Nathan Bransford, Author


Monday, April 13, 2009

Be An Agent for a Day: Query #1

This query is part of the Be an Agent for a Day contest. Rules and Regulations here

Please post your rejection or manuscript request in the comment section!



Dear Agent for a Day,

She’s not your ordinary Australian country girl, even though she might look like one. She messes with the minds of animals, and sometimes people. She reads their feelings and tells them what to do. Nobody knows what causes it, least of all her. Her name is Jessica, but most people call her ‘freak’.

She’s about to find out who she is, or what she is, and why two men from opposing forces in the universe want her, desperately. Why one of them kidnaps her and transports her to another world, and why the other one invades her mind. Be warned: the truth will change your view of humanity. It ain’t ordinary. Or pretty.

Watcher’s Web is Science Fantasy, completed at 90,000 words.

I live in Australia. I am a member of the NSW Writers’ Centre and the SF-OWW online workshop for SF and fantasy. I have published short stories, most recently in the Fantastic Wonder Stories anthology (ed. Russell Farr, Ticonderoga Publications), Byzarium (November 2008), Ticonderoga Online (December 2008) and The Fat Man at The End of The World anthology (December 2008).

Thank you for looking at my material.

Regards,
Author

STATS: 3.5% request rate






378 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 378   Newer›   Newest»
Bane of Anubis said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me. Best of luck,

Bane

Bane of Anubis said...

My reasoning: the writing seems crisp enough, but there are no specifics - just abstraction.

hannah said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for query. Unfortunately, this doesn't fit my list at this time.

Best of luck,
hannah

brian_ohio said...

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Best,

Brian

Chuck H. said...

Instead of farm boy from the middle of nowhere saves the universe, it's farm girl from the middle of nowhere saves the universe. No thanks.

sally apokedak said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for thinking of me. I think I'll have to pass on this one, but do keep me in mind for the next one, please.

Thanks,

Agent for the Day

Why the rejection? I think this person can write. But the query letter didn't sell me. Why does she mess with people's minds? I don't like her. And how will it change my view of humanity? That prediction seems too big to put in with no explanation.

jimnduncan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit your query for review. While there are some potentially interesting elements here, I regret to inform you that this is not the right story for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts.

(note: not enough specifics. I don't have a clear idea of the story, and the "change your view of humanity" line put me off a bit.)

Trix said...

Dear Australian Girl,

Thank you for your submission but it isn’t gripping enough for my reading pleasure. Your characters are too vague. I need more hook.

Best Regards,
Trix

Kitti said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I regret to inform you that I am going to have to pass on this, but please keep me in mind for your future projects.

Best of luck,
Kitti

David said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your submission, but this project doesn't sound right for me.

Sincerely,
David

Sarah Laurenson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Although the concept is intriguing, it's not right for me at this time.

Sarah


Yeah - the query needs work - more plot, less esoteric jargon - but I'm tempted to request a few pages to see what the writing looks like. It's not a strong candidate, but it's close. Or maybe I just have problems saying No. We'll see as the week goes on.

Nathan - do you ever encourage an author to submit other queries? If so, how do you word your rejection to include that?

Josephine Damian said...

Sounds like a carbon copy of the Robin Hobb series I'm reading, only with a girl protag.

Unorginal.

Reject.

Dara said...

Dear Watcher's Web,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately I do not think I am the right person for this. I wish you success in your search for representation.

Best,

Dara


Specifics: It was too general for me. Not enough details to make it stand out.

TheDivaAgent said...

Dear Author,

I want a coffee, desperately. I want a celebrity client, desperately. Unfortunately, I don't want to read about a woman who messes with animal minds, at least not desperately. Sorry. Do you have a story about a psychic pooch? Or, hey, can you do something like Marley and Me? I'd like that.

Yours,

The Diva Agent

PurpleClover said...

Dear Author:

Please send me your full manuscript. I'm intrigued.

Thanks,
PC

(and no this is not my query)

TheDivaAgent said...

One really great thing about this contest is that we can create annon profiles to reject our fellow writers. I don't want someone blasting me for getting into the spirit of the thing.

Jenn S. said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. It's not right for me, but please keep me in mind for future submissions.

Regards,
Jenn S.


Reason: Not enough detail/too general in the plot summary ("opposing forces in the universe"?). I suspect that it's fairly well-written, but the query didn't hook me.

Eva Ulian said...

I was intrigued by your main character- unfortunately as science fiction can explain all things- the character loses its effect

Scott said...

Dear Author,

While I felt some elements of your concept held real promise, I'm going to have to pass this time around.

Feel free to query me in the future, and best of luck.

Scott


(reason): I didn't get a real sense of character outside of a paranormal ability that was itself a little nebulous. Instead of the story going inward to who she was and dealing with such an ability, the author expanded the universe, which seemed to overwhelm the original concept. Also, the style of the query felt scant and rushed, making the author difficult to pin down, as well. Not without promise, but ultimately, a bit too reliant on sci-fi gimmicks.

Shawntelle said...

Dear Author,

I think the premise is a great start, but the story doesn't grab me. Good luck with your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Shawntelle

Cat said...

Dear Author,

thank you for submitting but it's not right for me.

Sincerely,
Cat

form rejection because it didn't give me any sense of the plot and the hints about the main characters are too vague to grab my interest

reader said...

Pass.

This just didn't pique my interest enough, another agent might feel differently.

Karen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I am sorry that I will have to pass at this time. This project is not for me, but I wish you the best of luck.

Agent for a Day

Derek said...

Dear Author,

Sorry but your premise seemed vague to me. I'll pass on this one.

Agent For A Day.

Chanelley said...

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, it is not what I’m looking for at this time. However, do continue to query widely. After all, it does only take one agent to say yes!
All the best,
Agent for the day

lesleylsmith said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query.
Unfortunately, it is not a good fit for me.
Good luck!
-Lesley
p.s. The protagonist comes off as very passive in this query. Does SHE act?

Rick said...

Author-

Sorry, but I don't represent Fantasy.

If you have not already, you may want to check out AgentQuery. It can help you find an Agent who best suits your needs.

http://www.agentquery.com/

Sincerely,
Rick O

7-iron said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your proposal for Watcher's Web. Unfortunately, I cannot offer you representation, at this time.
Yours,
7-iron.

The novel appears to be very lively, however, the specific actions / consequences of the storyline are not made clear. Can't take the chance on that.

Melissa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query, but I do not think I'm the right agent for the book. Good luck with your manuscript.

Melissa

Reasoning: If it sounded like a book I'd personally be interested in reading, I might take a chance on this one. I agree that the writing is pretty good, but it's too vague, and I think that may translate into a vague plot overall. Also the thing about the two sides of the universe comes from nowhere.

Christine Rose said...

Dear Author:

I'm intrigued. Please send the first 10 pages of your manuscript pasted in the body of an email.

Agent of the Day

JuJu said...

Dear Author,

Though your work is promising, the writing just isn't appealing to me, I'm afraid I will have to pass.

Best of luck,

JuJu

Anonymous said...

From Muckraker:
Dear Author,

Thank-you for the opportunity to review "Watcher's Web." Unfortunately, this novel doesn't sound like a good match for me. However, as all writing is subjective, I suggest that you query other agents, who may have a different opinion. Best of luck with your project

Big-Hearted Agent

The above is what I would send to the writer. My reasons are many. There is no concrete information about Jessica. Is she a young girl, or is “country girl” a colloquialism for any age woman? What and why does she “mess” with people’s minds? Doesn’t really sound like a very nice person. Plus, what is messing? The use of language is arbitrary. If the writing is supposed to be simple and folksy, then the “opposing forces of the universe,” and other sections stand out as too sophisticated. If it is a complicated philosophical exploration of humanity, then the folksiness elsewhere is too jarring. Also, rather than tell me details that impart a sense of wonder and mystery that would pique my curiosity, the author is purposefully vague, trying to gain my attention by withholding detail.

scj said...

Sorry, don't get a feel for the plot. Best of luck.

Joy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission and your interest in using me as an agent. After taking some time to consider your material, I have decided that this isn't right for me.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors,

Joy

Lisa R said...

Dear Watcher's Web:

Thank you for submitting your query but it is not right for me. Another agent may feel differently. Best of luck.

Lisa R

The story actually sounds interesting but the query needs a lot of work. More plot specifics and also I can't really tell how good a writer this person is based on this query.

Joy said...

A personal note: the description of the plot was too universal and lacked a specific conflict.

Anonymous said...

I didn't sign up for the Agent for a Day thing, but I just had to comment. I believe my rejection might go something like this:

Dear Author,
I appreciate your query, however I will be passing on this. I feel you have an interesting idea, but your query needs more specifics. This would not make me pick up yours out of 7000 sci fi books.
Good luck in the future!

My best,
AwesomeAgentForOnlyToday

Melina said...

Dear Author,

The picture you tried to paint was not crafted very well. I'm sorry, but it's not what I'm looking for at this time.

Sincerely,

Melina

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit.

I regret to inform you that at this time I would like to pass on your book.

Although it sounds like it has some potential, I can't really connect with the characters; nor do I find myself wanting to know more.

Best of luck in the future,

Regards,
Agent for a Day, Bookworm Megs

DeadlyAccurate said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query and I apologize for this form reply.

I regret I have to pass on many interesting projects due to time constraints. I wish you the best of luck in securing representation elsewhere.


Sincerely,

DeadlyAccurate

sex scenes at starbucks said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for submitting, but I didn't find it personally appealing. This is a very subjective business so hopefully you will soon find someone who feels differently.

Good luck and thank you for thinking of "Agent for the day"

(Not very excited about the writing, too many fragments for emphasis for my taste--ie, it felt a bit like "blogger writing," not a business or sales letter, couldn't link the title to the plot or get much of sense of character.)

Keri Ford said...

Thank you for submitting, but unfortunately I didn’t connect with this story idea.

Good Luck,
Keri

PPP said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for sending this, but I don't really have much of an idea about how the story will unfold. Also, I like my view of humanity just the way it is.

Signed,
PPP

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Although your concept is intriguing, I'm afraid I will have to pass on your submission.

Agent99

Reason: Not enough detail.

Sophie W. said...

Dear Author of Watcher's Web,

Although your work shows merit, I'm afraid that I cannot request further materials at this time. Keep in mind that this business is terribly subjective, and you'll probably get the chance to thumb your nose at me in the future.

Love,

Sophie

writtenwyrdd said...

Form rejection.

EJ Lange said...

Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, the subject matter isn't for me at this time, but I got a sense of your writing ("It ain't ordinary. or pretty") and liked it, so I hope you find representation. Good Luck!

Agent Erin

Anonymous said...

Dear Australian Girl,
I did receive and read your query.
Unfortunately, I will pass. I think you've shown conflict, but need more to make your main character compelling. Best to you,

Agent SCL

JSB said...

Dear Author,

There are some intriguing ideas here, but unfortunately not enough detail to hold my attention. Best of luck.

JSB

Julie Weathers said...

Dear Author,

There were interesting points in your submission, but I’m afraid I can’t offer representation. This is a subjective business, and what appeals to one reader doesn’t always appeal to another. With my current workload, I have to be very discriminating and take on only projects I am passionate about.

I urge you to continue your quest to be published and wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

J.M. Agent

terri said...

While the overall premise is intriguing, I am going to pass at this time.

I don't like the idea of a girl who 'messes' with animals. Sorry, but that was a real turn-off. It made me not care about who 'messed' with her.

selestial-owg said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid it just isn't right for me. Please keep me in mind for future queries.

Selestial


I'm with others, the writing seems good enough, but it is really general. Rather than letting the story set itself up as being mind-altering, they spell out that it is supposed to be THAT AWESOME. I'd rather get that feeling from the rest of it - show me, don't tell me.

Also, a personal thing, I HATE the label Science Fantasy - I'm never sure what I'm really getting into there. It sounds more like fantasy to me, but I'm just not sure based on the label, and I don't like that.

Patti K. said...

Thank you for your submission but I'm afraid it is not what I'm looking for at this time. Good luck with your search for the perfect agent.

Patti

Jane Doherty said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the chance to read your proposal. Unfortunately this one's not for me. While I would love to read something that would challenge a reader's views on humanity, I did not find your approach compelling enough to achieve this.

I am only one person, and publishing is highly subjective. You may have better results with someone else.

Good luck,

Jane

PurpleClover said...

Reasoning why I would request (see my post above):

This sounds like it could be made into a great YA if it isn't a YA already. The writer didn't say it was YA, but even Twilight didn't start out as YA from what I've read.

This shows a lot of promise. The writer seems young but it has a lot of potential...plus it sounds like it may be fast paced...great for any age!

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, your book isn't right for me. Agenting is subjective, though, and I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Megan

EMC07 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission. Although parts of your story sound intriguing, I'll have to pass at this time.

Why? It is too general and vague. How does she mess with the minds of the animals? I don't get any feel of who the MC is?

Rachel Udin said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your interest. I regret to inform you that this story is not right for me at this time.

Sincerely,
Agent For a Day.

ai-hua said...

Interesting, but not quite something I'm interested in reading personally--and if I can't muster the interest to read it, I can't muster the passion to sell it. Form rejection.

Colorado Writer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass. Good luck in your search for representation,

Heather



... if I'm going to read science fiction, I have to fall in love with the characters almost instantly. The fact that the MC would "mess" with the minds of animals is an instant turn off. And the rest is so vague, it comes off as cliche.

KC in SF said...

Dear Author,

Your query letter was well-written but I do not represent science fiction or fantasy. I wish you the best of luck.

KC in SF

Onovello said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query. While I am not sufficiently enthusiastic enough about the project to request it, I know another agent will feel differently.

With all best wishes for your success in finding representation for your work,

Onovello

Steph said...

Dear (your name),

Nothing here really grabs me, which is why I'm going to have to pass. I'm sure you know opinions vary greatly in this business, so query big and query widely.

Best of luck,
Steph

Agent X said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to query. I'm afraid this isn't the right piece for me. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Agent X

Nixy Valentine said...

Dear Author:

I'm sorry, but your query didn't hook me. The premise and characters were just too vague.

Rick Daley said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Authors’ Write Literary Agency. I have reviewed your query for Watcher’s Web, and I’m sorry to say that I do not feel that I am the best agent to represent your work at this time.

Please keep in mind that there are many talented agents out there, and opinions are subjective based on individual preferences, workload, and market climate.

Don’t be afraid to research other agents and query those that you feel are best suited to represent your work. Best of luck!

Regards,

Daley Agent for a Day

A Gent said...

Dear Author,
Thanks, but no thanks. Too generic for my taste.

Best,
A Gent

K.D. said...

Dear Author,

Thank your for your query. Unfortunately, I don't think your project sounds right for me.

Sincerely,

Agent K.D.


Notes:
The author lost me at "Be warned: the truth will change your view of humanity." No thanks. My view of humanity is pretty set, and isn't going to change because you said so.

Superfast said...

Thank you so much for your submission. Unfortunately, I don't feel I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Good luck and keep writing!

Nadia said...

Thanks for submitting your story, but it's not for me.

My Reason: The author has some writing credit and there's nothing wrong with the writing itself (no mechanical errors, etc.), but the pitch section of the query doesn't grab me. The story concept seems too vague, and I'm not sure what the conflict is (implied or otherwise).

Another thing is the heroine appears passive. The 2nd paragraph ("she's about to find out who she is...") makes it sound like the men from opposing forces kidnap her, etc. and tell her. There's nothing to indicate that she must do something or that she cares about what the men are doing to her or anything to show that she must actively do something against some horrible obstacles / villains to achieve XYZ.

P.S. It took me ten minutes to write out the feedback part because I had to stop and think about why the pitch didn't work for me. (Which goes to show why agents / editors don't give personalized feedback on projects they reject...)

Writer -- I hope my comments are helpful. I know it's hard to put your writing out there, anonymously or otherwise. *hugs*

Lucy Ammunition said...

Dear Writer,
Okay, let's have a small peek.
Send me 5-7 pages.
I'm not sure this is up my ally, but I'd like to see a sample of your writing and the hook before I pass.
Please paste in the body of my e-mail.
G-Day!

Lucy Ammunition
Fictitious Agent

Monika said...

This sounds interesting. Please send me the first 30 pages via email to requested_partial@fakeemail.com.

Feel free to send me a status email at the same address if you haven't heard back within three weeks.

Brian Crawford said...

Thank you for sending me your work. Unfortunately, I must reject it. Don’t feel bad; I receive about 2,000 queries per week, and reject 99.99% of them. Assume I’m wrong about you. Don’t give up. In the meantime, increase your chances of success by downloading my e-book, “Kick-ass Queries,” available on my website for only $199.99.

BJ said...

I was intrigued at the beginning, but it grew too large to get a feel for it. I'm sorry. I'll have to pass.- BJ

Reasons:
1) 'Science fantasy'. There is no bookshelf in a bookstore labelled 'Science fantasy'. Which is it?
2) How does all this affect the character? How does it *change* her? What does she learn?
3) The claim that it will change my view of humanity is pretty big. How does the writer even know what my view of humanity is? Maybe my view is worse than his.

AgentMan said...

Thanks for the query. Please send the first 50 pages and a synopsis. I look forward to it.

AgentMan

quixotic said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, however, I do not feel excited enough about this story to request anything further.

Good luck in your search for an agent.

Quixotic

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the query, but it doesn't fit my current needs.

Agent-for-a-Day

Why? Opening sentence didn't really hook me. You told me what I'm going to think. You don't even know what my view of humanity is, let alone if a fictional character will change it. That's too bold. You want to sound confident in a query, but that's overboard.

Renee Collins said...

Dear Author's Name,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I am afraid it's not quite right for me.

Thanks,

Renee

Cat Hellisen said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Your proposal is interesting, but I don't feel that the project is quite right for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Best,
Cat.

suki said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this project isn't right for me. I wish you luck in your search for representation.

Regards,
Suki


Reasoning: Well written, but this doesn't really stand out for me in the girl-with-powers market. Also, the being able to get into the minds of animals and humans didn't work for me.

splatter said...

Thank you for your query, but I'm afraid this work isn't right for me.

I was sort of put off by so many statements about the MC without any real idea as to what was going on - and each sentence had the exact same format: info comma slight twist. It put me off. It was also far too vague. I felt like I was watching a splashy commercial and came away without any real idea of what I was being sold...

Cicily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, this isn't a right fit at this time.

Best of luck,

Cicily

Jeni said...

Dear Auustralian Girl,
Thank you for your query. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to review your proposal, and found the premise for your manuscript intriguing. However, I’m afraid that the manuscript does not meet my needs at this time. Please do continue to send your work to other agents, as someone else may feel differently.
Best of luck in your publishing endeavors,
Jeni

Myra said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. This work isn't right for me.

Best of luck,
Agent for a day

David de Beer said...

Dear Author,

thanks for your interest but I'm going to pass this time.

Regards,
David de Beer

jjdebenedictis said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent query; discovering new talent is one of the joys of being a literary agent, and I am always honoured to have the opportunity to read a writer's best work.

Please accept my regrets, however, as I won't be offering to represent this novel. I apologize for informing you of this using a form letter, but the volume of mail I receive makes it impractical for me to give personalized rejections.

I wish you the very best luck in finding a literary agent whose enthusiasm will bring your book the success it deserves!

Sincerely,
J. J. DeGoblin

~~~~~~~
For your reference, here are the most common reasons why I decline certain queries. Please note that if your submission was very good, my reasons for rejecting it were probably much subtler than the items on this list and cannot be put quickly into words. Again, I apologize for this form letter, but I cannot invest the time to critique those submissions I have chosen to not represent. Thank you for your understanding.


Most common reasons why I decline manuscripts:

[ ]--The manuscript is in a genre which I don't represent

[ ]--The query appears to be a non-personalized mass mailing

[ ]--The query/manuscript's presentation was worryingly unpolished
(E.g. Many spelling, grammar, punctuation or homophone errors; a non-standard format)

[ ]--The writing doesn't seem polished enough
(This improves with practice; your next novel may be excellent)

[ ]--The plot doesn't sound compelling enough
(Again, this improves with practice and self-education)

[ ]--The plot sounds too similar to something book-buyers have already seen


Comments, if any:
Your query doesn't give me enough of an understanding of the book's plot.

Cicily said...

My reasoning: Horse whisperer and other books have been overdone too many times, combine that into a sci-fi genre? Weird. Add to that first time author, trying to pull off a plot where the farm animals speak to her and then she saves the universe? Uh, yeah, not gonna happen. I felt she really had some big words in her query instead of actually telling us what happens in the story, also she opens up with this grand idea that doesn't seem to go anywhere and makes me think the plot wouldn't go anywhere either.

Good luck and try again.

Laurie said...

Dear Author,

While your novel has some intriguing ideas, the protaganist isn't fully realized enough for me. If she doesn't know why she does what she does, then why would I care?

Best of luck,
Laurie

super agent nicole said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for taking the time to submit to me. Unfortunately, at this time, I will have to pass on Watcher's Web. The story sounds like it has potential to be interesting, but nothing in the query really made me want to find out what happens to Jessica. Does she try to mess with the minds of animals or can she not control it?

Thank you,
Nicole

Flemmily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I feel that WATCHER'S WEB is not a fit for our agency.

Best of luck with your future endeavors,

Flemmily

Jenn Johansson said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to look at your work. I don't feel this is right for me. I need to feel for Jessica and I'm afraid I don't. Best of luck!

JR

Megan said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I will have to pass at this time.

Best,

Meg Spencer

K. Andrew Smith said...

Dear author,

Thank you for your submission, Watcher's Web. Unfortunately, it's not quite right for me. I wish you good fortune in your quest for an agent.

Sincerely,

K. Andrew Smith
Agent-for-a-day

Reesha said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your story to me.
While the plot sounds intriguing, I feel the ideas are not precise enough to interest me.
I encourage you to try a different agency. Best of luck to you and your writing.

Reesha

romoak said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. While aspects of this story are intriguing, this story is not right for me at this time. Best of luck to you in your continued efforts. Please keep in mind that other agents are different.


-- While the writing is very good, there are no specifics. I want to feel the character, not just general plots. I also don't see what makes this different from other SFF books.

Gryph said...

Dear Author,

Thank you very much for your query. While I appreciate the time and effort you've put into your work, I don't believe this is a good fit for me.

Please remember that what doesn't fit one agent may well fit another! I encourage you to not give up. In the future, if you have other manuscripts to query, I hope that you'll think of me again.

Sincerely,

Agent Gryph

Dorine White said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. I'm afraid this isn't right for me.

Thank you,
Agent for a day

Owl Sprite said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sending me your query for "Watcher's Web." Unfortunately, it doesn't meet my needs at this time.

Best wishes and keep writing!

(comments: This had a good premise, but I didn't feel the writer made the most of his/her idea. I didn't get a good feel for the story, or for the writer's voice. Some details might have helped, or some pages. Although the query didn't grab me, if the pages were good, I might have been tempted to ask for more.)

Tamara said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. While the idea of an Australian protagonist is intriguing, the query does not give me a clear look at the story itself. I wish you the best of luck finding a home for this project, but after consideration, I have to say it's not for me.

Best wishes,
Agent for a Day

Anonymous said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Agent

Belinda Frisch said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this does not fit my list at this time.

Best Wishes,
Belinda

ccallicotte4 said...

Thank you for sending me your query. I appreciate you considering me.

I reviewed your proposal and unfortunately am going to pass on representing it. Please keep in mind that this is a subjective business, and another agent may feel differently. I encourage you to query widely.

Best of luck to you.

morphine-moniza said...

I would definitely request pages for this even though there's adistinct lack of details. She can obviously write, there's a voice, story sounds intriguing.

So

Dear author,
Send me the first three chapters of your manuscript please.

Casey said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I am not the right agent to represent WATCHER'S WEB.

Best wishes,

Casey

Caroline said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DCS said...

Please send the first three chapters or 30 pages.

Caroline said...

Dear Author:

I felt that the writing did not use enough interesting sentence structure and unique voice, and the story didn't draw me in.

However, I feel that the story has potential. Please query me with future revisions.

Sincerely,

Agent Caroline

Janny said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying Watcher's Web to me at this time. Although several elements of the story sound intriguing, I'm not sufficiently "grabbed" by Jessica's predicament to want to read further, and so I am going to pass on this material.

The publishing business is very subjective, as you know, and what might not "grab" me might be very much to someone else's tastes. With that in mind, I wish you good luck in placing this elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Janny

Bija Andrew Wright said...

Sorry, this doesn't sound like something that would interest me. Best of luck.

Beatriz Kim said...

Dear Australian Author,

Although there are some interesting elements to your story, I am unclear about how these elements go together to form a cohesive story. For example, what is the significance of her "animal mind reading" capabilities? Why is she called a freak? What does finding herself, have to do with two men who want her? You may want to rework your query to make the story more clear.

Thank you for your submission, however, I will not be able to represent you at this time.

Sincerely,
BK

beth said...

Dear Author,

Although I appreciate your submission, I'm sorry but it just isn't for me. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,
beth

(Reasoning: I didn't really get a sense of what the conflict was within the first two paragraphs.)

Laura said...

Dear Australian Author,

Thank you for your submission, but it's not for me.

Best wishes,

Laura

Don said...

Pass.

Vicky said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for considering our agency. Unfortunately this story as outlined in your query lacks sufficient information to give me any real idea of what the character's goals are and what specific obstacles the protagonist will face. Please reference our blog for additional information on query letters. Best wishes.

Chrissy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Im sorry to say that it doesn't seem the right project for me. Keep trying though.

Kiki

sirayn said...

Dear X,

Thank you for your query. I’m afraid I have to pass, but I wish you luck in finding an agent who’s passionate about your work.

Today’s Agent

(Reasoning: love the voice! but I also need details. Plot. Specificity. Man cannot survive on voice alone.)

:)Ash said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your interest in my agency. Unfortunately, I do not feel I am the right agent for you at this time. Best wishes as you continue your search.

Sincerely yours,

:)Ash

Ulysses said...

Thanks for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am the agent to represent this work.

Necessary Writer said...

Dear Author,

Your query is just too vague for me to be interested.

Thanks for submitting.

Necessary Writer

AgentforDay said...

Your query shows promise. You use a strong voice in your query that I might find engaging in your novel.

However, I am going to have to pass for the following reasons:
1. You did not personalize your letter to me. I like authors to demonstrate that they know who I am, and that they have reason to believe that we might work well together.

2. The title, WATCHER’S WEB, is interesting and probably appropriate; however, the main story (plot) was not the focus of the query. In other words, less main character… more plot.

3. Specifically to the execution of the letter: (a) Remove the pronouns (e.g. use Jessica’s name and describe ‘it’), and (b) the overuse of the word ‘why’ comes across as thinly disguised rhetorical questions.

Your writing credentials are impressive, and I hope you will consider querying me again in the future.

Agent for the day

Lois Lavrisa said...

Dear Author,

While I apppreciate your consideration of our agency, I will have to pass on your project. Wishing you the best of luck in your pursuit of publication.

Lois

Cindy said...

Dear author,

Thank you for submitting your query, however this story is not for me at this time.

Best wishes on finding an agent,
Cindy

The Classic Carol said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for your query. I am interested in reviewing your work. Please forward a synopsis and the first four chapters

L.C. Gant said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I'm afraid your story isn't right for me at this time. Feel free to requery after you have revised it.

Best wishes,

Agent L.C. Gant

(Reasoning: I like the concept but to me the voice sounds awkward, and the prose could use more polishing. Too many cliches right now.)

John said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for giving me the chance to consider your work. Unfortunately, it's not something I think I can sell at present. I wish you the best of luck in your writing career.

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for thinking of me, your novel Watcher’s Web sounds interesting but it's not for me at this time.

Good luck with your search for an agent.

Kind regards,

amyandnick

(PS - Dear Author, I worry Jessica is not sympathetic enough and I would like to have known just a bit more about the plot - or Jessica - to want to read more. Good luck!)

Getabo Publishing said...

I quite like it - it's a bit different, almost whacky, and although some of the statements are a little corny or cliched, it gives a feeling for your voice. I would suggest you get a few people to read it and see if your choice of genre is correct - could it be better placed or more specific as YA? I like the query length, completed novel, credits. Consider yet more exact but concise detail of plot in the first two paragraphs.

***

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately we do not think that your book would be a likely prospect for our list.

We regret that the large number of submissions we receive makes it impossible to offer individual comment. We believe it is more important to read and evaluate every query / submission we receive with due consideration.

We appreciate you thinking of Getabo Creative Publishing, and wish you the best of luck with your manuscript and future writing endeavors.

Sincerely.
The Editors
Getabo Creative Publishing

Madison said...

Dear Author,

Thank you so much for submitting your work and considering me to represent it. While the story sounds quite interesting, I am afraid it does not fit my list at this point in time and I must regretfully pass. I know rejections can be hard to take, but please keep submitting and following your dream.

Best of luck in your agent hunt!

Sincerely,

Madison

Madison said...

Oh, forgot I had to say why! Whoops! Anyway, while interesting, there is not enough meat to this to allow me to know what is going on in the story, or to even make me want to care about this author's characters. I wish there had been because this sounds like the start of a great story, but the query does not leave me wanting to read more.

Mira said...

Dear Author,

Your story, Watcher's Web, sounds intriguing. If there were a little more storyline information in your query, I would most likely have requested a partial.

Without that, I'm on a quota of only 5 acceptances today, so sadly I'll need to decline.

I see that you have publishing credentials and are well on your way. Please contact me again in the future.

Absolute best of luck,

Mira

Amy said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this project isn't right for me. I tend to like sympathetic protagonists, and your main character seems to enjoy others' pain.

Sincerely,
Amy

Harsh Critic said...

I don't feel sympathy for the protagonist, which is worrisome.

I also think the query letter is too vague about the story.

Sorry, not for me.

gapyeargirl123 said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query, but I don't feel that it's told me enough about what's happening.
Good luck,
Agent A.

Cary Louisa said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Unfortunately this isn't for me- 90,000 is too long, especially if you've never had a novel published before. Also, I'm not intrigued enough.

Thank you and good luck,
Cary

bookshop said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your recent submission. While you display voicing well, I need more sense of the other characters and of the novel's central conflict.

I wish you luck in your search for representation. Should you choose to make revisions, please feel free to query me again at a later date.

Regards,

Bookshop

_________


(The dealbreaker for me was this: "Be warned: the truth will change your view of humanity." Try not to tell me what I will think of the book. That's a big no-no because to really love a book as a reader (and as your potential agent!) I want to be kept in suspense, I want to *want* to know how I will feel about the book when I request pages from you. Make sense? :)

Good job! )

Cat Moleski said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your submission, but I choose to pass on you project at this time. Good luck in your search for representation.

Cat

Steve Axelrod said...

Best of luck with this. But I don;lt think I could sell it in todays's tight marketplace

dhole said...

Dear Author, thanks for thinking of me, but it's not quite right for my list at this time. Yrs, etc.

EJN said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, based on what you have told me in your query, I do not feel Jessica is a character I would sympathize with. I know it can be discouraging to receive a rejection, but I wish you the best of luck in your search for an agent.

EJN

sraasch said...

Dear Author,

I'm on the fence with this one. Send me the first five chapters.

Thanks!

~Jamie said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for telling me about your book, but I am afraid this isn't right for me. Good Luck with your work!

Nik said...

Thank you for your submission, unfortunately I will not be requesting more.

Reasoning: While you say this is a Science Fantasy, it's not clear to me if it's third person or first person, but based on the blurb being all about her it sounds like first person, so I'm unclear. Also, the statements that she "messes" with the minds of animals and tells them what to do makes her unlikeable for me.

Years ago there was a show on called Beastmaster where he had the ability to communicate with animals. They would help him with things along the way but only if they wanted to. Also he always kept the animal's basic nature in mind. From your query, it doesn't sound like your heroine does this.

Also, it's not clear why the two men want her. Granted, in a query you want to capture a person's curiosity, but this is too vague for me.

Ramen with cheese said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing RJM Agency to consider your work, but I’m afraid it’s not a good fit for our list. We wish you every bit of luck in your search for representation.

RJM

Lisa and Laura said...

Thank you for thinking of me, but this is not for me.

Moth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query to Moth's Literary Agency. While your story sounds interesting, I'm afraid it's just not right for us. Best of luck in your writing career.

Sincerely,
Moth

kaseee said...

Dear Author,

Your project is not without merit, but it isn't right for us at this time. Keep in mind this is a subjective business and another agent may feel differently.

Best of luck,

Agent

Hilabeans said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Writers Canvas said...

Thanks for your query. While your opening paragraph sounds promising, I'm afraid the sci-fi angle it dives into isn't a good match for us at this time.

I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors!

Elaine

Larry Writer said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this story is hard to grasp from your description and seems at best to be very imaginative. I must therefore decline your offer. An agent with a stronger focus on Fantasy may have another view.

Best of luck,

Larry

kdrausin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for requesting my representation. I applaud your determination and effort in completing your novel. Your story is not right for me at this time; however I encourage you to keep writing and pursuing representation.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Sincerely,

KDrausin

AgentforDay said...

I appreciate the strong allegory you portray about humans’ desires ultimately determining humans’ fate, and that our desires (faerie) are fickle and untrustworthy in that they may lead to self-destruction by alluring us with a SHIMMERING DESTINY.

Your writing credentials are respectable. The premise is laid out nicely; however, I would like to see more on the conflict and the plot.

If I were allowed more than five queries a day, I would request this manuscript right now, and I may be back to do so later.

Sincerely,

Agent for the day

lucy in the sky said...

Watcher's Web sounds interesting. Please send the first 30 pages of your manuscript for further review.

Calli said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting Watcher's Web. Unfortunately, this title does not fit my needs at this time.

Regards,
Calli

___
(Side note: I might be odd, but the line "Be warned: the truth will change your view of humanity" bothered me. Telling me what to think doesn't make me interested in the manuscript, it makes me nervous about working with the author. Apart from that, the protagonist comes across as unsympathetic, whether or not she actually is, so it would still be a rejection from me.)

Hilabeans said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider your work. I regret to say that I don’t feel that I’m the most appropriate agent for this project.

Best wishes,

HHS

Barb said...

Dear Author,

Thanks you for your submission, but this is not for me. I wish you luck in finding a home for your manuscript.

All the best,
Barb

Kristi said...

Thank you for your query. It is not what I'm looking for at this time but I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Kristi

Jessumby said...

Dear Author

Thank you for sending me your query. I regret to inform you that it does not suit the needs of my list at this time.

Regards, Jessumby

Cassandra said...

Dear Author,

I'm afraid that at this time I am unable to offer representation for your novel Watcher's Web. This is purely a business decision, and unfortunately means that we must turn away many talented individuals. I encourage you to continue querying agents you think might be interested.

We appreciate your interest in Agent for A Day, and we wish you every success in your writing career.



Regards,
Cassandra

Merry Monteleone said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your interest in The Only Literary Agency Insane Enough To Trust Me With Queries. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

Best of luck,

Merry

Endless Secrets said...

Dear Author,
Although I am slightly intrigued by your idea, it does not fit my specific interests.

Best of luck.

-Lea

Miss Lily said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for allowing me to read this story, but it's not right for me. Best of luck, and please keep me in mind for future projects.

Lily

Reason: Just didn't grip me. I normally love fantasy things, however this is really vague. It sounds like a thousand other thinigs I've seen (The hero sounds a bit like a female Aquaman or Vixen from JLA). It needs something more, to stand out and sound different.

Tryst888 said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query but I'm afraid I will have to pass on this one. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

Dawn G. said...

Dear Author,

At your earliest convenience, please send the first three chapters of your manuscript to my attention.

If you do not hear back from me with a reply within 6 weeks, please feel free to contact me.

Regards,
D. Agent

Horserider said...

Dear Author:

Thank you for allowing us to consider (novel’s name here). I’m sorry to say that this is not something we are interested in at this time. We receive thousands of submissions every week and, unfortunately, cannot take them all on. This is a very subjective business and I wish you luck on your journey to publication.

Sincerely,

Horserider Literary Agency

wickerman said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query. Watcher's Web is not for me, I am afraid.

Best of luck,

The Wickerman

Nathan Bransford's maintenance man

KathyF said...

Dear Author of Query #1,

Thank you for your query, but WATCHER'S WEB isn't right for me.

KathyF

Crimogenic said...

Dear Author,

While your premise is interesting, it does not fit what I'm looking for at this time. Best of luck in representation elsewhere. And thanks for thinking of me.

Sincerely,

Crimey

Kristine Overbrook said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but it’s not what we are looking to represent at this time.

Thank you,
Agent F A Day

sKim said...

Thank you for letting us consider your proposal. This original concept doesn't fit our needs at this time. Best of luck to you.

Mystery Robin said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but I am not the right agent for this book. Best of luck!

Robin

Melanie K said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query for Watcher's Web. Unfortunately it is not a good fit for me, but I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Melanie


Reasons: It was too vague on plot. And after the creepy "messing with the minds of animals" bit, I didn't really care that Jessica had been kidnapped.

Craven said...

Thank you for your consideration, but this isn't right for me at this time.

Best of luck, Craven

SammyStewart said...

Form Rejection

Dana said...

Form Rejection

Reasons: I liked the idea, but it wasn't specific enough for me to tell if I REALLY liked the idea. Plus... I wasn't sure about the author being in Australia. I didn't know if that would be a hindrance to selling the book to editors here.

Gregory said...

Dear Author;

Form Rejection

Cordially,

Agent Gregory

[Others hit it. Vague, lack of a compelling hook.]

Dave said...

Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry to say that I have to pass. Good luck in your hunt for representation, and don’t get discouraged!

Kavanaugh and Byrne LA said...

Dear Author

Thank you opportunity to consider your work at Kavanaugh and Byrne’s Literary Agency.

We do not feel that are the best match with this project.
We wish you every success with this and other ventures

Flower Kavanaugh

Agent KES said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for submitting your query. Unfortunately, I am not able to offer you representation at this time. Best of luck,

Agent KES

Barbara Webb said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for sharing WATCHER'S WEB, but I'm going to pass.

Best of luck!

Barbara

Tara Ryan said...

Dear Author,
Thank you so much for submitting your work to me. Unfortunately, Watcher's Web is not a good fit for me at this time. I wish you much luck in your writing endeavors.
Agent-for-a-day

Polenth said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. I regret to inform you that due to the state of the industry, the poor economy, the subjective nature of books and the state of the sunspot cycle, I'm going to have to pass.

Other agents might feel differently, so please don't cry! Good luck with your future submissions.

--
Polenth

[[This reminds me of when 'The Matrix' came out. People who knew nothing about science fiction were awed about how mind-bending it was. People who read science fiction had seen it all before. You're going to have to go some to shatter a SFF agent's view of humanity... without details in the query, I'm not going to believe it.]]

Kelly Guentner said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for the query. I regret to inform you that this is not the right work for me to represent at this time.

I wish you luck in your future writing career.

Sincerely,
Kelly Guentner

Bekkoni said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, it is not right for us at this time.

Best Wishes,
Bekkoni

StrugglingToMakeIt said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the right agent to represent your work.

Best,

Agent

ikmar said...

Dear Author

Thank you for your query. Sorry, but it is not for me.

Sincerely,
Agent for the Day

Disgruntled Bear said...

Thank you for querying me. Unfortunately I am going to have to pass at this time.
I wish you the best of luck with another agent.

Sincerely,
Agent

Soratian said...

Dear Author,

Thanks for your query. Unfortunately, I was not sufficiently taken in by your pitch. You have a girl with magical powers and some men who are after there. That is a very generic skeleton of a story and I don't have a sense of the motivations involved. Keep working on it.

Good luck,
Soratian

Melinda said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your query, but unfortunately this project isn't right for me. Best of luck in your search for representation.

Sincerely,

Melinda

Jen C said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for submitting your query to the Most Awesome Literary Agency Ever. I regret that, at this time, your project is not quite what I’m looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your continuing search for representation.
Sincerely,
Jen C.

Adam Heine said...

I would reject. The idea sounds interesting, but the query doesn't tell me anything about the story.

Agent FaD Jen said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the query. Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass. Good luck,

Agent FaD Jen

(The main reason I chose to reject was the ambiguous and sloppy writing. The sentences, especially in the first paragraph, lacked variety in structuce. I can not imagine reading a longer work with all of the sentences being approximately the same length and style. As well, one sentence is written something like, nobody knows why it happens, and I believe that the author may really have meant that nobody knows how it is possible. Why IT HAPPENS suggests her motives and why she messes with the animal's minds.)

Katy said...

The premise is interesting, but the writing simply does not capture my attention.

Best of luck,
Katy

Anonymous said...

No thank you. Best of luck in your endeavors.

-Agent Pro Tempore

Maricar said...

Dear Author,
Thank you for your query. However, your novel does not fit our publishing needs at this time. Best of luck.

Ello said...

Hey I went backwards and read the first one last! There is something to be said with short and sweet after reading so many long ones! I really think the premise is exciting and I liked how it was written. Unfortunately I'm over my 5 request limit so I have to pass. But if it had a little more detail - I think I'd be petitioning for an increase on my max!

Meg Trotter said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for your submission, but this is not for me. Mu suggestion is to be more descriptive in your query letter. What you have here does not really give me a feel for the story or your character.

Best of luck,
Megan

Anonymous said...

Thank you for submitting, but I'm going to pass.

XWD Literary Agency

Annalee said...

Dear Author,

Thank you for the opportunity to consider your manuscript. I'm afraid it isn't right for me.

Regards,
-Annalee

-----------
Reason: This query is vague in the wrong places. What's Jessica's ultimate goal? Is she trying to get back home? Changing my view of Humanity is a pretty lofty claim, and there's nothing in the premise that makes me believe it will happen. Also, starting with a series of "shes" didn't really work for me.

CJK said...

Thank you for your query. I am not interested in further materials on this work. Good luck with your search for representation. CJK

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