Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #24

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

Have you ever wondered why rhetorical questions seldom involve jelliquariums?

This is my first novel, DADI’S GAME. It takes place on two coasts and three continents, including modern-day San Francisco and pre-Independence Bombay, spanning five generations.

Half American, half Indian journalist Raven is laid off from her job right before her previously estranged grandmother, Dadi, dies. Unsure of her future, Raven travels from California to Bombay with her bratty cousin Malvika to learn more about her father’s country and her grandmother’s past.

As they interview relatives, the women learn that Dadi, whom they remember as religious and puritanical, had lived a surprisingly rich life, traveling the globe and participating in India’s struggle for independence alongside her husband.

The cousins’ curiosity leads them north from Bombay, with a stopover at the Ganges to dispose of Dadi’s remains, to meet a former servant who lives in the Himalayan foothills. The woman, whom Dadi called Didi, meaning “sister,” recalls an unconsummated relationship with a British tennis partner that haunted Dadi throughout her life.

Dadi’s conflict is with herself. Steeped in tradition and competing with the idealized women of Hindu mythology, most notably Kunti, she struggles even as a widow with her marriage, since Hindu wedding ceremonies bind couples for not one lifetime, but seven.

While Raven discovers no jelliquariums along the way, there are puzzles hidden within the text, one relating to the story and the other a purely mathematical game. The initial clue to this aspect of the novel is written in iambic riddles on the first page. “Dadi’s Game” is an equivoque.

This novel may appear at first glance like “The Joy Luck Club” meets “The Namesake,” since its first-person narrative is told from the perspectives of Rekha, Malvika and Didi. Despite that, the story has more in common with A.S. Byatt’s “Possession.” If you are familiar with the Indian tale of “The Blind Men and the Elephant” or the story of “The Lady and the Tiger,” those apply here as well.

The book would fall under the genres of historical fiction and women’s fiction, since much of the novel’s action takes place in the 1930s-1950s and the story touches on women’s issues that change with the times, such as Havelock Ellis’ ideas on birth control in 1930s Britain.

I queried you first because your MySpace page says you enjoy books that take place in far-off places and that you wish you had represented verse-lover Vikram Seth. Plus, there’s a tennis tournament in the novel that might appeal to the sports fan in you.

As for my qualifications, my grandparents were both active participants in the “Quit India” movement during the country’s struggle for Independence. My grandfather was imprisoned by the British, and I grew up on stories from those years.

I travel between India and the United States regularly, and have spent enough time in Europe on stopovers to have favorite restaurants and neighborhoods. My last trip to India was in November, when I was there for the Bombay terror attacks. I have no mathematical qualifications, but the math in this story is not complex; I would say the game can be understood with an elementary-school education.

Thank you for taking the time to read my query.

Author

STATS: 11% request rate






329 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 329   Newer›   Newest»
Derek said...

Dear Author,

Your book sounds highly promising, but I've already used up 4 out of my allotted 5 manuscript request rights, so I'm having to be more selective. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however, I do not feel excited enough about, DADI'S GAME to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in submitting to the Divalicious Agency. Please forward a synopsis and three sample chapters.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

The Diva Agent

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, not for me.
Best,
Agent Name

JSB said...

Dear Author,

I'm intrigued by the subject matter of your piece and the voice of your query letter is engaging. We'll see how I do with your math. Please sent the first 50 pages attached as either a Word .doc or an .rtf.

Thank you,
JSB

terri said...

While I think fiction using India as a backdrop has coming potential, this story wasn't right for me.

A suggestion for future queries. Your query is too long. I couldn't keep up with where the story was going. Focus on a couple of key plot points.

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: The query was difficult to absorb, even after two readings. Too long, too many names, and just a tad overwhelming. that combined with no wordcount included with the query, and the obvious lack of experience by the author makes me wary of reading on. Also, the query demonstrates for me that the author did not research the expectations agents have for a query letter, and therefore would also lead me to believe that the manuscript is not ready to be queried.

There may be a brilliant book here, but I doubt it is ready, and therefore I pass.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

I'm intrigued by the character and story, and your query is well-written, but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this project. Best of luck.

Agent99

Comments: It's not clear why the story involves math, which just seems to complicate matters. If the author could clarify this, s/he might have a better chance.

jimnduncan said...

Thank you for querying me, but I'm afraid I must pass on your stroy. Best of luck in your continued writing endeavors.

(reason: this query was all over the place, and while the backdrop is certainly intriguing, I never got a good sense of the story or anything to hook me into wanting to read pages)

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

I will have to pass at this time. However, I believe there is true potential for this manuscript and I hope you continue to submit it to other agents.

Regards,
PC

Anonymous said...

it sounds really interesting but I intensely dislike both joy luck club and the namesake, so I'd probably be the worst person to represent this.

I was also bothered by the name Raven. It's somehow very fake. Does Dadi have a name? or is she just refered to as dadi,meaning gradmother, throughout?

I would actually want to take a look at this but sadly have only two requests left. So;


Dear author,
Your manuscript is just not right for me. Thanks for querying.

sincerely,
moniza

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

This is one of those letters I loathe to write as an agent, because it's clear that you write beautifully, and I do love the story you're describing.

Subjectively, however, the material in DADI'S GAME is not something I feel I could zealously represent as it would deserve.

With your permission, I would like to forward this to a colleague of mine, Agent Y of Y Agency. She's been looking for a book exactly like this, and though I can't offer representation, it would be a pleasure to try to help you secure it elsewhere.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

KC in SF said...

thank you for your query. It was well written and the story described sounded intriguing. However, I don't think I'm the right person to agent this work.

best wishes,

KC in SF

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I am not the right agent for this project.

I do wish you success in finding representation for it.

Best,
Onovello

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but your project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

<><><><><><><><>
There wasn't anything that pulled me in and really wanted me to read more. This really is a matter of I didn't connect to your writing or the story.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not right for me.

-- Way too much info. I couldn't find the story in there.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Would you please send the first three chapters via email?

Agent XXX

(3 down, 2 to go)

**I hope the writing is as colorful as the literary premise. The struggle for rights, the love life, this could be good. The extra wording didn't bother me. Better too much than too little for a book like this.

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on Dadi's Game, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. I didn't feel excited about the plot or characters, and the query itself is much too long. Best of luck.

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While your premise sounds intriguing, I'm going to have to pass at this time.

All the best,
Laurie

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel DADI’S GAME sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS Dear Author, I love the idea of your novel, JOY LUCK CLUB is my favorite book, but this query is tooooo long and didn't stand out to me. Good luck!)

Craven said...

The story backdrop sounds interesting, but I didn't find the story as described compelling. It's not right for me at this time.

Best of luck,

Craven

ai-hua said...

Nice idea, but it's not for me. Form rejection.

reader said...

Pass.

Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

Dear Author:

The query is too long. The interview premise seems a little unoriginal and the puzzles strike me as pretentious and gimmicky. Plus, you forgot to include a word count.

Regards,

Mr. Snark

Lisa R said...

Dear Dadi's Game:

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this project is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck,

Lisa R.

I thought this was a well-written query with an interesting premise but because of only having to pick 5 queries to request manuscripts passed on it.

Bija Andrew Wright said...

There are interesting things about this proposal--and books about India are among my favorites--but I don't get a strong enough sense of your story to connect to it. Sorry, but if you have any future works or a significant revision of this one, keep me in mind. For now, I have to pass.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I'm going to pass.
Best,
Bridge
On a personal note, this is too long. You can cut all of the reasons I will like this book. I'll know if I like it from the writing that I read. I also would cut the first paragraph. I would tighten it up a bit. That being said, the premise is good. I enjoyed the ideas and the thoughts that she struggles with her marriage though a widow, how intriguing. There are some highlights such as that in the query that makes me want to look at the manuscript but they are hidden gems in the longevity of the letter. Hope this helps,
Bridge

Lucy A muse ision said...

Thanks. Sorry.

Lucy A muse ision
Fictitious Agent

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me, and I'd suggest tightening your query. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I regret to inform you that the premise of the novel does not interest me enough to request anything further. Thank you for submitting.

Best,

Agent Caroline

AgentMan said...

Not something we typically are interested in, and found the query far too long. Tighten it up and best of luck.

AgentMan

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but I don't believe your book is a good fit for the agency at this time.

Selestial


First came the rhetorical question. Then, the blurb was too long for me and I felt it lacked voice. The author also doesn't inform us how long the book is, or if it is complete.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Dadi's Game,

Although your work shows merit, I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing publication.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: the query was way too long to hold my interest!)

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but I just wasn't enthusiastic about your project.

Notes: Your query letter was far too long, and I don't know what a jelliquarium is, so that put me off.

I would condense your hook to one paragraph instead of five. Also, I have only read one of the books you mentioned, so that also left me feeling unenthusiastic about it.

I also wouldn't list your grandparents lives as "qualifications" although you might certain mention it if you like. I'd condense those last two paragraphs into two sentences.

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am going to pass this time.

Sincerely,

David de Beer

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Dadi's Game. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid this didn't hook me enough to want to read more. Sorry!

Thanks!
Sara

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

I'm very excited about your query for DADI'S GAME. You have an engaging and playful writing voice, and it sounds like you not only have several interesting stories to tell in this novel, but also the background to bring both them and the characters within them to life.

Please send me the first three chapters of DADI'S GAME, as well as an SASE and sufficient postage for me to return your pages to you later. You should hear back from me within two weeks.

I'm really looking forward to reading your work!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Dara said...

Dear Dadi,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this book. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara

Specifics: While I love cultural books like this, I think the length of the letter was a little too long. It needs to be shortened some and the key aspects of the book highlighted. Currently, it comes across as a little hard to follow, but I think it's something I would consider if the letter was refocused a bit.

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: naturally I would request this JUST for the jelliquariums. Unfortunately, the query was pretty long and threw in everything up to the kitchen sink - historical fiction, women's fiction, maths, puzzles, political history, romance, social mores and ... tennis. I'd think about a tighter, more streamlined query, but honestly I wonder if the novel also needs tightening. You didn't include the wordcount, which along with the length of the query leads me to think it's very long.)

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. The premise does sound interesting and I like the fact that you lend some of your own personal genealogy to the enrich the characters.

I do feel that this is not for me, although I believe that you should query widely. And I invite you to query me again in the future.

Best of luck.
Karen

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best of luck!
JR

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

This is a promising query, but I don't think I'm the right agent for the book. Thank you for thinking of me. I wish you best of luck.

Melissa

Thoughts: I didn't get a strong enough sense of the conflict of the book within this long query, but I was impressed with the writer's frank assessment of where the book could fit in the market.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however the project does not fit my needs at this time.

All the best,
Cindy

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

While your query for DADI’S GAME is without a doubt the funniest query I have ever read in my pretend agent career, I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best pretend agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented pretend agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other pretend agents and query those that you feel are best suited to pretend represent your imagined work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

PS Ha!

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I’m not the right agent to represent DADI'S GAME and your career as a writer.

Best wishes,

Casey

Scott said...

Dear Author,

Your idea sounds interesting, but I'm afraid I have to pass. Perhaps nailing down the essence of the story more succinctly will help you connect with another agent.

Thanks,

Scott

Libby Martin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to me. However, I'm going to have to pass on DADI'S Game. I do not feel excited enough about this project, and know very little about Indian culture and therefore wouldn't be a good fit for this project.

Best of Luck,
Libby

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Agent Erin

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your work, but it's not right for me at this time.

Best,
hannah

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent historical fiction or Women's Lit.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

Josephine Damian said...

In spite of the funny opening line, form rejection.

Monika said...

This sounds interesting. Please email the completed draft and synopsis to requested_full@fakeemail.com.

Thank you and I look forward to reading this. Feel free to email me if you do not hear back within two months.

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission, but it isn't right for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: this one's a toss up; I don't read this type of genre/story myself, but were I an agent in that arena, I'd see the potential of the story and writing. The query is a bit overlong for my taste and could use some focus - that is, I find some connections a bit confusing)

gapyeargirl123 said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid while your story sounds interesting, the writing in the query didn't grab my attention. There seemed to be too much information - it just wasn't snappy enough for me.

~Agent A

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

I enjoyed your voice and India is an interesting setting but I think that at the moment you might not be entirely clear about who your main character is. If it is the grandmother your query should focus on her if it is the granddaughter it should focus on her. The way it is now it leaves me slightly confused. I would read sample pages if attached but I'm not requesting any.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me.

Sincerely,
Amy

DCS said...

I don't feel I am the best one to represent you because of the genre in which you have written. best of luck.

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck,
Agent for a Day

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I appreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project.
I am sorry to say I did not have the passionate response to it that I would need to request more or offer you representation. Obviously you want an agent who will stand enthusiastically behind your work.

Additionally, given today’s publishing climate I do not believe I would be able to get you the attention from a publisher that your book deserves.

Publishing is very subjective, though, and another agent may well feel differently.

I do wish you success in finding representation and, once again, thank you for the opportunity to consider your work.

Sincerely,

Lois Lavrisa
Agent for a day

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: Query was too long and I didn't get a real sense of what the story is about.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

Steve Axelrod said...

Yikes. This is way too much for me. Here's hoping youi find an agent equal to your manuscript and its vaunting ambitions.

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query letter.
Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. I think a more succinct query letter might serve your promising novel better.

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

Eva Ulian said...

You have quite an amount of material you could use profitably if you place more structure in your novel and concentrate on a main theme that binds the whole work together- By the way what are "jelliquarums"?

Jeni said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. While I find your idea intriguing, your query leaves me concerned over how well you focus on your characters. For instance, it takes you three paragraphs to get to them. Don't start queries with rhetorical questions. Start with your characters and your plot. Tell us where the story begins, what the characters' obstacles to success are and how they attempt to overcome those obstacles. For instance, I'm not sure why Raven's unsure of her future. That seems important to me. I don't really need to know what kind of riddles she solves. It's enough there are riddles.In a query, you do not have to tell us the book's outcome, but we need to be emotionally involved with your characters by the end of one paragraph.

I suggest you use the story's major characters. I know you say the bratty cousin goes with Raven and the story is told in part from the cousin's pov, but leave her out of the query as she did nothing to advance the plot you wrote here. Stick with Raven and Dadi.

I wish you all the best.

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. I don't feel this is quite right for me but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Sara Cox Landolt said...

Dear Author,
I received and read your query. I'm going to pass.

Dadi's Game sounds interesting, but I'm overwhelmed with details.

Best to you,
Agent SCl

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Hilabeans said...

Dear DADI'S GAME Author,

Thank you for your submission and for visiting my MySpace page.

I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. Regrettably, I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Harsh Critic said...

I liked the first line of your query letter. Very funny! Though I expected your novel to be humorous and was disappointed it wasn't. The rest of your query letter was too long.

There doesn't seem to be enough of a conflict in the story to hold my interest.

Sorry, not for me.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

I believe that your novel has potential, but I was not fully satisfied by your query. Your voice was engaging, but some of the plot structure was a bit strained. Please do query me again, as I did enjoy your voice.

CPK

Vicky said...

Thank you for querying our agency. Unfortunately, this project is not right for us. Best of luck finding representation for your work.

All best.

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Matilda McCloud said...

Thanks for your query. I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on this one. This one almost doesn't seem real to me. Not sure why, but perhaps after a day of reading queries, my mind has turned into a jelliquarium. I'm still trying to figure out the double meaning of the title, DADI'S GAME.

In any case, if it's real, you need to pare this query way down (to 300 or so words) and figure out what your novel is really about--three 1st person POVs usually doesn't work (better all 3rd person--editors aren't too fond of 1st person). Eliminate the Havelock Ellis reference--that just sounds odd.

Best of luck,

Matilda McCloud

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that I must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

I appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

I'm interested in hearing more. Please forward the first 100 pages of DADI'S GAME my way.

Thanks,
Cary

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however I do not feel I am the right agent to represent your work.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me. Unfortunately, I am unable to offer representation at this time.

Thank you,
Nicole

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it's not for me.

Good luck!
Heather


Just as an FYI, the length of this turned me off almost right away. I think you could present the same ideas in less than half the space.

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query and although it shows promise I do not feel as though I am the right person to represent your work. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

-Lea

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #24,

Thank you for your query, but DADI's GAME isn't right for me.

KathyF

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection, though it sounds fascinating

Nik said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm going to have to pass at this time.

Reasoning (Please don't take this as me being mean, because that is NOT how I mean it. This was written with no sarcasm at all.): I was very confused by the word jelliquarium for starters. So much so that I pulled out the dictionary (which didn't have a definition) and googled it. That confused me more because I'm not sure what a jelly fish aquarium has to do with the story or rhetorical questions.

Once I got past that and read for the sake of the story I found myself not interested in the "bratty" cousin and was confused when it sounded like the story started happening from Dadi's POV.

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***

(Side note: the query itself is lengthy, and so I decided to pass, as queries ought to be succinct and to-the-point.)

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.


Regards,

Bookshop

P.S. Why no word count?


____________


(Hi! okay, it feels like you're trying to do WAY too much in this novel. like, mountainous amounts of too much.

and i'm not saying that you can't write a sweeping literary epic that contains multiple points of view, time jumps, five different continents, concurrent narratives, romantic suspense, religious, sexual, social, and ethnic complexity, folkloric elements, da vinci code-like mythology, and artimus fowl-like cryptology.

I'm just saying that your best bet to be able to successfully *publish* all that would be to focus on the heart of the narrative: who Raven is, what she wants, and why she is willing to go on a cross-continental journey to learn about the past of an estranged relative.

Make us care about that and that alone. Everything else you can show us in your narrative later, after we're reading it excitedly.

Good luck! Would love to see this vision realized and in print some day.)

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: The query is extremely long, and though I like the premise, the writing failed to grab me.

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Jen C said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Dadi's Game to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I enjoyed reading your query and I would like to request that you send your full manuscript to me so that I can peruse your work further.

Sincerely,
Jen C.

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author:
Thanks for your query and question on jelly fish aquariums (I had to look that up). It is not necessary to note this as your first novel, it would be vital to know your word count, and careful editing to be succinct would propel your query. Think about what is necessary to the storyline and less about the atmosphere: grandparents, specific tennis scenes, your travels.

Our top priority is to select what best matches our agency, I don't see an opportunity here for DADI’S GAME. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Sasha said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Your narrative voice is articulate, interesting, and polished. Though I'm confident your agent search will soon be fruitful, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your manuscript.

Good luck and yours truly,
AftD

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. While your book sounds promising, I'm afraid I couldn't represent it with the enthusiasm that it deserves.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

(Fine tune what you want to say about your concept - this was interesting but - )

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. While much about "Dadi's Game" sounds intriguing, from this sampling I do not feel that the various elements add up to make a coherent story. I could be wrong, and this is a highly subjective business.

Best of luck in your search for representation!

Sincerely,

Agent X

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Dadi's Game is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

(Although I can see this one drawing some attention, because I know a few people doing well with stories about historic India)

Disgruntled Bear said...

Dear Author,

I would like to request the first three chapters and a synopsis for DADI'S GAME. I think you may have a successful "book club" book on your hands.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Literary Agent

Laura said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but the premise is not a good fit for me.

Best of luck,

Agent Laura

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows real merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck. Please consider me for future projects.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Pap said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in my agency. However, I will not be requesting any further materials from you at this time. Please note that submissions are a very subjective business and my comments are not a critique on your writing ability. I strongly encourage you to continue your search for an agent and wish you all the best.

Your sincerely,

Make-believe Agency

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Amusing but not for me.

Leslie said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. “Didi's Game” sounds intriguing but not the type of book that I would be able to represent. Best of luck in you writing career.

Best regards, Leslie

Katy said...

Thank you for your submission. The premise sounds interesting, but ultimately I don't feel I am right for this project.
Best of luck,
Katy

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[I have to admit, playing the role of an extremely busy, inundated agent, I stopped reading at the beginning of paragraph #3. The rhetorical question open is an instant rejection for many agents. (See Nathan's advice on query writing.) Then you tell me that as a first-time author, you are taking on a James Michener project (multiple continents, five generations). The query is much too long. It may have potential, but there's work to do here.]

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, however I will have to pass. The writing did not grab me.
Best of luck elsewhere,

Megan

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Carrie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering My Agency for your next project. Please submit the first twenty pages at your earliest convenience.

Thank you,

Agent For a Day.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Renee Collins said...

Dear Dadi's Game,

Thank you for your query. I think the story sounds great, and I would love for you to send me the full manuscript in a Word doc.

Thanks,

Renee

Mystery Robin said...

Please send the full!

Thank you,
Robin

PS I felt like the query had a few issues, but I absolutely love fiction set in or about India and especially in that time period and I felt like the author was bringing new things to the table with the premise.

Adam Heine said...

This sounds really interesting. Please send me the full manuscript.

I admit, I'm a little skeptical about the whole math/puzzle aspect of the book, but if the story holds up the book on its own then it won't matter. If the puzzle is also good (I do like puzzles) then it would be a winner.

MK said...

Dear Author,

While your query is interesting, I'm afraid it's not the right fit for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent for a Day

PPP said...

Dear Author,

I'm a sucker for puzzles, so I'd almost request this one. I think my hang up is that I don't know how Raven is affected by learning about her grandmother's past, and I want to be as interested in Raven as in Dadi.

Also, the line about the secret lover being a tennis player really makes me laugh.

But I think you've got something potentially intriguing here. I wish I didn't have to pass, but I've only got one spot left on my list.

Signed,
PPP

Sage said...

Dear Dadi's Game,

I'm sorry, this isn't for me. I also was confused by the reference to jelliquariums (although I suspect it was a joke). Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this project is not right for us. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent that is as enthusiastic about this book as it deserves.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

dhole said...

Okay; this one looks interesting -- I'd like to see more if possible.

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Dadi's Game,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

(I think you are qualified to write this and it could be marketable. However, you need to focus on something. Comparing your book to everything lessens the impact to nothing. Just let your book speak for itself. Aside from that, and it may be because I am tired, the jellyquarium thing was a gimmick and I would have chunked it because of that. Let your writing tell your story, don't rely on gimmicks.)

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query letter. I believe you have a number of interesting elements in your overview. The multiple perspective story-telling approach is one I truly enjoy. I feel the same way about multiple generational stories that stretch along cultural lines. Unfortunately, I do not know if these three elements are enough to make your manuscript stand out at this time. Unfortunately, (as a pretend agent for the day) I am unable to request additional pages at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

Side note:
As a potential reader of your future published book, I hope you are able to 'sell' these elements to an agent. I feel your letter needs a little boost, something to give it an edge over the others. Perhaps there is a way to allow the voice of one of your characters to become central to your query. ...I hope you keep at it, you have a great premise.

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: I'm sensing that there are some really original ideas in here that could be tremendous fun, but at the moment they're buried in a lot of spare verbiage in the query. I get no clear sense of plot. I'm going 'huh?' for a lot of the time. Tighten, focus, and I believe you're onto a winner.

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

RW said...

Dear Author:

Thank you very much for your query. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to consider your work for representation. As you know, it’s a competitive market these days, and I don’t believe I have the right relationships to sell this project successfully. I do wish you luck in finding an agent and thank you for considering me.

Yours truly,

RW

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. As your story didn't resonate with me, I'm going to have to pass.

--
Polenth

[[If you rewrite it with the jelliquarium as a main character, I might change my mind.]]

wickerman said...

Dear Author,


Thank you for your query. I must pass on DADI's GAME at this time. I am afraid the query did not grab my attention in a way that pushes me to request more.

Best of Luck,

The Wickerman

Nathan Bransford's moped mechanic

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am afraid that your work is not right for me at this time, however I would urge you to continue to submit to other agents: this is a subjective business.

Agent

Deniz Bevan said...

Thank you for your query, but I wouldn't be the right agent in this instance.
I wish you luck finding the right home for your work.
Sincerely,
Ms Agent Agency

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid I'll be passing on this one. I wish you all the best on your search for an agent.

Best regards
Soratian

(Comments: Didn't put this in my reply but your query was far too long and lost my attention along the way. When I made myself read it slowly though, it was quite interesting- so you really need to rework the pitch.

Also, I felt that you spent too much time justifying your background, which is not necessary and comes across as defensive. If your story rings with authenticity, we'll see it!)

Patti K. said...

Thank you for submission but I do not believe it is right for me at this time. Good luck in your quest for the perfect agent!

Patti K.

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your project shows some promise and sounds interesting, unfortunately it is just not the right one for me. Please keep in mind that appeal as a novel is entirely subjective – so keep at it!

Sincerely,
JuJu

Jabez said...

Thank you for your query. Your premise sounds interesting. Please email me the first 30-40 pages.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.


It's funny how fast my eyes skim and whether or not I will even continue to read. I was noticing that with the pages and now with the queries.

My answer to the first question is No (and I'm not even bothering to look up the word) and then there's a paragrpah about where the book is set. I'm done by this time and moving on to the next query.

Sherry Ficklin said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to have to pass. Best of luck finding another agent!

Sincerely, Agent Faux

Kats said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query, unfortunately I'm not the right agent for Dadi's Game. Good luck in your search for an agent.

Best,
Agent for a Day, Kats

lucy in the sky said...

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not believe I am the best person to represent your work.

educlaytion said...

Thank you for your submission, but your book is not for me. Good luck in the future.

Maricar said...

Dear Author,

I found myself confused by a few points in your query. First, if Raven is laid off, why is her first concern traveling the world instead of finding a job? Second, the phrase "dispose of Dadi’s remains" struck a negative chord, as if Raven didn't like her grandmother.

I cannot find enough focus in the work to merit a request for a partial. I do believe the material has potential, so I wish you best of luck.

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. However, I am not able to offer representation at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

Tree said...

Dear Author:
I want to thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. Unfortunately, I did not connect well enough with your project to pursue it further. As I'm sure you know, agenting is a very subjective business. Although your project didn't fit with my particular list, another agent may respond very differently.
Please accept my best wishes for success in your writing career and finding the perfect advocate for your work.
Sincerely,
Tree

Janeal C. Falor said...

Thank you for the opportunity to look at you work. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right project for me.

Heather Harper said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. After careful consideration, I regret that I’m unable to request your manuscript at this time.

Best,
Agent for a day

Lipstick Lizzie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for the chance to look at your work. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the right agent for this project.

Best of luck,
Lizzie

cwsherwoodedits said...

Thank you for your query. I'm going to have to pass.

Fairduncan said...

Dear Author

Thanks for querying us. I regret I have to pass on this one, but wish you every success in finding representation.

Cordially Yours,
Agent

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Note: Work on making your hook jump out in the first couple of sentences.

JohnO said...

Dear Author,

While the setting and the time frame of your project will have some appeal to readers, this project is not quite right for me.

Best,
Agent

Amethyst Greye Alexander said...

Dear Author,

I've reviewed your query but am afraid your project isn't a good fit with the works I represent. I hope you won't let this discourage you, however, as every agent has different tastes and you're sure to find representation that will better suit your needs.

Thank you for considering me.
Amethyst Adams

Anonymous said...

Form Rejection.

Agent DC

Wandering Spirit said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query. Although your story shows potential it is unfortunately of a genre that I am not best suited to represent. However, all writing is of value and I wish you the best in your endeavours.

Best wishes

Agent for a Day

Note: I enjoy this genre, however the query was lengthy and complex and I’m a little lost now.

Venus Vaughn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, your project doesn't meet my needs at this time.
Best of luck to you in your writing career.

~Venus Vaughn

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider your work. I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

I'm curious about the comparison to "The Lady or the Tiger?" Is there a massive cliffhanger ending?

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

Maryann Miller said...

So sorry, but this is not right for us. Good luck placing it elsewhere.

Mira said...

Dear Author,

I think you have a very interesting and complicated story here. Your genre, literary historical fiction is a highly respected niche in the writing world. A good book can go very far in terms of praise and acknowledgement.

I am not requesting a partial because I could not quite get a sense of the storyline. It would be helpful if you could give a better sense of where this 'journey of exploration' leads. What is the arc and the end result? Are the women's conflicts resolved, and if so, how?

I like your description of why you selected this agent, but you might be careful about 'insider jokes' (like rhetorical questions) in a query. I'm not sure how an agent would feel about them - it strikes me as abit risky.

I suspect this is a work that is close to your heart and, therefore, has a message (subtle or overt) that is sincere, thoughtful and potent.

I truly wish you the best of luck with it!

Mira

Savannah Pens said...

Dear Author: Thank you for your query, but I must pass. Best wishes. Savannah Pens Agent

Jenn said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. While your story sounds interesting, I do not believe it is appropriate for my needs at this time.

Sincerely,
Fake Agent

---I got lost with too much information, places and names to really grasp the plot. But that's just me!

Elizabeth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not feel strongly enough about the work to request any further material.

Best regards,

Agent Elizabeth

Lupina said...

Thank you but it's not for me at this time.

The Lupina Agency

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

This sounds interesting. Please send along the manuscript.

Thanks!

Barbara

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me. I appreciate your time and consideration, and wish you luck in finding representation.
Best,

Agent M

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your query, but I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Raven56 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying "Agent for a Day" Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel this story is a good fit for our list at this time. We encourage you to continue querying other agents.

Best of luck,

Raven56

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submisson. Unfortunately, this work is not right for me.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

(reason: too much randomness in the query, I can't get a feel for the novel.)

Anonymous said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, we did not feel strongly enough about your work to pursue it further.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable representation.

Sincerely,
The Fake Agency

RB Ripley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me with your recent query for DADI'S GAME.

While the backdrop of India and the multiple narrative are certainly intriguing, unfortunately the content isn't a passion of mine, so I must respectfully decline.

Please remember, we are part of a highly subjective industry and I am confident there is an agent out who would best represent your story.

In future, you may want to craft a more succinct query letter that highlights the emotional arc of the story and includes a word count.

Again, thank you for your consideration and I do hope you’ll think of me for future projects. I wish you all the best in your continued efforts. Keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent For a Day

Audrey E said...

Dear Author,

While your query seems promising, I am afraid I must pass. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation for DADI'S GAME.

Yours,
Audrey

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me with DADI'S GAME. It sounds absorbing in many ways; however, it's not "grabbing" me the way a book needs to for me to give it my best representation. Therefore, I'm taking a pass on it.

However, remember that publishing is a very subjective game; what I don't like, someone else might well love, and I wish you the best of luck elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your interest in our agency. However, I'm afraid this isn't quite right for us. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

Agent.

(I was torn on this. The query is too long and rambling and yet the parts dealing with the story sound fantastic. Pages would have helped immensely. Without them, I assume the book is as rambling and off-target as the query. In real life, I'd ask for pages rather than reject out of hand.)

Carradee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story isn't for me. Another agent might feel differently.

I wish you success in your writing endeavor.

Carradee

Taymalin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this story is not for me at this time. Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Taymalin

sKim said...

Thank you for sending this original proposal. We regret that it doesn't suit our needs at the moment. Best of luck to you.

TFree said...

Thank you for considering me. Unfortunately, this piece isn’t right for me at this time. Good luck with this and future endeavors.

TF

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about your book. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

Krista said...

Sorry, rejection.

I like the premise alot, and I would ask for it if we were aloud more than five.

Good luck.

Jeannie said...

Sounds interesting. Can I see the first 3 chapters?
Jeannie

Chuck H. said...

Dear Author,

Sorry to say this didn't grab me. Good luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Chuck

(Query too long and sounds too much like the book is trying to be all things to all men.)

Marilyn Peake said...

Dear Author of DADI’S GAME:

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I cannot offer you representation at this time. Please do not in any way interpret this as meaning that your book doesn’t have merit or that you should give up on writing. Follow your dreams. I wish you all the best in your search for a literary agent.

Sincerely,
Writerly Angst Literary Agent

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