Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #2

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day:

I thoroughly enjoy your Blog – for the tremendous amount of helpful information, your witty comments, and the lively conversations. I hope that you’ll be interested in representing my 80,000-word urban fantasy novel, SHIMMERING DESTINY.

Donella Bard is an urban faerie masquerading as human, working as a repo gal. Her fae colleague, Fayette Callaghan, shows humans their personal destinies within a cheap crystal ball purchased at a Halloween shop. These fortunes are based on each person’s individual desires, and the fortune faerie steers her clients toward their own demise. For those who become bankrupt, Donella swoops in to repossess their belongings. For those destined to rule the world, Donella strikes a bargain to share in their ultimate power. However, fae are fickle and often delight in the complete ruin of civilization.

My writing has won numerous awards, including: a Silver Award and six Finalist placements in the ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards, three Finalist placements in the EPPIE Awards, and Winner of both the EPPIE and Dream Realm Awards. James A. Cox, Editor-in-Chief of the Midwest Book Review, has described me as a “story teller of considerable narrative skill.” Further information about my work is available on my website.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Author

STATS: 3% request rate






369 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 369   Newer›   Newest»
brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. While your premise sounds interesting, I'm afraid I don't have enough of a feel for the plot of the novel, so I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,
hannah

Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

(reasoning: while it sounds interesting/different, it's not up my alley - I'd also like a few more specifics).

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for considering me for representation. I feel that the hook just isn't strong enough. I'm not sure I could sell this.

Warm regards,
PC

Chuck H. said...

Not my kind of thing and where are the five pages? Good luck with your search for representation.

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author,

Thanks, but this isn't for me.

I hope you find a home for this work. It sounds wonderful. I just wouldn't be a good champion for urban fantasy.

Agent for the Day

Reason for rejection? No clear hero to root for. No strong hook. I would have flipped over and read the first page to see if I liked it, but without that I'd have to reject.

David said...

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

AgentMan said...

Form rejection.

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regert to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

jimnduncan said...

While I find potential in the premise, I'm afriad I will be passing on requesting more material. Thank you for taking the time to query me, and I wish you the best of luck in your continued efforts.

(Reason: What's the story about? There's an interesting set-up here, but no sense of what happens.)

Trix said...

Dear Fortune Teller:

Thank you for your submission but I cannot request it at this time. There is too much information. Shave it in half, fine tune Donella, and maybe next time you’ll get lucky.

Best Regards,
Trix

PS Everyone loves my blog, start with something I don’t know, like why I should be scared if Donella rules the world.

Josephine Damian said...

First paragraph as adverbs (no doubt so will the novel), and states the obvious.

Reject.

Eva Ulian said...

Thank you for your submission, unfortunately the story did not pull me in.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Form rejection.

Thanks, Kitti! That's the kind of rejection I was looking to write for the first one.

My eyes glazed over as I read the query - not a good sign. Plus there are no pages.

Cat said...

Dear Author,

this sounds like an intruiging concept but I do not see the story there. What is at stake and why should we care about the fae if they are as nasty as you say?

I wish you luck in finding representation,
Cat

rejection because I didn't get a clear picture of the story but not a form rejection because I like the idea behind it. I probably would read some sample pages if they were added.

Anonymous said...

Dear Chuck and Sally,

I included the first five pages with my query, but they didn't appear on the Blog for some reason.

- Author of this query

Dara said...

Dear Shimmering Destiny,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara


Specifics: I wasn't really drawn in by the premise. It didn't really seem clear enough for me. I couldn't get the sense of the author's voice either.

reader said...

Pass.

I'm afraid there are too many fairy books flooding the market at the moment for me to have luck placing this.

Best of luck.

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Shimmering,

Thank God they change the working titles on these things! I love Urb fantasies. I hate Repo chicks. Nevertheless, your story intrigues me. Send it on. I'll read it. I'll read anything this month because my current stable of dullards hasn't produced a word worth hawking to any reputable publisher. Maybe you can crank out stuff a lot faster. With a title like Shimmering Whatchacallit, I doubt it, but we'll give it a go.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

Frankie Anon said...

Thank you for your submission, but this is not quite right for us.

Reasons behind decision: Plot is a bit muddled: How many people are destined to rule the world? I also don't have any sense of the characters here and although the idea sounds whimsical, the writing sample doesn't reflect that. A revised query might be a good idea for this writer though.

Agent99

Scott said...

Dear Author,

I'm sorry, but I don't represent fantasy. Good luck.

Scott

(reason): the query, if it found me by accident, was far too "inside" for me to even grasp it. There were terms and elements to the plot that may have struck a chord in fantasy readers, but even if I was tutored on the subject, the protagonists confused me a bit about what their job was. Late on I was given info about faeries (is "fae" the same thing) interested in ruin, so I got the impression that I was going to read a story about antagonists.

Anonymous said...

Send the first three chapters.
I like the premise and the voice, these ladies sound like the Thelma and Louise of the Fae.

Agent XXX

(Since I don't have a google account, I'm calling myself Agent XXX

Karen said...

Dear Agent,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I do not have a strong idea of the concept of your novel, so I am going to have to pass at this time.

Good luck.

Agent for a Day

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Sorry, but I think your idea, while interesting, would lack broad appeal. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent Fantasy.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, it is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The story summary is a bit confusing.

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

Your story sounds interesting as well as the title. I would like to see your manuscript.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

scj said...

Sorry, but this isn't right for me. I would like to have seen more specifics about the stakes. Thanks and best of luck.

7-iron said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your proposal for Shimmering Destiny. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you representation, at this time.
Yours,
7-iron.

The writing of the query is far too passive. I'd expect the syntax of the novel to be similar. Verbs such as "shows" "are based" "steers" are just too plain.

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

This novel sounds interesting, but the plot feels a little vague, so I'm going to have to pass.

Best wishes,

JuJu

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query, but I don't think I'm the right agent for the book. Best of luck.

Melissa

Reasoning: The premise is intriguing, but the plot doesn't shine through. Also, the synopsis paragraph leaves me wondering which of the two main characters is really the focus.

Lisa R said...

Dear Shimmering Destiny:

Thank you for submitting your query. While your premise is interesting, the project is not right for me at this time. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck in seeking representation.

Lisa R

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Although I am impressed with your creditionals, I couldn't connect with the storyline and feel I couldn't represent your novel to the best of my abilities.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

writtenwyrdd said...

Form rejection.

The characters sound wholly unlikeable and there isn't any real description of the story.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author,

Although your work shows merit, I'm afraid that I cannot request further materials at this time - I don't have a sense of the plot of your novel. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

Melina said...

Dear Author,

It sounds like you've got a some what good concept going on, but it's not very original. Sorry, I couldn't help you. I wish you the best in the future.

Thanks,

Melina

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not right for me at this time.

Agent Erin

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. I didn't feel the conflict enough through your query. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,
I did receive and read your query. Unfortunately it's not a good fit. I had a hard time understanding the plot and didn't get a good sense of your main characters.
Best to you,
Agent SCL

Chris Eldin said...

I REALLY liked this one! I hope the pages are good, because I'm asking for some.

Jane Doherty said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm not looking for new clients at this time.

Good luck in your search.

Jane

PPP said...

Dear Author,

While it's true I'm quite witty, I have to pass on this project. Mostly because I don't know where the conflict comes in for Donna. Throw in a boyfriend or two and you're all set.

Signed,
PPP

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but it is not what I am looking for at this time. Good luck with your quest for the perfect agent.

Patti

Laurel said...

Form rejection with a personal note to improve the query and try again.

I really like the idea of two faeries working together to scam humans and I get the sense your book includes nice touches of humor, but the writing in your query is imprecise: I don't think "demise" is the right word; how many people have actually ruled the world?; and how many times can civilization meet complete ruin?

My guess is your book is much better than your query, but I wouldn't want to edit 80K words as imprecise as the letter.

ai-hua said...

I'm glad they like the blog, and the premise shows some potential. Unfortunately, I don't enjoy a lot of urban fantasy, so this would be a sorry-not-my-genre rejection (hopefully with a note that I've passed it on to someone who _does_).

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

Colorado Writer said...

Sorry, I'm passing on this one.
Best,
Agent Name

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Many thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I don't represent fantasy.

I wish you all the best in finding representation for your work.

Sincerely,
Onovello

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

KC in SF said...

I think your concept of a faerie/repo woman is clever and charming but I'm afraid I don't represent fantasy.

best of luck,

KC in SF

Steph said...

Dear (your name),

The problem here is that I had to reread three times to follow the story, which isn't good when my urban fantasy list is as limited as it is. I have no other material to go on, so I'm going to have to pass. I'm sure you know opinions vary greatly in this business, so query big and query widely.

Best of luck,
Steph

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid I'm going to pass this time. The premise sounds intriguing but I don't know what the story is about yet. Please do consider me again in future,

Regards,

David de Beer

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


Reason: Where's the plot?? I need some conflict. Give me a reason to be invested in the characters and to want to read those sample pages. (I might skim them just out of curiosity to see if any conflict is presented immediately.)

P.S. This is such a great opportunity; thanks for doing this, Nathan! I mostly copy-edit in my current job and don't get to do acquisitions or interact with writers, so this is fun.

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Thanks, but no thanks. Too wordy for my taste.

Best,
A Gent

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for SHIMMERING DESTINY, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

Please send the first 50 pages.

Notes: The premise is original, and well stated. The "hook" paragraph could be tightened up, but overall... if I saw this book on the shelves, I'd pick it up, so even though we're only at #2 in the "game", I'd have to make a request.

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. I like the idea of Donella being a repo gal. However, I will have to pass at this time.

Thank you,
emc

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Very cute premise, but your protagonists don't sound sympathetic enough.

Anonymous said...

Jenn S. and others who mentioned that the first five sample pages are missing -

I included them with my query, but they didn't appear on the Blog.

- Author of this query letter

K.D. said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I don't think your project sounds right for me.

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.

Notes: If I saw the first 5 pages, I might not reject. Ultimately, the blurb is just not compelling enough for me to request pages. Knowing that the author has won awards would get me to read attached pages to see if I was hooked.

Nadia said...

Form R

Reason: I have no idea who the protagonist is, what he/she wants, what obstacles / villains he/she faces, etc.

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Query letters are supposed to be short, but yours is too short -- not enough info. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

kdrausin said...

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completeing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time, however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing excellence in your craft. Best of luck to you on your journey.

Warm Regards, KDrausin

Lucy Ammunition said...

Dear Author,
I bet this is just great, but suddenly I seem to have more bad fairy novels on my desk than I can possibly describe.
A work has to really stand out form the crowd in this genre for me to be able to sell it.
That said, there are markets for this sort of work and I wish you success.
Best of luck,

Lucy Ammunition
Fictitious Agent

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel excited enough about this story to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, this is not right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a Day

[Not my cup of tea.]

BJ said...

I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass. - BJ

Reasons:
1) Sounds a little too pat, as though the world revolves around these two faeries with no consequences to either of them.
2) What's the plot? Besides playing tricks on people, what happens? Does the main character change in any way? Why? What choice(s) does she have to make, and what are the consequences?

Renee Collins said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for thinking of me, and for the kind words about my blog. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Renee

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query.  Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

splatter said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this work isn't right for me.



Reason: First off, reading this didn't give me any sense of motion in the plot. Here are two characters we are bound to dislike (after all, they're steering people toward ruin), and here's a premise for where the book opens... but that's it. I need to know more before I'm sold. A rewrite might really help this author, but as it stands right now, form reject.

Jeni said...

Dear Shimmering,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: I like the idea of slightly wicked urban fae, a la The Good Fairies of New York, but neither character presented here really seemed like someone I'd like to read about, and I didn't get a sense of a story (conflict) beyond the set up. I was left thinking, "and then?"

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

I'm so glad you enjoy the blog and that you find it helpful!

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass on "Shimmering Destiny" at this time because urban fantasy is outside of my realm of expertise. (But I would have read the first page if it had been included here, so keep trying.)

Best of luck finding representation.

Laurie

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. I'm going to have to pass. I didn't love Donella or love to hate Donella. I suggest you make it more persuasive. You must make me care.

Best of luck!

JR

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query to me. Unfortunately, I do not believe SHIMMERING DESTINY is a good fit for me at this moment in time. The urban faeries masquerading as humans sounds extremely interesting, but I was not sure what the primary plot of the story is. Is the story mainly about trying to strike a bargain with the humans to rule the world? Are the faeries helping them?

Good luck,
Nicole

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Your premise is intriguing, but unfortunately, I feel that SHIMMERING DESTINY is not a fit for our agency. If I might make a suggestion, I'd propose giving a clearer indication of your plot, aside from the fae characters, in order to clarify the conflicts you plan to express.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

lilianamama said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in the "Be An Agent For a Day" contest. While I find your idea intriguing, your query letter does not tell me enough about your character's desires/goals. I need to see that you understand tension, arc, resolution and conclusion. If at all possible, I'd also like to know how your main character changes throughout the book. I suggest you use text from your story that displays your skill as a fiction author. Especially since it's obvious from your awards that you have skill.

I wish you all the best.

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

I'm intrigued and would like the opportunity to review your first chapter and synopsis.

Selestial



There were things that bugged me, but I'm intrigued enough by the set-up to give it a one-chapter look-see. Basically, I didn't get a feel for plot at all, but the set-up was unique and grabbed my interest.

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.

-- The character doesn't seem likeable, I don't think I'd enjoy reading about a MC fae who love screwing with people. I'd like a bit more plot, too.

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for the submission, Shimmering Destiny. Unfortunately, it's not right for me. I wish you good fortune in your search for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your story to me.
I'm afraid I cannot represent this kind of work at the time, though I would encourage you to submit it to a different agency.
The substance of your story sounds interesting, but the details of the plot are not clear.
I would suggest you work on declaring the plot more clearly and concisely.
Best of luck to you and your writing!
Reesha

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best regards,
Agent for a day

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for reading my blog and sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.


{specific reasons - no plot description in the query letter, and main characters sound as though they would be difficult to root for.}

DCS said...

Thanks. Unfortunately I do not handle material in your genre.

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I am not the right agent to represent SHIMMERING DESTINY.

Best wishes,

Casey

***

While I appreciate the tight summary in the second paragraph, it comes across too telling in my opinion. Nothing grabs me and demonstrates your decent credits.

morphine-moniza said...

This query confused me. The story isn;t very clear, for one thing. And the characters are not presented in a way that would compel me to find out more about them.

So.

Dear author,
I don;t think I;m the right person to represent you manuscrpt. Thanks for querying me.

sincerely,
Agent Moniza (that sounds seriously cool and spy-like)

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

While your voice sounds interesting, I don't feel like I could be attached enough to this manuscript to successfully represent it.

Please let me know about your future projects.

Best of luck,

Agent Caroline

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author:

Congratulations on your awards and recognitions; however, this isn't right for me at this time.

Agent for a Day

Owl Sprite said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for sending me your query for "Shimmering Destiny." Unfortunately, it doesn't meet my needs at this time.

Best wishes in your search for representation,

(Notes: This sounds quite interesting, but just not up my alley. I personally don't care for urban fantasy.)

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I feel like the pitch paragraph was about the set-up, not the conflict. OK, so these fairies are doing this stuff--but why? What's the tension/conflict/problem--other than that they're fickle?)

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Shimmering Author,

Although your characters have promise, I'm confused by some aspects of your story. Your query says that the fortune fairy steers her clients to their demise: some towards their bankruptcy and some are destined to be rulers? How is being destined to rule a demise? Your query also does not explain why the characters choose this particular method for "ruining civilization".

Thank you for your submission. I hope my suggestions are helpful. However, I will not be able to represent you at this time.

Sincerely,
BK

Laura said...

Dear Author,

I'm going to pass on this one, it's not a good fit for me at this time.

Good luck!

Agent Laura

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: couldn't figure out what the actual plot was. So she's the partner of a fortune-teller and she does bad things to people. And ... what happens? I'm missing the protagonist's goal and the overall conflict of the story.)

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying our agency regarding Shimmering Destiny. Unfortunately, I will have to pass as the character's story goal is vague as is the central conflict of the novel. Please refer to our agency blog for additional information on writing query letters. All best.

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it isn't what Im looking for at this time. Good luck with your publishing endeavors.

Kiki

Chrissy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

The premise sounds intriguing so I would read the pages that are supposedly attached, however I'm skeptical because I don't see who this story is really about and what the real dilemma is. So if the pages were there I would read them just to make sure, but since they're not, form rejection.

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

bridge said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. I am afraid it isn't right for me.
Best of luck,
Bridge

On a personal note, This is interesting. I liked the premise. but didn't get a sense of voice, is it about the faerie or her friend? It started at one then switched so that was a bit muddled. Then I thought the last sentence was a bit ambiguous. Are they trying to ruin civilization? Should we care? Whose side are we on? Are their sympathetic mortals we are supposed to be rooting for? This was a bit vague and I think it could be reworked. The story sounds great and with some tweaking on the query I would request pages. The last paragraph comes off a bit much to me. I would leave out the quote. Just keep publishing credits.
Good luck. Hope this helps.
Bridge

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I apppreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project. Wishing you the best of luck in your pursuit of publication.

Lois

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Cindy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this project isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck finding an agent,
Cindy

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author:

Thanks for your query. It is our top priority to select what best matches our agency. I'm afraid I must decline. We wish you success as you pursue an agent better suited to your work.

Ethan Rose said...

Dear Author
Thank you for contacting me. The premise sounds like it might be interesting, however your description failed to peak my interest.

Heather said...

Dear Author,

Please send me the first fifty pages of your manuscript and a short synopsis.

Thanks,
Heather

L.C. Gant said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While I'm intrigued by the premise and the characters, I need to know more about the story's conflict before I'm willing to request pages. Feel free to requery after you have revised it.

Best wishes,

Agent L.C. Gant

Craven said...

The premise seems interesting, but I don't get a feeling that anything is at stake for the two main characters, or a definite direction for the story. I'm going to have to pass this time.

Bestt of luck, Craven

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. I am also glad to hear that you enjoy my blog. I'm glad it is appealing to you.

As to your story, it sounds quite interesting, but I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Reason for rejection: While I like the premise, I don't have a good feeling of what is going to happen in the story besides the world going in an uproar. This has been done before but because it has, the author must have a unique approach to it. I don't see that here.

jerimiah said...

No, but best of luck to you.

Jerimiah

Harsh Critic said...

I worry that faeries are over-done these days, or at least will be by the time this could be published.

Also, I wouldn't quote the book review editor. I don't think that's a worthy enough credential.

Sorry, not for me.

Getabo Publishing said...

I like your query length, conciseness and balance of content (blog, detail of book, plot and credits.) I like the premise and it sounds witty and unusual.

Suggestions: In the plot paragraph, I would like to see a more precise sample of plot included so that I can understand if there is conflict, a quest or some sort of relationship issue which takes place, rather than just 'this happens, then that happens' and I would like to get an idea of the direction the conclusion takes.

***

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Mira said...

Dear Author,

I am very interested in your novel, Shimmering Destiny. Please submit a partial to me at your convienence.

Thank you,

Mira
--------------------------------
p.s. I love fantasy, and there is no way on God's green earth I would turn down seeing a partial of an author with so many credentials.

Monika said...

Thank you for your submission, but I do not think this project is right us. This is a subjective business and other agencies will feel differently. We wish you every success with your project.

[I think this sounds really, really good, but I don't know what the conflict is. Is it a series of stories of these two wrecking havoc, or are they confronted with a greater dilemma?]

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I don't think this is the right project for me. I have no idea where the story would be headed based on this query and see no reason to be sympathetic towards the main character.

Thanks and best of luck,
Cary

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While our agency is not the best fit for this particular project, other agents may feel differently. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,

Bookshop

________

(Hi! So, the dealbreaker for me with your query came pretty early on, because I immediately started wondering what an "urban fairy" was. I'm used to seeing fairies in urban environments in stories, but usually there's a conflict between their fae nature and their setting, and so when you didn't elaborate on why and where she was, I went into the rest of your plot with questions, and got very little sense of what was at stake here.

Try and be as efficient as you can with your language description. Focus on actions rather than descriptive words. Doing this will tighten your summary and condense the plot. Even visually it makes a difference, because the fewer words on the page, the less "stuff" there is for me as a reader to parse through and make sense of.

Finally, I know this is something not all agents would care about, but I'm a stickler for word usage. You used a complimentary and flattering blurb (and it is a great compliment, congratulations!) - but I was thrown off by "story teller" being two words instead of one, and it detracted me from the point, eg your talent.

So just be careful with your language, try cutting back on your descriptors, and really focus on quickly setting up background and launching into plot. Something you might try is storyboarding (sketching out in comic form) the whole plot in no more than six panels. It sounds corny but it can really work.

Good luck! I think you've got a great premise here, so keep working on your query. :D)

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, however, I will need to pass on your project at this time.

Cat

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

I like that your twist on fairies sounds genuinely unique, but I'm going to have to pass. Sorry!

Thanks!

~Jamie said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I don't think I'm the right person to sell your novel. Good Luck!

Best,
Jamie

Nik said...

Thank you for your submission. I'm going to pass at this time.

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for thinking of me, but it's not quite right for my list at this time. Yrs, etc.

Lisa and Laura said...

Thank you for thinking of me, but this isn't right for me.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

EJN said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your query does not give me a strong enough sense of the tone, characters, or central conflict to compel me to request further materials. However, keep in mind that I am only one person with subjective tastes. I encourage you to keep trying.

Best of luck,
Agent EJN

The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query, but it's not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your writing endeavors!

Elaine

Hilabeans said...

Dear Shimmering Destiny Author,

Thank you for your submission and for reading my blog.

I appreciate the opportunity to consider your work. Regrettably, I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this is not a story that intrigues me sufficently.

Best regards,

Larry

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting Shimmering Destiny. Unfortunately, this title does not fit our needs at this time.

Regards,
Calli
_____
(Side note: I was trying to figure out exactly what those who were destined to rule the world had to do with people getting fleeced by the faeries. Kind of odd for so many world rulers to congregate at one point -- and if their rule is going to lead to the ruin of civilization, isn't said ruin their destiny, not ruling the world? The faerie protagonists come off as inherently unsympathetic, too. It just isn't coming together for me.)

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Kristi said...

Although this sounds like an interesting idea, I'm afraid it isn't quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel Shimmering Destiny. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

We appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and we wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,

Thank-you ever so much for your query unfortunately your main plot is not described in enough detail and I don't get any idea of what your characters are like. I would encourage you to rewrite your query with more character depth and re-submit.

Best of luck,

-Lea

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing SHIMMERING DESTINY, but I'm going to pass.

Best of luck,

Barbara

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this story, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: The middle section of the query is a bit messy. This is story that would be something I'd represent but the summary of the plot is wordy, which makes me fear the entire manuscript at 80,000 words is a bit wordy.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

Unfortunately, I am unable to offer you representation at this time. Thank you for submitting your work for consideration. Please keep me in mind for future projects.

Kindest Regards,

D. Agent

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

The premise sounds interesting, but as I don't have a feel for the plot of his novel, I am going to pass. We receive hundreds of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

perimyndith said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass.

Yours,
Erin

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your submission for Shimmering Destiny. I am afraid it does not interest me at this time.


Best of Luck

The Wickerman

Paperclip Stacker, Bransford Lit

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #2,

Thank you for your query. You describe an interesting setting, but I don't get the plot or why I should care about these characters.
Therefore I will pass on SHIMMERING DESTINY.

KathyF

Gwen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately, this project is not a good fit for me at the present time.

Regards,

Gwen

***
(Note: the premise sounds interesting, but unfortunately I could not get a sense of conflict. As a result, I have to pass.)

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it’s not what we are looking to represent at this time.

Thank you,
Agent F A Day

sKim said...

Thank you for this original proposal. Unfortunately, it doesn't suit our present needs. Best of luck to you.

Melanie K said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Shimmering Destiny. Unfortunately I am not able to offer you representation. Best of luck in your search.

Melanie

Main reason: Are there 2 antagonists and no protagonist? From what's here, I can't imagine that I'd find a character to root for. And even if one DID change, the author states that the fae are fickle . . .

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Dana said...

Form Rejection

Reasons: I wasn't sure what the plot was actually going to be. The characters sounded interesting, but not enough to interest me with no plot.

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form Rejection.

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Fairies don't do it for me, and if they did, the hook here just isn't strong enough.]

Dave said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry to say that I have to pass. Good luck in your hunt for representation, and don’t get discouraged!

Kavanaugh and Byrne's LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Shimmering Destiny is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query regarding Shimmering Destiny. I am intrigued by the premise and voice and would like to see your first three chapters.

Please submit the first three chapters at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this novel is not right for us at this time.

Best wishes,
Bekkoni

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

(This one almost made the cut, but it was too vague for me to get a good sense of the plot. I liked the premise, though.)

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Other Lisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it's not what I'm looking for. Your premise is intriguing but the execution, in the query at least, confused me.

Best of luck in your search for representation, and keep writing!

Sincerely,

Agent X

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid this story is not for me. I do like your set-up of a faery who's a repo girl (but surely, reposition folks don't profit from people going bankrupt?).

However, your pitch is all premise and lacks a central conflict. You may want to work on that while pitching to other agents.

Thanks,
Soratian

Agent FaD Jen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,

Agent FaD Jen

(The main reason for passing is the lack of specifics. The query seems to only mention the set-up, not the actual plot. It does sound like a very intriguing idea and it is too bad that more details weren't in the letter.)

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

While this project shows merit, I'm afraid it didn't fully resonate with me. I feel sure that another agent will feel differently, and wish you the best of luck.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Katy said...

I get no sense of plot from your query letter and will therefore have to pass.

Best of luck,
Katy

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your work does not fit our publishing needs at this time. Best of luck.

Pinkie said...

Dear Author,

I sensed some talent but felt the query wasn't compelling enough. If you feel your novel is compelling, perhaps you should research how to write a better query. And resend if you do.

Thanks.
CPK

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm sorry to say that this does not sound right for me. Best of luck elsewhere!

Megan

Matilda McCloud said...

Thank you for your query. Please send the first three chapters to my attention.

With my best regards,

Matilda McCloud

Anonymous said...

Thank you for submitting, but I'm going to pass.

XWD Literary Agency

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: This seems like an interesting premise, but I don't get any sense of the plot or central conflict. Who am I rooting for? What challenge are they trying to overcome?

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

Jeanne Tomlin said...

Form rejection

Maryann Miller said...

This is not something that our agency can get excited about. Good luck elsewhere.

Lucy said...

Dear Author: Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately, we do not feel that we are a suitable agency to represent your work. We wish you every success in your search for an agent. Sincerely, L. C.

Eden said...

Thanks for the opportunity but I'm afraid I'll have to pass on representing this piece.

Best of luck with your writing.

~Eden

Pap said...

This sounds good. I would have requested pages if I had not already used up my 5 requests. Good luck with your novel and I hope you find an agent. All the best.

Adam Heine said...

This sounds really interesting. Please send me the full manuscript.

MK said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your submission. After careful consideration, I've decided this manuscript isn't for us at this time.

Good luck with your search.

Best,
Agent For a Day

Sage said...

Dear Shimmering Destiny,

While the story sounds interesting and fairies are hot right now, the characters and conflict didn't grab me enough. Another agent may feel differently.

Thanks,
Sage

Sol said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your letter. Although I admire your list of accomplishments, and feel you will continue to find success with your writing, I am unable to request a sample at this time.

Kind regards,

Sol Nima

theflightytemptress said...

Dear Watcher’s Web,

Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it’s not for me. Publishing is a very subjective business, though, and another agent may feel differently. Best of luck on your continued search.

Yours,

Kat Brauer

Nay said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query.
I will have to pass on this project, but best of luck to you.

-Nay

Vic K said...

Thank you for submitting to my agency, however I am not able to offer representation at this time.

Regards,
Vic K.

Reason; The premise is intriguing but the query didn't have enough information about the actual story to hook me.

austere said...

Dear Author #2

Regrets.

Good luck with your writing.

Regards,

Annie said...

I'd pass.

Reason: I really like the set-up, but the query gives me no idea of story.

Selene said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for contacting Selene Literary. After reading your query for SHIMMERING DESTINY, I would like to read the complete manuscript. Please send it as an e-mail attachment at your convenience.

Best regards,
Selene Da Agent
Selene Literary

Poppy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Although I like your premise, I am afraid that I did not clearly see the story arc, so I must decline.

Agent

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query of SHIMMERING DESTINY. I'm going to pass on it, however, for a couple of reasons.

First, your characters are unsympathetic for me; as a reader, I want someone to "root for," and neither of these faeries is that character.

Second, there's a vagueness to this query that makes me wonder if the story is as focused as it should be, and as a consequence, I'm not as excited about it as I should be to want to pursue it further.

Thanks again for your query, and best of luck in your writing endeavors!

Sincerely,
Janny

Brigita said...

Thank you for sending me your query. Unfortunately, this project is not right for me. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.

thin said...

Dear Author,
While it seems like an interesting premise for a book, I'm sorry to say that I cannot take on the project. Thank you for considering me, and best of luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Thin

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