCL

Eva Ulian said...

I'm afraid this is not suitable for my taste, however, I am confident a keen science fiction agent will see potential in it.

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Vicky said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately, this project is not right for us. Best of luck finding representation for your work.

All best.

Lucy A muse ision said...

Thanks. Sorry.

Lucy A muse ision
Fictitious Agent

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[Love SF stories with kickass heroines, but the query letter was only a touch too cryptic. If not for my "heavy workload" I would have asked for some pages.]

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather


To be honest, there's too much "world-speak" in this query for me to muddle through. I can't find the plot for the sci-fi.

Maybe try to write it using modern inserts and see how it sounds.

I know you're fully immersed in the world you've created. But since I don't have that background, what you've written makes no sense to me.

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, however I was not sufficiently enthused by your work and found your plot slightly confusing.

Best Regards, Agent For a day

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

I regret to inform you that I hardly made it through the first paragraph, a query needs to be detailed yet to the point, and i found yours to be quite confusing. I am not the right agent for your work.

-Lea

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but I don't feel the project is right for me.

Thanks,
Cary

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed by a number of foreign names, terms, and titles that were left unexplained, and therefore I had difficulty really feeling pulled by the project. I must pass.)

Nik said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass at this time.

Reasoning: I didn't have too much of an issue with the bits and pieces involved in your world, but I wasn't captivated enough by the plot. As for grabbing an agent straight off, maybe start with the first sentence of the second paragraph - that certainly shot my eyebrows up. It's an obviously complex world and story, but try condensing the blurb a tad. Hard I know.

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your time in submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Your query confused me a bit, and I am not quite sure what the story is about.

Thank you,
Nicole

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

At your earliest convenience, please send the first three chapters of your manuscript to my attention.

If you do not receive a reply from me within six weeks, please feel free to contact me.

Kindest Regards,
D. Agent

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Your story sounds well-imagined and interesting. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best agent to represent your work.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Comments: The query was *packed* with new information, which made it unnecessarily dense and difficult to follow. However, I suspect that it's a problem with the *query* rather than the manuscript. Keep trying- I'm confident your agent search will be fruitful soon.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is quite right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Long Shot Lost is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Long Shot Lost is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I'm not going to be able to request pages at this time.
Best,
Bridge
On a personal note, it doesn't flow as well as I would like. I don't get a sense of the tone of the novel, is it lighthearted, serious, sinister? I don't get a sense of the characters or their growth. I would focus more on that and try to make it more of a hook to draw me in, then cover the highlights in your synopsis.
Hope this helps,
Bridge

ai-hua said...

Grammatical errors in a query letter don't bode well for the novel. I like SF and would have requested pages, but considering I have two more request slots left I'm going to give this one a pass. Form rejection.

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(Out of the fifty, this was the last one I cut. It was a really hard decision. I enjoyed the voice and wanted to pick it on that alone almost, but I had to turn it down in the end. The main reason I decided to reject this one was there wasn't enough here for me to get a good sense of the story. There was a little too much jumping around. It wasn't as bad as in some of the queries I read, but still, there was jumping around. And a lot of unfamiliar terms that would be better left for the sample pages/story itself when it's requested [which I know it doubtless will be - and has been by other agents for a day.])

PPP said...

Dear Author,

While there are some interesting details here, I think the concept would get old fast.

She tries to convince him, he doesn't listen; she takes drugs and tries again, he doesn't listen--maybe there's more to the story than this, but I can't tell from your query.

Better luck somewhere else.

Signed,
PPP

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission, but the hook was too filled with sci-fi jargon to be comprehensible. Consider revising your query letter and re-submitting.
Sincerely,
Katy

Adam Heine said...

I had trouble making sense of the story-specific vocabulary, and there were a lot of grammatical errors that made things worse. I think there are some cool ideas here, but your writing style needs to be cleaned up.

I'm sorry, but this isn't right for me. Thank you for submitting and good luck.

Leslie said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, this work of science fiction is not something I would be able to represent. Thank you for your interest and good luck in your writing career.

Best wishes, Leslie

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

While there are some interesting aspects to your query and novel, there wasn't enough that was compelling for me to want to represent it.

Thanks.
CPK

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author:
Thank you for your query. Sounds action-packed, but some of this was difficult to follow, (I counted seven 'her' pronouns in the first paragraph). My top priority is to select what best matches our agency, I don't see a an opportunity here for LONG SHOT LOST. Best wishes as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Thomas said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not appropriate for my current needs. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Tally

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While your premise shows strength, unfortunately this work appears to be intensely focused on the lexicon of world-building, and thus is not quite right for our agency. I wish you luck in your search for representation. Should you choose to make revisions to either your novel or your query, please feel free to re-query me at a later date.

Regards,

Bookshop

_________

(Argh. This could be such a great query if it weren't littered with unexplained world-building terminology that throws the reader out of the moment and distracts them from what your query should only ever be about: what your main character is doing.

XKCD agrees with me here.I wish you luck revising this! This was a really snappy, well-voiced, and fantastic query - just your words got in the way, Gloria Estefan-style. ;) )

Other Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[I saw a lot of comments re the off-putting jargon, but being a SciFi buff, that didn't bother me. Had to read it twice, but the query is very tight. You'll broaden appeal by cutting the jargon, however. The reason for the rejection is that the premise doesn't grab me. More "intra-galactic war" stuff. Okay, in this case, trying to prevent it, but I need to see the unique twist. The grabber. The thing that makes me REALLY want to read this story. And 84k words is probably too short for a real, world-building SciFi. In fact, most of the really good world-builders are 160,000 to 180,000 words. I know, many think that's too long and some agents will (foolishly) reject a book that's longer than 120k words. Their loss. If you build a compelling world, and if the character development is rich, the story's tight and fast-paced, I agree with Stephen King. 180,000 words is about the ideal length.]

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author,

I really enjoyed this, and I thought the voice was brilliant. However my client list is currently full.

I have passed your manuscript on to a colleague and wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Cat

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS - Sorry, I don't know enough about sci-fi.)

Vic K said...

Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I am not able to offer representation at this time.

Regards,
Vic K.

Reason; I felt like the end of the query was missing - like the conflict or reason that propels the story forward. Another paragraph added to this query might change the outcome, however.

donnas said...

Thank you for your submission but I am afraid we are not the right agency for your work.

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Renee Collins said...

Dear Long Shot Lost,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, the story does not seem quite right for me.

Best of luck,

Renee

Sage said...

Dear LSL,

It looks like you have a firm grasp of world-building, however because I was introduced to many foreign terms in a short span of your query, I was unable to get a good enough sense of the novel from this query. Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Krista said...

Sorry, form rejection.

Your protagonist does not seem likable.

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I found some of the elements intriguing, and I liked the humor (I would not want to face an interspecies galactic war sober either), but ultimately feel that it's not for me. Please keep in mind that this is a very subjective business, and other agencies may have a different view.

Best of luck in your search for representation!

Sincerely,

Agent X

(NOTE: I was really intrigued by this, but the lack of personal information about the writer and a little bit of sloppiness made me worry that the work would be problematic or that the writer wouldn't know how to approach the process - please Mr./Ms. Writer, I thought there was a cool voice here - I hope you can smooth out your query and try again!)

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Annie said...

Please send first three chapters. This sounds like a fun book.

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

(Completely lost.)

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Although I feel your letter packs a punch and will presume your manuscript does as well, I am unable to request a partial at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Getabo Publishing said...

You mention your genre and word count, and I get a feel for your writing style and voice from the query - all of which I like.

I like some of the ideas, problem-afflicted female saves the galaxy from intra-galactic warfare. She has a talent for languages (my curiousity piqued - why?).

Missing: a personal reason why you think this work is a good fir for me and my list. 'enthusiasm and professionalism' could be sent to any agent.

I also felt that I was lacking any understanding of the motivation behind your protagonist and where is the conflict and action? This tells me what happens - drug addicted girl beats up supplier, arrested, sent to military, sent into space with troopers, tries to prevent war. But where's my exciting 'hook'? Why is this different from what else is on the market. What makes Akila act the way she does - does she have a challenging past to confront, inner conflict or driving motivation? Show me.

Look at some of the grammar a little more closely in between your 'lingo' :

"keep Contact from finding her, but when she’s caught her beating.."

missing apostrophe in "Its just her luck..."

Are the troopers the bunch of idiots, or do you mean the 'powers at be'?

It feels like there could be a lot more to this which just needs teased out better to say more, just as concisely.

***

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Long Shot Lost,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Sandy said...

I'd be interested in reading your book. Please send me the full manuscript as a Word attachment.

Best,

Agent for a Day

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass.

--
Polenth

CarrieK said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but your project does not meet our needs at this time.

CarrieK

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I am afraid Long Shot Lost is not right for me.

Best of Luck,

The Wickerman

Nathan Bransford's dog walker

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

Dara said...

Dear Long Shot,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: Not a huge fan of sci-fi, but perhaps I just got lost with all the sci-fi terminology in the query. But that's just my tastes probably.

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Dale - Las Vegas said...

Thank you for your submission but it doesn't seem right for me at this time.

Good luck in the future.

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not believe I am the best agent to represent your manuscript. Best of luck in your quest for publication.

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one. You might want to refine your pitch further with a critique group, which may help you on your search for an agent.

All the best,
Soratian

(Comments: Pitch launches into technical language, without a build-up. This ended up being too distracting and I was unable to focus on reading the hook. It also required some proofreading as there are some grammar issues.)

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I do not believe that it is right for me at this time. Good luck in your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti K.

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


I read a lot of SF, but I sat here and said 'what?' a lot while trying to decipher the first paragraph. A few oddball things are fine, but it seems the logic of the first part depends on knowing what the unusual words mean and there's not quite enough context for me to guess. At least not without working too hard at it.

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Sun Up said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your query, however, this isn't a genre I presently represent.


best wishes,
Alicia

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query. The premise of your novel and the conflicts of its characters (internal and external) are unclear to me and I must pass at this time. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Unfortunately your book is not of a genre that I am best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Note: If the query had not used jargon I may have understood the concept better. Sorry.

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. I'm afraid your query's language does not display a degree of writing finesse and/or polish that is necessary for publication. There are several errors in punctuation and some pronoun confusion.

I wish you all the best.

Maryann Miller said...

So sorry, but this is not right for us. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. While your story sounds interesting, I do not believe it is appropriate for my needs at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

Sorry, you lost me at "sed-pinch". I'm not a sci-fi reader, so I was just lost with this one.

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time. I would be interested in taking another look if you could explain the premise with less jargon and make the protagonist more compelling.

The Lupina Agency

KareFree Kennels said...

Long Shot Lost


Sorry, not for me.

Best of luck,
Sheryl

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author,

While I was attracted to your writer voice, I do not represent s/f. I must regretfully pass.

Best regards,

Agent Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

This was a close one for me, but I'm going to pass. If you are interested in feedback, I've provided some below. Please keep in mind this is only one person's opinion.

I think your writing shows promise, and this sounds interesting. I just had a really hard time following your query and had to read it several times. (But I DID read it several times!)

Good luck to you.
- AI

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our needs at this time. Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,

Agent M

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your manuscript. I'm interested to see more. Please attach the first 50 pages of your manuscript as a word document to this email.

Sincerely,

Raven56

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. I'm afraid that this piece isn't right for me and I will have to pass at this time.

Yours,
Audrey

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying LONG SHOT LOST for possible representation. Unfortunately, this story isn't for me, but I wish you the best of luck placing it elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. Please send the first 20 pages of your ms. I look forward to reading it.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(Shrug. I know it's not in the rules. But I'm on the fence. I want pages.)

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

Mira said...

Dear Author,

Boy, do we need good science fiction writers! (Especially women science fiction writers, because they are so few and far between. If you're not a woman, I apologize, I'm making an assumption based on the gender of your protagonist.) Your short and snappy writing style is also great for Science Fiction.

However, I am not requesting a partial, because I wasn't sure what your story was about. What's a P-4? Who beat the crap out of whom - Contact? Alika? How does the war get started? What happens, is the war averted? Not? How does Alika play a part in that?

I would welcome a revised query with a clearer explanation of the storyline.

I wish you the best of luck - I hope to see your Sci Fi book on the shelves someday!

Mira

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

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